Renewing my sense of worth. Again.

Rimay- good for you for sticking to two little chocolate eggs! Don't worry- I ate enough chocolate to satisfy the chocolate needs of alllll the people in the western hemisphere...

Tonights workout was good! Cardio was MUCH much much better- got to 4.52miles- so yeah, my body memory is kickin in pretty quick :) Tonight was also chest and shoulders; unfortunately didn't get a lot of either done, because, uum, yeah. All that chocolate I ate over the weekend?? Well, pretty sure the sugar decided to catch up to me now. Uggh. maybe tmi?? but yeah, never had a stomach ache like that during a workout. Horrifying.

Alright, off to bed! I'm the closing manager again tomorrow night; actually kinda like these shifts, except for the part where I don't go to sleep till 6am :rolleyes: Gonna make up a buncha brown rice tomorrow, then just have chicken breasts and whatnot available to toss with it... Gonna try to stay away from as many white flour-y foods as possible. Brown rice ftw!
 
Didn't go to the gym last night. How's that for brilliant?! Go to the gym 2 days in a row, annnnd then take one off. whatevv. It was a rough day. Foodwise I did pretty well, except for a big bowl of cereal after work. Thinkin of trying to start cleaning my garage today... AND tomorrow,since I now only have one job. So, theres a workout in itself! Will be going to the gym tonight. And its gonna be a hard one, to burn off some stress and frustration. Eff my life.
 
Last night I got on here and wrote this HUGE depressing blog... Then I deleted it. I think I just needed to write it out, and vent about it, ya know? Even if to only myself. Just feeling shitty lately; little lonely(of people in general, this is NOT a man thing), little depressed. Wanna be skinny, but keep pigging out.. Uggh. I just need to work thru it. I know I do, but its so hard sometimes :( Life goes on...
 
I know all too well what you mean about the lonely feeling. It's not even a physical sort of loneliness is it? More an emotional one that seems to stop you from feeling connected to anything or anyone. It makes you want to wall yourself away and eat and eat and eat until it all feels right again. Or until you have someone to talk you round and make you see that you are so much more than what you are feeling. It's just that feeling of alone. And it drives you to replace it with something else such as food, because at least it's a different sort of ache. At least there's some sort of originality to the usual ceaseless cycles we find ourselves in.

I guess it's just like being in the company of a million people, and feeling as though you are the only one there. People peppered everywhere, but nothing.

Try not to dwell on it too much though. Instead, distract yourself with things you love, and feel happy, wholesome things for. Just surround and immerse yourself in what makes you feel anything at all. It sounds a bit like you've lost yourself or don't recognise yourself, or are just a bit detached from who you are. But don't worry because you can do this! And you're going to be so so glad that you did. Promise.

Jess393 said:
Last night I got on here and wrote this HUGE depressing blog... Then I deleted it. I think I just needed to write it out, and vent about it, ya know? Even if to only myself. Just feeling shitty lately; little lonely(of people in general, this is NOT a man thing), little depressed. Wanna be skinny, but keep pigging out.. Uggh. I just need to work thru it. I know I do, but its so hard sometimes :( Life goes on...
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Hey Jess, I finally got a chance to catch up on your dairy. I hope you are doing well. Thanks for checking in on me when I was out during my surgery. I hope you are feeling better today. I will keep a check on you. I hope to hear from you soon. Take care!!!
 
Your still doing great sweetie and you will be a skinny minnie in no time. Hey, I am surrounded by four little monsters every day of my life and I feel unbelievably lonely most days. I would literally kill for adult interaction sometimes lol. Have a great day and hey if you need to share a long depressing blog then you go right ahead!
 
Hello Beautiful!!!...Everytime I come in here...I look at that picture of your hot self...and I can't do anything but Remember how GORGEOUS you are!!!!...the truth. Believe it. We do escape into the food, often, to find that even after we are done eating we never asked]...."Why am I eating?! What am I hiding from?!? What's bothering me to the point of excessively eating what is not aligned with my goals!?!"It happens. We are learning. We are human. We have ups and downs. If it wasn't for the down's though, how would we ever know when we were UP right?!?!

...Appreciate your downs. They only make you STRONGER!!!...You are a strong ass woman!!...And beautiful...now GO AND DIG THAT HOT HEALTHY, CONFIDENT, DETERMINED woman that I know is in there OUT!!!!!!!!.....
 
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Thanks for the words everyone :) as I've said before: they help sooo much!

So, I've started taking my multivitamins and bcomplex and stuff, and I'm feeling a ton better. Have just been in a fairly amazing mood the last coupla days; so apparently I was just lackin' the b's yo. lol. It also helps that the weather is starting to get fantastic, getting a little more here and there done on my house remodel, work is picking up a bit, so it means a few more hours, and tax refund is back, which means I can pay off some of the bills that had me down. Yayy!
As a lot of you know- I'm a late night-er. Its almost six am now, and I'm just about to go to bed... I don't ALWAYS stay up this late; but nights that I work till almost 1am, its hard for me to wind down a bunch, so I just sit there. Anyway: I actually got up at 1230 today, and went to the gym before work. Amazing. Couldn't believe it! I've done that before- set the alarm clock, and then the alarm goes off and I'm like, psh. Yeah right. I'm gonna sleep for another hour or two. But I actually did it.. I'm hoping to make this a regular thing- gym before work- because allll day was so much better. I was happier, more energetic, just felt good. Then went to the gym after work, also. SOOO, all in all, good day. Fershur. Hope to have these all the time..
The only bad news is my stupid knee is acting up. grr. Kneeling hurts, going up stairs hurts, shit. This blows. Started taking my fish oil again, gotta keep up on it!

