Marsia's Diary

liza

Well-known member
Yesterday just as the workers got here, the electricity went out (second time this month) and it just came back on.
Geez--you've sure had your share of challenges doing this packing up/renovation job!
Excellent you were able to keep your food and were able to stay warm. Good to not be overly reliant on any one heat source.

here is no comparison to how it is now - it's so, so much nicer. Though I am tired and out of sorts today, I also feel a great sense of accomplishment.
I bet you do! That must be wonderful to see the transformation!

I meditated, but it was mostly falling asleep while sitting up.
:) I've had plenty of those sessions! Good to keep up the habit no matter though. Good for you!
 

LaMaria

Well-known member
Having the power break down when you´re already running around like a mad hatter sounds super stressful. You deserved that rest!
 

Marsia

Well-known member
Having the power break down when you´re already running around like a mad hatter sounds super stressful. You deserved that rest!
Thanks LaMa! I got some more rest in today because I needed to figure out an order for all new electrical switches and plugs and wall plates and such in my mom's house. I made a nice coconut chicken soup with loads of veggies, and am relaxing on the couch with everyone studying (except the cat who is snoring).

Liza, I am the queen of falling asleep while meditating. I can generally fall asleep anywhere, and that's not a good skill to bring to meditation! But my meditation went well today. I finally caught up on sleep, so could catch myself a lot sooner with getting caught in thoughts and sleepiness, and had a very peaceful meditation, which is so nice when it happens. The electricity going out is such a pain because the water needs electricity to get pumped into the house, so it's a pain when it goes out while trying to clean things. But I am happily enjoying electricity again! It's fun looking at the pics from 11 years ago. It doesn't even look like the same house anymore.

I am about to start my CBT book. It's on depression because my friend is having a hard time and I want to help by reading this with her, but I figure it will all probably transfer to anxiety, too, and probably to eating too much. It seems like it's all just about believing thoughts that aren't helpful, so hopefully this book will help my friend, and me, too. Ok, onward to read my book!
 

toodamtall

Active member
"The mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master."
Seeing some of what you've written about CBT and meditation reminded me of this. A lot of this has to do with the relationship between our rational mind vs our primitive reward systems. For those of us who have addictive (note that I refer to unhealthy relationships with food as potentially addictive) tendencies, we can easily take those thoughts that could lead to self destructive behaviors and treat them as reality. CBT seems to be a methodology that helps realize that a thought is not necessarily a fact and hopefully help recognize this before we convince ourselves to rationalize those self destructive behaviors. I've had to play a bit with it in the process of dealing with my alcoholism, which for me is more dangerous of my addictions.

Meditation was an incredibly uncomfortable thing for me initially. Sitting with my own thoughts was tough. I used guided meditation and grounding initially. Eventually I was able to sit for longer periods of time without discomfort, and now I actually look forward to it. Its like hitting a reset button sometimes.

Anyway, Hi! I think this may be my first post in your diary.

TDT
 

liza

Well-known member
I am about to start my CBT book. It's on depression because my friend is having a hard time and I want to help by reading this with her, but I figure it will all probably transfer to anxiety, too, and probably to eating too much. It seems like it's all just about believing thoughts that aren't helpful, so hopefully this book will help my friend, and me, too. Ok, onward to read my book!
I've worked through about 3 different CBT workbooks and I do find it's most helpful when I've used ones that are more specific to the particular issue I am facing, but there are usually good cross-overs. Especially since you are especially aware of your issues and have a good background in all of this. Excellent too to help out a friend using her book so you can work through it together. My favorite therapy sessions were group therapy using CBT books--so helpful to have the motivation of others also tackling their issues!

So great the electricity is back!!
 

Cate

Support crew
Power failures are incredibly frustrating when you are not in the middle of preparing houses for sale. We lose our water too when it happens. Are you starting to feel like you're on the home run now?
 

