Weight Loss Diary 2017 - Goal 1-0-5

misty22

Well-known member
"Religion can add a dimension to the life of a responsible person, but it does not by itself make a responsible human being out of a criminal." ... Stanton Samenow

religious acceptance is way down my list of judging a person's morality.

Very true! Thank you for this reminder. You're right in that because one believes, does not necessarily mean they have a sense of morality. Have met some amazing people without strong faith too.
 

misty22

Well-known member
Oh man I have not treated my body right the past month - all because I was affected by one individual. That I am steadily forgetting. My relationship therapist, Courtney, said we can reach out to S. one time next week to shut the door on it. Because at this time, just as I am losing interest, he must have completely lost interest as well. It would be nice to shut that door.

9lbs away from success...

CW: 112.6lbs
GW: 103lbs
 

misty22

Well-known member
Weight has been shooting up because I am snacking. Going to gain a hold of that today.

I talked to a new functional practitioner today.....I feel I have done everything I can with naturopaths and I need to push from a medical standpoint. My adrenal markers and cortisol are elevated and the bloodwork needs to show them out of range for a doctor to take me seriously...I am going through testing this week but cyclical patterns ....will be difficult to identify without regular testing and $$$. I am so sick and tired of the medical community. One of three things is going wrong: cortisol, prolactin or ACTH - one of these has to be high for a doctor to take me seriously. They're all on the high end of normal...

CW: 113.4lbs
 

misty22

Well-known member
OKAY I shot my shot...and am ready to MOVE THE FUCK ON :)

I actually feel relieved I am over him. I don't want to chase men anymore. They can chase me. But before they can chase me, I really need to get my health in order this month with all the testing. I have finally come off the period pill blee

It would be unfortunate for me to have come out of this fiasco with S. and not to have benefited from it somehow. It sucks that I gained weight because of it :( But I did try therapy, which was great.

Pending health tests :
- Mold test
- ACTH
- Cortisol 8 AM and urine
- Prolactin

I need to get up early tomorrow....

Also need a printer.
 

misty22

Well-known member
I gave half my blood tests today - for the tumour.

I need to go back tomorrow to Dynacare and do all my STI testing. I didn't want to give too many vials of blood today and there was the urine testing and I just did not feel up for all that at 8AM.

I have an MRI but I think they booked the wrong one....and if they did, I will need to wait to get a new date...I am talking to my doctor next week...this is what frustrates me about the medical system...why do I (the non-doctor) need to double-check everything...it's ridiculous.

I have been struggling with my diet and the weight. I have not weighed myself today but I can tell I am not shedding the lbs.

I walked like 15km yesterday and today I am aiming for similar if not more.

Anyways, today I need to exercise, I have my therapist appt at 6pm and I decided to see A. again. At this point, it's super casual. It's just nice seeing someone. I'm not totally into him, likely because I am not emotionally available and there are too many health things going on ... so I feel a bit detached. The feeling is a relief. He's a bit emotionally detached as well...so I think we are equal on that.

A is nice. He's a bit too young for me (he's 30 and I am 37) but he's tall, handsome, lean, great hair, smells good. He has some grey in his hair that I really like. One of the more attractive men I have dated for sure, and those are only a handful. I think I have dated 4 attractive men in my lifetime. The rest were okay.

A did make an observation that my mind drifts sometimes. His exact words were, "you are hard to read sometimes". My mind does drift. I think about S. I think about the tumour. I think about the hair loss. I wonder if the health crisis will come to an end ever. I wonder if I will ever find someone I have a strong connection with and love me for me. I wonder if I should even be dating in the state I am in right now. Lots of things play on my mind....and being unemployed and with covid, these thoughts probably take up more space and play more on repeat than they should.

I asked my friend SG when I saw her the other day if she sees me drift. She said she does. I felt it a lot yesterday. My body was there with her but my mind was not. The feeling is less intense today but I do drift. It's hard spending time with someone when my mind and heart are with something/ someone else. And yet, I have to spend time with people and participate in the world when there are other things on my mind. Life doesn't stop.

I'm beginning to see how my confidence, self-esteem and body image have played into dating after therapy. The body image continues to be a concern with the hair loss. But let's see how this appointment goes.

Re: jobs, I have a verbal offer which I am so thankful for but I have not received a confirmation in writing...and that makes me nervous. I have interviews lined up with three companies next week, which is great. Thankfully some luck on that side - tired of interviewing but this is the final push.
 

