Addie's New Beginning

[Addiecakes]

So, I had another anxiety attack this morning at 4:30am and decided that I was going to take the day to relax. I slept in until like ... 10 or so? Something like that. Anyway, after breakfast (which was amazing) I started to feel much better. Actually, let me share breakfast with you:

A 3-egg omelet with 4 grape tomatoes (sliced and sauteed), 3oz. spinach (also cooked) and 2 servings of 50% fat free cheese all tucked into a nice little (or large rather) eggy blanket. It was delicious, and totally easy to scale down to someone who does not require as many calories as myself.

Anyway, so about 12-1pm I start feeling much better, and I'm actually contemplating going to the gym, because if I go today, I'll meet my goal of going 5 times in the last 7 days. (I usually only go 4 times)

So, I went. I did 2 quick miles on the stationary bike and then did my regular weights/strength routine, and then I reluctantly decided to do a single mile on the elliptical.

I was sweating my ass off, it felt so difficult and I was definitely working VERY hard. I did the mile in 14:23 which is a new record, but man was I really REALLY pushing myself. I know that it's only 4s better than my best, but I keep pushing myself. I'm actually a little scared because I feel like if I don't get a better time EVERY TIME I go to the gym, I'm doing something wrong. Fortunately I haven't really run into that problem yet, but I think I may be focusing on pushing myself more than just making sure I'm getting in a nice, consistent workout.

My weekly goal (in order to reach my long-term goal in time) for this week is to get to 307.8lbs. I was 308.8lbs this morning. While it's possible I'll get there, I'm not banking on it, although it would be the "catch up" I need to get back on track, as I've been about a half a pound behind at each weigh-in for about 3 weeks now.

Oh, but anyway, my original point was, "What kind of person calls in sick to work and hits the gym in the same day?" and I guess the answer is "A crazy person!"

 

[Alta818]

Hahaha! Well, before my new-found health kick, I used to bake and decorate cakes as a hobby ... I have since stopped (mostly due to lack of expendable income) but the name sort of just stuck.

WoW!! !! Those are some amazing cakes there Addie!! You are so amazing!! !!

 

[Andy2]

Anyway, so about 12-1pm I start feeling much better, and I'm actually contemplating going to the gym, because if I go today, I'll meet my goal of going 5 times in the last 7 days. (I usually only go 4 times)

So, I went. I did 2 quick miles on the stationary bike and then did my regular weights/strength routine, and then I reluctantly decided to do a single mile on the elliptical.

I was sweating my ass off, it felt so difficult and I was definitely working VERY hard. I did the mile in 14:23 which is a new record, but man was I really REALLY pushing myself. I know that it's only 4s better than my best, but I keep pushing myself. I'm actually a little scared because I feel like if I don't get a better time EVERY TIME I go to the gym, I'm doing something wrong. Fortunately I haven't really run into that problem yet, but I think I may be focusing on pushing myself more than just making sure I'm getting in a nice, consistent workout.

Thats awesome that you reached yet ANOTHER PR. It doesnt matter how much it was, what matters is that you are continuing to improve! I've been in the same boat as you though, but recently I have come to a conclusion. As long as I know I gave it a good honest effort, times will EVENTUALLY go down. Maybe not this time, maybe not even this week, but they will go down. Congrats also on making time for 5 seperate gym visits this week. You keep this up and you'll OVERshoot your v-day goal

Oh, but anyway, my original point was, "What kind of person calls in sick to work and hits the gym in the same day?"....

A COMPETITOR. GO ORANGE!!

 

[Marathon Man]

I was sweating my ass off, it felt so difficult and I was definitely working VERY hard. I did the mile in 14:23 which is a new record, but man was I really REALLY pushing myself. I know that it's only 4s better than my best, but I keep pushing myself. I'm actually a little scared because I feel like if I don't get a better time EVERY TIME I go to the gym, I'm doing something wrong.

Too funny, I was just talking about this today when I went for my run. I planned on doing an EASY run last night because I knew I had to run in the morning with my cowoker, but of course I get all crazy competitive like you do. I actually had to double check over my shoulder to make sure I knew where the trash can was, just in case Definitely not easy like my plan said.

