Weight Loss Diary 2017 - Goal 1-0-5

Omg it has been quite the hiatus. Life got so much crazier.

I started a job that paid really really well ....and it was so chaotic and it took over my life and energy and soul and I was still not hitting my manager's expectations...so I quit just last Thursday. I've never done anything like that, I was only at the job for four months. It was a startup role and it was just so stressful. I couldn't justify the salary with my health waning, I barely exercised, ate McDonalds for two weeks straight, felt like I was walking on eggshells all the time due to my manager's poor communication skills (could never tell what she wanted from me) and gained any weight I had lost.

Anyways, I'm back to square one with the job search but it's okay.

I had an endoscopy last Thurs as well to check if any digestive issues are causing mu chronic hair loss. I was finally able to get rid of the bacterial infection I had but now I need to build up my stomach acid. I don't know if I have SIBO, but that is being tested.

My evil sister has caused some family drama but I don't feel I have the energy to support my parents right now. I'm trying to pick up the pieces of me still. I think in the end everything will be okay, I just need to take it day by day. I want to get back into the workforce fairly soon because I don't want a gap on my resume, but I'm hoping I can find something decent. Something that allows me to have a life outside of work.

Weight: 117.2 lbs
Goal weight: 105lbs

Left: 12 lbs
 
Hi, hon. I'm glad you left that job & also glad you came back in here xoxo
 
It's been two weeks since I left the job. My manager reached out to me - I can't tell if it's genuine or not. They still have to send the box for the laptop over so that I can return the company laptop, not sure if that's what she was going to ask me about. I haven't responded to her. I need some time still.

Re: endoscopy, some acid reflux but otherwise all clear. Re: blood test, my stress hormones are through the roof. So I am cleaning up the diet again and taking some herbal supplements to help my body cope with the stress. As I clean up the diet, the weight will naturally fall off.

I started talking to someone online...second or third chat in he told me he has three kids. He's ok looking, what I like about him is that he seems like a genuinely decent human being and our conversations are fun. I'm not keen on the three kids part and I'm not particularly physically attracted to him, but we've only been talking on the phone so I feel I can make a better decision after a meetup. A part of me feels like my standards have dropped...and a part of me is like well, it's been a while since I have met a decent man that wants to settle down and I'm going onto 37 this year. This experience has however opened me up to the idea of meeting people with kids. It just sucks that I won't be their #1 priority though. I'm a bit conflicted right now and would like to continue to talk to other people.

CW: 118lbs
13lbs to go
 
I met the single father yesterday...and it was interesting. I'm struggling with physical attraction, otherwise, he's sweet. I am having a tough time with chemistry, it's there but it's also not there. He's overweight and I think I have only dated one other guy for an extremely short amount of time that was overweight. I don't know how to handle it. Weight is such a sensitive topic for me, I don't ever want to get into the overweight territory again because it was so hard to lose the weight. I want someone that takes care of themselves, he runs his own business so I get it, but I also just want to ask if he plans to get into shape...

Re: job, working away on apps, have more clarity of what I need to do. Need to connect with people.

Re: health, just working on eliminating dairy from diet. I have been semi-successful.

I have been bouncing around on the weight range between the same 2-3 lbs range. I have been walking more consistently past few days. It will take 2 weeks for weather to get warmer. I am hoping I can get down to 113 - 114lbs by next week. 2lbs/ week at min.

CW: 116.6lbs
 
I binge ate the past three days - stress - and gained three lbs. And the HCL tablets I am taking are making me feel hungry.
I'm going to go on the elemental diet for 3 days to see (Tues- Thurs) how it affects my body and digestion.

CW: 119.8lbs
 
I am..tracking upwards...120.8lbs ....but just posted a small contest for April to be down 10lbs or anywhere near there TBH.
 
I'm a bit tired of getting ghosted...and I'm taking a break from dating...it seems so futile.
 
Hi, hon. Online dating sounds like a minefield to me. Fast forward to a vaccinated world & a chance to meet someone IRL!
 
Cate said:
Hi, hon. Online dating sounds like a minefield to me. Fast forward to a vaccinated world & a chance to meet someone IRL!
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Yes IRL would be great!!! A few more months. Our vaccination rollout is so slow here. I think majority of us will be vaccinated by Sept. Did you get yours yet, Cate?
 