Cate

Support crew
🤞Hope you get that job, Misty. It would help take your mind off everything else.
Re: doctors. I am reconciled to the fact that I have to take responsibility for my own health care. Doctors see so many people for so many different complaints. I don’t know how they manage to do it.
 

misty22

Well-known member
🤞Hope you get that job, Misty. It would help take your mind off everything else.
Re: doctors. I am reconciled to the fact that I have to take responsibility for my own health care. Doctors see so many people for so many different complaints. I don’t know how they manage to do it.
It’s so true. But I wish specialists would be more careful but that’s why I need a second opinion at times. You’re right though, my body is my job.
 

misty22

Well-known member
Weight has been hard to manage lately. Feeling extremely stressed due to pituitary tumour.

All my bloodwork is like one point away from the cut-off range. I think they will make me do even more testing... vs give me a diagnosis. I feel this has all to do with my tumour....and it is affecting my body badly...and I can only hope the endocrinologist takes me seriously.

I hate how I have fallen off track on weight but the high stress hormones are also impacting weight loss. I have been walking 15km the past few days and nothing is budging. I have to cut back on calories.

CW: 112.8lbs
GW: 103lbs

9lbs away.
 

misty22

Well-known member
It would be really good if you could manage to do some sort of relaxation or meditation, Misty. :grouphug:
I think I need to.

I may go in for acupuncture.

I've been stress eating. I don't think I can convince my doctor that my tumour is causing issues...I don't know what to do. I was thinking of reaching out to the pituitary network association and see how they can help.

In between I can only continue testing. And starting a natural cortisol-reducing regimen. My blood sugar has been bad. I know it. I bought a wig last year and I didn't like it so...if I can sign up for a job I can evaluate fake hair again. I would be ok going with a buzz cut and seeing if a wig would work. I don't know if men will accept that but the way it's going I may not have a choice. Still not giving up on myself completely though.

I interviewed with two places this week and have one more interview on Friday. I also submitted a background check to a company but they have not sent me a written offer. Which is frustrating. Anyways. Just seeing how all of this plays out. I've given up controlling the situation.

CW: 112.6lbs (stuck at this weight but I have not been taking care of myself as well as I can in terms of diet)
GW: 103lbs
 

misty22

Well-known member
Ok, I am back on track with the eating, thankfully. I am hoping to visit my parents next week though, for a couple days. I'll have to make sure I am good this weekend.

CW: 112.4lbs
 

misty22

Well-known member
Well done! How far away from you do your parents live, Misty? Do they try to feed you up?

Thanks Cate! They're about 1.5 hours away - depends on traffic. Not far but I don't have a car so public transit takes a while.

Their eating patterns are very different. They don't have insulin resistance so they can eat whatever they want. I usually cave in and just eat whatever they have. I also have anxiety when I spend too long there. Though lately I have not been eating well. Today I am on track. I have to lower my calories or incorporate more fruits/ veggies because my weight is at a standstill right now. I look like a mom right now with all the curves and wobbly bits but a part of me is enjoying it I suppose...I've been watching too much of Good Girls - the drama is about a bunch of moms...Christina Hendricks is the lead. She's 9 years older than me but I love her curves. But back to me, I still felt way more comfortable at 107/108lbs. But I guess I need to enjoy the journey.

I've picked back up on the supplements and the progesterone cream. My new MRI is on Oct 5th. And another one on Oct 8th. It will be interesting to see if my tumour has grown. Also, I just expect the endocrinologist to do more testing.

CW: 112.6lbs
GW: 103lbs
 

Cate

Support crew
Incorporating more veggies & fruit sounds like a good idea, especially the veg. It's good that you are eating better.
 

misty22

Well-known member
Endocrinologist appointment went...not so great but as expected. Just wants to do more testing and see MRI but thinks everything is OK despite my irregular periods and hair loss and everything else 🤦‍♀️

Also asked my naturopath if we can re-test my estrogen as it seems low no matter how many times I test it...

I may have to go back on birth control but I feel like a different person on it...

My gut health isnt where I want it to be- I say that because of the acid reflux - I mean for all I know that's the key to all this mess....working on it. But I think my estrogen is also a key piece, so maybe I will focus on that. MRIs will happen next week.

CW: 112.2lbs
GW: 103lbs
 

misty22

Well-known member
CW: 112lbs

I'm probably actually in the 111 range. I'll just have to eat light tonight. The damage a breakup can do...anyways, hoping I can get down to 110lbs by end of week. I think 2lbs is reasonable if I watch what I eat.

Also, I am trying to juice celery during the evenings to help with absorption and acid reflux. Going to try for 60 days and see what happens.
 

misty22

Well-known member
CW: 111.4lbs
 
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