ups and downs and shifting around

I weighed in at 193 this morning. I have been wondering if my weight would slowly creep back up b/c I let my guard down. [McD's here, Subway there, a candy craving last night...] It kinda stabilized, I guess you'd say. Now, as with school, if I put some effort into it...
I managed to get out on my bike yesterday. I did the 5 miles in 30 minute thing again. I like more luxurious rides, like the 14 miles in about 2 hours, but that's something I don't have time for right now. Maybe once the hubby comes home...
And that's another thing, he won't come home. Which is pretty much alright with me, but sometimes I could use another moderator around here. He pointed out to me all he can't do and I shot back with all he could do. It was a waste of time. His parents are pampering him- a meal at Outback, a new video game and cd [that I wanted!!!], mostly dining out and doing his bidding. [I will say, though, that my father-in-law helped me out of a tight spot by buying me some printer ink.] It just seems weird. We also don't agree on painkillers. After I had my kids [both of them] via c-sections [major surgery], once I left the hospital, I never took a pain killer. I took them while recovering in the hospital, yes, but none later. And I never was an addict. I have this weird philosiphy on pain. Anyway, we don't agree. And I don't want a "junkie" around. He's not coming home anyway.
Um... So now you're gonna think I'm weird. I suppose it could be worse.
 
SoSel said:
I weighed in at 193 this morning. I have been wondering if my weight would slowly creep back up b/c I let my guard down. [McD's here, Subway there, a candy craving last night...] It kinda stabilized, I guess you'd say. Now, as with school, if I put some effort into it...
I managed to get out on my bike yesterday. I did the 5 miles in 30 minute thing again. I like more luxurious rides, like the 14 miles in about 2 hours, but that's something I don't have time for right now. Maybe once the hubby comes home...
And that's another thing, he won't come home. Which is pretty much alright with me, but sometimes I could use another moderator around here. He pointed out to me all he can't do and I shot back with all he could do. It was a waste of time. His parents are pampering him- a meal at Outback, a new video game and cd [that I wanted!!!], mostly dining out and doing his bidding. [I will say, though, that my father-in-law helped me out of a tight spot by buying me some printer ink.] It just seems weird. We also don't agree on painkillers. After I had my kids [both of them] via c-sections [major surgery], once I left the hospital, I never took a pain killer. I took them while recovering in the hospital, yes, but none later. And I never was an addict. I have this weird philosiphy on pain. Anyway, we don't agree. And I don't want a "junkie" around. He's not coming home anyway.
Um... So now you're gonna think I'm weird. I suppose it could be worse.
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Imo, having him gone is like you having one less kid around the house to stress you out..lol Seems like most of the time he's more of a hinderance than a help. So if he's going to stay at his mommy and daddy's place, does that mean you're separating?
 
BB, he'll come home eventually. I just don't know when. And he doesn't either. I think he's stalling b/c he's being pampered there and he knows that *gasp* he might be asked to help around here. Divorce is the last thing on his mind. He's much to possesive for that. But he did quit telling me he missed me.

I weighed 192.4 this morning, so I can see that my plan is working. I found a longer route to get to class. I may be avoiding the stairs, except for one class, but I'm definitely getting more steps in. I was proud of myself for finding a longer route. It shows I'm understanding campus more and turning it into an exercise, not just a means. My grades are still rockin', which is great for the first week and some change, and I'm a tutor now. I tutor my best friend [bf] and possibly his bf will join the study sessions. Woot! In exchange for my mad math skills, my buddy has offered to mow our grass and do yard work [my allergies are too bad]. Isn't he sweet?

I'm off for now. Got to shower, read some Psych, get in the car and go!
 
SoSel said:
BB, he'll come home eventually. I just don't know when. And he doesn't either. I think he's stalling b/c he's being pampered there and he knows that *gasp* he might be asked to help around here. Divorce is the last thing on his mind. He's much to possesive for that. But he did quit telling me he missed me.

