Addie's New Beginning

[Addiecakes]

Unlike you, I cannot wait to lose some of the weight in my chest. Damn these things got big as I got bigger! All those drawers full of Victoria's Secret lingerie going to waste 'cause my chest decided to burst. Don't get me wrong, I understand wanting to lose it elsewhere but I'd be happy to see past the girls for a change.

Haha ... I'll give that to ya, I'd like to see my toes for once in my life, but my belly's gotta go for that to happen, too. The last time I was small enough to wear ANYTHING from Victoria's Secret would probably have been when I was much too YOUNG to be wearing anything from Victoria's Secret. Like, 8 years old, probably.

However, I do have some Lane Bryant lingerie waiting for me to drop a size though ... and I'm getting close I've started being able to fit into some of my old 18/20 tops, too. Exciting!

I'm hoping to be a straight up size 16 (dress size) by the end of 2010, I'd settle for a size 18, too. Right now I'm usually a 22/24 top and 26 jeans, usually a 24 dress size. The last time I was able to wear a size 20 dress, I was about 230-240lbs, so I'm hoping that if I keep consistent I'll reach that goal.

I just want my old figure back. I don't like my belly being bigger than my chest, and it's a hard thing to deal with when you've lost weight in a week and yet your body is looking WORSE than it did before. It takes more patience than I was expecting that I would need. I was prepared to have patience to need to reach my goals, but I wasn't anticipating having to deal with weight-loss giving my body an "awkward phase".

God, some days it feels like it is going so slow ... but consistency is key ... if I keep this up I can get to my goal much quicker than I can even realize right now. *sigh* ... I've never been good with patience, lol

 

[Addiecakes]

I was writing an e-mail to a young friend of mine who is still in college, and he's been concerned with a lot of decisions that he is going to have to make in the near future, and I really enjoyed writing this response to him and I'd like to share it ... as well as keep it here for posterity's sake:

When I was in college, I was so concerned with making the "right choices". I really wish that I hadn't worried about it so much, mainly because they don't really exist.

There is nothing that you can rely on more than the passage of time. No matter what decision you make in your life, it keeps moving. Life is much more a game of adaptation than it is a game of strategy. That's not to say that you shouldn't be concerned with making smart, meaningful decisions, it just means that you should know that even if you make a choice that doesn't seem like it was the best in retrospect ... life goes on, and it will almost never be the end of the world. It's also important to realize that MOST decisions that you'll make in your life are not black and white and are not irreversible.

I spent so much time frustrating myself over decisions about what direction to point my life in ... because I was afraid that I would mis-step and fail ... and then I was so afraid to make a bad decision, that I didn't make ANY decisions, which lead to failure ... which in and of itself was a very BAD decision. LOL ... wow that was a hell of a sentence. You know what I mean, though, I think.

Anyway, if there is anything that having an unexpected pregnancy at age 21 with no job and living with your boyfriend's father will teach you, it's to acknowledge the human capacity to adapt to some tough situations and not-so-smart decisions. It's important to provide your life with a direction, but it is also important to let life happen on its own.

If Paul and I had chosen to be smart and take the necessary precautions to avoid pregnancy, I may not have ever been able to have my own child ... and that has been the single-most rewarding and amazing thing that I've accomplished in my life. One of my best friends (when he saw Maggie for the first time) told me, "She is the most amazing thing that you've ever done" ... and it's so true. Looking back on that decision now, I'm so glad that we were STUPID. I mean, we were really retarded. And I can't help but think that on some level, that's how we were supposed to be.

The only thing that you should keep in mind when making decisions is this: Try to live your life in a way in which you have no regrets, or at least know that your biggest regret should be having any in the first place.

I'm confident that you will make solid decisions, ... and if you don't, I'm sure you'll still be fine. If I'm not the poster-child for that statement, I don't know who is.

