Cate's Diary
- Thread starter Cate
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Cate
Long term member
Thank you LaMa. I have had very little sleep & was crying when G woke this morning.When I said to G that I will cop the blame for D quitting he told me that D had said last night to him on the phone that he knows I was writing on behalf of the Vets & that it was not personally from me. I wish he had told me that last night. I am going to call a meeting of the vets soon & let everyone know that I will see out my term as Secretary/Treasurer until our AGM in September, but they need to think about who will take over. I'm not sure that I will stay at the club at all after this year. I don't think I will. I just don't think it's worth it.
I am off to do the bar today for the vets, go do the banking, our shopping etc. When they come back into the clubhouse I'll be back again to do the bar. G & I had organised a bbq for them & the vets club will shout them each a drink. Most of them will be happy that they got their way & S. quit, but most of them are really not aware of the consequences of D quitting. It's sad. I will cop a lot of the brunt from this.
G's phone just rang & it's the nasty captain. I didn't answer it. G can decide whether he wants to talk to him or not. We don't have to leave home for another 45 minutes. The last time he rang G it was to abuse him. This golf club is so not worth it.
I am off to do the bar today for the vets, go do the banking, our shopping etc. When they come back into the clubhouse I'll be back again to do the bar. G & I had organised a bbq for them & the vets club will shout them each a drink. Most of them will be happy that they got their way & S. quit, but most of them are really not aware of the consequences of D quitting. It's sad. I will cop a lot of the brunt from this.
G's phone just rang & it's the nasty captain. I didn't answer it. G can decide whether he wants to talk to him or not. We don't have to leave home for another 45 minutes. The last time he rang G it was to abuse him. This golf club is so not worth it.
LessOfJess
New member
That's absolutely ridiculous for something that's meant to be a hobby! I can relate a little, I recently had to leave a parenting group because one woman decided to start nasty rumours that caught on with the others. It's such a shame when a select few people barge in and ruin a perfectly good thing.
Oh Cate, I am sorry to hear about how upsetting this all is for you. I know you and G are such a team but is there any way you could leave the club yourself and join the other one? I can only suggest that the nasty captain is probably not worth getting upset over. If you try to take yourself outside of the situation and ask what advice you would give to someone who was dealing with this, that sometimes helps me.
Anyway hon, this will pass and things will start to look up again.
Anyway hon, this will pass and things will start to look up again.
Cate
Long term member
Thank you LaMa, Jess, Em & Rebel.
It is crazy that something that is meant to be fun & healthy has been hijacked by a few bad apples & is no longer fun. I won't let this continue. We have lots of options. I have felt a little better as the day goes on. I don't want to go out & play with the women tomorrow. It's the sitting around talking afterwards that worries me. I don't need it. We have to go back to just playing golf & enjoying it.
Day 3 for me without any alcohol.
Not sure what to set my calories at. I'm aiming for 1450 a day, but have gone over that 2 out of 3 days, even with no wine. I need to move more!! I will wear my Fitbit tomorrow. I should try one more time to get out with the women & play.
~I got a message from R today that he had called into a medical centre, recommended by a friend so that he could hopefully get on a mental health plan & see a psych. They couldn't see him until next Tuesday! I decided to ring him to make sure he was OK. I was going to call the medical centre to see if I could get him in earlier. We ended up talking for 50 minutes (apparently) & succeeded in cheering one another up. We agreed that we are good for one another. I told him that I, too, had an appointment for next Tuesday & that I thought I would see a psych again & maybe try a low-dose antidepressant. We had such a good talk. He has spoken to his housemate & had a really open & heartening talk. They are both going to start cleaning the place up & B is considering going to a detox retreat that specialises in alcohol & drug addiction. His mother wants to pay to send him there apparently. I feel sorry for him. He is so young, but looks so old!
R had been considering calling in sick to his workplace because he didn't feel up to going, but my call changed that. He messaged me this evening in a break to thank me for cheering him up. He's really considering moving up to be near to home & we discussed quite a few options. He could sell the place he's in (after major tidying up) or rent it out (after major tidying up) & needs to talk to the woman he went halves in the house with. Before he talks to her he really has to do some major tidying up. MAJOR. She would go off the rails if she saw it as it is now.
There is an option to buy a small portable home that could be positioned on our land (we have 50 acres) that would need to be fenced off, mainly for his dog, but also to keep the wildlife away, so that he could plant a veggie garden. That could be an option if they rent the house out. We can help him out some as we did his brother & have kept the same amount aside for him.