I weighed 192.4 this morning, so I can see that my plan is working. I found a longer route to get to class. I may be avoiding the stairs, except for one class, but I'm definitely getting more steps in. I was proud of myself for finding a longer route. It shows I'm understanding campus more and turning it into an exercise, not just a means. My grades are still rockin', which is great for the first week and some change, and I'm a tutor now. I tutor my best friend [bf] and possibly his bf will join the study sessions. Woot! In exchange for my mad math skills, my buddy has offered to mow our grass and do yard work [my allergies are too bad]. Isn't he sweet?

I'm off for now. Got to shower, read some Psych, get in the car and go!
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Congrats on losing more! You are doing really well. You'll be in the 180s before you know--you're soo close already!!

Selena, I think you're wonderwoman the way you are handling marriage, kids, school, and weight loss so well these days. :hug2: :hug2: :hug2:
 
Hey Sel:hug2:

Sorry I havn't been around. Your handling everything so well. Kimberly is right you're wonder woman.

Keep up your great work
~Jenna:hug2: :hug2:
 
I dunno what the heck has been going on, but this is the first time in days that I have been able to log in AND get to my diary [still blocked out of some- it comes up as a fatal error]. So here's what's new with me.

My hubby came back Wed. night after a fight with his mom, and life started sucking bad. Friday he blows up at me, I got scared and left for a while [yes, with the kids], and didn't come home until his dad showed up to cool him off some. Things are weird. He took the kids to his parents house after that, and I've been here alone. They'll be coming home tonight. I went out drinking Fri. night and that was crazy. I don't even want to touch that. So I felt like crap Sat until I started drinking and watching the GA game. Well today I'm all sobered up and confused and just trying to make the best of things some way, some how. Besides, Clemson plays tomorrow and I just know they're gonna kick some butt and make me happy. :jump:

I got my weight steady at 192. I dunno what is making the ounces go, but I am so glad that my body kicked in finally. I try to get out on my bike 3 times a week. I rode about 9 miles this morning and really hurt my knee by doing this stupid thing. User error. I felt like such an idiot. I think it'll be ok. And I'm really glad I don't have school tomorrow, in case it isn't.

School is still awesome, but I'm taking it a bit too seriously. Or so I'm told. I can't help it if I strive for the best. It's just me. When I set my mind to it, I want it done. Losing weight is the only real battle I seem to be fighting these days. And, what do you know?, I start school, spend less time trying, and see better results. Granted, I eat less and I've learned to eat healthier, I walk a lot, all over campus and take the stairs vs. elevators, and still bike ride, and park way out of the way when I go somewhere so I have to walk. I just don't worry myself about it.

Oh, and I know I only lost a few lbs this month, but I look so different. My face shape has changed. I dare say that I look prettier. I'll take a pic soon for comparison. My skin looks better, my eyes look bigger- it's like I don't recognize me anymore. I found myself staring in a mirror this morning, soaking it in... "This is me!? Why worry?" And I practiced smiling [I don't smile much] and I noticed one of my bottom teeth is a little crooked [which is weird b/c I had braces] and in my good mood, I thought is was cute. I feel more ready to face the world. Plus-size or not, I'm going to start smiling and feeling good about myself.

And that's my babble for the day. [I'm all loopy and on drugs to prevent a migraine- lol]
 
It's 4 in the morning and I just couldn't sleep anymore. My sleep schedule is all weird. Plus I have some head congestion and a lot on my mind. I can't even begin to explain how I feel these days. It's too much.

I weighed 191.6 this morning, which is great, but I really didn't eat yesterday. I weighed less before I went to bed last night than when I woke up yesterday morning. I've got something[one] on my mind and I can't get away from it. I don't know if this is good or bad or both. Time will tell.

