Weight Loss Diary 2017 - Goal 1-0-5

[misty22]

I got the rejection note today - it hurts. But I'll be ok.

I'm feeling a sort of way. And I booked a date tomorrow. And I don't want to do anything stupid with him because I feel vulnerable. As in I don't want to sleep with anyone. I think I'd feel worse.

 

[Cate]

Good for you booking a date even though you aren't feeling on top of the world. I admire you for that. You are stronger than you think

 

[misty22]

Good for you booking a date even though you aren't feeling on top of the world. I admire you for that. You are stronger than you think

Thanks Cate xoxo

 

[misty22]

I feel a bit depressed so I am going to grumble on here. ARRRRRGGGHHHHH.
Okay, whatever, going to move on. More aggressively now.

 

[Cate]

ARRRRRGGGHHHHH.

Misty has turned into a pirate!

​

 

[misty22]

Misty has turned into a pirate!

View attachment 44704​

lmao yes I have. A grumpy pirate!

I talked to Amanda yesterday, we decided to focus on digestion, immunity and as always, blood sugar to see if my PCOS gets better. I'll add in progesterone therapy, this tends to cause weight gain unfortunately. Hoping things get better on that side...otherwise I will consider birth control even though it does not solve my hair loss entirely.

She said half a cup of coffee was ok.

CW: 111.6lbs

 

[misty22]

CW: 111.6lbs

Date was pleasant. Probably not the one but pleasant date. M was an elementary school teacher, a bit old fashioned even though younger than me. A bit shorter than I thought but cute. I was conscious of my hair through the whole time as it falls out so easy. I had it tied up but we got a bit intimate and it was a bit of a mess. I don't know if he noticed. Some men have. Anyways, didn't have sex, thankfully. Held off. It's been a long pandemic but I feel that sort of thing should be done with the right guy, like someone I have been on a few dates with and can sort of see bringing home to the parents. I'm old fashioned that way lol.

Re: job, still a bit depressed but...picking on up and going forward. No point looking back.

TW EOW: 110lbs
GW: 105lbs

 

[Cate]

I'm glad you had a nice date & shared some intimacy. I would miss that. Will you go out with him a second time do you think? I really think online dating works against itself & it is too easy to reject someone without giving them a decent chance. I worked with G for 8 months before we went out. I would never have known that he was the one if we hadn't gone out when he left work. He would never have known that I was the one if he hadn't asked me out on a second date after the first wasn't very good. Just saying xoxo

 

[misty22]

I'm glad you had a nice date & shared some intimacy. I would miss that. Will you go out with him a second time do you think? I really think online dating works against itself & it is too easy to reject someone without giving them a decent chance. I worked with G for 8 months before we went out. I would never have known that he was the one if we hadn't gone out when he left work. He would never have known that I was the one if he hadn't asked me out on a second date after the first wasn't very good. Just saying xoxo

I 100% agree with you Cate. I would love to invest the the time and get to know someone. For the ones I like, I do I follow up with texting and have even suggested another date but usually the men I like ghost me. They just move onto someone else. It's so easy with a single swipe on a dating app.

I am still texting on and off with T (my beach date from a couple months ago) but he hasn't asked me out and it's been like over a month now, so I assume he doesn't want to see me. I may ask...I don't know...not sure yet. Actually it's unusual that he still texts me back, most men don't if they have lost interest. So either he's super nice and polite or he is as bored as I am lol. The dating experts online say that if a man is interested enough he will ask you out and women should not chase.

With M...I haven't heard from him today. I assume it will fizz out... he also lives fairly far away. T is in the city but M is like a few cities away. Will see.

 

[alligatorob]

Hey Misty, happy Canada Day! Though you probably won't see this until the day after.

You need to be easier on yourself, you are trying and sound better to me than you did a few months ago. And trying is all any of us can expect to do. Glad your date was pleasant, good that you are getting out.

The dating experts online say that if a man is interested enough he will ask you out and women should not chase.

I have been hearing that since long before there was an online, and I am skeptical. If you like someone I would just call or contact him and see if you can make something happen. Nothing to lose, and the chance of gaining... I am speaking of the distant and long past past, but in my day I appreciated women paying attention to me. Still do I guess, but to other purposes now, LOL!

 

[misty22]

Hey Misty, happy Canada Day! Though you probably won't see this until the day after.

You need to be easier on yourself, you are trying and sound better to me than you did a few months ago. And trying is all any of us can expect to do. Glad your date was pleasant, good that you are getting out.

I have been hearing that since long before there was an online, and I am skeptical. If you like someone I would just call or contact him and see if you can make something happen. Nothing to lose, and the chance of gaining... I am speaking of the distant and long past past, but in my day I appreciated women paying attention to me. Still do I guess, but to other purposes now, LOL!