Then there's the option of buying some land nearby hopefully & putting a small house on it. That would be if their house was sold.
Either option requires lots of cleaning up, painting etc & getting his drivers licence.
He could live with us until he's set up somewhere. He loves the idea of just being able to pop in to see us whenever he likes to just like his brother does. He loves the idea of seeing his nephews & niece more often & maybe helping look after them. He doesn't need to earn much money. He would be able to get a job so easily in hospitality nearby. I can think of 4 places instantly that would employ him. It's all food for thought. Having that conversation with him today gave him hope. This is really good. I felt more hopeful too. My family is so much more important than any golf club melodramas. Having a serious phone call with your son puts things in perspective.
This turned into a very long post! I use my diary as part therapy. It does help.
Love to all, xoxo Cate.
It is crazy that something that is meant to be fun & healthy has been hijacked by a few bad apples & is no longer fun. I won't let this continue. We have lots of options. I have felt a little better as the day goes on. I don't want to go out & play with the women tomorrow. It's the sitting around talking afterwards that worries me. I don't need it. We have to go back to just playing golf & enjoying it.
Day 3 for me without any alcohol.
Not sure what to set my calories at. I'm aiming for 1450 a day, but have gone over that 2 out of 3 days, even with no wine. I need to move more!! I will wear my Fitbit tomorrow. I should try one more time to get out with the women & play.
~I got a message from R today that he had called into a medical centre, recommended by a friend so that he could hopefully get on a mental health plan & see a psych. They couldn't see him until next Tuesday! I decided to ring him to make sure he was OK. I was going to call the medical centre to see if I could get him in earlier. We ended up talking for 50 minutes (apparently) & succeeded in cheering one another up. We agreed that we are good for one another. I told him that I, too, had an appointment for next Tuesday & that I thought I would see a psych again & maybe try a low-dose antidepressant. We had such a good talk. He has spoken to his housemate & had a really open & heartening talk. They are both going to start cleaning the place up & B is considering going to a detox retreat that specialises in alcohol & drug addiction. His mother wants to pay to send him there apparently. I feel sorry for him. He is so young, but looks so old!
R had been considering calling in sick to his workplace because he didn't feel up to going, but my call changed that. He messaged me this evening in a break to thank me for cheering him up. He's really considering moving up to be near to home & we discussed quite a few options. He could sell the place he's in (after major tidying up) or rent it out (after major tidying up) & needs to talk to the woman he went halves in the house with. Before he talks to her he really has to do some major tidying up. MAJOR. She would go off the rails if she saw it as it is now.
There is an option to buy a small portable home that could be positioned on our land (we have 50 acres) that would need to be fenced off, mainly for his dog, but also to keep the wildlife away, so that he could plant a veggie garden. That could be an option if they rent the house out. We can help him out some as we did his brother & have kept the same amount aside for him.
Then there's the option of buying some land nearby hopefully & putting a small house on it. That would be if their house was sold.
Either option requires lots of cleaning up, painting etc & getting his drivers licence.
He could live with us until he's set up somewhere. He loves the idea of just being able to pop in to see us whenever he likes to just like his brother does. He loves the idea of seeing his nephews & niece more often & maybe helping look after them. He doesn't need to earn much money. He would be able to get a job so easily in hospitality nearby. I can think of 4 places instantly that would employ him. It's all food for thought. Having that conversation with him today gave him hope. This is really good. I felt more hopeful too. My family is so much more important than any golf club melodramas. Having a serious phone call with your son puts things in perspective.
This turned into a very long post! I use my diary as part therapy. It does help.
Love to all, xoxo Cate.
Sunflower_
Well-known member
You are strong and you are important. Don't let these buttheads dictate how you feel - you have bigger fish to fry and more important things to concentrate on. Hope things feel a bit brighter after your call to R - you are both very good for each other xxx
Cate
Long term member
Thank you, sweetie. I feel much stronger. Having 8 hours sleep has certainly helped too. I'm off to play golf( & not to listen to bitching or gossip). I need the exercise & I do love golf! I'll just come home if I feel the need.
Typed that this morning, but didn't post it obviously as it was still sitting here......
I played golf with A. only, in a 2. She & I get on very well & she's funny & doesn't get involved with all the bull shit. We had fun & we planned to have lunch on Saturday with R, one of the other lovely golfing women. It was R's brother who died last week.