Marsia

Well-known member
A lot of this has to do with the relationship between our rational mind vs our primitive reward systems.
Hi TDT! Welcome to my journal. I keep thinking how I need to replace the things I crave that are doing my health in, and instead do a lot more rewarding, healthy things. It's hard because I have been under a lot of stress the last couple of years with doing hospice with my mom who had bad dementia, and then sorting her hoard and moving both her house and mine. Plus I'm not that confident a person and tend to doubt myself a lot. But I am getting a handle on the negative thoughts and self defeating things I tell myself.
CBT seems to be a methodology that helps realize that a thought is not necessarily a fact and hopefully help recognize this before we convince ourselves to rationalize those self destructive behaviors.
A lot the time I am overeating to soothe anxiety, and the crappy thing is that it does help a lot. But there is the underlying idea that it doesn't matter how I soothe myself, whether it's healthy or not. So I think I need to program myself to remember to put my health first (especially because both my mom and her mom died from a hereditary form of pancreatic cancer exacerbated by bad diet!).

I have actually been meditating on and off for years, but just got so I have peaceful meditations for the first time. I meditate about 45 minutes a day, and I am actually enjoying it and looking forward to it most of the time now, which is a small miracle, considering how long it was mostly a fight not to fall asleep! I am able to meditate with my eyes open now when needed, so I don't fall asleep much except when exhausted from packing now.

I really like your quote about the mind being a terrible master. My Buddhist teacher talks about not letting your beliefs rule you, but holding beliefs lightly.
I've worked through about 3 different CBT workbooks and I do find it's most helpful when I've used ones that are more specific to the particular issue I am facing, but there are usually good cross-overs. Especially since you are especially aware of your issues and have a good background in all of this. Excellent too to help out a friend using her book so you can work through it together. My favorite therapy sessions were group therapy using CBT books--so helpful to have the motivation of others also tackling their issues!

So great the electricity is back!!
Hi Liza, my friend and I made it part way through a really dense ACT workbook once, so we're a little familiar with the CBT concepts. I agree, probably doing an anxiety book would be better for me, but she is so discouraged that she keeps getting depressed that I want to first help her find some solid ground under her feet. I really loved my group therapy when I went, too. There's something so comforting about being in a group of people who get your issues - like this group!
Power failures are incredibly frustrating when you are not in the middle of preparing houses for sale. We lose our water too when it happens. Are you starting to feel like you're on the home run now?
I really like electricity! I do feel like we're in the home stretch, but things are going maddeningly slow. Like today I got the dryer unhooked, cleaned the hose and took the back parts apart in prep for our new washer/dryer being delivered today. Then I looked at the specs on the dryer and discovered they don't include the power cord, because there are 2 different heads it can have, 3 or 4 pronged. So I went to the store and got the wrong thing, but it was ok, because the realtor paid for the right cord and the install, but the person who ordered our washer/dryer quit and it took forever to learn this. Plus after all this, the washer/dryer were not delivered today like everyone told us, and won't be here for another week. So I get to put my dryer back together tomorrow.

So this is the kind of remodeling stuff that makes my packing go super slowly, and would drive me mad if it weren't for meditating in the morning. But I did get my kid's room clear today and some stuff organized and some cleaning done. If we absolutely needed to at this point we could stuff everything in a storage locker and be ok, so I am relieved at how much I've accomplished really.

Oh, darn, it's getting late, so I'll have to respond to diaries tomorrow.
 

LaMaria

Well-known member
If I had to deal with all that stuff I'd... No, I wouldn't weigh 200 kg; I'd run away and hide in the woods or something.
 