 

[Fade Away]

I was writing an e-mail to a young friend of mine who is still in college, and he's been concerned with a lot of decisions that he is going to have to make in the near future, and I really enjoyed writing this response to him and I'd like to share it ... as well as keep it here for posterity's sake:

Amazing post Addiecakes, good idea to post it for posteriety's sake. Thanks for sharing

 

[Addiecakes]

I've been slacking off on documenting everything I've been eating on fitday.com for the last 3 or 4 days. I've been eating well, but I am a little nervous about not documenting it, because it's one less way that I'm holding myself accountable, and I just don't think that I'm ready to do that. I also haven't been measuring everything as diligently as I was before because now I have a better idea of what the measurements look like, but, I'm trying to get back to measuring my portions again too, because it is really important and will continue to be important for a very long time (if not forever).

I went to the gym this morning and when I got there it was empty, but by the time I changed into my gym shoes there were 4 more people and by the time I left there were about 10 people. (Our gym is very small, 1 elliptical, 2 treadmills, 2 bikes, and then weightlifting equipment) So, needless to say, I did a lot of bouncing around.

I started out with 2 miles on the stationary bike (I did two intervals) and then I did my leg press & bench press. I've increased my weights on both of those, too.

Leg Press - I was doing 135lbs. three weeks ago, now I'm doing 180lbs.
Bench Press - I was doing 35lbs. three weeks ago, now I'm doing 50lbs.

Then I hopped back on the bike and did 3.3 more miles (with 4 intervals), and then went and did my hamstring curls (with yoga ball) and my lat pulls downs.

Lat Pull Down - I was doing 45lbs. three weeks ago, now I'm doing 65lbs.

I was most excited about the hamstring curls, because if there is more than maybe just one person in there, I usually avoid doing them until I'm alone. Today, the place was packed, and I said "screw it" and did them anyway. I always get self-concious about doing them, because I feel like everyone's looking at me and just seeing how gross I am sitting here at 315lbs. and trying to do these exercises. But you know what? I NEED this. I need to stay consistent and get my workouts done regularly so I DON'T stay like this for the rest of my life. Some days I just can't reason with myself like that because I'm just too uncomfortable, but today I could ... and I'm glad for that.

Cardio-wise it felt pretty mild compared to my last few work-outs with the elliptical, but when I do the bike it targets a whole different group of muscles, so even though it's "easier" I still want to keep doing it, it really seems to make a difference in my hamstrings, hips, and inner thighs. Between strength and cardio, I was there for just under an hour, which is perfect. I want to be able to keep it close to that time for all of my workouts, whether they be cardio only or cardio & strength.

I really need to get back into the habit of working on push-ups and crunches too, but since joining the gym and all the new activities I've been doing there, I've pushed those to the wayside and I think that they would help out a lot.

Food so far looks like this:

Breakfast: Apple

Lunch: Turkey sandwich with mayo (made with olive oil), 1 slice provolone cheese on Canadian Oat bread
Skinny Cow Ice Cream Sandwich


I haven't been very hungry at all today, I think it's because I actually worked out in the morning for the first time in like 2 weeks, lol

 

[sittingstill]

Man I killed it at the gym today. By killed it I think I mean "tried to kill myself". But when you get to the end of your workout and "Better, Faster, Stronger" by Daft Punk comes on your mp3 player, HOW CAN YOU STOP? Seriously.

I thought to myself when I got to the gym, "maybe I'll just do 1.5 or 2 miles today since I did 2.5 yesterday". So I got to 1.5 and I was like, "if I just do 1.5 it's like I wasted my time coming here, might as well make it worth it."

So then I decided just to go until 30 minutes. I was at about 2 miles when I hit 30 minutes. And then I said to myself, "Well, I did 2.5 yesterday, I should be able to do it today". And then once I got to 2.5 Daft Punk came on and I was like, "Well now I can't stop".

