ups and downs and shifting around

My daughter is better. I know how to treat it.

I'm still working on that darn brief. It's Miller v. Johnson [about an abortion that didn't work out & it's 2 cases in one- both appeals, both reversed]. I say working on it and that means I've read it about 4 times, but haven't set to typing it. I'm exhausted and feeling lazy. I don't want to use my brain. :p

I'm dreading class tomorrow, but I know that once I hit the highway, I'll be set. My sinus problems are clearing up. [I spent some time sunbathing earlier- it helps!] Just a funky day for me.
 
Silly me, I thought I was over my crush, but noooo..... I caught myself looking for his car on the road [even though I know he's working], among other things. I really need a new object to fixate on. Like Edward Norton- so hot! :D Yeah, this is pathetic.

So I got over my panic this a.m. Not sure how, I just stuck to my day and went through with it. Classes were pathetically easy and psych was interesting for a change. I spend so much of that class writing and daydreaming. It's a waste of good money. I'm sure there's always that one class...

And I cornered my hubby into watching our son for the rest of the week so I don't have to pay for day care. YES!! Honestly, he's OUR kid, and the H is just lazy. He doesn't like the responsibility. I know my son is a handful, but c'mon. H's DNA helped form the little monster. I love my son to death and he does try my patience, but I watched him 24-7 for 3.5 years. The H can pitch in a darn week.
 
Hey Sel!

Edward Norton is certainly a good one to pick to fixate on! You won't hear any arguments over here:rotflmao:

Yay! for school being easy. Did you get your brief done?
What did you learn about in psych today?

You're H certainly can give up a bit of time to spend with HIS son. You're right you deserve a break from watching him 24/7 or paying for daycare especially if H is there anyway :)
 
Boam46 said:
Hey Sel!

Edward Norton is certainly a good one to pick to fixate on! You won't hear any arguments over here:rotflmao:

Most people only think he's hot in American History X. Please, even in the Illusionist that guy turned me on. Mmm mmm.

Yay! for school being easy. Did you get your brief done?

Brief is done and it sucks. But it's done. [It's not like the Prof really taught us much about how to do it. The class is super laid-back.]

What did you learn about in psych today?

The psychological development of babies, actually. Factors that enrich/decrease lifestyle, chromosomes and dna, birth defects and the like. Interesting stuff. Next lesson goes into children and discipline and stuff.

You're H certainly can give up a bit of time to spend with HIS son. You're right you deserve a break from watching him 24/7 or paying for daycare especially if H is there anyway :)
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Yeah, dude gets a month off from work after surgery. The way I see it, if he's ok enough to go fishing today, he can watch our son.
 
SoSel said:
Yeah, dude gets a month off from work after surgery. The way I see it, if he's ok enough to go fishing today, he can watch our son.
Click to expand...

Yup, you go girl!! I think some men think their only contribution to helping with the children need be the fun that created them in the first place...:D
 
Today will be better, I just know it. I've already done my 30 minute Curve work-out. All I need to do is make sure I eat right. :D

Yeah, that's really all I have to say this a.m. Have a good day everyone!

:hug2: Sel
 
So far today I've gone to Curves, eaten both a fruit and a veggie, and fixed an important issue at school. As it turns out, my Prof was right in suggesting I take 110. Apparently, I never needed 102 [I do for my degree, but I'll explain furthur]. In fact, I don't even need 110! I'm being switched to 120 b/c I took 110 2 years ago at another school. [lots of numbers and I don't expect any to follow this unless they went to college. ;)]
So, some paperwork and running around and changing my schedule, but I was so ready for it. And now, on Tue and Thurs and Fri, school doesn't start until 11, so I have time to bike ride. And even though money is tight, I'm going to keep my Curves membership. I see no reason not to. It's only 29/mo. We make it work when we want something and I really want to be a size 14 on my birthday. I bought tons of 14's last year when I started losing weight and now we're going to make it happen. And I say we, b/c it's everyone's support that keeps me going.
So, thank you everyone! :hug2::hug2:
 
I had a test today and I think that went well. And I'm not worried about all the make-up work I have to do for statistics. I don't think the class will be too hard. The prof is really nice and is willing to work with me.

No exercise to report today. I'm way too sore from Curves yesterday. Yet, that puzzles me. I didn't get my heart rate up or pour sweat like I usually do, but I pumped the machines pretty hard and I'm sore today. So, did I do well? :confused: My mom thinks that maybe all that bike riding has improved my cardio. Makes me wonder...
 
Hey Sel!

You're doing great... getting in exercise and eating those fruits and veggies! Did you eat some today?

I'm sure you did wonderful on your test! You're so so soo smart!

Let me knwo if you need anything :hug2:
 
Boam46 said:
Hey Sel!

You're doing great... getting in exercise and eating those fruits and veggies! Did you eat some today?

I'm sure you did wonderful on your test! You're so so soo smart!