Yeah, he basically told me I'm an idiot and to not stress so much. I'm still trying to grasp the concept of these EASY days in my training program. Just don't stress over it too much. Just like the scale, as long as month to month your improving, the day to day numbers aren't worth stressing about.

Now if only I actually listened to my own advice.

 

[Risty]

Just wanted to pop in and say hi!!!

Congrats on the awesome breakfast and workout! When I was going to the gym I always felt like I couldn't do less than the previous time. I always had it in my mind where now I know I can do it for that long or that fast, that there's no more excuses for going shorter or slower! lol So yeah I know how you feel! It's an excellent motivator! Again, good job on your workout!

 

[ChefChiTown]

WARNING: This entry contains information which may be considered gross to some readers (specifically male readers)

I can read that and I know what it says, but all I'm seeing is "Dude, you really want to look at this post even more now!!!"

Oooh man, the day started out so well and went to hell by the end. Tonight was my mom's birthday and for dinner I just didn't hold back. I had 4 wings with bleu cheese dressing, 2 slices of pizza and a large slice of cake. Man oh man, has it been a while since I did something like that.

I have a fair amount of regret about tonight's pig out, but I also know that it's not everyday that my mom turns 50, and I've been doing just fine so far. It put me at about 2,500 calories for the day so in the big grand scheme of things, it really wasn't all that bad. The ratio sucked ... but I got 149g of protein, just 20g short of my new goal. Yesterday I got 160g, so I know I'm already doing better. This week's weigh-in might be a little rough. I've been trying to eat few hundred more calories regularly (since I was eating so much of a deficit before) and it may come back to bite me in the butt ... but I plan on hitting the gym tomorrow morning, pushing the water and hoping for the best. Even if I only lose a pound, that's fine. Hell even if I just maintain I can live with that for now too. I'd hate to see a gain but I don't think it will come to that.

Time will tell, ... either way I'm still gonna do this thing.

I think that it's been REALLY difficult for me to stay away from the junk food lately because my hormones are out of whack. Because of my PCOS, my PMS time tends to be really severe, ... not in the sense that I get bitchy because I usually don't, but my cravings are very intense and my boobs hurt bad for (I'm not joking) sometimes up to 2 whole weeks before I'll get my period and finally get some relief. Part of the reason this sucks so bad is because I can't do the elliptical workouts right now because my boobs hurt so bad. I've been having to stick to the stationary bike to eliminate as much "jigglage" as possible. It really sucks ...

I also had an anxiety attack at work today (they usually happen when my hormones fluctuate before my period) and I had to go home sick. I tried to take my prescription (xanax) and it took most of the edge off, but I was still feeling pretty anxious and I couldn't focus on anything ... on top of it all I became extremely exhausted after about an hour. I've been feeling really tired this past week, probably another indicator that I'm PMS-ing ... but it's making life really difficult overall.

I kept thinking that with time, as I lost the weight, the PCOS would start to calm down and my cycles wouldn't be so terrible. I pretty much feel like crap every other week, ... ovulation week and then PMS week. I hate it ... and I just want to feel normal.

Well, that wasn't nearly as bad as I thought (wanted) it to be. Anyway, I can't speak from experience, but...wait...no, I CAN speak from experience. I mean, even though I've never had PMS myself, I've definitely had to endure the wrath that comes along with it. Especially from my ex. Jesus Christ, she was a world class bitch for 3 or 4 days out of the month. And, in case you were wondering, she was just an average, everyday bitch for the other 26 or 27 days. ANYWAY...

PMS can make you do, say, think and feel things that you don't really want to be doing, saying, thinking or feeling. People have their bad days and PMS doesn't help with that. I remember one day when my ex was surfing a menstrual pipeline and I swear to God she was on drugs because nothing she did that day made any sense. One minute she would be laughing and having a great time, the next minute she would be crying like a baby because she was worried about the birds outside getting cold. One minute she would be loving and kissing me, the next minute she would be squeezing the head of my penis like she was trying to pop a water balloon. One minute she would be snuggled up under my arm, the next minute she would be screaming at me, telling me to go get her a jar of marmalade.