This bodes well! Something that really surprised me when I first started going to the gym last year was how easy it was to get into it (despite essentially being indolent for so long)....to really get enjoyment from exerting yourself. It's painful at first, but just a few weeks of sticking to it builds your 'tolerance' up and you start 'unleash the athlete within'....or something

 

[bellyoff]

I was most excited about the hamstring curls, because if there is more than maybe just one person in there, I usually avoid doing them until I'm alone. Today, the place was packed, and I said "screw it" and did them anyway. I always get self-concious about doing them, because I feel like everyone's looking at me and just seeing how gross I am sitting here at 315lbs. and trying to do these exercises. But you know what? I NEED this. I need to stay consistent and get my workouts done regularly so I DON'T stay like this for the rest of my life. Some days I just can't reason with myself like that because I'm just too uncomfortable, but today I could ... and I'm glad for that.

Way to get over your self consciousness! Your hard work will only lead to self confidence. (Okay, that was corny - but I'm sure there's some truth to it). Anyway, keep going to the gym. Don't let your imagination run too wild, thinking people are judging you. Everyone is there for the same reason, to take good care of their health. You owe it to yourself to keep showing up.

 

[Veronica2]

I used to worry about the image of myself working out as well. That's why I initially purchased all the equipment to work out at home. And though it is nice to be able to wear anything and not care at home, I find I work out harder when I actually go to the gym. It's those judgmental eyes and imaginary comments that keep me pushing harder and longer. So channel that energy into your workout.

 

[Andy2]

Today, the place was packed, and I said "screw it" and did them anyway. I always get self-concious about doing them, because I feel like everyone's looking at me and just seeing how gross I am sitting here at 315lbs. and trying to do these exercises. But you know what? I NEED this.

Totally hits home. I know I sometimes try and run on the treadmill in the last row, just because I dont like the image of me running around. You are exactly right though. It doesnt matter what they think, you're there for you, not for them.

Great job Addie - inspiring effort

 

[Addiecakes]

I have only been to the gym 1 day in the last 4. I feel so guilty, like I'm letting myself down. I'm trying not to be TOO hard on myself. I've had a stressful and busy week, and I know that life happens. I need to just re-focus. I'm just a little freaked out because I feel like I am not on track to reach my "299 by Valentines" mini-goal. In order to make my weigh in for this week I need to lose 3lbs. by Friday, and the fact that I haven't been going to the gym regularly is making me nervous about hitting that.

On the bright side, Maggie is starting to settle into her bedtime situation. She didn't get out of bed at all last night, and this morning when she woke up, instead of coming out herself which she has been doing, she called for us to come get her out. I'm pretty confident that I'll be able to wake up in the mornings and go down to the gym again. We've got the baby gate in place (it's amazing, and EXTRA tall since she is) ... she's a little nervous about it being there since she won't have free reign of the house anymore, but I think she'll accept it in no time. HOORAY for getting back to MORNING WORKOUTS! (I almost typed "moaning workouts" and immediately thought of ChefChiTown, lol)

In other news, my food has been pretty on track, and I've been regularly doing squats for the mini-contest in the Biggest Loser 12 Week Challenge being run by PumpHope. I know it's impossible for me to win, but my goal is to have the highest number of squats for anyone over 300lbs. So, hopefully I can accomplish that, I'd be very satisfied with that.

I do have a feeling I'll see a weight drop tomorrow morning. My water has been excellent today and I'm planning to hit the gym hard tonight.

It's time to buckle down before my slacking gets out of control.

 

[Trusylver]

I think your doing a great job, You have made some good gains in your lifting and you have been staying focused even if the 3 lb doesn't come off this week, it will still come of over time with your generally good cosistancy

 

[bellyoff]

I have only been to the gym 1 day in the last 4. I feel so guilty, like I'm letting myself down. I'm trying not to be TOO hard on myself. I've had a stressful and busy week, and I know that life happens. ......
In other news, my food has been pretty on track, and I've been regularly doing squats for the mini-contest in the Biggest Loser 12 Week Challenge being run by PumpHope. ....