Err2 said:
It is hard enough in normal times...
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I know, right? But my best relationships have been the ones where I have met someone IRL. It's like they picked me for me and not for the photos which are solely physical attraction. And it wasn't a contest, it wasn't like there were a 100 other girls competing for the dude's attention.
 
I've cried quite a bit over the past two weeks....or past couple months...over boys. And I feel better today and don't want to cry. I'm sure I will look back at this and think, what was I thinking going out with someone who was so unlike me in so many ways. It's weird when someone you talk to everyday for 2-3 weeks draws away though. I don't know, it's not my style, I'd be honest about something not working.

I'm struggling a lot with giving up coffee, it's never been my strong suite. I have gotten down to 1/2 cup a day but the inflammation in my body and my gut won't heal unless I give it up :( It is literally the only thing I look forward to most days. I've been cleaning up my diet and giving up gluten, added sugar and grains has been OK - it does take a lot of the fun stuff out but I don't necessarily miss any of it. I have to make a promise to myself to give coffee up over at least the weekend and keep the promise to myself. The withdrawal symptoms will be nasty but I don't see another choice. My gut is a big reason other body functions are off. Maybe I will replace with a home-made hot chocolate in the interim. I have oat milk and cocoa powder.

Re: job hunting, I haven't had time but will pick it up between today and tomorrow with renewed gusto.

CW: 118.2lbs
 
I think it's incredibly rude for someone just to fade away without being honest. You deserve much more than that. :grouphug:
 
Cate said:
I think it's incredibly rude for someone just to fade away without being honest. You deserve much more than that. :grouphug:
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Thanks Cate. It was just a weird experience. He did say my pre-covid pic I looked lighter, I was about 7-8 lbs lighter pre-covid than when I met him a couple weeks ago. I have a small frame being 5 ft tall so it does make a difference. I think my weight turned him off. But to hear that from someone clearly overweight and add 20-30lbs to his dating profile pic, felt like a low blow. But yeah, why am I even sad over this dude...feels like a complete waste of time. But I am sad, and I will go through the stages. I was reading an article the other day saying online dating is emotionally exhausting and bad for mental health, and I agree. Only we are still in lockdown and I don't know when we will go back to our normal here...it's just been weird. I'm just venting. I will survive lol
 
Today I have been 100% dairy free. And I did not go out for a second cup of coffee. I had a gross cup of instant coffee at home with oat milk lol.
I'm going to try to get off of coffee too. It's scary losing handfuls of hair. And I am out of options right now. I feel this is it. This was the last couple of things I needed to exclude from my diet.

I want to start incorporating celery juice as well. It's just a pain juicing but it will help with low stomach acid. Probably won't see a difference until 2-3 months in.
 
I got my period after a while, last time I had a proper period was Feb so long overdue. I talked to my career coach today and I just need to put in the time and work if I want employment by the summer. I also calculated the min salary I would need.

I'm starting up with my PCOS supplements again, iron supplements and continuing with an antibacterial protocol at night, so hopefully my gut issues resolve soon.
 
I have been feeling so drained lately. I have started celery juicing as a last resort as per Medical Medium protocol. Tomorrow I will start some intermittent fasting to get off coffee - primary reason, and then wait to eat until later in the day. If I feel too sick, will break the fast earlier.

I came across this really interesting YouTube video about not having a backup plan/ plan B. Typically people always default to plan B because plan A is way too hard. And the host was saying plan A should be the only plan if you really want to get to your goal. This doesn't account for all instances but I found the logic somewhat sound. Anyways, I have been eating cleaner the past couple days and the idea is to continue with this for at least a total of thirty days, so I am two days in so far.

Non-negotiables:
- Eat clean (no cheat meals)
- 45 mins exercise everyday

CW: 118.4lbs
GW (28 days): 110lbs
 
30 days of eating "cleanly" should be a good mental boost. Please don't starve yourself though, hon xo
 
Cate said:
30 days of eating "cleanly" should be a good mental boost. Please don't starve yourself though, hon xo
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lol I have never been one to starve myself (I do the opposite typically) but thanks Cate, good reminder :)
 
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