kelly's diary

Well I'm sittin here 3 pounds over what my ticker says. Always start the day with fitday but not concluding. Getting back in to exercise. Will conclude fitday today.
 
Just had a good one hour bike ride. Feels so good to feel these thunderthighs get a work out.

Going to a mood disorder group starting Monday. I thought I had it licked. Oh well. My life is pretty interesting.

BUT MY WORKOUTS HAVE BEEN LAME!

Tonight I'm going to walk down to the beach again. Last night I met some interesting young men. That was fun.

This afternoon I'm going to my sister's greenhouse.

I'm sorry I've been lame lately. Its feeling good to get strong again. The fit people can tell me, does feeling physically strong translate to greater inner strength?
 
Sounds like a fun evening...even though I live in Florida I'm more like a long car ride than a nice stroll to the closest beach. Stop calling your work-outs lame - you got up and moved that body......lame is sitting on the couch going "Darn,I should have worked out, maybe tomorrow"
 
YOU got that right CYM, lame is sitting and doing nothing and feeling bad for yourself, YOUR DOING GOOD!! Your on the right path again, your getting refocused, your moving around and doing what helps, your getting OUT of the house and that's a HUGE thing. And last but not least, your back to socializing with people you meet, that's a huge start Kelly. Stop dumping on yourself, because you are a strong person, you will get throw this spell and it will all get better. I'm really happy to hear your going to a support group on Monday, that's great news!! Like I said before my best friend is Bipolar, and I hurt inside every time she is having a spell, but it's nothing I can help her with, it's something she has to work out on her own, but you know we always want to fix (help) those we love regardless. Your a wonderful, sweet, fun and caring person.... Don't you ever forget that. Keep on that path, I know you will get rid of those silly few pounds in No TIME!!! Glad your back and doing good!!! Missed ya!
Kim
 
I have much to learn on the condition that taunts and haunts me. Tonight I read that bipolar is a brain disorder that affects the part of the brain that regulates emotion. And sleep. Its an illness. The book is called Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder A 4-Step plan for you and your loved ones to Manage the illness and create lasting Stability.

Hmmm. I wonder if that stability might include a nice man for Kelly.

Extra bike ride in tonight to beach to read. Wore my shorts.
Calories good at 20% deficit.

A good day.
 
Now that's what I like to hear from my girl Kelly, it's a GOOD DAY!!! OH YEAH!! I would take a stroll on the beach any day of the week, Come get me Kelly I need some beach time in a big way!! It's been so cloudy here I'm getting the blues!! :) Smile girlfriend, you have such a gorgeous one, don't let it go to waste!! Later gator!
Kim
 
Had a nice time with my friend John last night. So bipolar is hard on relationships but that doesn't rule out friendships, so that is what I"m going with. Off for a bike ride now to get some exercise. Hangin on diet by a thread. Trying to stay within calories.
 
Had a pretty awesome bike ride today, to the next small town and back for coffee, and then had another little one plus a walk. Calories on today at 2100. Down side, got a crazy thought in my head that I had to work out by myself, which I did. Downside, it involved buying cigarettes. When you're bipolar your brain tells you things that are not true, like I was thinking my son didn't love me. It was a horrible thought that I got stuck on. I left him at home and went to the beach to get straightened out, which I did.
 
Your ride sounds really good!
I'm happy for you to have that kind of insight into your condition which helps you to cope with it so well! I'm proud of what you did!
:)
Juliette
 
Hi Kelly,

I'm Erica, and I read your first post, which is very inspiring.
I'm glad that you've been taking these steps to making yourself the best that you can be.

Wonderful job today!

-Erica
 
Hi Kelly, I'm glad you were able to take such a nice bike ride, and that you're working on controlling some of the thoughts that try to take over. Good for you!
 
Happychubette said:
Had a nice time with my friend John last night. So bipolar is hard on relationships but that doesn't rule out friendships, so that is what I"m going with. Off for a bike ride now to get some exercise. Hangin on diet by a thread. Trying to stay within calories.
Click to expand...

Hi Kelly! I was just catching up on your week-end and reading your last couple of posts made me think (again) what a special person you are and why you inspire me so darn much. I know people who have practically zero real problems to deal with in life other than weight issues...and yet they whine (sorry, but that's how it sounds to my ears after YEARS of it) constantly about how hard it is to lose weight. Yet you just keep plugging along like the energizer bunny, dealing with some real life impacting issues on the one hand and then going "off for a bike ride...trying to stay within calories"....Gotta love it.

On the friend thing. All I can say, as a happily unmarried 33 year old woman is: romantic relationships, heck even a lot of marriages come - and they sometimes go. But really good friends come, enter our hearts and are with us, truly for better or worse for a lifetime....if you have good friends you are blessed.:hug2:
 
Kelly I'm glad that you were able to let go of the thought your son didn't like you and see that it was the bipolar talking, not you. You're doing great. Small steps, and we'll get there. I'm glad you're learning more about bipolar disorder, too. My stepbrother is bipolar and it's hard to understand, especially when you're not armed with information.
 
aww man you need to see the positives of mental illnesses :D
My old co-worker was the best, she was bipolar also.
She used to have times where she was hyper and couldnt sleep. so she would bake all night and come in to work all bright cheery and happy with a small mountain of baking (she never ate most of it because she was vegetarian lol).
Anyway - i loved working with her, always knew where i stood, and no biggie that she had a bad day.
Another co-worker has anxiety disorder where he gets paranoia etc. We give everyone hassles about everything and sure enough we give him a few hassles as well - but its all in great humour and joking about and he gives it right back. If he ever had a major breakdown we would have his back.
 
How nice to come on and find all these messages.

Another crying jag tonight about my all-star fourteen year old son who, after much prodding from me, admitted that he just likes to be quiet. Luckily myolder brother from Calgary called at just the right time and talked some sense in to me and so the night ended well.

Smoking cigarettes. Wanting to get high, neither of which are habits I normally keep. Taking 2mg Ativan for sleep. My mood, at least, is like water, or the wind, constantly changing, going from dread and despair one minute to calm cool and collected the next. I'm okay and I know I'll be okay. Its when mania strikes I get in to trouble, and what goes up must come down. I"m getting over the down right now. Its a bit jagged. But a mood is not cancer, or other disease. Its just a mood. I recognized my crazy thoughts about my son this weekend, well, once, anyway, and was able to tell myself it was the illness talking. So my son is mr.talkative and sociable with his friends and quiet at home. Its just that I "miss" him when he's quiet and hang on every word he "doesn't"say. He's fourteen.

I remember when I was fifteen I really pulled away from my mother because of my budding sexuality. I didn't want her to know everything that was going on with me. I should be more understanding. My walls are covered with medals and plaques he's won, he has his first girlfriend, everything appears to be normal. Yet because he's so quiet I got this thought fixed in my head that he doesn't love me and I dwelled on it until it grew ginormous.

This morning I rode my bike to the next small town for coffee, about an hour ride in total on the highway with hills and later took a walk down to the beach with my older son.

Also ate carefully today inspite of things.
 
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