<3Cerella's Restarting, Refocused and Remotivated<3

I was feeling like shit today:(I dunno what gives, I guess just ups and downs till im fully better, I dunno.I was absolutly exhausted, so exhausted tha tI actually slept a solid 5 hrs I believe till my alarm clock went of and i wasnt ready to get up but my youngest and I have a deal...I pick her up after outside time at daycare so around 4pm.

I was feeling very sick and nause today...

Hopefully things will get better.

Food today

Red River (3 bites) - just wasnt hungry and it was making me wanna gag.

2 small smokies (I know left overs) 500 cals
4 perogies (a serving) 210

Glass of 1% milk (4 oz) 60
4 oreo cookies ( 2 servings) 240

a cup of mixed veg 100 cals

Silhouette 0 - Vanilla Bean (YUMMY) 40

Exercise - 6.8 miles exercise bike 60 mins
 
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I hope you feel better...I hate being sicke:(. I am glad that did eat pretty well.

And shhh...we'll say 11 km, that still sounds like a lot :p (or we can convert it to meters, and say 11,000 meters :p).

Btw, whats a smokie / smokey? :p (i know it has to be a crazy canadian term)
 
DeepGreen said:
I hope you feel better...I hate being sicke:(. I am glad that did eat pretty well.

And shhh...we'll say 11 km, that still sounds like a lot :p (or we can convert it to meters, and say 11,000 meters :p).

Btw, whats a smokie / smokey? :p (i know it has to be a crazy canadian term)
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Thanx for the smiles and the laughs sweety:)I needed them.Im in a blahhy mood tonight.

I dunno what is going on with me...I had a break down in the car and was crying cuz the steering wheel was locked and i couldn't unlock it, lol.

I think im just tired and weak and run down and sick:(

Anyway, a smokey, is a big fat stuffed weiner I guess is the right way to describe it.Filled with fat and calories but oh so yummy!
 
Wow, I was just reading some of your last posts and ELEVEN miles on a recumbant? I took mine back to walmart and got a regular stationary because like Karl, I couldn't handle it either, lol. Nice job :) Hope you're feeling better ~Lisa
 
i_will_not_fail said:
Hey Relly, I hope you feel better soon!! But great job on the bike when I'm sick I find it very hard to exercise but you did great!!
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Thanx Amanda:hug2:

hickgurltx said:
So sorry sweetie! :hug2:

I hope you're able to enjoy today & the Weekend!

<3 Stacy

*Hang in there!*
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Thanx Stac - im doing better but lots of ups and downs...must be the damn strong anti's

And I appreciate you worrying abt me, lol.

douknowjello said:
Wow, I was just reading some of your last posts and ELEVEN miles on a recumbant? I took mine back to walmart and got a regular stationary because like Karl, I couldn't handle it either, lol. Nice job :) Hope you're feeling better ~Lisa
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Hey Lisa, Ive been thinking abt dropping by your neck of the woods...Just havent been there yet.

My life gets a bit pre occupied with being a single mom to two girls and working nights...

Ive also been a lil stressed out lately and emotional and fight some shit appearantly I didnt know that was reacurring, lol.

Ive been havin major issues lately.

*SIGH*

Anyway thanx for droppin by, the stationary bike bored me and it hurt my ass to much, lol
 
I work nights too. Well I used to work all night shift but now I work 2 nights and 2 day shifts. It can wreak havoc with my sleep schedule, that's for sure. I totally relate to the stress and emotional part. I've been among the functioning depressed many times in my adult life (and sometimes not so functioning) and finally found out I have pcos & insulin resistance which affects my hormones and sugar. Getting treatment for the pcos has helped immensely but I still feel like it's a battle to stay on even keel. I have days where I still feel very stressed out and like I want to cry. I can't wait until I've lost more weight though cuz I'm sure in my case that'll help. Anyway don't mean to be talking all about me. Just was hoping to let you know you're not alone. ~Lisa
 
I really dont like th focus to be on me, lol!So you can come and talk abt you anytime Hun:hug2:

What i mean is you are relating and I appreciate that and like that, thank you.