Half the battle is continuing to get the proper nutrition when life gets crazy. Plus, you're still challenging yourself with squats, even though you can't make it to the gym. It's tough to stay on track when you're stressed, but you're doing a great job. Bravo!! I'm moving this weekend and you're going to serve as my reminder not to spiral out of control and pig out, just because I'm stressed.

 

[Andy2]

In other news, my food has been pretty on track, and I've been regularly doing squats for the mini-contest in the Biggest Loser 12 Week Challenge being run by PumpHope. I know it's impossible for me to win, but my goal is to have the highest number of squats for anyone over 300lbs. So, hopefully I can accomplish that, I'd be very satisfied with that.

Good for you Addie! I've been moving around squats, I considering the great things I hear about the exercise, I feel like I should be lugging around a few free weights for my free time.

Glad to hear your daughter is sleeping by herself. I'm sure that will translate as more sleep for you too Keep on going!

 

[Addiecakes]

So, I never made it to the gym last night. It was snowy on the drive home so we didn't get home from work until 6pm, and then I immediately started making myself some dinner and by the time I had eaten it was around 7:30pm. I planned to go to my mom's house to watch Biggest Loser last night, so by the time I was done eating it was time to go straight to her house. I considered hitting the gym and eating dinner at my mom's, but she had brought KFC home ... so I figured the better choice would be to keep on track with my eating and forget the gym. I planned to go this morning, but after being up until 11am, waking up at 4:45am just wasn't happening. I tried, but I couldn't make it.

I'm bummed, and a little disappointed in myself, but I'm feeling pretty good today, and hopefully I'll be able to make it tonight and tomorrow morning also ... and then Friday-Sunday mornings at the very least before another day off. We'll see how that goes.

I've been doing well with food, I'm actually eating too few calories again though. I haven't been sweating it too much, but I'm usually only eating 1800-2200 calories a day, and I know that I shouldn't be creating a calorie deficit that severe, but I feel fine ... especially for not having gone to the gym in 4 days. I think that if I was working out more regularly I'd be hitting that 2200-2500 calorie range, because I'd be hungry for it.

I miss the gym though. I miss sweating and rocking out to loud music on my mp3 player while I just sweat. I miss the strength stuff, too. I've been doing great with squats everyday though, and today I even did wall-pushups again. I haven't really done them much since I started doing weights at the gym, and I was surprised that I was able to do a lot more without hurting my muscles, lol--so I started to do them at a steeper angle and that helped me feel them a bit more. It was nice

I'm still a little scared that my complacency with the gym will continue, but I'm cautiously optimistic that it will turn out okay. I just need to get back into a routine. I plan on coming home and sleeping early to make sure I get up tomorrow and work it out!

 

[Addiecakes]

Half the battle is continuing to get the proper nutrition when life gets crazy. Plus, you're still challenging yourself with squats, even though you can't make it to the gym. It's tough to stay on track when you're stressed, but you're doing a great job. Bravo!! I'm moving this weekend and you're going to serve as my reminder not to spiral out of control and pig out, just because I'm stressed.

Awhh! Thank you ... I think that my mentality about weight-loss and food while being stressed out has changed. I used to feel like I should just give up because I couldn't control the things that were stressing me out, so I just gave up on trying. But now I look at food as something that I can ALWAYS have control over regardless of what else seems out of control in my life. I really like thinking about it that way.

Good for you Addie! I've been moving around squats, I considering the great things I hear about the exercise, I feel like I should be lugging around a few free weights for my free time.

Glad to hear your daughter is sleeping by herself. I'm sure that will translate as more sleep for you too Keep on going!

Man, squats are AMAZING! I never realized until this week how powerful they are. Just 30 of them make my legs feel a little wobbly and make me start to sweat. It's gotten better throughout the week though ... I actually do a lot in a day now ... at least for me, haha!

 

[Trusylver]

Man, squats are AMAZING! I never realized until this week how powerful they are. Just 30 of them make my legs feel a little wobbly and make me start to sweat. It's gotten better throughout the week though ... I actually do a lot in a day now ... at least for me, haha!