Marsia

Well-known member
I can't wait to run away to the woods, LaMa! Oh, also I forgot to say I went to K's tennis match yesterday and it was epic. She was playing in first position for her team as the usual girls who are older were not there, and she played a girl from another team who last time they played they did tie breaker after tie breaker. This time was really exciting, too, and they both were so happy and chatty and helpful to each other. K wound up winning a long tie breaker and was so sad to hear the girl will be graduating, and they don't get to play together next year. It was such a great match - and extra good because they were both so happy and talkative and laughed a lot. The girl she played had all these exaggerated movements she did, like how she flung her shin up behind her when she served and waved her arms around expressively a lot. So fun to watch and so quirky. That's the kind of athlete I would like to be some day!
 

Cate

Support crew
I think I would have lost the plot by now too & headed for the hills. You are doing so well holding it together, M! K's tennis match sounds wonderful. It's so good to hear about true sportsmanship & camaraderie. You have done very well there. Your daughter is a chip off the not so old block xo
 

Marsia

Well-known member
Playing sports WITH your opponent instead of just against them makes it so much more worth it.
I like this. I have never been into competitive sports, but if I had thought of it like this, maybe I would have!

I think I would have lost the plot by now too & headed for the hills. You are doing so well holding it together, M! K's tennis match sounds wonderful. It's so good to hear about true sportsmanship & camaraderie. You have done very well there. Your daughter is a chip off the not so old block
Thanks Cate!! I feel like each setback makes me procrastinate a little more. I would so love a few days where I can get some momentum going again. I got things all back in order today and started fresh, so hopefully I won't have interruptions this coming week, and I can just finish up the main house packing. Even my contractor keeps running into problems. Today the sink I ordered (as part of a vanity that comes with a ceramic sink top) was leaking. I have never seen anything like that before - a new sink that leaks. It was a tiny crack, so my contractor can probably patch it, but wow, weird!

I am really happy how my kid is turning out. She's just so happy and positive. I'm so lucky!
 

LaMaria

Well-known member
I got things all back in order today and started fresh, so hopefully I won't have interruptions this coming week, and I can just finish up the main house packing. Even my contractor keeps running into problems.
I have never built or renovated a house but from what I hear from other people this is 100% normal. And super frustrating.
 

Marsia

Well-known member
Hi LaMa! Yes, usually remodeling is fraught with unforeseen problems which I wouldn't mind so much because we've been remodeling on and off for years and we're used to that now. But I am supposed to be getting out of here and also fixing the garden. I realistically need 3 of me. Four would be even nicer - then there would be someone to cook and clean and be a mom, too.

Today was good. The plumbing replacement of my mom's whole house is done, and the sinks all work and do not leak now. The electrical is mostly in, and I only need to go get a couple more electrical parts. I cleaned up after the contractors and hauled out a bunch of trash and re-labeled things that the painters missed or the electricians need to work on still. I kinda like being in charge of remodeling projects when I am not under pressure to move.

I did 5 loads of laundry that I am sorting into keep and get rid of piles - clothes that will fit when I am skinnier and ski clothes, which I am mostly going to get rid of. I can't believe how little my skinny clothes are. I got used to being chubby again. They are beautiful clothes, and it was inspiring to go through them. I really want to get and stay healthy!!! I made gluten free crepes for everyone this morning and did well at only eating a little.

I need to pick apples tomorrow. The trees are so droopy they look like that melted clock in the famous Salvador Dali painting, "The Persistence of Memory". I'll probably do an apple and oat crumble for everyone.
 

LaMaria

Well-known member
Apple and oat crumble sounds delicious!
I can't believe how little my skinny clothes are. I got used to being chubby again. They are beautiful clothes, and it was inspiring to go through them.
Isn't it the weirdest feeling? I wish it was possible to hang on to it and revisit when you lose weight but still feel big.
 

Marsia

Well-known member
Isn't it the weirdest feeling? I wish it was possible to hang on to it and revisit when you lose weight but still feel big.
I hope I can this time!

Today was very productive. We all went to the new apartment and put all the huge armoires and bookcases where they go, got a massive bookcase put together, K's loft re-assembled, and everything laid out to make sure all the furniture fits. It all looks good despite it being a mist-mash of mine and my family's furniture, and I have as much storage as humanly possible there now. So now I know I can pack more that we can actually have in our little apartment!