Ya nights take their turns kickin m ein the ass...some weeks im really good others im not...Ive started meditating and doing Yoga regularly, well daily and since tha ti do great BUT when I stop or get interfered or interecected then I start crumbliong.

I think a big part of it is that Im outta control right now with these damn meds and my emotions...and that doesnt help any...

I have some personal stuff going on and I t hink it is draggin up some of my pushed down issues, some skeltons i guess...

Ive been trying to keep my diary unpersonal but ya know, i think it is time i start using it and journaling in it and using the support I clearly have *SIGH*

Yup...issues resurficing.
 
Wow...I completely relate. I'm sure I'm not the first or last one to notice this but alot of us who have weight issues also have alot of pain to go with it. We also seem to be a pretty caring lot so I guess we end up hurting ourselves instead of somebody else.
 
Honestly i just wish i could love myself...my outside...Im happy with me, happy with life and so on, dont even mind being a single mom...I just hate the way i look outside...

My only inner pain are the scars left form the asshole ex...not never being good enough, which i try hard to no tlet it resurface, but alot of things set me off.I have a fear of getting closer to ppl and when I start building new relationships in general...it gets me touchy, LOL!

Male or female i have a hard time putting myself out there enough...but i think it is more so cuz i need to drag up the past a lil y aknow cuz the past makes us who we are, we need the past brought up enough for insight into who we are:)
 
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the past...

cinderelly said:
Honestly i just wish i could love myself...my outside...Im happy with me, happy with life and so on, dont even mind being a single mom...I just hate the way i look outside...

My only inner pain are the scars left form the asshole ex...not never being good enough, which i try hard to no tlet it resurface, but alot of things set me off.I have a fear of getting closer to ppl and when I start building new relationships in general...it gets me touchy, LOL!

Male or female i have a hard time putting myself out there enough...but i think it is more so cuz i need to drag up the past a lil y aknow cuz the past makes us who we are, we need the past brought up enough for insight into who we are:)
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while i can relate about about having an asshole ex i have to say i disagree slightly about our relationship with the past...i think it only makes us who we are if we let it. rather its our reactions to our past that count. how we choose to react even to painful memories or experiences is whats important & not allowing ourselves to be governed by the actions of others. i really hope i'm not coming across a bitter as thats the total opposite of what i mean!! for eg my father was physically abusive, my mother emotionally so, but i am not abusive to my children (far from it...they rule me!! LOL) & i am very open & trusting of ppl (though also very quick to go all icequeenie if i find they are not as they make themelves out to be!!) i will not let my childhood determine the adult that i am. anyway bitterness makes you feel old!! i'd rather be 90 & happy than half that age & bitter/resentful. don't ever let your ex get you down or affect how you feel right now in this moment. :Angel_anim: (i like that angel smilie but no idea what it means!! LOL)
 
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baglady2713 said:
while i can relate about about having an asshole ex i have to say i disagree slightly about our relationship with the past...i think it only makes us who we are if we let it. rather its our reactions to our past that count. how we choose to react even to painful memories or experiences is whats important & not allowing ourselves to be governed by the actions of others. i really hope i'm not coming across a bitter as thats the total opposite of what i mean!! for eg my father was physically abusive, my mother emotionally so, but i am not abusive to my children (far from it...they rule me!! LOL) & i am very open & trusting of ppl (though also very quick to go all icequeenie if i find they are not as they make themelves out to be!!) i will not let my childhood determine the adult that i am. anyway bitterness makes you feel old!! i'd rather be 90 & happy than half that age & bitter/resentful. don't ever let your ex get you down or affect how you feel right now in this moment. :Angel_anim: (i like that angel smilie but no idea what it means!! LOL)
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I agree, it didnt come out as I meant...I dont mean our past makes us who we are but it definately molds us to a point and explains alot about how we acta nd who we are and what we do...

My mom had abusive parents so did my father...we never touched as children, I had a great childhood, we struggled finacially but my parents are still together and still happy and i have a great relationship with them.

I have raised my children as my parents raised us and i wouldnt change that...and once i became a mom I realized how hard it is and respected my parents alot more.I was also a teen mom.

But i agree on what you said...

