Becky's Diary!

So.. Dave beat up that guy. I saw him. Head-butted him a few times and punched him, the guy was wearing braces and Dave thought he might have broke them.

Everyone saw the fight, including teachers (one just stood there and watched from the 2nd floor of the building), and then turned to me and blamed me. I had to be taken out of the side of the college and go meet Dave elsewhere.

I also had to give a statement, and tutors and some people from my class just blanked me. They think I asked Dave to beat him up, which I never and never would ask that, so.. I don't know what I'm gonna do come Tuesday. I can't not go in, they'll think I'm guilty, but I can't handle any more rejection and threats.

It's fucking stupid, and I'm shitting myself cause I don't wanna smack anyone. Well.. there is one fucking ugly bitch who had the nerve to call me a fat ass, when hers is a million times bigger than mine and she looks obese. I wouldn't mind giving her one.

Even people who were nice to me in class, now hate me. For no reason.

Maybe I should just do my work and give it in, and then go back next year. Maybe everyone will forget and be so amazed by how different I look, and just go back to normal.

I don't know what to do.

Not only that, but Dave (not on purpose) had said some things that upset me yesterday. He didn't mean them about me, or mean to say it.. I just took it like that, so that didn't help at all.

On the plus, I got a new pink camera? =/

Oh yeah, this is a weight diary. Here's something about my weight:
For once, I'm not binge eating when I'm upset.
 
Ughh it wasn't so bad going back to class. Nothing happened, but the week isnt over yet. I think they're planning a cunning surprise attack. Psh back off bitches.

Didn't get weighed, the machine was out of order!

Not been eating right this weekend, probably due to stress.

I have a LOT of work to finish by tomorrow and its almost midnight.
I've just had a sandwich. I've not eaten before bed for a long time and I've missed it. It comforts me.

David and I are more close this week (I feel that way anyway, dunno about him). I feel closer to him in a sexual way and more confident about myself, but not totally confident. Afterwards he said he could see the difference when we were being close with each other.

Today we had a fight, physical. Not serious, just playful but enough to hurt both of us. Was quite funny actually. He was showing me how to play WoW and I sat on his knee and he picked me up like a baby and gave me a hug. It was wonderful. It's nice to know what its like to be really cared for than to be just used.

I've not used the treadmill for a long time. I finish college on friday so I will no doubt be using it next week! Catch up on sleep time first though, definately.

I've not been able to keep up on here or with exercising really, but I'm active during the day.

Once college is finished I'll be fine.
 
Hey Becks!

Sounds like life's been up and down for you lately! Be strong, don't let the people at school get to you. You're there for yourself, no one else. So, do what you have to do. Don't think about what other people are thinking, I know it's hard but sometimes you just have to think, Oh fuck it all.

As for me, well yeah I've been having my ups and downs too emotionally, I think it's because it is my TOM. The scale tonight says I weight 134.8. I really don't like the fluctuations and they're more obvious with a digital scale than with an analog! Someone just commented on how I look the same as I did in elementary and I was SO chubby back then, kind of pisses me off. Great motivation though, haha. Anyhoo today I ate:

- A banana, cherries, strawberries
- Rice with peas and corn and chicken (a bit of skin too :/)
- Tea 1 cup
- Nestea 1 cup
- Popcorn
- A stick of ice cream
- Salad of tomatoes, lettuce, cucumbers with a teaspoon of ranch dressing

Will work on cutting back on the sweet stuff some more. The healthy eating has to pay off soon, right?

Hope you're doing well babe, tc of yourself!!!
 
Hey Becks,

I just might start posting here instead of e-mailig you some days. Hope that's not a problem? Well, hmmm, didn't exercise today and didnt go out for a wlak on account of the rain.

Foods eaten:
- Bowl of cereal with milk
- 1 peach
- 1 cup of tea with bit of milk

- 1 cup of coffe, 1 cream, 1 tsp sugar
- whole wheat bagel with butter

- potatoes, beef, salad (cucumbers, tomatoes, lettuce) with whole wheat
bread
- 2 glasses of soda :/ bad choice
- few barbeque crackers, like 6 maybe

Seems like a lot of calories. I'm going to make lunch and keep it in the fridge in the morning so that I can get home and eat it, instead of binging on junk- let's see how well that works. Also, going out for dinner tomorrow- Thai food- bit worried...maybe I should stick with a salad?

Let me know how you're doing hun :)
 
^ I'd stick with a salad, only cause I hate Thai food :D Haha. Eat what you want, but in moderation!! Try having something with veggies or chicken, or whatever they make.. lol

You can post here lol, might as well since I don't :D
Glad to hear from you again.


So, I didn't get beat up last week. There's always today though! You'd think I want it, wouldn't you? The way I'm bangin' on about it haha.

Hospital appointment today. I'm getting braces soon. O_O Geeky ey? I hope I look cute in them :(

Spaghetti in tomato sauce, on whole wheat toast, with an egg.
405 cals.