It's raining and will rain more this week. I am so overjoyed. The soil looked like we lived in a dust bowl where if you water a new place, the water rolls off the soil and doesn't absorb because it is dried out clay. It's a nice gentle rain, and smells nice and fresh.

I didn't eat so well. We went out and got barbecue brisket and Cole slaw and Mac and cheese take-out. And I had a crepe for dessert. But we moved a ton of stuff, so I should stay at my current weight.
 

LaMaria

Well-known member
Sounds like a hard day´s work but very satisfying. Gentle rain that really soaks into the soil after a drought is wonderful.

I didn't eat so well. We went out and got barbecue brisket and Cole slaw and Mac and cheese take-out. And I had a crepe for dessert. But we moved a ton of stuff, so I should stay at my current weight.
If you were to weigh yourself tomorrow or the day after your weight would probably be up (because lots of salt and carbs attract water) but if it´s the exception to the healthy rule it won´t have any long-term effect.
 

alligatorob

Respected Member
I hate moving, but it sounds like you are managing just fine.
I did 5 loads of laundry that I am sorting into keep and get rid of piles - clothes that will fit when I am skinnier and ski clothes, which I am mostly going to get rid of. I can't believe how little my skinny clothes are. I got used to being chubby again. They are beautiful clothes, and it was inspiring to go through them. I really want to get and stay healthy!!!
Funny how we seem to need a variety of sizes. Seems to go with the territory!
I didn't eat so well. We went out and got barbecue brisket and Cole slaw and Mac and cheese take-out. And I had a crepe for dessert. But we moved a ton of stuff, so I should stay at my current weight.
Eating a bit more when you are doing so much exercise shouldn't hurt. Me, I am just happy if I don't binge... a few extra calories don't hurt.

Hope you like the new place, sounds like so far so good.
 

liza

Well-known member
The progress on the move sounds so good Marsia. Great to be actually moving stuff into the new place!
I know what you mean about getting rain after way too long without. We are having steady rains now after such a dry summer. The earth is happy :) ....or is that just me?
 

Marsia

Well-known member
Sounds like a hard day´s work but very satisfying. Gentle rain that really soaks into the soil after a drought is wonderful.
Yes, everything looks happy now that it rained. I was out picking apples today and it smelled wonderful. I'm still a little sore from moving furniture, but had a nice day making apple crumble and getting a little more organized.

If you were to weigh yourself tomorrow or the day after your weight would probably be up (because lots of salt and carbs attract water) but if it´s the exception to the healthy rule it won´t have any long-term effect.
Luckily I still weigh the same, so no harm done. But good to know!

I hate moving, but it sounds like you are managing just fine.
I am not fond of moving, but we're at the tail end now, thank goodness!

Hope you like the new place, sounds like so far so good.
It's our friend's house where she has a separate, little one bedroom apartment. We're staying there so my kid can graduate from high school here and we'll figure out where to more more permanently by going on vacations and scouting places out.

Eating a bit more when you are doing so much exercise shouldn't hurt. Me, I am just happy if I don't binge... a few extra calories don't hurt.
I don't usually binge, but I do eat a little too much each day and the weight slowly creeps up on me. I really need to start counting calories when things are more settled here. I am just content at the moment not to go over my heigh weight so it won't be so hard once we're moved to start seriously losing weight.

The progress on the move sounds so good Marsia. Great to be actually moving stuff into the new place!
I know what you mean about getting rain after way too long without. We are having steady rains now after such a dry summer. The earth is happy ....or is that just me?
It feels really good to have the new place organized so I can see how much I can bring there! I think the earth and us are both happy! :)
Ok, so today I must finish packing up the dining room and kitchen floor areas and get the entry nice because the contractor puts decorative lights in those areas probably today or tomorrow.
 
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