Alright: gym time today:
Day time: crosstrainer, 65min, 4.45miles

after work: crosstrainer 33min, 2.28miles; treadmill 15min .66miles; and upright bike 15min 3.53miles.
No weights either workout, but I'll get there.
Almost 11 miles of cardio done today, woo!

Have a three day weekend, Fri, Sat, Sun, my dad's gonna be here, but still gonna get my workouts in.
 
Jess393 said:
But I actually did it.. I'm hoping to make this a regular thing- gym before work- because allll day was so much better. I was happier, more energetic, just felt good. Then went to the gym after work, also. SOOO, all in all, good day. Fershur.
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Awesome work JEss!! I love to hear this positivity from you!! Remember how good you felt all day and try to remember that feeling the next time your alarm goes off and you are tempted to hit snooze! A couple days back to back like this and you'll be shedding the pounds so quick you won't recognize yourself!! Imagine what a whole month of days like this could do and how much further it would put you towards your goal! Keep it up and take care of that knee!
 
Good for you for listening to that alarm clock! I did it this morning and thought..1 more hour. I ended up waking up 2 minutes before I had to leave the house!!! OMG!!!

....Going back for a lunch time workout. SUPER SORE!....Great Job!!!...Hopefully tomorrow I can listen to the alarm! Keep it up!!
 
Oh,the weather's getting warmer here too. I think I must be solar powered - it always puts me in a great mood! Glad you are feeling more positive - good luck with your workouts :)
 
Helllllo everyone :) Thanks for reading and checkin' on me! Not gonna lie- I've been slackin on getting on this site- I dunno why, just always manage to find something else to do :rolleyes: NOT a good reason at all.

Have had a few binges this week. Uggh. Pretty sure TOM is comin; that always amps my cravings. Hatttteeee it. Still been getting in workouts, not all at the gym, but some form or another. This last weekend my dad came to town and we took FOUR loads of stuff from the garage to the dump. Wow. Unbelievable... We kept any clothes and toys and books that can be donated, but tried to get rid of as much of the crap we've never or never will, use. So that was a decent workout :) My sisters roomie has this super adorable dog that 98 percent of the time just sits in their backyard, :( , so I asked him if he minded that I walk him when I can, and he was cool with that. So, adorable Julian gets a bit of freedom from the damn yard, and I have an actual excuse to walk in my neighborhood! Yeah, I'm aware that I really shouldn't NEED an excuse, I just feel weird doing it.

Foodwise: as I said- have had some binges :blush5: ... Today had a really big one; and guess what! Felt shitty afterwards, lolllll. Amazing what a buncha sugary or greasy food will do to ya. Ick. Rimayk said: I know how to avoid the binge, but didn't realize I couldn't fight the binge. VERY well said. Because some days, they really are unavoidable. Eff.

Tonights workout: JUST cardio. When I got to the gym, decided to do a little bit of jogging and walking- jog 1min, walk 90seconds, etc. Yeahhhh. Not good. My really bad knee felt like someone put a screwdriver thru it at the second jog. Redic. So I walked the rest of 20 minutes, tho as fast as I could. Also remembered how much I hate treadmills. Ick. Did the crosstrainer afterwards, my old favorite! My knee only bothered me when I got to high of a crossramp with to high of a resistance, so I stayed in the relative middle area. Did 1 hour and 40minutes, for a total of 6.68miles. Not as much distance as I normally get; decided to just get the work done without worrying what I was doing..

Workin 330pm to 1230am tomorrow; gonna go to the gym before work, and then for a short workout after work, as I work at 10am on Friday. Will hafta pack a bag and throw it in the car so I don't have time to come home and slack!

Feeling less guilty about my binge, now that I've prettttty much burned it off :) Of course, had I not HAD the binge, and did the SAME workout, I'd be that much closer to another pound gone. :rolleyes: NEVER a happy medium, is there?! LOL!
 
Went to the gym before work. Woke up a LITTTTTTTLE bit later than I set my alarm for, lol, so I was only able to do 35min on the crosstrainer. STILL- every little bit helps! I'm on my lunch break now, eating a sandwich(high fiber lo-cal bread, ww cheese, and some turkey) and some apple chips. MMM. Also drinking a carbonated flavored water. If ya ever crave pop- these do the trick! I can't drink em all the time tho, so its nice that they're cheap and in such a variety of flavors.

Gotta throw my gym clothes in the laundry: went to the gym last night, then again this morning, and UGGH, eww, disgusting gross- I didn't have time to wash em last night, sooo I wore wet sweaty gym stuff. Blah! Gross. Lemme tell ya.
 
Good job on the workout!!!!! I find that when I work out I feel better about myself and it's easyer to eat well....most of the time!! I got to go catch my bus so have a great weekend!!
 
Just at the end of my lunch hour from work. Didn't go to the gym last night: I've had this horrible pain in my shins since I decided to do the couch to 5k intro... YEAHHHH. Shin splints... I think I've had this once before, but damn. the pain was outrageous. Its feeling much better today, so I'll be sticking to my FAVORITE machine- the precor/crosstrainer. :)
 
Hey hun! Look like you're still doing great!! I'm back on here.. So when you swing by my diary you just may get a response this time. :) love ya! Keep up the great work!
 
So my legs are finally getting better(uggh. Shin spints. whatta bitch!) and I should be in the gym killin it again this weekend :D Tonight my sisters and I bbq'd; which wasn't very fun because it was SOOO cold out! Anyway, bbq chicken, mushrooms, potatoes, zucchini, onions, green pepper, and brussel sprouts. Pretty good, but apparently we need to learn to bbq a little better, lol. Just had to throw a quick update up; didn't wanna dissapear from here again! Have been pretty good along the food front; just can't wait to get back into the gym!
 
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