Havent been able to get weighed for a while, the machine is broken! Will see if it's fixed today.
Yum
 
Hey Becks,
You're not going to get beat up! So don't be scared. Those people know better. They beat you up they get in trouble!

As for braces, hello straight and beautiful teeth! :D

Personally, having a horrible time with my TOM. I've been cramping bad and my period has been heavy. I swear, I got enough blood coming out, enough for an entire slasher/horror flick. Okay, maybe not that much. Sorry, just arrrggghh. Plus my hormones are all up and down. Cried today. Over my ex, over life in general.

Didn't eat a whole lot because I lose my appetite when my TOM strikes sometimes. I don't think I'm one of those ones that retains water a lot and then notices, voila! Hey, I lost mundo weight after it's over. Just my luck, eh? haha

Anyways, here is what I ate:

coffee, 2 sugar, 2 cream
multigrain bagel with butter

2 slices of whole wheat toast with egg, but of margarine
about 6 bbq crackers

1 cup tea

Ending weight today was 134 lbs. Man, I feel so fat. I wish I were taller! Problem solved! lol

Tc Becks, lemme know how all goes. Always great hearing from ya.
 
^ Hiya!

I ain't scared haha. I don't care what they want to do to me, I'll hurt them just as much, I just don't like fighting. :p

Yer, bring on the braces. I'm excited about getting them. :D

Ohhh god :( I hate those kind of pains. They are dreadful! Especially when I had them when I was at David's, and I was gonna throw up in his car. That was a bad day haha.

Sometimes they're just a pain in the ass, or.. stomach. Or back, depending where you get it :p Back pain is the worst! Oh god. -hugs- You need a hot water bottle if you've not got one already! I need one.. lol.

I'm like you, i dont eat much when I have my TOM. But, sometimes i over eat.. it all depends how i feel lol.

Feel better soon honey! x

I ate bad today, I think. Ham sandwich and banana for breakfast, omelette and mackerel with bread for lunch, beef casserole for dinner, ice cream and two chocolate biscuits, and a packet of crisps for later.

I got my moleskine today! YES. It's awesome. If you don't know what it is.. its a journal that is like really awesome. I've always loved journals but never actually filled one until my first moleskine. I'm on my second now. I've bought about 3 though but they were the wrong paper! I hate thin paper.

Weight-wise.. I've done no exercise for a long time, the scales are still broken, and I don't know what my weight is. I'm guessing its 143. I still have now till friday to do the rest of my college work, and if i do what I've been told to do.. I'm getting an OVERALL DISTINCTION!!! :D:D Thats an A, by the way. :D

I'm also volunteering at the hospital while I'm off college.
 
Becks, thats a bunch of great news!!! I'm soooo happy for you! Yayyy!! :D You've worked hard for it and you deserve it!!! Also, yayy volunterring is always great, I want to get involved again once my work situation is more stable.

Yeah, same with me. back pain- I feel like an old nana :S I usually do overeat when I have my TOM but this time I just feel more sick and depressed if anything.

And OMG, I've been looking for the perfect journal too!! Yeah, I hate thin paper as well. In fact, I was at the mall today searching for a decent looking journal. Didn't find one. I need one. I have these urges to scribble, expecially when I feel so up and down :)

If you really do turn up to be 143 by the end of this week it would be fantastic!!! :)
 
^ So I got weighed on sunday. I'm 142 lbs! I'm very happy about it, because I thought I'd gained. I felt chubby, I'd been eating more unhealthy things than usual, and I've done no exercise for quite a while now. I'll get out of my lazy slump soon and do some. I'm just recharging from the months of stressful college work.

Ham sandwich on white bread with margarine, cup of tea and a banana for breakfast. I've not eaten the banana yet because I'm so stuffed! :O

I must go back to the whole wheat bread. It's just nice to have white sometimes.

I also recently had a yogurt at Davids house, a weight watchers yogurt, and wow. It was thick and cold and fruity, it was amazing. I'll have to buy some of those!

So I woke up this morning and looked in the mirror at myself naked. I had to blink and look twice, but closer the second time. I literally looked a few cm smaller around the hips area. It feels amazing to see myself change.
 
Glad to hear that Becks! Work has been keeping me busy, but it's a temp job and they won't need me after this week, which well...is a bit of a bummer b/c it means I have to find something else.

:D 142 lbs, you go girl! I'm sorta at 133 lbs at the moment. Yes, white bread is a nice change, but i can't imagine having anything other than whole wheat because I am so used to it now.

What else have you been doing now that you're off school?
 
misty22 said:
Glad to hear that Becks! Work has been keeping me busy, but it's a temp job and they won't need me after this week, which well...is a bit of a bummer b/c it means I have to find something else.

