Weight Loss Diary 2017 - Goal 1-0-5

misty22

Well-known member
Stress is so bad for our bodies, Misty. I can't remember why you don't want to take birth control pills. It sounds like a much easier option. I really hope life picks up for you soon, hon :grouphug:

Hey Cate! Yeah sorry I'm just feeling miserable. I have a small tumour that I am hoping is non-active. I have to retest some bloodwork.

I'm ok with birth control, I just have a lot of depression, lower libido and some weight gain on it. It also worsens insulin resistance and gut health. If I can't ovulate, I will go on it. I am thinking about it. It doesn't solve my hair issue completely...my stress hormones just seem to be genetically high...I don't know. I mean if I knew what was happening with my body...I would be in better shape haha. Sigh. It's ok. I will manage.
 

misty22

Well-known member
CW: 108.6lbs

Still hoping to get down to 107lbs by end of month.

GW#1: 105lbs
GW #2: 100lbs
 

misty22

Well-known member
Booked a blood test for next Friday....to double-check the prolactin and cortisol that are making my life miserable.
Didn't need coffee today, which was great. Switched to green tea, still caffein but less of a jolt.


CW: 108.6lbs
 

misty22

Well-known member
So all my stress hormones are high...I have been feeling very tired the past few days, haven't been sleeping well and also haven't been eating well. I have been eating but less and not as nutritionally diverse meals as they should be. I will work on that today.

I hit 107lbs today - the last time I weighed this much was 10 years ago...isn't that crazy? I sort of remember around that time I visited NY...and my boyfriend at the time, his sister-in-law and brother, I was probably around 103lbs...and then I ballooned to 125lbs the year after and his sister-in-law said it was "unacceptable" that I had gained that much weight. I was unemployed, had finished grad school and didn't know I had PCOS (which causes weight gain). People are so judgemental.

The lowest I have been is 102/103lbs...and I think I'd be comfortable there. Anyways, pretty much hit the weight goal for July.

I had a second date with S. yesterday. he's interesting. I like him. Taking it slow, may be end up being a thing, may end up being absolutely nothing. He feels a bit different than the rest but I think I've said that about multiple men, so what do I know. I like him though. He isn't over his ex though so I am keeping a level-head about all of this.

I don't know if we will get far intimacy-wise but my hair loss really scares me when that point comes...like if someone will accept me for it. On my side, I am going to do everything I can to balance my hormones though most days I am so physically exhausted, it feels like an uphill battle.

Re: job hunt, have a few interviews lined up but feels like the pay-scale will be lower. On the upside..my networking skills have improved and I just need to continue to connect with people (it can be exhausting) and have really strong examples. It's a long weekend and that's what I will be focusing on.

CW: 107.2lbs
 

Cate

Support crew
I simply can't imagine commenting that way. Your SIL must have been a right nasty piece of work.
I'm glad you have had a second date with S. Liking someone & finding them interesting sounds like it could lead to something else. I think I liked G & found him interesting months before we ever went out. I still do.
 

misty22

Well-known member
I simply can't imagine commenting that way. Your SIL must have been a right nasty piece of work.
I'm glad you have had a second date with S. Liking someone & finding them interesting sounds like it could lead to something else. I think I liked G & found him interesting months before we ever went out. I still do.

Thanks Cate, no, I would never comment on someone else's weight like that either, especially someone that is not immediate family. She was a piece of work for sure. My ex used to listen to her a lot b/c she was a banker on Wall Street and was sort of the 'man of the house' - made more money than everyone in the family and was respected for that.

Anyways, yes S. is cool. Will see. Hope you have a lovely weekend, Cate xo
 

Cate

Support crew
I don't think you would comment that way on anyone else's weight (with the possible exception of yourself ;) ) It is so rude.
I am having a lovely weekend, thanks hon xo
 

misty22

Well-known member
I don't think you would comment that way on anyone else's weight (with the possible exception of yourself ;) ) It is so rude.
I am having a lovely weekend, thanks hon xo

It's so true. My sister and I sometimes ask each other if we have gained weight since we last see each other, and we are good about being honest but balancing it off with encouragement. But apart from my sister and one other friend, we don't comment on weight. And it's mutual though because of weight loss goals.

So I am in the last stretch of my weight loss goal, which is sort of exciting. My plan is to get down to 102lbs and see how I like it. That is 5lbs down this month for August.

I talked to S. yesterday and ...sigh, he is in a different mental space. He has come out of such a toxic relationship (as you know, I am the unofficial therapist) just three months ago that I don't think he realizes he needs to take a step back and process things and really think about what he wants in the next person. I don't want to be a placeholder and I don't want to emotionally invest in someone that isn't on the same page as me. I also like him and I feel like I've already fallen which sucks...because coming out of this will be a bit heartbreaking. We've been talking nearly everyday since July 7th so it's been a while. It's a lot of communication for very little emotional progress though. I sort of wish I valued myself more, I don't know how to do that. I read so much about it and it all makes sense but I want to let go of this need to please someone and fall for the wrong type of people. I think I just so desperately want a relationship and to be loved that I just fall for whoever. It's a toxic trait on my part. And I don't know what to do to get out of it. I think having FT work may have helped but that is a WIP.

