You can't always get what you want (Athala's diary).

Monday, September 16, 2013.​

I didn't do any exercise, I barely moved in the whole day. Couldn't weigh myself today.

Food log:

First meal: 2 eggs, 186g of orange, 80g of banana.

Second meal: 147g of chicken, 100g of avocado, 102g of lettuce.

Third meal: 120g of chicken, 302g of onion, 96g of lettuce, 97g of avocado, 1 tomato.

Fourth meal: 126g of banana, 187g of orange.

1334.04 Calories; 149.77g of Carbohydrates, 81.16g of Protein, 45.59g of Fat, and 35.61g of Fiber.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013.​

I weighed at 98.5 Kg (Again).

Made an attempt to shadow boxing and also tried intervals today... 13 minutes and 30 seconds; 3 intervals of 4 minutes of shadow boxing, 3 intervals of 30 seconds of burpees.
I was planning 27 minutes, but after the third interval of burpees I just stopped. I was coughing a bit after that.

Food log: I went over my carbohydrate limit by 42g. All of it went on fruit, though;

First meal: 2 eggs, 91g of banana.

Second meal: 290g of red meat, 183g of orange, 73g of banana.

Third meal: 384g of apple, 193g of orange, 216g of banana.

Fourth meal: 81g of red meat, 48g of lettuce, 24g of walnuts.

1536.42 Calories; 189.53g of Carbohydrates, 103.31g of Protein, 40.57g of Fat and 30.3g of Fiber.
 
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Hi Athala, I'm glad that you're seeing yourself coming up from this latest depressive state. I have a history of peaks and troughs, and I must remember that they pass. I think you have done really well to have eaten well & exercised, even though you were feeling so sad. Be proud of that Athala. That takes some effort! Well done.
Re: school- Is it possible for you to study online or by correspondence, as it used to be called? It's worth a try finding out.
I think you are doing well relating to others in the forum & that should also slowly build your confidence. The world is not a bad place Athala & there can be a bright future for you. Keep eating well & moving a little more each day & if it's possible go somewhere where you can get some exercise outside where there are no people. Is this possible?
Bye for now, xo Cate
 
Hi there, Athala :)

I thought I'd stop by and offer you some encouragement. I try to avoid putting as many "negative" personal details on websites as possible (I try to stay positive that way), but reading some of your diary has provoked me into offering some (hopefully helpful) input. I know I'm probably going to get slammed for this (so many people hate help in the form of a pill). I'm a young mother with an autistic child; that in itself is stressful mainly because of all the medical issues she's had. I have some OCD traits, anxiety, and I've been struggling with severe mood swings (mainly rage and depression) for about two months before I finally broke down and told my doctor I need help.

Asking for help is NOT a weakness, Athala.

I was given Celexa two weeks ago and my mood and outlook has overall improved greatly since then. I'm not bombarded by anxieties like the yard not being perfectly cut, or the rug on the floor not being perfectly straight, or my house not being clean 24/7, or my eyeshadow being put on just right. I have mental clarity now and I'm not so worried about, what most people would view as, inconsequential things. I can actually find the energy to get up and workout instead of just lazing on the couch and watching TV or playing video games like I used to six months ago.

I realize now just how hard and utterly exhausting it was to deal with all this unnecessary stress. Anxiety, no matter from what source (in your case, social situations and people), can be deteriorating and keep you from doing things you probably really want to do.

My advice, don't be afraid to see a doctor if you just can't find anything to work for you. There is such a stigma with seeing medical help, but the best part is you don't even have to be on the medication for the rest of your life. It's there to help you get through when nothing else seems to work.

Hope this helps you out, Athala
--Belinda
 
In addition to Belinda's post... if like me you hate pills and the thought of taking them everyday, there are some cases, like my fiance, where you don't need them daily but only when you feel an anxiety attack coming on.

I'd say it's worth looking into at least even if I'm the end you don't get any pills.
 
Thanks everybody for the advice.

I don't really like the idea of pills... I'm worried about the side-effects and long-term effects they may have. Using them only if I'm very anxious doesn't bothers me as much, but, if I can, i would prefer avoiding them completely.

I guess I need some sort of medical help... But it's the process I have to go through to get it what makes me always delay it over and over again.

I would like to type a better reply, but on this case, I don't know what to say... I don't want to say I will try or do things that I will eventually end up not doing.

But I do appreciate the advice... Thanks everybody. :grouphug:
 
Wednesday, September 18, 2013.​

I didn't do any exercise. I weighed at 98.5

Food log: I went over my carbohydrate limit by 29g and below my fiber goal by 11g.

First meal: 107g of red meat, 105g of lettuce, 75g of banana.

Second meal: 391g of onion, 111g of lettuce, 101g of red meat.

Third meal: 191g of apple, 134g of orange, 73g of banana.