:D 142 lbs, you go girl! I'm sorta at 133 lbs at the moment. Yes, white bread is a nice change, but i can't imagine having anything other than whole wheat because I am so used to it now.

What else have you been doing now that you're off school?
Click to expand...

At least you've got a job though, ey? Always look on the bright side of life :p

Erm I've not been doing anything really. Slept over at Davids a lot, fell out a lot (you know why), but we're getting back to normal and I'm trying to forget everything.. >_<

I need to start exercising again soon. I'm just like.. recharging from all the stress from college. :D And enjoying having all the free time hehe.
 
You wait and watch when you're 120 lbs and he'll be wanting you back like anything.

Btw, need advice, I've been going to the gym for two days now and my weight has increased again. It could be the fact that I drank water RIGHT before weighing myself, but for it to jump from 133 to 135? Normal? How long did it take for you start losing the lbs initially?

*hugggggsss*
 
misty22 said:
You wait and watch when you're 120 lbs and he'll be wanting you back like anything.

Btw, need advice, I've been going to the gym for two days now and my weight has increased again. It could be the fact that I drank water RIGHT before weighing myself, but for it to jump from 133 to 135? Normal? How long did it take for you start losing the lbs initially?

*hugggggsss*
Click to expand...

If he only wants me when I'm 120lbs, there is no way in HELL he's getting me back. Ever.

You've been going to the gym? Woo!

Well first, drinking water/eating/not urinating/other bathroom things.. all adds up. What you eat during that day doesn't become weightless, it all adds up and is obviously gonna make you a bit heavier.

Also, if you've been going to the gym you could be gaining muscle which is heavier than fat, and its normal to put on weight when you gain muscle. Don't worry about it, just keep going! It'll all fit into place eventually.
 
Hey pretty lady,

Just checking in to see how you're doing. Congrats on getting down to 141!!
Well, today I had:

- 2 whole wheat slices (toasted) with 1 boiled egg and a slice of cheese
- 1 bowl of porridge, 2 teaspoons of sugar
- rice with lentils and lettuce and a bit of beed
- 1 banana
- few slices of watermelon and 3 strawberries
- 1 glass of orange juice
- 1 cup of tea

No-nos:
- 1 glass of coke
- 6 cream biscuits :S (yeah, I know, I went loco)
- baked crisps (about 10)

Ate a lot today and went to the gym, 30 minutes treadmill. 10 minutes on the cycle. 15 minutes muscle exercising.

30 minute walk in the evening.

Still feel fat. But it's all a matter of time eh?
 
^ Yay good eating! Some bad stuff but hey we're not robots :D

I got my hair cut today. I was nervous [first timer at the hair dressers], but I like it. They fixed the mess I made by cutting my own hair, and it smells good.

I might be seeing David again soon. We made up, but things are very uncomfortable.

I had a craving for chocolate and had a little. I feel good! Bring on 10 stone!!!
 
I got my hair cut today as well- I'm not crazy about it but it is short and managable! I'm glad yours looks and smells good now. :D

I also had an ice cream- 270 calories, because I was feeling depressed.

I spent 2 hours at the gym and probably burnt 400 calories, but blah, I don't feel any more fit, lol. Next time I'll try their group classes. I want Thursday to come already so that I know if I get the job or not, and then i can plan my a schedule out, as I was thinking of taking extra classes- something like writing or impromtu classes....they should be fun. I just need distractions from the breakup and something to spice my life up!

So today I had:
- 1 bowl of oatmeal with 2 tsp sugar
- 1 cup of tea with milk
- 1 chicken sandwich with lettuce and cheese on whole wheat bread
- 1 banana
- 1 chicken salad: lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers
- 1 ice cream cone
- few blue berries

Take care Becks!
 
I've been at David's house since monday - this is probably the most I've ever been with David and it's really good!

We've just been watching TV - I love Nigella Lawson - and watching movies. Sister Act & Jackass Number Two. We snacked on junk food the first night, but then I started to feel horrible and so I told David we were to start eating better, so we've been having fruit and veggies.

I had a TOM tummy ache and David has been giving me hot water bottles and running me bubble baths. It's been nice.

We're going shopping soon [first time going out in a few days] for some peppers, onions [for Fajitas] and we're going to subway! A sandwich full of veggies, fruit and protein!!!

I'm also gonna get weighed. Update later :D
 
I've gained 3 lbs. I made sure we bought fruit, veggies, protein, dairy, etc. I'm gonna eat good today, and get those lbs off! On my defense, I was wearing heavier shoes than usual and I did eat a lot the night before, without going to the bathroom. Ick, I know, but its my excuse.
 
3 lbs? Well it could be a lot of factors, you're right! Let me know how the next weigh-in goes!

I ate a lot today myself, just thinking about some stuff depressed me, and I well...binged a bit on unhealthy foods. I feel like I let myself down because I'm dreading getting weighed tomorrow! But we shall see.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend Becky, let me know how all goes!
 
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