Squats are an awesome exercise the work such a large number of muscles reducing the time needed to complete a workout.

 

[Veronica2]

Don't dwell on missing the gym for 4 days in a row, just vow to yourself to go back tomorrow and fall back into your routine. If you stay focused and driven, the weight will keep coming off.

 

[Addiecakes]

Don't dwell on missing the gym for 4 days in a row, just vow to yourself to go back tomorrow and fall back into your routine. If you stay focused and driven, the weight will keep coming off.

Thanks Veronica. I actually ended up going tonight ... even though I was feeling super stressed out and didn't even want to. Usually, no matter what my mood, I always feel better after having worked out. But tonight, I didn't really feel any better. I didn't feel WORSE, though ... so I suppose that's good enough. It just made me really tired. I'm going to head to bed shortly (it's only 9pm here) and get a gooooood night's sleep. That should help. I can't wait until the weekend is here.

I've had this very mild but lingering cough for about a week now, and it always feels like one of those things where you're on the verge of getting sick but I haven't yet. Maybe it means that my body is warding something off. Or maybe it's something else, I have no idea. It's not affecting me that bad though so I'll keep on trucking as much as possible.

I did 2 miles tonight (on the elliptical), 1st in 14:32 and the second in 15:00.

After that I did leg presses (3x12 of 205lbs.) but decided to call it a night before finishing up the strength exercises. I also did 150 squats today throughout the day and 50 wall-push ups, so I won't beat myself up too much about skipping out on the rest of my strength routine.

I have a feeling it will be much easier to get back into the swing of things next week. This week is just so stressful that I don't want to do ANYTHING but relax when I get home. Fortunately, I don't have a lot of unhealthy things to eat in the house and I haven't been tempted to turn to them... I've just been thinking like ... with so many other things seemingly out of control and stressful, what I eat is something that I can control so I need to keep doing it.

Anyhow, that's it for tonight ... I'm so ready for bed.

 

[Addiecakes]

This post is just a little personal therapy for me:

Today I am 311.0lbs. I keep looking at the number and thinking "Gosh it is still SO BIG". I know that it keeps ticking away, and I think that getting under 300 will help my mentality IMMENSELY ... and that's only about another month away if I keep on track. I have to keep telling myself all of the great things that I've accomplished so far.


I have only had 1 soda in the last 64 days.

I have lost at least 6 inches from my body (last time I checked a week or two ago).

My fat percentage has gone from 46.6% to 46.0% in the last month.

And most importantly, I have lose 23.2lbs. in the last 9 weeks.


I think that I am just so anxious to get out of the 300's that I am mentally undermining my successes because I'm just not quite there yet.

I am trying to be patient though, and I know that I'm doing just fine the way I'm going right now. I really want to knock next week out of the park though ... I plan on going to the gym at least 5 times between tomorrow and next Friday, since I usually only go about 4 times and I've only gone twice this week! Agh!

I'm ready to go!

 

[ange]

I can identify. It took me a long time to actually start celebrating and embracing my success. It is too easy to look at the number, and think it is still big, or look at how far there is to go. But you said it right... You have lost more than 23 lbs in 9 weeks! That is great, steady, healthy progress! You should be proud of yourself. For me, when I got into the 200's, it was the first time I had been there in about 10 years. I didn't truly celebrate that. I still felt that I looked the same and continued to look at my journey as an uphill climb. That has shifted for me in the past couple of months. In retrospect... I would say you are going to reach several major milestones along the way. Any progress is success worth celebrating. Celebrate your progress and be proud of your accomplishments. You are making yourself healthier and fitter, and you have what it takes to reach your goals, as we all do. You seem to have a healthy plan and approach, so just keep doing what you have been doing. GREAT WORK!!

 

[Veronica2]

Whatever you do, don't psyche yourself out. If you keep thinking about and stressing over the 300 mark, it gets that much harder to hit it. The mind can play tricks on our bodies. Just believe you are going to break through it and you will.