Weight Loss Diary 2017 - Goal 1-0-5

Cate

Long-term member.
I don't think I'll even attempt to give any relationship advice, Misty. I think you know what it would be if I did.
No one is all over a new job at first. Concentrate on the job & you will be right hon :grouphug:
 

misty22

Well-known member
I don't think I'll even attempt to give any relationship advice, Misty. I think you know what it would be if I did.
No one is all over a new job at first. Concentrate on the job & you will be right hon :grouphug:

You would tell me to respect myself and walk away. Thanks Cate xoxo
 

misty22

Well-known member
I'm feeling a bit better but also a bit depressed today. Nothing like when Saul and I decided to part ways because that was more intense of a relationship and I could see a future with him. So thankfully not that level of misery but still some sadness and heartache.

Anyways, I have not heard from Andres, so I'm ok if he ghosts me. I wouldn't even know what to say TBH. I think I'll be ok in a week or two, that's usually how these things go anyways.

CW: 111lbs
 

misty22

Well-known member
So I'm back and have been feeling more like myself the past couple days but I will say my eating is bit out of control. I ate everything yesterday without restriction. I can't say I have been trying to lose. I've been maintaining if anything. But my mental health is feeling better.

I watched something that said to focus on your goals and whatever does not serve them, let it go. My three big goals right now are:
  • Retirement Savings
  • Hair/ Health
  • Husband
I was walking through the park on Sun (which was amazing) feeling upset about the whole Andres situation and then came across this video and thought, Andres is not getting me to my end goal, i.e. a husband. A loving long-term committed relationship. So why am I worried about him contacting me or seeing me? We still text here and there but have not seen each other since the talk, and to be honest, the space has really been good for me. It's allowed me to see things more clearly.

I was also talking to my friend S. and she said when dating you have to date multiple people. I also read somewhere to date people. It's a numbers game. My problem has always been I don't find enough quality men to date multiple of. But maybe it does not have to be actively dating but talking to multiple people.

I have also bee thinking about self-worth. I feel this new job will be fun but I do think I am underpaid for what I can bring to the table. But I am looking forward to learning more about Growth Marketing. I have pivoted my career a lot since when I started...I started in research and then in B2B and then in B2C and now I want to pivot more deeply into tech. It's been a challenge. My other friends have stayed in their industries and are now at Director levels....getting paid way more than me....but I see this as a long-term game. I want to be in an industry that is growing, where my job does not feel threatened day-to-day and where I have the skills that can give me marketability. I am sacrificing that cushy pay check for growth and a cushy pay in the long-term, i.e. hopefully the role after this. That's what I tell myself anyways.

I've been putting a lot of focus on my hair, and while I am working on it and it does affect my confidence, I can't let it drive everything. I haven't been feeling confident or like myself for years now and I need to work through it.

I've also been putting a lot of pressure on myself with kids...because I am in my late thirties now. And I think I need to step back and know there is surrogacy and there is adoption. They're not ideal ....but there are options and I think I need to sort of accept that. I know I have a lot of love to give and that there are solutions outside of natural birth.

I met the endo and she is convinced my hair loss has nothing to do with my tumour. And I am also giving up on that line of thought. I want to see the dentist to see if there are any hidden infections in my teeth that are crowned that may be driving this issue. I am also focusing a lot on gut health. I have been both bad and good with dairy and coffee. It's getting colder outside so I imagine at some point I will stop my morning coffee runs. They're just not worth it sometimes during the winter.

I need new boots. Walkable and warm.

CW: 112.8lbs
GW for Nov: 107lbs
 

misty22

Well-known member
I am testing out a few theories into what is causing my hair loss:
  • Mold toxicity test: Am taking a test and need to send in Mon/Tues
  • Hidden dental infections: I have to see the dentist and see what kind of x-rays I need. Basically a hidden dental infection could be causing an auto-immune response. I'll have to ask for how many teeth have fillings/crowns and get an X-Ray done.
  • Stomach inflammation: Taking out dairy for three weeks (a day at a time)
Apart from the above I have been celery juicing consistently to try to bring my stomach acid up and lower inflammation. I am going to add spirulina and wheat grass to the mix to build my immunity in a smoothie form.

CW: 113.4 (I have gained :( but it's ok I am not binging)
 

misty22

Well-known member
CW: 111.6lbs

I have been feeling depressed since the whole Andres thing. I went on 9 dates with him, which is the most times with one person in the past three years. Mind you, two of those years have been COVID years. Still, it's a lot. I'm tired - emotionally - and I know I will heal in a couple of weeks. It's just draining. Dating is draining. Maybe just dating the wrong people is draining.
 

misty22

Well-known member
Still feeling gutted. Cried a lot yesterday. Probably will cry today. It's ok. I just want to let it all out and feel a bit numb. I got back on the apps and I have a few messages...I'll get back to them. It's usually people trying to fill up their weekend with dates. I'm not going to go on a date this weekend but am meeting up with a friend on Sunday. Need some social interaction.

I have to remember to do my urine test tomorrow, which means cutting back on liquids by 6pm and then I need to freeze it and send it in by Mon.

I'm trying to be level-headed about this but I find I am turning to food to get me through this depression. I shouldn't even be depressed really, not like he was the one I was going to end up with...too young...anyways. It's not on me, it's on him.

CW: 111.4lbs
GW: 103lbs
 

Cate

Long-term member.
Oh, Misty. I do hope you can get through this depression soon. I'm glad you're catching up with a friend on Sunday. :grouphug:
 

misty22

Well-known member
I feel I am doing miserably on the diet front.

