I was sad much of yesterday. Spending time w Proggys family to support him weighed heavily as for me as Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, time of chosen family and belonging, and I seem to be more distant from people who I could picture having in my life for years to come. This caused me to reflect on the lost precious time in life making bad choices or spending time with the wrong people. Layering in to that, sadness about my brother's detachment, the anniversary of bg deciding to exit our friendship, feeling trapped in my relationship.
Proggy went digging around and I had to avoid saying what I desperately wanted to say, and it was all just emotionally hard. I woke up sad again today but I had a good cry during my therapy session and felt somewhat better with the release.
I told him today that I felt like we were just trying to fill time. Nothing on the calendar. No mutual projects. Just getting thru a meal, cleaning up, figuring out what to do next, and all with the added bonus of him really not bring game for cold weather outdoor activity, and not very interested in spending any money on indoor activity. If I suggest reading or a board game it always gets skipped over for watching a movie. I know he is depressed, but I feel like it's bringing me down to a degree that I am not handling well/behaving well.