The after golf stuff wasn't as bad as I expected but I don't think I'll be staying at the club. There is so much more to life!
Typed that this morning, but didn't post it obviously as it was still sitting here......
I played golf with A. only, in a 2. She & I get on very well & she's funny & doesn't get involved with all the bull shit. We had fun & we planned to have lunch on Saturday with R, one of the other lovely golfing women. It was R's brother who died last week.
The after golf stuff wasn't as bad as I expected but I don't think I'll be staying at the club. There is so much more to life!
Cate
Long term member
Thanks, Rebel & LaMa. The stress is not resolved though & there is an ongoing undercurrent that is hard to get out of my head. G feels the same. We need to deal with it properly & fix it for ourselves, rather than trying to fix the club I think. We don't want to take backwards steps & go back to feeling stressed and sick about it all & we are headed that way if we don't nip it in the bud soon. We have been "asked", along with the rest of the committee of the Vets, to have a meeting with the captain of the club on Sat morning & he also wants me there (I'm secretary of the Vets group). He says it's so we can all move forward, but I fear it's going to be aggressive as that's his "style" & I have read the letter that I imagine he will be reading to us as he dropped one off for the women in the morning yesterday. Luckily a couple of us had already headed off to play & missed him! I really want this to be over. I am going to ask permission to tape our meeting on Saturday like they now do for Committee meetings.
I would love to give him the benefit of the doubt, & I will certainly try. If I had a choice I would never set eyes on him again. He wants to have the password to the golf club Facebook page, which I set up & says he would work on it with me. I just don't want to associate with him at all. It is legally my page & has taken me lots of time to set up & manage. I'll have to give this some serious thought. I could just deactivate it & he could start another. I'll think about that one.
Anyhow, I have to try to chill out today. There is so much more to life than this particular golf club, but I have to find a way around the predicament I am in.
I would love to give him the benefit of the doubt, & I will certainly try. If I had a choice I would never set eyes on him again. He wants to have the password to the golf club Facebook page, which I set up & says he would work on it with me. I just don't want to associate with him at all. It is legally my page & has taken me lots of time to set up & manage. I'll have to give this some serious thought. I could just deactivate it & he could start another. I'll think about that one.
Anyhow, I have to try to chill out today. There is so much more to life than this particular golf club, but I have to find a way around the predicament I am in.
Think about it well and whatever you do: do NOT work on it together with him. Messy frustration lies that way. He (or someone else) can take over completely or you can keep doing it completely. He´ll call you a meanypants for not wanting to share your sweets with him but it´s your work and you are allowed to have borders. Even if he doesn´t want anyone ever having them (except himself).
Cate
Long term member
This is a really tough one LaMa. I have been under pressure for a couple of months to let him have the password for the FB page. I have always said that if anyone wanted anything put on, all they had to do was either text it to me or email. No-one has. When he got really narky I changed the settings so that anyone could post on there. That still didn't appease him & he still hasn't put any results on.
Now that the shit has hit the fan with the meeting he is pretending that he is trying to have a fresh start & is trying to reconcile & have a fresh start. If I refuse to let him post now as "the club" it would not look good.
I have done lots of research & found another way. Rather than add him as an admin & give him the password I have added him as a Moderator (I love the irony of this). He can post as the club & has certain powers. He does not have the password & I can get rid of him at any time. https://www.facebook.com/help/289207354498410
If he is not happy with that I will delete him as a moderator & decide whether I continue on with the page or not. His role will be much more limited than mine. Hopefully, he won't notice! It will be a major test of my willpower not correcting his usual spelling & grammatical mistakes. I don't think I had better ask him if it's OK if I do........ In the spirit of reconciliation & all that!
I am so not looking forward to the meeting he has called for him, me, G & the rest of the Vet's Committee. I am going to ask if it's OK to record it.
I am going to the local market afterwards & am meeting A & R for lunch at 12.00. I'm looking forward to it. I really like them both.
G & I went for a nice walk around our land yesterday. It was cold but beautiful. I rugged up!
We shared a bottle of red wine late afternoon, with some cheese & biscuits. Needless to say, I got up to 1775 cals for the day.
Sun, Mon, Tue no wine.
Wed, Thu 2 glasses each day!
I won't have any today. I can do this! Then my days, this week, without wine will outweigh my days with
Now that the shit has hit the fan with the meeting he is pretending that he is trying to have a fresh start & is trying to reconcile & have a fresh start. If I refuse to let him post now as "the club" it would not look good.