I bought some new jeans yesterday and I'm beginning to doubt if I should have done that. I love the fit, they're very baggy [boyfriend cut], but if I keep losing weight like this, they won't fit for long. One day I'm going to have to learn how to do something and not doubt myself over it. Ugh... It's too early in the morning for me!
 
192 even this morning. I can't believe I'm keeping this weight off! I almost feel tempted to stop right here where I am, lol. :D In this one crazy, drunken 4 day weekend, I have been told twice that I was beautiful [and there was no fishing for compliments involved, just 2 dif guys in 2 dif situations]. Here I sit, with no make-up, minimal style sense, and about 50 lbs overweight, but -darn it!- somebody thinks I'm beautiful. Ah... maybe I'm not sober yet. *shakes head*

I'm getting a sinus infection too, which majorly sucks. I think I might be able to control it if I'm lucky. Last time I got one it morphed into something else entirely and I ended up in the ER with 102.3 temp. Of course, that was the same month my hubby was gone. So I'm a little leery, but what can I do?

Gonna shower and stuff for school. I'm so dragging butt this morning. Only 3 days of classes this week, though.
 
Hey Sel :hug2: :hug2:

Congrats on the weight loss... you're becoming soo healthy. You already are beautiful you can only be looking better and better as you get healthier... mentally and physically.

Keep up the great work with school (where I dont' think you can be too serious) and with becoming healthy. You are doing such amazing things.

I miss you :hug2: Message me sometime when you get a chance... I know your busy... but whenever you geta chance.

:hug2:


 
Wow, SoSel! You're doing wonderfully! (I just did the cliff notes version of both your diaries, so I feel qualified to say so.) I'm sorry to hear about the sinus infection. Get something to clear up your nose quick so the little buggies don't have a snot nest to beed in. (Sorry that that sounded gross.) I find that when I'm sick or under the weather, my weight goes up a bit (my guess is water retention from dehydration and low energy). So don't freak if the scale creeps up a bit. Chalk it up to an off week and start again the following week.
 
SunnySweetpea said:
Wow, SoSel! You're doing wonderfully! (I just did the cliff notes version of both your diaries, so I feel qualified to say so.) I'm sorry to hear about the sinus infection. Get something to clear up your nose quick so the little buggies don't have a snot nest to beed in. (Sorry that that sounded gross.) I find that when I'm sick or under the weather, my weight goes up a bit (my guess is water retention from dehydration and low energy). So don't freak if the scale creeps up a bit. Chalk it up to an off week and start again the following week.
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Yeah, I skipped class, bought some meds, ate some food, and started feeling better. So I went to my second class of the day and started feeling bad again. Grr... Now my hubby is napping and I hafta go get the kids. I would rather be sleeping. Who wouldn't? But I think it won't get too bad. I'm drinking tons of water and all.
And thanks for stopping by the diary. My life is hectic and I'm not shy about sharing my stories. Hehe.
 
Boam46 said:
Hey Sel :hug2: :hug2:

Congrats on the weight loss... you're becoming soo healthy. You already are beautiful you can only be looking better and better as you get healthier... mentally and physically.

Keep up the great work with school (where I dont' think you can be too serious) and with becoming healthy. You are doing such amazing things.

I miss you :hug2: Message me sometime when you get a chance... I know your busy... but whenever you geta chance.

:hug2:
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You're too sweet. I really missed seeing you on here. I'm gonna need a shoulder to lean on. Aunt Flo is back and I'm sick and I can see my weight creeping up. Maybe not, though?

I messaged you. I have more time now. I did a ton of hw over the 4-day [most of it on Friday before I even touched alcohol]. In fact, it's sooo funny, but I can't even remember Sunday. It's insane. So I lived a little. [Freakin' finally!]
:hug2::hug2:Talk to you soon!
 