Hahaha thanks Rob! TY for the wishes =) Yeah I may still ask T out ...if he isn't seeing anyone else...will ask after the long weekend if we are still in touch. But I am showing more interest than he is, it bothers me a bit that I like him more than he likes me.

I'll see if M contacts me again...radio silence...but between the two, I feel T and I are more alike. I mean we are still very different as people...but comparatively I think I'd get along better with T. Anyone else would tell me I need to keep looking, which I will.

I binge ate yesterday and ate well over my standard calorie intake .... I'm sure some of this is water weight, I will get back to an exercise routine today. Was feeling depressed over unemployment. But am better today than yesterday.

CW: 114.8lbs

 

[misty22]

Update: Well M unmatched me on the app lol, which I'm thankful for, it stings a little but I didn't build up much of a relationship with him and I feel we had very few things in common. I ain't got no time to dwell on it.

By binge has led to a 3lb gain unfortunately.

Going out for a walk and dinner with a friend.

Taking a small break from dating until I feel good about my weight.

CW: 114.8lbs

 

[misty22]

I had a great weekend, saw a couple of friends and the weather was lovely.

I'm struggling a bit day-to-day and realizing I need the volunteer work to keep me going and interacting with people.

I'm not sure how to work around the coffee. I feel very stressed and lonely and resort to it but it is definitely not helping me. It helps me emotionally a lot. But the problem is that it is probably wrecking my hormones. I have struggled to give it up. I feel like a heroin addict. I can't stand the sight of my hair falling. Amanda and I have hypothesized that because I have a progesterone deficiency (due to lack of ovulation), my thyroid is being impacted and hence the hair loss. I haven't ovulated since I cam off of birth control last year. Today I start my 14-day progestrone therapy but it's obviously not the same thing. Hopefully it will train my body to ovulate.

 

[Cate]

I would really struggle to give up my morning coffee
I hope the progesterone works for you, hon.

 

[misty22]

Oh man...I am struggling with it today lol. I don't know, maybe instead of going cold turkey I have it a few days on and off, I'm really not sure.

My weight is creeping up. I didn't exercise much yesterday and had a bag of popcorn chips. Just felt defeated. Anytime I have my hair wash days, seeing all that hair pool in the shower is just demotivating. It's like my own body doesn't want me here. Forget rejection from people and companies. I have tried all sorts of ways to handle this and I could try a few more ways but I am exhausted waking up to the same problem for years. Got to take it easy on myself.

I tried the progesterone last night - I find it does cause weight gain, I haven't tried it for the full 14 days ever but will try to see if it regulates the period. The last time I did this, I had some idiot that didn't tell me I have to do it the full 14 days even if there is a bleed.

CW: 115.6lbs

 

[Cate]

I can't think of anything to say, sweets, but I can send you a hug

 

[misty22]

I can't think of anything to say, sweets, but I can send you a hug

Thank you Cate, your hugs keep me going xoxo

I made the mistake of trying progesterone oil mid day and the depression hit me like a tidal wave. So now I am going to keep it for night time. I'm going to try to reduce the dosage because it causes drowsiness or stick to my progesterone cream which is letter intense. I don't know.

My brain has been an utter mess. I feel like I need to fix my health and the job and and I need to find some contract work to keep me sane and the rent paid in the interim. And I want to write and half the time the fear and depression paralyzes me.

The place I volunteer at said they love me but they a) don't have the budget to pay me/ take me on part-time b) even if they had the budget, need someone who can run the more day-to-day marketing execution, which means being in the weeds, and I'm sort of more of a senior marketer, I do more strategy work and I have never done the day-to-day stuff b/c I have always had an agency do that for me. I think I'll continue to volunteer for a month more so it looks like I'm working on my resume but I will need to find temp contract work as I look for a more suitable FT job.

Putting a temp hold on dating. So tired of boys. T did text me...I wasn't in the mood to ask him out for coffee...I find his behaviour so odd...usually men drop off if they're not interested. Maybe he thinks we are friends...lol. But I don't need a text buddy. Even if we are friends, friends hangout and do stuff together. I'll have to be blunt about it next time.

CW: 114.2lbs

 

[misty22]

Asked him out...let's see... just want to see what his end game is...

 

[misty22]

I did my 6km walk yesterday.

I watched this video that says what you have been doing has not been working for you, so why keep doing it? So I'm trying my no-coffee day today.

Also T said...'sure'. lol. I guess I come off as a friendly neighbour. I don't know. Anyways, I wouldn't mind having an extra friend in the city. So I might set something up with him over the weekend.

I'm going to aim to lose 5lbs this month, and be 108lbs for my birthday in early Aug.

W: 113.6lbs

 

[misty22]

I feel like a heroin addict that is so addicted to coffee but I have promised myself at least three days. And then seven. And then I should have zero side effects.