You can't always get what you want (Athala's diary).

The eczema, psoriasis or whatever I have seems to have flared up pretty bad since yesterday.

It's the middle of the night and I woke up because of the itching... :(

This is so annoying... For added discomfort, this also means I'll have to go and see a doctor... :(
 
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You HAVE to eat more than that. Your taking a hit to your immune system and metabolizing your muscle on that few calories.

Good luck at the doctor. I've delt with psoriasis in the past. It can be so awful when it really flares up. I used to scaled my hands with hot water because it made the itching and burning feel better. My doctor told me that wa very bad to do, but I still did it when nothing else worked.
 
Thanks for stopping by, Quercus.

You're right. I'm going to drop my low-carb attempt. It's too hard to reach the calories I need, and if I happen to not have a good protein choice at hand (which is what happened yesterday), I end up with an immense deficit.

This time, I'll definitively need to see a doctor. I hate the idea (my stupid social anxiety just makes this a lot harder than it should be), but I need a diagnosis at least.
 
Tuesday, September 10, 2013.​

Again (And sadly), no exercise today.

I was exhausted in the morning, I guess it was for the awful intake of yesterday and my lack of sleep. But I'm ready to drop my low-carb approach now. I changed my eating program and I'm gonna be using some guidelines I got from Scooby. (If you are interested, you can find him in Youtube, I believe he offers great advice 90% of the time)

I divided my calorie goal (1770) into the following:
40% of calories will come from Carbohydrates, that is 147g (It's a bit more than 147, but I discounted 120 calories to make up for 40g of fiber).
35% will come from Protein, that is 154.88g. (I don't think I'll actually can comfortably reach that number, but I'll try reaching a minimum of 108.46g of protein).
and 25% will come from Fats, that is 49.17g.

That is my budget. In addition to this, Ill try getting 4 servings of fruit and 6 cups of vegetables per day. I will also aim for 40g of Fiber every day.

I may make a few changes during the course of the next days. Here is the problem: reaching +100g of protein on meat is hard and expensive, I'm considering either trying milk or a protein powder, but I'm not fond of either of them. I'm going to do a bit more of research and hopefully I will find something I can actually like and trust.

I'm looking at the numbers right now, and I'll probably move a 5% of fat or protein to carbohydrates. Can't do it right now because it's too late.

I guess some of you may think I'm over-complicating things, but I like precision... :blush5:

I apologize for the wall of text, here is the rest of the update;

Weight of today's morning: 98.6 Kg.

Food of today:

Breakfast:
2 whole eggs. (140)
125g of brown rice. (138.13)
93g of lettuce. (15.35)
92g of banana. (90.44)

Lunch:
293g of chicken. (326.7)
87g of avocado. (151.64)
180g of orange. (93.06)
150g of apple. (104.1)

Dinner:
170g of chicken. (189.55)
90g of banana. (88.47)
105g of lettuce. (17.33)
118g of carrot. (51.68)
25g of chia seeds. (96.8)
I could have used some oil on the lettuce here... I still managed to eat it all, but it was not too pleasant...

Summary of today:
Total calories: 1503.23 (266.77 remaining)
143.25g of Carbohydrates (3.75g remaining), 121.91g of Protein (32.97g remaining), 49.18g of Fat (0.01 over goal) and 35.96g of Fiber (4.04g remaining).

I'm happy with today. If tomorrow my rash is not too annoying, I'm going to try exercising a bit.
 
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Wednesday, September 11, 2013.​

No exercise today. My schedule and my rash/eczema/psoriasis serve as perfect excuses to convince myself.

Weight of today's morning: 98.7 Kg.

I changed percentages to 40% carbohydrates, 30% protein and 30% fat. (147g of Carbohydrates, 132.75g of protein and 59g of fat)
These numbers are not a goal, they are guidelines. Now, the goals are reaching 40g of fiber and getting 10 servings of fruits/vegetables per day.

AthalaRanger said:
(...)I'm considering either trying milk or a protein powder(...)
Click to expand...
Okay, I'm abandoning this idea. I simply can't be comfortable eating any of those. I won't be reaching the "recommended" (By the fitness "industry") protein intake only on meat, but it won't be low either.