I need to take a few pics and get back onto dating apps. Also giving another dude that isn't necessarily my type....7 years younger and a bit on the shorter side a shot next week. No date/time set yet but we can call him O. I'm not loving any of my options at the moment...so that's why I need to get back on and...reel in more fish...lol

CW: 107.4lbs
 
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Cate

Support crew
I think we all want to be loved, hon. I don't see that as a toxic trait. Shame about S not being ready when you are. :grouphug:
 

misty22

Well-known member
I think we all want to be loved, hon. I don't see that as a toxic trait. Shame about S not being ready when you are. :grouphug:

Thanks Cate xo. Yes, it's annoying. I talked to one of my younger guys friends about how I was feeling about it today...he's worried that this guy may not be ready even 3-4 weeks from now and that his mental health coming out of a toxic relationship will drag down my mental health. To be honest, I am worried about the latter too. Also, I don't want to wait for someone to be ready, which is why I need to move on. The great thing is that S. is taking a 2-week vacation out of country, I think this will give us both some time to think if this is the right fit for us. It will give me some time to meet new people, to live my life without him calling everyday, it will give me the space to think.
 

misty22

Well-known member
Yayy, can post again.

Ok I guess I can repost my life drama.

S. broke it off with me b/c after sleeping together I think he realized he didn't have the emotional availability needed to be in a relationship. Said he misses his ex, avoided my calls for a day after until I messaged him saying we need to talk. I was heartbroken and said I'd reach out to him in a month or so, he said 'ok' in the moment.

A couple days later I really missed him and sent a silly text, which he ignored/left me on read.

His bday is coming up on the 31st. I want to send him a birthday message but I feel he's just going to ignore it. I think he needs his space. My concern is ....he'll just forget me and there will not be an opportunity for reconciliation. I really like this one. I haven't slept with anyone in a while and ....well. I don't know. Talking to someone everyday on the phone for 6 weeks straight and then suddenly cutting communication is brutal. I knew he wasn't ready, I didn't initiate sex, he did. I had held off multiple times and I just caved in thinking it would improve our relationship. I wish I hadn't had sex if I knew this was going to be the outcome/ he pulled away.

I don't know what hope I am holding out on. In other relationships they've ghosted me or clearly rejected me...in this...there has been some rejection but also some grey area...because I said I would reach out later...I don't know. I am just a mess inside my head. This breakup has hit me hard. My mind is not at my volunteer job or there during interviews (even though I think I am doing ok in interviews). I have been praying to God trying to 'negotiate' to get him back. It all sounds so ridiculous...I don't think I've ever prayed from someone this hard...for all I know S is back with the ex or banging another chick but there was something genuine/authetic about him and it kills me on the inside that he was not ready and that we have ended the relationship.
 

Cate

Support crew
Oh, honey I can't give dating advice, but can send you a hug. Which one would you like?- 🤗🫂 (I don't like the blue blob)
 

misty22

Well-known member
Oh, honey I can't give dating advice, but can send you a hug. Which one would you like?- 🤗🫂 (I don't like the blue blob)
I lovvvvvve your huggggsss Cate xo
Yeah the blue blob is weird lol

I know - I’d be open to whatever advice you do have. I’m talking to a therapist this evening about this too as I’m struggling emotions wise and with the covid isolation.
 

Cate

Support crew
I know - I’d be open to whatever advice you do have. I’m talking to a therapist this evening about this too as I’m struggling emotions wise and with the covid isolation.
OK. Against my better judgement- I don't think you thought S was ready for a new relationship & it doesn't sound like he is. You need to look after yourself better, hon. You deserve better 💜
 

misty22

Well-known member
OK. Against my better judgement- I don't think you thought S was ready for a new relationship & it doesn't sound like he is. You need to look after yourself better, hon. You deserve better 💜
I agree with you. I’m taking a break from the apps.

If you were me, would you follow up in a month, or I guess I could see how I feel then. My frame of mind will probably be different.
 

Cate

Support crew
Taking a break from the dating apps sounds like a very good idea. I think I would let him be the one to make any approach, but I wouldn't hold out too much hope on him. It doesn't sound healthy for you, pinning your hopes on this guy. That's it for my dating advice, for what it's worth. As if I would know!
 

misty22

Well-known member
Taking a break from the dating apps sounds like a very good idea. I think I would let him be the one to make any approach, but I wouldn't hold out too much hope on him. It doesn't sound healthy for you, pinning your hopes on this guy. That's it for my dating advice, for what it's worth. As if I would know!

Thank you, your opinion matters :)
 

misty22

Well-known member
Like Cate, I also cannot give dating advice, so here is a hug from me as well 🤗🦋
Thank you Trusylver, I hope you’re well :) xoxo
 
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