Fourth meal: 120g of brown rice, 94g of red meat, 1 tbs of olive oil, 2 tomatoes, 100g of onion, 70g of carrot. (I tried to make a sauce for the rice, but I'm pretty disastrous right now when it comes to cooking anything other than simple stuff, so my sauce was basically a waste of time)

1303.53 Calories; 175.91g of Carbohydrates, 88.2g of Protein, 27.46g of Fat and 28.23g of Fiber.

Thursday, September 19, 2013.​

Again, no exercise today. Weight was 98.1, which was a good sign, since I was starting to think I had hit a plateau.

Food log: only 2g above carb limit, 5g above fat limit, and 5 below fiber goal.

First meal: 2 eggs, 206g of orange, 76g of banana.

Second meal: 116g of red meat, 104g of lettuce, 114g of avocado.

Third meal: 372g of orange, 68g of banana.

Fourth meal: chocolate ice-cream (1 unit).

Fifth meal: 164g of chicken, 100g of avocado, 104g of lettuce.

1508.96 Calories; 149.27g of Carbohydrates, 84.3g of Protein, 63.86g of Fat and 34.45g of Fiber.
 
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Friday, September 20, 2013.​

I used some time trying some exercises, and then made a pyramidal/ladder scheme with squats and windmill steps.
1 squat > 1 (windmill) step. all the way to 9 squats > 9 steps and back. I did take some breaks, though. Weighed at 98.3 Kg.

Food log: 2g over fat limit, 4g below fiber goal.

First meal: 2 eggs, 158g of brown rice, 121g of avocado, 100g of lettuce.

Second meal: 168g of orange, 90g of banana.

Third meal: 197g of chicken, 119g of avocado, 244g of onion.

Fourth meal: 157g of chicken, 102g of lettuce, 12g of chia seeds, 1 tbs of light mayo.

1478.44 Calories; 130.79g of Carbohydrates, 101.42g of Protein, 61.07g of Fat, 35.54g of Fiber.

Saturday, September 21, 2013.​

Intervals again. 22:30 total time. 5 intervals of 4:00 of shadow-boxing and 5 intervals of 0:30 of burpees. After that, I did two sets of push-ups (from knees), 2 sec up and 2 sec down, until failure. And 3 sets of crunches until I could no longer do anymore. My legs were a bit sore from yesterday, and now they hurt a bit. :(

I don't know much about shadow-boxing, but for the moment, I'm doing something similar to . Since I do this for cardio purposes, I did add a lot of jumping to it. Once again, I weighed at 98.3 Kg,

Food Log: only 2g below fiber goal.

First meal: 2 eggs, 162g of orange, 117g of banana, 39g of lettuce.

Second meal: 140g of red meat, 118g of onion, 121g of avocado.

Third meal: 347g of orange, 147g of apple.

Fourth meal: 187g of chicken, 106g of avocado, 106g of lettuce.

1438.05 Calories, 143.39g of Carbohydrates, 96.82g of Protein, 53.03g of Fat, 37.39g of Fiber.
 
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Sunday, September 22, 2013.​

I woke up very tired and somewhat sore. It took me hours to actually get out of bed. No exercise today, but it's okay, yesterday's intervals were pretty intense. Weighed at 98.3 Kg again...

Weight hasn't been very "collaborative" this week. Compared to last Sunday, I only "lost" (Weight has been fluctuating a lot, so I'm not even sure) 0.2 Kg.

Food log: didn't ate too much today. 20g below on my fiber goal too.

First meal: 2 eggs, 163g of orange, 90g of lettuce.

Second meal: 180g of onion, 82g of red meat, 101g of lettuce.

Third meal: Potato chips (1 unit). (Not a very good idea. I found a 1-person package and ate it, but I want more now. "Conveniently" there is a big package on the kitchen, and now I would gladly eat it.)

Fourth meal: 259g of chicken, 351g of orange.

1072.21 Calories, 114.99g of Carbohydrates, 87.95g of Protein, 28.94g of Fat, 20.76g of Fiber.

I guess I will go to bed early today. There is not much "good" food left, and a lot of not-so-good stuff lying around. Have a happy week everybody. :grouphug:

Monday, September 23, 2013.​

No exercise today. I weighed at 97.8 Kg.

Food log: 17g below fiber goal.

First meal: 11g of walnuts, 107g of potatoes, 187g of lettuce, 2 eggs, 1 tbs of light mayo.

Second meal: 267g of chicken, 143g of lettuce, 126g of avocado.

Third meal: 192g of orange, 113g of banana.

