So I'm back and have been feeling more like myself the past couple days but I will say my eating is bit out of control. I ate everything yesterday without restriction. I can't say I have been trying to lose. I've been maintaining if anything. But my mental health is feeling better.
I watched something that said to focus on your goals and whatever does not serve them, let it go. My three big goals right now are:
- Retirement Savings
- Hair/ Health
I was walking through the park on Sun (which was amazing) feeling upset about the whole Andres situation and then came across this video and thought, Andres is not getting me to my end goal, i.e. a husband. A loving long-term committed relationship. So why am I worried about him contacting me or seeing me? We still text here and there but have not seen each other since the talk, and to be honest, the space has really been good for me. It's allowed me to see things more clearly.
I was also talking to my friend S. and she said when dating you have to date multiple people. I also read somewhere to date people. It's a numbers game. My problem has always been I don't find enough quality men to date multiple of. But maybe it does not have to be actively dating but talking to multiple people.
I have also bee thinking about self-worth. I feel this new job will be fun but I do think I am underpaid for what I can bring to the table. But I am looking forward to learning more about Growth Marketing. I have pivoted my career a lot since when I started...I started in research and then in B2B and then in B2C and now I want to pivot more deeply into tech. It's been a challenge. My other friends have stayed in their industries and are now at Director levels....getting paid way more than me....but I see this as a long-term game. I want to be in an industry that is growing, where my job does not feel threatened day-to-day and where I have the skills that can give me marketability. I am sacrificing that cushy pay check for growth and a cushy pay in the long-term, i.e. hopefully the role after this. That's what I tell myself anyways.
I've been putting a lot of focus on my hair, and while I am working on it and it does affect my confidence, I can't let it drive everything. I haven't been feeling confident or like myself for years now and I need to work through it.
I've also been putting a lot of pressure on myself with kids...because I am in my late thirties now. And I think I need to step back and know there is surrogacy and there is adoption. They're not ideal ....but there are options and I think I need to sort of accept that. I know I have a lot of love to give and that there are solutions outside of natural birth.
I met the endo and she is convinced my hair loss has nothing to do with my tumour. And I am also giving up on that line of thought. I want to see the dentist to see if there are any hidden infections in my teeth that are crowned that may be driving this issue. I am also focusing a lot on gut health. I have been both bad and good with dairy and coffee. It's getting colder outside so I imagine at some point I will stop my morning coffee runs. They're just not worth it sometimes during the winter.
I need new boots. Walkable and warm.
GW for Nov: