Becky's Diary!

Ramblings

I slept over at my boyfriends house on thursday night and friday night. Last night I came home and I slept for 12 and a half hours. Neither of us can ever really relax when we're asleep. I'm worried about what I'm gonna do or look like while I'm asleep, and he's worried he's gonna wake me up, lol.

Friday night though, I forgot to call my mum and let her know I was staying over. I fell right to sleep, and Dave (bless him) didn't wanna wake me up, but I did at 4:30 in the morning. My mum had been calling me all night/morning and she left a voice mail, but the phone had been turned off. She sounded very worried and I called her straight away, and she was still there with the phone in her bed. I said sorry but still couldn't sleep, I felt very bad. We woke up for the day at 8:30, so we were very tired.

Can't really remember what I ate but I know it was in my limit and most of it was good. :)

Today's Menu
Breakfast: One slice of white 101cal bread (we don't have my normal wholewheat 66cal bread right now), half a small can of baked beans. One scrambled egg, and half a big banana.
360 calories

Lunch: I'll be having Fajitas (filled with R/Y/G Peppers, Sweet Corn and Onions)
305 calories for two

Dinner: I'll be having white potatoes, cod in butter sauce and green beans.
300 calories max

Other News
  • I dyed my hair back to brown. It's more caramel coloured.
  • My recently new size 14 jeans are now getting too big for me.
  • I now weigh 10 stone 10 lbs (will be less on Tuesday).
  • I'm almost 18! Well, three months.. but I'm excited.
  • I'm redecorating my bedroom.

OH, I've also decided to make arrangements/plans to go on holiday next year with my boyfriend, somewhere hot, to give me more motivation to get into shape.

  • I've never been on a plane.
  • I've never been out of the UK.
  • The only places I've been are Wales and Cumbria.
  • This will be the first real (abroad) holiday with my boyfriend.

Boyfriend
We missed a monthly anniversary this month on the 19th.
We've now been together for one year, seven months, 8 days, 8 hours and 29 minutes. And 40 seconds. :p

This year will be our two year anniversary. :O

We met when I was 16 and he was 17, almost 18. Now I'm almost 18 and he's almost 20. How time flies.
 
Rambling
There is nothing quite like the smell of fresh sweat, feeling the cold air blow against the back of your damp neck and being proud and glad that you finally got up off your arse and did some exercise.

I haven't really done any exercise lately. I was going to get food and thought to myself, I'm not due to eat for half an hour, I don't feel all that hungry.. so I pulled on some shorts and grabbed a bottle of water and wrist weights, and spent some quality time with my treadmill.

Exercise
I walked, jogged and ran for around 13 minutes. A lot longer than I could before, and I didn't get a sore throat this time. Maybe it was cause I had water with me. I stopped cause I had a pain in my stomach, which I got last time.

I'm about to do workout. I've been on the treadmill, not for as long as I should, but I went on it. Now for the rest.

Today's Menu
Breakfast
One slice of whole wheat toast
One scrambled egg
Half a can of baked beans
One banana
378 calories

Lunch
Two pieces of whole wheat bread
15 grams of Crisps (to go on the bread)
One section of cheese spread
Half a can of fruit in its own juice
292 calories

Lunch
Pepper and onion fajitas
300 calories

Dinner
Not sure what I'm having yet.
Must be under 420 calories

I also did some college work, finally. I'm proud of myself today. :)
 
^ Thanks :)

Very depressed today, more than ever before.

Went from 10 stone 9lbs to 10 stone 10 lbs. It could be food, water, etc.. I'm hoping so.

Thats not depressing me as such though. I can change that. What I can't change is the love of my life.. changing into a different person.

Just shut up.
I don't want to talk to you.
Just fuck off and go to bed.
Good Night - It will be when you go to bed.
Go run on your hamster wheel like a good little hamster.

I didn't deserve any of that, but I said some bad things too after he said those.

I feel like I'm slowly losing him and its probably my fault.

I blame being fat.
 
miracle said:
Went from 10 stone 9lbs to 10 stone 10 lbs. It could be food, water, etc.. I'm hoping so.
Click to expand...

One pound is what I go up and down basically many times a day. Three to five pounds is what I go up every time I'm about to have my period. And it comes down sometimes 10 days later. :eek:
So don't draw any conclusions of that and give it a week.

miracle said:
Thats not depressing me as such though. I can change that. What I can't change is the love of my life.. changing into a different person.
Click to expand...

I'm so sorry to hear that. I know it doesn't help you much at the moment, but that's just what sometimes happens. People change and then maybe drift apart for that. Sometimes getting through those times makes the relationship stronger. There's no way to know what happens before it happens.

miracle said:
Just shut up.
I don't want to talk to you.
Just fuck off and go to bed.
Good Night - It will be when you go to bed.
Go run on your hamster wheel like a good little hamster.

I didn't deserve any of that, but I said some bad things too after he said those.
Click to expand...

To me that sounds like it's your boyfriend who's having the problems right now. That's not a way to talk to your girlfriend whom you love and respect. If that's an isolated incident, it could be just the occasional irritation (about something totally different) talking. But if that's the nature of his communication on a regular basis, I'd take a little distance.

miracle said:
I feel like I'm slowly losing him and its probably my fault.

I blame being fat.
Click to expand...

You are only responsible for what you do. You cannot be responsible for his actions or words. If he has some problems to deal with, he could communicate them to you, instead of biting your head off in his own frustration. Nobody, either fat or skinny, tall or short, deserves to be talked to like that. Try your sentences with tall instead of fat and you see how wrong that thought is. "I feel like I'm slowly losing him and its probably my fault. I blame being tall." :confused:
Despite the common misunderstanding nobody chooses the life partner according to weight. If your boyfriend was unhappy with your weight, he'd be very happy for your weight-loss efforts and supporting you every step of the way. Instead he seems to be taking a quite negative attitude towards a healthier you (the treadmill thing???), which I find quite disconcerting. Maybe his own insecurity tells him, that since you look better and better every day, you're soon going to find a boyfriend who better matches your new body?
I don't know, I can only guess.
I sincerely hope you two can talk about this and find out where you stand.
Whatever happens, you're still the same wonderful person, regardless of your weight or boyfriend.
I wish you strength! :)
Juliette
 
Juliette said:
One pound is what I go up and down basically many times a day. Three to five pounds is what I go up every time I'm about to have my period. And it comes down sometimes 10 days later. :eek:
So don't draw any conclusions of that and give it a week.
Click to expand...

I will definately give it a week, I've just never seen it do that before.. although, I've never paid to get weighed twice in one day, four times in one week, lol.

Juliette said:
To me that sounds like it's your boyfriend who's having the problems right now. That's not a way to talk to your girlfriend whom you love and respect. If that's an isolated incident, it could be just the occasional irritation (about something totally different) talking. But if that's the nature of his communication on a regular basis, I'd take a little distance.
Click to expand...

He is never like that to me, which is why it was a big shock. I've always been like that with him though, unfortunately. We've both been trying to change the way I express myself because its just pathetic how I do it, and always hurtful for him, so I guess thats where hes started to get it from.

Juliette said:
You are only responsible for what you do. You cannot be responsible for his actions or words. If he has some problems to deal with, he could communicate them to you, instead of biting your head off in his own frustration. Nobody, either fat or skinny, tall or short, deserves to be talked to like that. Try your sentences with tall instead of fat and you see how wrong that thought is. "I feel like I'm slowly losing him and its probably my fault. I blame being tall." :confused:
Click to expand...

Hahaha being tall. It was quite funny, probably cause I'm short :D It is a silly thing to blame it on.. but sometimes I seriously think it is that.

Juliette said:
Despite the common misunderstanding nobody chooses the life partner according to weight. If your boyfriend was unhappy with your weight, he'd be very happy for your weight-loss efforts and supporting you every step of the way. Instead he seems to be taking a quite negative attitude towards a healthier you (the treadmill thing???), which I find quite disconcerting. Maybe his own insecurity tells him, that since you look better and better every day, you're soon going to find a boyfriend who better matches your new body?
I don't know, I can only guess.
I sincerely hope you two can talk about this and find out where you stand.
Whatever happens, you're still the same wonderful person, regardless of your weight or boyfriend.
Click to expand...

He says he is pleased for me, but after that I'm not so sure. He always forgets what I've told him about it.. but then he forgets almost everything. He's starting to eat healthy too though, but it seems like it was only after I mentioned we go on holiday when I get my changed body. He's very insecure about himself too, maybe thats why he's doing it. Even if I was the fittest mama on Earth, I always want to be with him.

I was terrible though. I said we should break up, changed my msn name to 101% Single and Interested, and mentioned that maybe I should change it to Taken but Willing to Cheat.. which is the only thing I knew would get to him. Unfortunately its just gone wrong and he doesn't believe I wouldn't cheat on him anymore. I really am only responsible for my actions and words, and I messed up big time.

But we will be alright, we always are.

Juliette said:
I wish you strength! :)
Juliette
Click to expand...

Thank you very much, I didn't realise how insane and unfair I was being.
You've been a big help, thank you!
 
Time for college!

For breakfast today, I'm having toast, beans and egg.. again. - 377
Although yesterday I had All Bran. - 248

Short day today in college. Yey.
 
I wish you manage to fix things for both of your benefit. You seem to be very realistic about the situation, what is what and who did what, and it's always a beneficial attitude.
I hope that you had&will have a good day! :)
Julie
 
hey becky - have you tried involving him in your exercise and stuff so you can do it together? maybe he feels left out of it or also you did mention that he a little underconfident about himself.. he might think that after youve lost all the weight you won't want to be with him anymore.
hope you are okay :) xx
 
Sophie335 said:
hey becky - have you tried involving him in your exercise and stuff so you can do it together? maybe he feels left out of it or also you did mention that he a little underconfident about himself.. he might think that after youve lost all the weight you won't want to be with him anymore.
hope you are okay :) xx
Click to expand...

We used to go for long walks not long ago, and I recently asked him to help me lift weights properly so that should be good.

I understand how he might think I won't want to be with him after losing all the weight.. but I've lost over a stone, I look and feel great, like a new person. If I was going to leave him, I'd have done it already, but I've not. I keep telling him this and I'll keep telling him, I just hope he will believe it once I've finished losing the weight and I'm still with him.

BTW I'm wonderful thanks :D I'm wearing my favourite top today. It's the "make Becky's boobies look bigger" top. I've been extremely insecure about them recently, I think I'm losing fat from them and they aren't as perky as they used to be. I might invest in a Wonder Bra! :O Nothing wrong with a little cheating in that area.. :p

Big surprise. My usual breakfast (two toast, scrambled egg and spaghetti (not beans this time)) was too much for me! I couldn't finish it all. I also had a glass of milk too.

I've typed up my menu for today, which I normally do.

Breakfast -
Baked beans on 2 toast, scrambled egg, glass of milk.

Lunch -
Tuna and Sweetcorn sandwich.

Snack -
Pear slices, apple slices & grapes, yogurt.

Lunch -
Pasta Swirls in Dolmio sauce.

Dinner -
Cod in butter sauce, potatoes, green beans and carrots.

I've also counted the Nutrition parts of it.

Grains - 5
Veggies - 4
Fruits - 2
Milk - 2
Meat/Fish & Beans - 4

I made sure I stick to 1500 calories.

Why 1500 calories? Well I usually have 1400, but I think my body is starting to get used to that, and because I'm starting to run a lot more than usual, I thought I'd change my eating too.

1400 on the days I'm off college (sat, sun, mon)
1500 on not-so-long days (wed, thurs)
1600 on long days (tues)

On the higher calorie days, I'm awake earlier.. meaning I need more food. I'll do more exercise on these days too, because I'm walking around and up stairs in college, and also walking to and from the furthest bus stop.

Getting ready for college now. I see Dave today, so I'm quite excited. I've missed him.
 
I quite like it. I think I will post there, and here too. Just for fun. :D

I'm hoping I can post this here.
 
miracle said:
I quite like it. I think I will post there, and here too. Just for fun. :D

I'm hoping I can post this here.
Click to expand...

Wow, Becky, nice blog! :D
I would've left you a comment there, but I can't post, since I don't have any suitable username&password. I can visit every now and then regardless. Don't you dare desert us here, keep this diary of yours going! ;)
Julie
 
Food for Yesterday
Breakfast: Ham, tomato and cheese Omelette, milk

Snack: Pear slices x2

Lunch: Chicken Breast Sub w/ Lettuce, Tomato, Onions, Meatball and South West Sauce

Snack: Cheese & Onion crisps, 77 cal Alpen Bar

Dinner: Baked beans on toast

Was good yesterday. I need more vegetables maybe, but apart from the crisps (which are good for mono-unsaturates), everything was good.

Today's Menu
Breakfast: Ham and Cheese Omelette, piece of whole wheat toast w/ margarine, glass of milk

Lunch: Chicken Breast Sub w/ Lettuce, Tomato, Onions, Meatball and South West Sauce

Snacks and Dinner, not sure yet.

I got weighed yesterday. I FINALLY lost something! After much exercise and hard work! I'm finally 148 lbs :D
 
I was just reading my whole diary from the start. Since I've been here I've lost 9lbs.

I am hoping to be 145lbs by the start of July. I'm gonna try VERY hard to do it! I need to feel like I can do it.
 
I have joined FlickADay, a website that lets you upload an image every day, and then compiles it into a movie! I thought it would be good to track how much my face changes as I lose the rest of these 23 lbs!



Today's Menu
Breakfast: Ham and Cheese Omelette, two slices of whole wheat toast w/ butter.
Snack: Ready Brek Porridge with Honey.
Lunch: Baked Beans on two slices of whole wheat toast, no butter.
Snack: Unsure
Dinner: Unsure

Today's Exercise
I will be going for a walk/run on the treadmill today for 30-45 minutes.
Gotta keep active if I wanna see results!!
 
You're so pretty! Dun look yr current weight at all... And that's up-close shot!

Btw u got the look of a dancer lol. U do ballet or jazz? :p
 
pinkydolly said:
You're so pretty! Dun look yr current weight at all... And that's up-close shot!

Btw u got the look of a dancer lol. U do ballet or jazz? :p
Click to expand...

Thanks pinky :) Hahaaa I'm not a dancer, I'm just wearing a headband. Stereotypical dancers wear head bands, that must be why I look like one, hehe :D

I wish I did ballet though, cute outfits.


YAY! 147 lbs!

I'm so glad I made it :D I'm exactly 10 and a half stone now.
I'm hoping for 146 next week! I can do it baby, yeaaah.
 
Food For Today
Breakfast: Plain omelette, one whole wheat toast and baked beans.
Snack: Popcorn
Lunch: Chicken Breast Sub!!!
Snack: McCoy's crisps
Lunch: One Pepper Fajita with chicken
Dinner: Another Pepper Fajita with chicken

Congrats To Me
I'm one four sevennnnnn, woo!
I will celebrate by buying a top from River Island on Thursday. YES :D
Perhaps some shoes too.. :rotflmao:
 
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