misty22
Well-known member
I think I have cried everyday since last Wed over S. Feels like a bit of a waste but my emotions are super up and down and everytime the phone rings or I hear the ping of a text I want to see his name. I miss him. It's been over a week since we cut communication.
I talked to a therapist yesterday about it, Courtney, she was so great. She said I have abandonment wounds and that because we were in such high amount of communication for 1.5 months that it felt like a relationship even though it wasn't. She actually said it would be ok for me to reach out to him in a month, but we agreed that I would also be seeing other people then and that I would need to be in an emotional state where if there was rejection, I would have to be ok with it. She said I need to have an abundance mindset vs a scarcity mindset. I think I'll be ok in a couple of weeks to start seeing more people - no rush - but I also don't want to put my life on hold for too long. She said also that we could start as friends, which isn't entirely a bad idea, depending on how I feel and how receptive he is. There is some trust broken on my end so I think if we even did reconnect I would have to take it very slow. I mean for all I know he could ignore me...which is why it would be important to be seeing other people and not put my eggs all in one basket, and I could book a therapy session before and after.
For all I know, he has reconciled with the ex or is dating other people. So I have to protect myself. Right now I am confused, I mean I may not even reach out after a month, I may find someone else amazing that is a better fit. S. and I had a really good connection but I'm not sure how much of that is in my head vs reality. I don't know how much of it is infatuation. I don't meet people with an amazing connection that often. Probably the last one was A. back in 2018/2019 where...ironically, he also went back to the ex and is now engaged lol. What does that say about me picking unavailable men...sigh. But we had chemistry for sure.
This is hard with the hair loss and the self-worth feelings but I just have to work my best with the hair. I cut it short. It's still falling like mad but I am on birth control, am removing dairy slowly and have an endocrinologist appointment on Sept 27th. My MRI has been booked for Jan but I'm going to see if I can have it earlier and I want to ask the endo/doctor for an adrenal scan in case and an IPSS which helps see if ACTH is high and where in the body it is being produced. This is my game plan so far. I also need to start drinking celery juice and fix my digestion and continue to take care of my liver.
But seriously, re: self-worth, apart from needing to lose 10lbs (which I am working on losing) and hair loss, I am a pretty decent person. I know I'll get a job somewhere....soon hopefully. I'm a good person. I can adopt kids. I mean what else is there. The hair loss is the only thing and I am trying my best to find a solution - and I continue to pray that I can find out what is wrong. I really pray to God there is a resolution, it's been 4-5 years of this now and I am exhausted. I have breakdowns everytime I wash my hair because there are just so many clumps...my hair looks limp and lifeless and there are gaps. Anyways, thinking ahead and staying positive.
I talked to a therapist yesterday about it, Courtney, she was so great. She said I have abandonment wounds and that because we were in such high amount of communication for 1.5 months that it felt like a relationship even though it wasn't. She actually said it would be ok for me to reach out to him in a month, but we agreed that I would also be seeing other people then and that I would need to be in an emotional state where if there was rejection, I would have to be ok with it. She said I need to have an abundance mindset vs a scarcity mindset. I think I'll be ok in a couple of weeks to start seeing more people - no rush - but I also don't want to put my life on hold for too long. She said also that we could start as friends, which isn't entirely a bad idea, depending on how I feel and how receptive he is. There is some trust broken on my end so I think if we even did reconnect I would have to take it very slow. I mean for all I know he could ignore me...which is why it would be important to be seeing other people and not put my eggs all in one basket, and I could book a therapy session before and after.
For all I know, he has reconciled with the ex or is dating other people. So I have to protect myself. Right now I am confused, I mean I may not even reach out after a month, I may find someone else amazing that is a better fit. S. and I had a really good connection but I'm not sure how much of that is in my head vs reality. I don't know how much of it is infatuation. I don't meet people with an amazing connection that often. Probably the last one was A. back in 2018/2019 where...ironically, he also went back to the ex and is now engaged lol. What does that say about me picking unavailable men...sigh. But we had chemistry for sure.
This is hard with the hair loss and the self-worth feelings but I just have to work my best with the hair. I cut it short. It's still falling like mad but I am on birth control, am removing dairy slowly and have an endocrinologist appointment on Sept 27th. My MRI has been booked for Jan but I'm going to see if I can have it earlier and I want to ask the endo/doctor for an adrenal scan in case and an IPSS which helps see if ACTH is high and where in the body it is being produced. This is my game plan so far. I also need to start drinking celery juice and fix my digestion and continue to take care of my liver.
But seriously, re: self-worth, apart from needing to lose 10lbs (which I am working on losing) and hair loss, I am a pretty decent person. I know I'll get a job somewhere....soon hopefully. I'm a good person. I can adopt kids. I mean what else is there. The hair loss is the only thing and I am trying my best to find a solution - and I continue to pray that I can find out what is wrong. I really pray to God there is a resolution, it's been 4-5 years of this now and I am exhausted. I have breakdowns everytime I wash my hair because there are just so many clumps...my hair looks limp and lifeless and there are gaps. Anyways, thinking ahead and staying positive.
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