Food of today:

Breakfast:
3 whole eggs. (210)
163g of orange. (84.27)
80g of banana. (78.64)

Lunch:
177g of chicken. (181.43)
83g of lettuce. (13.7)
90g of onion. (40.41)

Extra:
182g of orange. (94.09)
80g of banana. (78.64)

Dinner:
145g of chicken. (148.63)
100g of avocado. (174.3)
100g of lettuce. (16.5)
160g of celery. (29.76)
30g of pickled onions. (13.47)
25g of chia seeds. (96.8)
1 tsp of marigold oil. (41.4)

Summary of today:
Total Calories: 1302.03 (467.97 remaining)
111.5g of Carbohydrates (35.5g remaining), 98.81g of Protein (33.94g remaining) 51.2g of Fat (7.8g remaining) and 34.38g of Fiber (5.62g remaining).

I've made good progress with weight and specially with the nutrition part, but I suppose I'm just too pessimistic to feel good or happy about it.
 
You are doing great! And from what I see making amazing food choices. Focus on the positives and don't get discouraged :)
 
Hi Athala, I think you are making great progress, especially nutrition-wise. Hope the rash improves soon! All the best, Cate
 
Thanks Everybody. I was feeling somewhat sad yesterday, but I'm slightly better today. On another note, the eczema isn't bothering me as much, and it seems to be going away.
 
I'm starting to believe that my enthusiasm took a hit... I haven't been on a pretty "bright" mood lately.

I started exercising again yesterday, but with a lower performance and duration than before. I don't think that 3 days without exercise are enough to lose my endurance... Which just reinforces my belief that I'm just not as motivated as before...
 
*Yesterday's update*

Thursday, September 12, 2013.​

Exercise of today: 12 minutes of Jillian's BFBM workout. Not good compared to other days.
After that, I did some resistance exercises for upper body. But after two sets, I just can't keep going. I need to lie in bed for a few minutes after that to recover.

Weight of today's morning: 98.8 Kg. (+0.1 from yesterday).

Food of today:

Breakfast:
2 eggs. (140)
150g of apple. (87.3)
144g of orange. (74.45)
74g of lettuce. (12.21)
128g of celery. (23.81)

Lunch:
59g of chicken. (60.48)
1 egg. (70)
110g of brown rice. (121.55) (110g when cooked)
109g of banana. (107.15)

Dinner:
191g of red meat. (221.56)
134 of lettuce. (22.11)
170g of carrot. (74.46)
70g of potatoes. (62.23)

[Here, on a attempt to add a little more fiber, I made a fruit juice and added some chia seeds. I hate fruit juice. I wanted to puke once I reached 1/4 of it, so I had to drink it very slowly to actually finish it.]

Extra:
135g of orange. (69.8)
166g of carrot. (72.71)
25g of chia seeds. (96.8)

Summary of today:
Total calories: 1316.6 (453.4 remaining)
163.42g of Carbohydrates (16.42g over goal), 87.84g of Protein (44.91 remaining), 34.62g of Fat (24.38 remaining) and 39.12g of Fiber (0.88 remaining).
 
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Friday, September 13, 2013.​

Exercise of today: 15 minutes of Jillian's BFBM workout. Again, not good, compared to other days "performances".
I added a few minutes of a yoga routine for beginners here, since it was a nicer option than stretching.

Weight of today's morning: 98.7 Kg. (-0.1 from yesterday)

Food of today:

Breakfast:
2 eggs. (140)
196g of apple. (114.07)
190g of orange. (98.23)
104g of banana. (102.23)
54g of lettuce. (8.91)
106g of celery. (19.72)

Lunch:
59g of red meat. (65.49)
150g of orange. (77.55)

Extra:
48g of lettuce. (7.92)
190g of celery. (35.34)
98g of banana. (96.33)

[Foods are somewhat repetitive, but I try not to go over my carbohydrates "allowance", while getting 40g of fiber. I also want to get at least 8 servings of fruit/vegetables per day (My original goal was 10, but after thinking about it, having 10 as a minimum is too much), and there are very few fruits/vegetables I like...]

Today was my grandfather birthday. My eating hasn't been bad, so I decided I could have some cake. I had 2 slices of cake, and as long as those two slices are not over 1000 calories, I'm on my calorie goal.

Summary of today: (Not taking into account the cake)
Total calories: 765.79 (1004.21 remaining)
127.44g of Carbohydrates (19.56g remaining), 33.85g of Protein (98.9g remaining), 13.4g of Fat (45.6g remaining) and 24.08g of Fiber (15.92g remaining).
 
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Hi Athala!Don't worry about your day to day performance with exercise. A terrible workout is a victory. Sometimes you don't feel like doing it and you drag yoursef through it and don't feel it the whole time. These are the struggles that make the habit. Be okay with a bad workout becasue it is way better than skipping a workout. When you feel good and exercise sounds great it isn't difficult to do. The crummy sessions are when you make the best mental gains.
 