1091.66 Calories; 94.34g of Carbohydrates; 78.67g of Protein, 44.4g of Fat and 22.61g of Fiber.
 
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Hi Athala. Any loss is good! I would take a .2kg loss this week. I have not been eating well & am suffering accordingly. I'm glad you seem to have cheered up a bit (me too.) It's hard to stay focussed & change things when you're not feeling positive. I think you are doing really well!
Cheers, xo Cate. PS I often say cheers, when I'm just feeling only OK & it seems to lift my mood a little :)
 
Hello Cate. Thanks for stopping by. :)

I wouldn't say I cheered up, but I'm trying to be a bit more positive on my posts. :)


I have been wasting a lot of time lately... I could be reading, writing, exercising, trying to improve my musical skills or (even though I would be doing this to please other people) studying. I'm just not very energetic. With all the time I have, I could do all that and have plenty of time left. Or at least I could be doing something productive, but instead, Im killing time like a champion... I need to stop that.
 
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You're doing great on the loss.

I understand.... I could spend some time learning to speak French better. My problem is that if I'm not passionate about it, I just don't do it even though it would give me a huge benefit in life. I'm just so lazy. It's my biggest downfall. That's why I turn my weight loss into such a huge project... I'm not passionate enough to do it with out being obsessive :-/
 
Tuesday, September 24, 2013.​

My computer wasn't working, but I managed to fix it. I used the morning to dismount and clean some parts... It worked. Everything is also much cleaner and organized now. :)

I did 17:30 minutes of intervals today, but it wasn't as good as my last attempt. 4 intervals of shadow boxing (4:00 minutes each), and 3 intervals of burpees (0:30 seconds each). Had to stop jumping on the burpees, since my left knee started bothering. Weighed at 97.8 Kg again.

Food log: 7g over Carbohydrate limit, 5g below Fiber goal.

First meal: 69g of chicken, 180g of orange, 70g of banana.

Second meal: 3 eggs, 222g of apple, 300g of orange, 139g banana.

Third meal: 70g of red meat, 145g of avocado, 192g of lettuce.

1225.65 Calories, 154.21g of Carbohydrates, 59.31g of Protein, 41.28g of Fat, 34.3g of Fiber.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013.​

I forgot to weigh myself before eating, so I just skipped it. No exercise today.

Food log: 12g over Carbohydrate limit, 8g below fiber goal.

First meal: 2 eggs, 160g of orange, 116g of banana.

Second meal: 122g of red meat, 58g of lettuce, 170g of avocado, 119g of banana.

Third meal: 107g of red meat, 2 tomatoes.

Fourth meal: 267g of potatoes, 131g of lettuce, 1 tsp of marigold oil, 2 tbs of light mayo. (This one was a bit of a cheat meal)

1469.16 Calories; 159.65g of Carbohydrates, 84.96g of Protein, 54.53g of Fat, 31.41g of Fiber.

I'm going to make a little experiment... I've changed some values on my calculator and my caloric goal for this experiment is 1915 calories.
Now I'm going to change values a bit. I'll discount the 120 calories I need to get 40g of fiber from Carbs, Protein and Fat, instead of just Carbs.

New values are: 253.31g of Carbohydrates (55%), 109.69g of Protein (25%) and 38.11g of Fat (20%). My goal for 40g of Fiber per day remains untouched.

This experiment is going to last two weeks, I'll keep track of hunger, energy levels, activity levels and (hopefully not) cravings. I want to see if this represents an improvement compared with my old split of 147g of Carbohydrates, 132 of Protein and 59 of Fat. I was running a lower calorie goal (1770) for this one, but I rarely reached that number.

Since I will be eating more calories, and a lot more of carbohydrates, I will try to increase my activity as well. I want to continue going gluten free, so if I add a (regular) food to my intake, it is going to be either brown rice or potatoes.
 
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Hi Athala, I thought I would share something with you. Every time I read one of your posts I look to see if you have changed where you live from "Sick, Sad World" to something more positive. It makes me feel sad to think that is what you actually think. I hope that changes for you xo Cate
 
I’m glad you were able to fix your computer. I hate having computer problems. It always seems to happen at the worst possible time too.

I’m also glad to hear you got a workout in. Even if it wasn’t as good as your previous efforts just keep in mind that it’s better than not doing it at all! ?
 
Hello Mandy. :)

I seem to be able to get one intense (for my current capabilities) workout, but then I stop for two days and I repeat the whole thing again. I want to try exercising on those days, too, possibly without jumping, to give my joints a rest.

Still, it is better than doing nothing, but I want to work on consistency.

Hello Cate. :)

I can't really answer that... Not without making a post with a rather pessimistic and somewhat cynical tone to it... Maybe with time that will change, but I wouldn't know.

Thanks both for stopping by, take care. :grouphug:
 
That's what I've been doing with taebo lately. I have one that I call the "big workout" because it's just over an hour and pretty intense. It works your whole body. Legs, arms, abs,... everything! I've been trying to do that one at least twice a week and then I alternate between the lighter workouts on the other days or I'll go walking. Taebo is my first choice for a workout because it has a higher calorie burn, but it's nice to go walking too.

If the workout you're doing is too tough to do more consistently just try to find some lighter workouts instead to do on the other days. Even if you only end up burning 200-300 calories on the lighter workouts it's still going to add up. :)
 
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