I got back on the apps - and it's a gong show. So I am just using them passively. I don't care right now. I think I just need a bigger circle of friends/people around me. I don't necessarily need/want to date. Not in this moment anyways.

I am slowly feeling better about the whole A. situation. His absence still bothers me but there are men that are good at communicating and that can respect someone else's time. I feel angry I guess. It surprises me when men go from hot to cold. I guess it just means they're not the one.

Health - I think I can do a better job and get off dairy. My diet has been a shit-show. I'm not proud of myself. I am caving into emotions and feelings and need to stop and deal with them in some other way. My two emotions are loneliness and stress/anxiety.

I am struggling with sticking to a healthy food plan - like with my food sensitivities. I'm not sure what to do. I have been trying to give up coffee/dairy forever now.

The weather is pleasant today so will likely take a stroll outside, all bundled up.
 
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misty22

Well-known member
I weighed in a bit heavy, 113lbs. But I walked 8km today so hopefully that makes a dent for tomorrow - but I need to control my diet, it's definitely not good.

I feel depressed and heartbroken over this Andres situation and unfortunately I have to ride through these emotions. It took me about 4 weeks to get over S. So ....I calculate I'll feel OK in another two weeks - that's a long time. But there is honestly nothing I can do to rush this feeling of loneliness and dread and depression. I can distract myself but only for so long.

Anyways....all good. Will eventually be OK.
 

Cate

Long-term member.
Taking back control of your diet by eating healthily will help you to feel better, Misty. Good for you going for an 8km walk!
I hope your heartache heals soon :grouphug:
 

misty22

Well-known member
Ah well today my weigh-in was brutal. I've gained 7lbs since the summer :( Most of it has been breakup weight - I can't believe I've had two breakups since July...ugh my track record lol.

I feel a bit better today. It will ebb and flow. I won't feel great at night. But also, I need to give myself a break. So another dude doesn't like me. Big whoop. I've been ghosted so many times it shouldn't phase me anymore. I am great. I know it. I'm a bit broken but I have so much love to give. The universe just wants me to meet someone else. I need to stop taking this personally and just go with the flow. I've always felt I've had some control over my life, not in this department though, so I feel I just need to wait and watch for what God has planned for me. I've been wanting to be married since I was 28, nearly ten years ago, it's been a really long road with unexpected health issues - but a part of me is still hopeful I'll find someone. Hopefully sooner than later iA.

CW: 114lbs
GW: 105lbs
 

misty22

Well-known member
Yesterday I went for a long walk with my friend M. I felt distracted about half the time thinking about Andres - but I am so happy I went on a walk because it is reflected in today's number. I've reached out to another friend R. to see if he is up for doing something tonight. I miss Andres even though he ghosted me. It's a hurtful thing to do and I had asked him twice in our situationship not to let it end that way, but I guess some men just don't care. I'm hoping R. is available because I need to get my mind off Andres by being around people for a few days at least. I know I am not fully present.

I have a dentist appointment tomorrow and I want to ask to do a Cone Beam CT scan to check for hidden dental infections. I also sent in my urine sample for mold testing, I hear back on that in two weeks. The only other thing is gut work which is a work-in-progress.

I am at my wit's end with the hair loss, it's looking pretty bad. I think that's another thing, Andres was ok with my hair and the insecurity around it. I'm not sure I'll find someone else that would be OK with how I look.

CW: 112.8lbs
GW: 105lbs
 

misty22

Well-known member
CW: 110.6lbs

I don't think that's my actual weight TBH - I think I just flushed out a lot yesterday as my stomach was queasy. But I'll take it.
Based on this, going down 5lbs by seems not too jarring. Hoping to hit 109lbs by weekend. 've been doing between 3k and 6km walks. i can't get to 6km all the time due to work.

I do need to do better on my diet, i.e. incorporate more veggies, start drinking my detox smoothie.


GW: 105lbs
 

misty22

Well-known member
CW: 110.6lbs

Honestly nothing new. I'm wondering if I should hold off on dating apps until the new year. My younger sister (ten years younger) started seeing someone, I had a twinge of jealousy when I heard that but also I am happy for her. It's still new but hopefully it goes well. She's very serious about settling down (more than me) and I know she'll get there soon. I think I am tired of all the apps and the dating highs and lows, so...I am just not in the right state of mind. I am just tired of the games.

Work is ok so far, will get a new manager soon, makes me nervous. I don't know what my performance targets are yet but will get a better sense next year. Using this as a stepping stone into my next role.

Thinking of therapy..I tend to get very emotionally triggered at work when someone challenges me...it's been on ongoing issue and I talked to my sister about it. I was thinking of booking a session this week or next.

Honestly, apart from the hair to be honest, I feel blessed. I know I get on here and use this as a venting platform because I have a lot of thoughts and feelings that need to go somewhere, but in all honesty, I am thankful for everything I have.

GW: 105lbs
 

Fiera

Active member
Hi Misty. I am new to your diary. I picked up pretty quickly on a few things I can relate to. For example, being emotionally triggered by people at work and also by relationships and dating. I hope that you are having a good day today and I love reading the gratitude in your last post.
 

misty22

Well-known member
Hi Misty. I am new to your diary. I picked up pretty quickly on a few things I can relate to. For example, being emotionally triggered by people at work and also by relationships and dating. I hope that you are having a good day today and I love reading the gratitude in your last post.
Thanks Fiera! Welcome to the forum. Look forward to reading about your journey :)
 
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