Hey girl! I'm glad to hear you're losing weight and doing pretty well for the most part. Go you!! I think it's good that you went out and got drunk:beerchug::beerchug:--and even cooler that men are telling you how beautiful you are. Isn't funny that when we do it, it's nice and all, but when a man does it you think, wow, I am pretty! lol Love ya, honey! And so now you know that when you do ditch the H, there will be plenty of men lined up to take his place! ;):hug2::hug2:
 
I weighed 192.8 this morning, which is good considering. I've been weighing myself daily to keep on track. I don't want to walk away from the scale for a week to find out I gained weight. I dunno. It keeps me focused.

Speaking of focused, I need to get ready for school. I'm actually looking forward to the weekend and a break from school. I need to write a paper, actually. Opps. I can't keep letting it slip my mind. And I have 2 tests on the 17th to study for. But it seems like all I do is study. So what now? :confused:

I feel so grungy. Maybe a shower will perk me up. I still feel about like I did when I stumbled outta that bar Friday night. It must be the sinus infection and Flo keeping my system down. Darn them! On the other hand, whereas I'm tired now, Friday night I could have partied forever. lol! And I did!

*deep sigh* Goodbye for now, ladies. I'll check in later. :hug2:
 
I have no idea why I pushed myself to go to school today. First off, I knew everything [I read ahead]. Second, I almost passed out in Psychology. My prof probably thinks I have a thing for older men the way I propped my head on my hands and stared in his direction. Of course, maybe the droopy lids gave me away. And in keyboarding [a class I so don't need], I almost walked out. It took everything I had to keep my eyes open. I was going to lie about the day care calling or something, but I have too high of a personal honor system. I just can't lie. I got caught trying to tell a lie the other night- something stupid- but it always happens like that. And it only came out like that b/c I was drinking.

So I have a little free time before the kids come piling in the house [and I'm way ahead on homework] so I'm thinking about dying my hair back to *gasp* it's natural color. If I can remember what the heck that is. I'm a caramel blonde right now. It's ok, but my brows are so black and my roots so dark it's obviously not me. I'm a dark brown something. Last time I tried this, I ended up with black hair. So not me.

Blah blah blah. I don't even know what the heck I'm going on about anymore.

 
Hey Sel :hug2:

I'm sorry your not feeling well. I used to not be able to lie to professors... then I did it once and it just became natural... I know its horrible ... but sometimes it became necessary for my mental well being.

You are doing soo awesome in school and with life in general. Your weight is going down and staying steady... small fluctuations on perfectly normal and should be expected.

Keep up the great work... I am sooo sooo sooo proud of everything you are doing... if you need anything you know where to find me :hug2:
 
Sweetie, now is the time to take a deep breath, and realise that you're no good to anybody, including yourself, if you get majorly sick. Trust me, I know. I once had to call a professor while lying on the ground in front of my front door (I was inside the apt. at the time) and tell him that I couldn't do my presentation that night because I was so ill. Take care of yourself now. If you have class tomorow, don't go. Lie in bed, drink fluids (don't count their calories), have some soup, and sleep. At least one of your kids is old enough to hold down the fort when they get back from school, right? Let them have microwave meals for a night. See if your husband or his folks can pick the kids up from school.

Take some time for yourself! Give yourself time to heal.
 
Thanks ladies! I feel so much better today. Maybe it's b/c Flo has done the worst of her damage or maybe it's b/c I drink tons of water or maybe it's b/c I finally freakin' slept yesterday. I slept about 12 hours: I had a nap and a full night's rest. I didn't, however, feel good enough to walk forever to classes. I actually parked close to them. *shrugs* I was alert today and that helped. My math prof pulled me to the side and tried to convince me to take another math I don't need, unless I went for a bachelor's degree. And, silly me, I'm considering. How nerdy can one person get? Apparently my grades speak for me. Hehe. :D

I'm starving, but I wanted to check in. I hope to find time to stop in later to reply to messages and post in diaries. Have a good one! :hug2:
 
I'm glad you're feeling better.

What's the harm in taking another math class? What if you decide later to get a BA? You'll have one class out of the way already.
 
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