Seriously, it's that ridiculous. So, don't worry about it. You women are crazy creatures and, even though I'll never understand the enigma that is your period, I will never doubt it's ability to steal your soul and replace it with...well...a BITCH.

Anyway, other than your vaginal fiasco, it seems that you're doing really, really well. So, I hope you're proud of yourself.

 

[Addiecakes]

Two exciting things that I wanted to share:

1. On Fitday.com, ever since I first registered, when you're on the weight tab there is a chart on the bottom that shows whether you're in the underweight, normal, overweight, or obese category (see attached photo). When I first registered, the little arrow just pointed to the right, indicating that I was so fat that it was basically OFF THE RADAR. lol. Well, a few weeks ago I saw that my arrow actually indicated a place on the line. I'm actually on the chart now. AND my BMI is under 45. So, those are two big improvements.

2. This is the FIRST weekend ever since I started losing weight where my weight didn't go up over the weekend. Usually, my weight would go up 2-3lbs on Sat & Sun and then would get back down by Tuesday and then continue to drop from there. I made sure to really focus on Saturday and to make sure I was getting plenty of water all weekend. I'm happy to say that I maintained through yesterday and actually saw a 0.6lb. drop this morning. This bodes very well for the rest of the week. I'm so excited!

 

[Addiecakes]

PMS can make you do, say, think and feel things that you don't really want to be doing, saying, thinking or feeling. People have their bad days and PMS doesn't help with that. I remember one day when my ex was surfing a menstrual pipeline and I swear to God she was on drugs because nothing she did that day made any sense. One minute she would be laughing and having a great time, the next minute she would be crying like a baby because she was worried about the birds outside getting cold. One minute she would be loving and kissing me, the next minute she would be squeezing the head of my penis like she was trying to pop a water balloon. One minute she would be snuggled up under my arm, the next minute she would be screaming at me, telling me to go get her a jar of marmalade.

Seriously, it's that ridiculous. So, don't worry about it. You women are crazy creatures and, even though I'll never understand the enigma that is your period, I will never doubt it's ability to steal your soul and replace it with...well...a BITCH.

Haha, well, I guess I'm (or maybe my FAMILY is) lucky because I don't usually get bitchy with PMS. I just get whiny and I feel kinda sick. I had a really rough time this last week because I had a bunch of anxiety attacks and I just felt like I was literally going OUT OF MY MIND. Like batshit insane crazy. I haven't felt that way for a long time. In fact, I'm pretty sure that the last time I felt that way I just stopped going to work. I didn't call, I didn't quit, I just didn't show up and I never went back. Mind you, this is when I was about 19 years old, but still. I don't like feeling like that ... feeling like I did when I was at one of the lowest points in my depression.

I've been having terrible nightmares, too. Just the past few days. A few nights ago, it was a massive 10-car accident with my fiance and daughter in the car, and even though we were all okay, somehow my daughter was lost and we couldn't find her no matter how hard we tried. It was horrifying.
Two nights ago, it was a dream about my fiance leaving me for someone else. And last night, I was seeing someone I could honestly live the rest of my life without seeing and I would be totally content. Every time I see his face my heart jumps into my throat ...

It's been a rough few nights ... hormones SUCK.

 

[Lilia1]

Hey Addie! It's great to see you working to hard to get healthy! You can do it!
I hope the nightmares stop though because they sound absolutely horrible!

 

[Risty]

Good job on your two accomplishments! Those are awesome.

About the dreams, it sucks having terrible dreams like that. I've been having weird dreams lately, just bizzare! Like this one dream was furturistic! Could have been a movie almost!

Anyways, keep up the awesome work!

 

[Veronica2]

Congrats on the weekend free gain and finding a point on the line. It's amazing how accomplishments such as these can feel huge, isn't it? Good luck this week!

 

[Addiecakes]

Hey Addie! It's great to see you working to hard to get healthy! You can do it!
I hope the nightmares stop though because they sound absolutely horrible!

Thanks, happy to report that last night was nightmare free!! Hooray!

Good job on your two accomplishments! Those are awesome.