 
OH my ex does still effect me but very minor in comparassion to before...he irritates me but it never lasts for long before he would effect me for a long time, now i really dont care so much anymore...it has been 5 yrs mind you...
 
exes...

yes i agree with you too...the past does shape us to some extent.

the ex thing...i could be here all night!! :banghead: but then i do have 3 of them...ex husbands that is!! no ones fault but my own after all i chose to marry them...& eventually to divorce them...just a phase LOL definitely to do with my past experiences at home. an attempt to create the 'perfect family'...

i had hassle for years with the first (y'know you've had too many when you have to number them!!) and you're right only time helps...plus the hope that they move on & accept the relationship has ended...or stop being an asshole!! whatever comes sooner...
 
Im still waiting for something, LOL...He left us and then he was the fucker for ever and the more i push him away and stand my ground the more he does what he can to shake it up...fuckin men!!!GGGRRR...

I hear ya abt the perfect family...I tried fo rway to long with that ass and allow him to come and go to looong...I didnt want to fail and give up I wanted it but ya know...I finally realized it wasnt me and my fault I did all i could do and i gave him chance after chance in general...and he always blew them, now visititation is set adn i dont contact him and we only text, only so he can let me know when he isnt coming...i dont see him or talk to him works best for me...

I had my oldest at 16 yrs old and i wasnt gonna repeat my same mistakes and be smarter...i fell in love we choose to have a baby and he walked out cuz he couldnt handle it...broke my family up and ripped my heart apart...geeesh it took me years to start becoming myself agian...years!

But im single and finally happy agian...Im ok with where my life is and ok with being single with two kids...after all it is his loss, he lost out on 3 amazing woman!!!
 
happily divorced!!

how awful is it that after 3 marriages i finally realised i'm not the marrying kind LOL my last (final hopefully...fingers &toes crossed!!) divorce was 7 years ago now...same year my youngest diagnosed with autism...its as if god looked down & thought how can i stop her from going down that aisle again??i know i'll give her a child with special needs who needs her care 24/7 LOL seriously he knew what he was doing...now i've no time/energy to date!!

that could help explain the weight gain too...but as someone once said to monica in 'friends'...cookies aren't love!! :biggrinjester:
 
:waving: Hey girl long time no see! Wow you are very strong and I comend you on that and you are very beautiful inside and out BUT I do know until you feel that way it's hard to accept when people make nice compliments to you lol well thats me.

Also you are right HIS loss I am dealing with HIS FAMILY and I messaged them and told them how I feel and that not being a part of PEYTONS life is THIER loss ,it is so hard to see your lil the one that has to miss out do to immaturity,irresponsible,and childish people!
Congrats on losing 8+ lbs thats a heack of a start and should keep ya going :)
 
baglady2713 said:
but as someone once said to monica in 'friends'...cookies aren't love!! :biggrinjester:
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HEH HEH HEH - i know how hard it is to put yourself first i never did and still dont really do but you start with little steps ya know...hey your here right...

I have a step son i never see....I was his mom for years and raised him did everyhting with him...obviously he went when the ex went and the ex never allowed me visitation with him, i got tired of gettin close to him agian to have him pulled away from us...

anyway he had big time issues, not special needs but he was one hella handful...he had adhd, ocd and borderline autistic...pathological lier too...couldnt control his anger...expelled and kicked outta school very young...man...

the hardest thing was seeing all my hard wok disappear once he was under his dads influence ya know, i had just had him being a reasonable polite lil boy...with tamer freak outs...

but we are better off, ive raised a child on my own and ive been in a relationship with kids, i prefer beign single, it works better for me, just wish i had more money!!!
 
niapage;567626Also you are right HIS loss I am dealing with HIS FAMILY and I messaged them and told them how I feel and that not being a part of PEYTONS life is THIER loss said:
Totally Tam, I agree:iagree:

as for the 8 lbs i was doing great, you would have been proud of me...then i got this damn infection and gained 10lbs...it is finally coming off only abt 3 more lbs to go to break even...it has bene up for 2.5 weeks...fucking staph infection!!!

Oh and thanx by the way, you too are very beautiful as well inside and out!!!
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