I have done lots of research & found another way. Rather than add him as an admin & give him the password I have added him as a Moderator (I love the irony of this). He can post as the club & has certain powers. He does not have the password & I can get rid of him at any time. https://www.facebook.com/help/289207354498410
If he is not happy with that I will delete him as a moderator & decide whether I continue on with the page or not. His role will be much more limited than mine. Hopefully, he won't notice! It will be a major test of my willpower not correcting his usual spelling & grammatical mistakes. I don't think I had better ask him if it's OK if I do........ In the spirit of reconciliation & all that!
I am so not looking forward to the meeting he has called for him, me, G & the rest of the Vet's Committee. I am going to ask if it's OK to record it.
I am going to the local market afterwards & am meeting A & R for lunch at 12.00. I'm looking forward to it. I really like them both.
G & I went for a nice walk around our land yesterday. It was cold but beautiful. I rugged up!
We shared a bottle of red wine late afternoon, with some cheese & biscuits. Needless to say, I got up to 1775 cals for the day.
Sun, Mon, Tue no wine.
Wed, Thu 2 glasses each day!
I won't have any today. I can do this! Then my days, this week, without wine will outweigh my days with
Cate
Long term member
I think it's the best solution, for now. I need to keep my options open.
I am currently sipping a glass of red wine. I had told G that I was trying not to drink wine every day but hadn't told him I wasn't going to today. I looked at the wine already poured.......& then I decided I will try to not have any wine tomorrow. 3 days without wine so far this week is 3 days more than usual. I'll go put my calories into MFP right now.........
I'll drink coffee at lunch tomorrow!
Oh Cate. If you were ready to let go of the club, you would happily hand over the keys to the Facebook page. What good is recording the meeting going to do? You have built up a massive thing in your head about this man. I'm sure he is a jerk but just to give it a different perspective -
If you look at the golf club as a job, and you decided you didn't want to work at that job anymore, you don't get to say who does the job after you. What's going to happen if he can write on the FB page? It kind of reminds me of the bar situation again.
Also, recording the meeting is just adding so much unnecessary drama. Why would you want to replay any of the stuff that is not doing you any good? You are on a loop with this golf club stuff and you need to change something in how you approach it.
Sorry, just trying to help and be honest. Telling you that you are right isn't going to help you as much I think.
If you look at the golf club as a job, and you decided you didn't want to work at that job anymore, you don't get to say who does the job after you. What's going to happen if he can write on the FB page? It kind of reminds me of the bar situation again.
Also, recording the meeting is just adding so much unnecessary drama. Why would you want to replay any of the stuff that is not doing you any good? You are on a loop with this golf club stuff and you need to change something in how you approach it.
Sorry, just trying to help and be honest. Telling you that you are right isn't going to help you as much I think.
LessOfJess
New member
I wouldn't hand over anything that I'd worked that hard on. Whilst I do think that sometimes it's important to just let go of the things that are frustrating us it also seems like this golf club is a big part of your life. Could you maybe break off and start or join a new club?
Cate
Long term member
No-one else wants to take over the Facebook page or the web-site. The committee wants me to continue running them both. I had already decided not to record the meeting in the morning. I do have the golf club on a loop in my brain. It is just not easy to extricate myself as we are both so tangled up in it in so many ways. I do feel that it might just drive me crazy if I don't get right away from it. I know I won't be going back on Committee. Conflict makes me sick.
G got a couple of calls today that have been positive. A couple of people have come back to the club, now that one of the 2 has quit & are prepared to help out. It will be better if people can move forward & get the course back in shape.
I won't talk about it anymore if I can help it. My diary is an outlet & I don't give the full story as it's often too complicated. The guy who has called tomorrow's meeting is a bully & has threatened us. He actually frightens me. The other guy who quit this week has threatened physical violence to the Vets. It has been very unpleasant, to say the least.
I would like the situation to get better & I hope it does.
If I leave the club I don't think I'll go join another.
G got a couple of calls today that have been positive. A couple of people have come back to the club, now that one of the 2 has quit & are prepared to help out. It will be better if people can move forward & get the course back in shape.
I won't talk about it anymore if I can help it. My diary is an outlet & I don't give the full story as it's often too complicated. The guy who has called tomorrow's meeting is a bully & has threatened us. He actually frightens me. The other guy who quit this week has threatened physical violence to the Vets. It has been very unpleasant, to say the least.
I would like the situation to get better & I hope it does.
If I leave the club I don't think I'll go join another.