About the dreams, it sucks having terrible dreams like that. I've been having weird dreams lately, just bizzare! Like this one dream was furturistic! Could have been a movie almost!

Anyways, keep up the awesome work!

Thanks! Usually if I remember my dreams, they're pretty weird. Unless they're really bad nightmares ... because those are usually just normal situations that happen to be REALLY scary.

Congrats on the weekend free gain and finding a point on the line. It's amazing how accomplishments such as these can feel huge, isn't it? Good luck this week!

Thanks! I know ... getting a little place on that BMI line was so huge for me, even though it really is a very small thing. It just re-affirmed what I'm doing.

 

[Risty]

It's not a small thing! You accomplished a lot! It's not easy to lose weight, so any little thing is actually not little! It's a huge accomplishment!

 

[Addiecakes]

Ooh! I forgot to mention also ...

I bought a pair of jeans in October before I was going to go on vacation, and I couldn't wear them because they were too tight. (They're still size 26, but they are a different style and I wouldn't wear them because they gave me terrible muffin-top).

I'm so excited because I got to wear them this weekend! They looked great ... no muffins.

As a celebration I ordered some new shmexy lingerie for Valentine's Day.

 

[Risty]

That's soooo great! It's one of the best feelings to fit into clothes that you previously couldnt'! Awesome job

 

[Andy2]

Ooh! I forgot to mention also ...

I bought a pair of jeans in October before I was going to go on vacation, and I couldn't wear them because they were too tight. (They're still size 26, but they are a different style and I wouldn't wear them because they gave me terrible muffin-top).

I'm so excited because I got to wear them this weekend! They looked great ... no muffins.

Thats awesome Addie!

Small victories like this are instant empowerment and motivation to continue on. Not like you need it though, you are already doing SO WELL.

Hope you have some old smaller clothes lying around in the back of the closet, because after a while even a belt wont help those 26s stay on

Keep on keeping on!

As a celebration I ordered some new shmexy lingerie for Valentine's Day.

ohhh la la

 

[Addiecakes]

Hope you have some old smaller clothes lying around in the back of the closet, because after a while even a belt wont help those 26s stay on

It's funny you say that, ... the day I wore those jeans, they fit fine in the beginning of the day but by the end of the day they were getting pretty loose. It's only a matter of time! I'm about 20lbs. away from the weight I was at the last time I wore 24's I believe. And, shirt-wise I'm already shrinking a lot. I have a size 22 shirt that is *SO CLOSE* to fitting. Maybe 10 more pounds and it'll look great. In fact, I also ordered a cute argyle sweater in an 18/20 in anticipation for the near future!

 

[Risty]

I have those too, clothes in the back of the closet that I want to wear. When I first lost the weight there were a couple pairs of jeans that I finally were able to wear again and it was awesome. Now, since I gained weight back, I can't wear them once again. So next time I can fit into them I'll be even happier!

I hope you'll be able to fit into your shirt soon!

 

[Addiecakes]

I'm in a much better mood today than I was yesterday. I spent 1.5 hours at the gym this afternoon, and I worked it out. I need to remember that when I'm feeling down, instead of avoiding the gym out of laziness, I just need to force myself to go, because it always makes me feel better.

Today I did the following:

30mins on stationary bike, just over 6 miles. I hit the 6 mile mark at 26:37 I think.

Leg press: 3x12 @ 205lbs.
Abs Machine: 3x25, 1st set @ 20lbs, 2nd and 3rd sets @ 40lbs
"Toe Lifts" (lower back): 15 on each leg x 3
Ham Curls w/yoga ball: 2x12
Lat Pull Down: 3x12 @ 65lbs

Then I did 15mins on the elliptical (1 mile in 14:30), short cool-down and stretches.

I feel so much more positive ... even though I'm nowhere near my goal for tomorrow. It's still a little disappointing, but ... maybe it just means I'll lose more next week. Here's hoping

 

[Risty]

I think what you said hits the nail on the head. When I'm in a down mood, laziness kinda goes hand in hand with it. So you're right, when in that mood the best thing to do is workout because you always feel better afterwards! Something I need to remind myself of next time I'm in that situation