Doing well!
What's your carb limit? I'm curious as not sure if mine is too low?

I'm currently eating 2 weetbix in the morning and a piece of bread with either lunch or dinner
(Other carbs but they are minimal as they are in fruit etc)
 
Thank you both for stopping by.

Quercus, you are right, I should focus on the positives. I'm looking forward to watch this "depressive" state of mine end.

Nostalgic, my first limit for carbohydrates was 100g, but that meant eating a few pieces of fruit/vegetables and that's it. I had to purposefully add either more fat or protein than I would normally eat to even reach 1200-1400 calories.

Currently it is 147, it is still somewhat limiting, but definitively better. Most of it goes on fruit, though, because some self-imposed goals I have.
 
Saturday, September 14, 2013.​

Tried Jillian's yoga meltdown because somewhere I read it was a good low impact cardio, but with the setup I had I couldn't possibly follow along. Switched to my beginners yoga video and completed around 16. (This is actual yoga, no "cardio" yoga).

Weight of the morning was 108.3 Kg. (-0.4 from yesterday)

Food log:

3 whole eggs. (210)
112g of banana. (110.1)
146g of orange. (75.48)

20g of spring onions. (7.64)
106g of lettuce. (17.49)
1 tsp of marigold oil. (41.4)
159g of orange. (82.2)
25g of chia seeds. (96.8)

1 tomato. (25.4)
189g of onion. (84.86)
150g of avocado. (261.45)
226g of red meat. (296.06)

126g of orange. (65.14)
89g of banana. (87.49)
150g of lettuce. (24.75)

Summary:
Calories: 1486.26 out of 1770 (283.74 remaining).
149.59g of Carbohydrates out of 147 (2.59 over limit), 92.5g of Protein out of 132.75 (40.26 remaining), 57.55g of Fat out of 59 (1.45 remaining)
42.16g of Fiber out of 40. (2.16 over goal).
 
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Sunday, September 15, 2013.​

Completed 10 minutes of Jillian's BFBM workout, then I did 13 minutes of different cardio exercises (3 intervals of 4:00 minutes of mixed cardio exercises, 2 intervals of 30 seconds of burpees [Without push-ups]).

After that I managed to complete 3 sets of a resistance exercises for upper body.

Weight of the morning was 108.5 Kg. (+0.2 from yesterday)

Food log:

2 eggs. (140)
183g of orange. (94.61)
94g of banana. (92.4)

225g of red meat. (290.25)
120g of avocado. (209.16)
190g of onion. (85.31)
1 tomato. (50.8)

288g of orange. (148.9)

Here I ate the leftovers of the cake from my grandfather birthday [I estimate it was around 1-1.5 slices]. Should have continued with my regime. Cake was easier.

Summary: (not taking into account the cake)
Calories: 1111.43 out of 1770 (658.57 remaining).
116.8g of Carbohydrates out of 147 (30.2 remaining), 71.43g of Protein out of 132.75 (61.32 remaining), 39.83g of Fat out of 59 (19.17 remaining) and 27.45g of Fiber out of 40 (12.55 below goal).
 
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Hi Athala,

I'll be the millionth person to say this, it seems, but I think it's so wonderful that a person as young as you is being very serious about taking charge of her life and making changes! It's so important to do this at your age, before you health becomes seriously implicated as you age. You're such an inspiration, and great work on the progress!
 
Thanks for the kind words, MR. I would like to type a better reply, but I'm somewhat sad right now...

Food intake was fine today. But I barely moved in the whole day.

My frame of mind is just disastrous right now.. I'm switching between being angry to being really sad. :(
 
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I’m sorry to see that you’re struggling so much. I also suffer from social anxiety, but not to the extent that you are dealing with. In school, as an overweight girl, I was always an outcast. Not many friends. I just kept to myself and did my school work, day after day. I hated it, BUT I made it through it. I knew I wasn’t going to be in that situation forever. I just had to get through it. Getting that high school diploma was very important to me. I knew I needed it for the “real world”. I had no intentions of going to college so I knew I at least needed the diploma. In 1998 I graduated and haven’t looked back. No reunions as I don’t care to go back to that point in my life.

I guess what I’m trying to say is to try not to feel so overwhelmed by the whole thing. It is a scary, scary thought I’m sure, but by taking control of the situation is one of the best ways to overcome it. Hang in there!
 
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