Let me knwo if you need anything :hug2:
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No fruit yesterday. I really have to get to the store. But I could have had some apple sauce. I just felt bad b/c it's my daughter's for school lunch. It's not a good excuse, really. We're just low on money. We get paid tomorrow and I'll stock up. :D I did, however, get in the veggies. I had onions and bell peppers. Yum!

I only maybe missed one question on the test. I crammed like heck for that bad boy. Not my style, but I didn't take it seriously with all the other tests going on. It's minor compared to the other 3.

Thanks for the offer! You're the best! *big hug!*
 
The H finally came home last night. It only took him 7 hours to get home [it's a 2.5 hr drive] and I can tell that he doesn't want to be here. He was gone 5 days, and not once did he say he missed me. I told him 3 times, the last 2 times just to be nice, and each time he said, "I don't know what to say." The first time I said, "Well, you could say you missed me too." But he explained that he really didn't. He was having a good time and happy. So when he came in last night, I took my son in my arms and didn't even look at the loser. He didn't care. That's the root of the problem. We're emotionally divorced.

So, we did have some fun last night, a little "passion" so to speak. I think it was more like a means to an end. We both want it, we're both there. And I have a little problem with that. It's like cheating on my husband, even though he is my husband. It's not him. The man I love and married. It's some replacement.

I've been trying not to post H issues in here b/c I always felt like I was whining. But I had to let that out. I really don't have anyone else to share things like that with. Believe it or not, a lot of my closest friends are virgins, single, and don't know the depth of relationships. It's a lot to explain.

On another note, I'm thinking about changing majors [again!] b/c I don't know how I feel about the law. I'm going to look into computer fields. I just want a paycheck, a steady job, and to have a little fun. I don't think that a paralegal really fits that for me. And most paralegal jobs are 40+ hrs [you take home work] and I want to be a mommy too. My strengths are math and English. I can pretty much learn anything. I'm at a tech college. Any suggestions outside of health care?

Oh, and I'm serious about weighing under 190 before the end of the week. I'll take 189.8, but I want out of the 190's! I'm drinking lots of water, sorta eating better, and getting back into exercising. I don't mean to be slack. I missed 4 weeks of Statistics class and I'm playing catch-up. I have 2 tests next week, and I just had one yesterday. I'm taking a test today/tomorrow too. It's a lot, but I like the challenge. It's just taking care of myself while I take care of others that I suck at.
 
I'm just a jabber-jaw these days or a typing freak or something! Anyway, I researched some fields that my college offers and I love the sound of this one.

It's an associates in Early Care & Education.

Description:
Work with children and families in child development centers, family and group homes and agencies serving children and families.
Job Opportunities:
lead teacher, teaching assistant, paraprofessional, education specialist, family service worker, director and assistant director

It's not totally clear on a few things, like director of what? But it sounds awesome for someone like me who wants to work and be family-oriented. A lot of the classes revolve around family and child development/education. So even in class I'll be bettering myself for my family [esp. my kids].
The college offers job placement, and it has a higher rate of placement than the University in town. (USCA- not the home of the Cocks, but a branch of the same school.)
Of course, this also means that only one of the classes I am taking this semester means a darn thing in the scheme of things- Psychology 201.
*shrugs* Good thing I'm only 24, huh? ;)
 
Wow, you have a lot on your plate right now. Have you spoken to a school advisor about your interests? Maybe they have some info up their sleeve that would help you decide.

Way to get those veggies in. One eighties. . .here you come!
 
You're doing great honey! Sorry the H is being that way. My H and I are a bit like that, too atm. I don't know about early care and ed. The money in that is not that good as far as I know. Have you talked with a career counselor? I'll bet your college has one. That could be a great thing to do.

Nice job on the fruit and veggies. Veggies are more important than fruit, so don't stess it. Also, I think it's great that you kept your Curves membership. If you worked those machines hard, it's no wonder you're sore. That's strength training, baby. You gave those muscles a good work out. I did the same thing today...lol.
 
Another rough day of cramming my head full of imaginary and practically pointless things. lol! I mean, who cares!? Sometimes I think I'd learn more working -train me on site! I'm learning so much. Why? To prove I can? Give me an IQ test or something. Honestly...

Another disgruntled college student.

Couldn't go to the gym today b/c my arm's too sore and I can't bike ride b/c of the weather. Must be another damn hurricane. I dunno. I don't watch tv. Don't have time if I wanted to.

I bought the funniest shirt today for $2. It's says "Yalevard" then in small print "shhh it's a fake school." I dunno. I saw it and could NOT stop laughing. My first real laugh in a while. And it felt good. I'm glad it was on sale. So, yeah, I left my house for 30 minutes that had nothing to do with the procuring of food or school or child care. And laughed. How eventful!

I got lots of veggies in today, including bell pepper, onion, spinach, and tomato. The fruits are pending, as usual.

I've been to student career advisement, or whatever it's called, and the lady tried to convince me to be an accountant. It was awful! I could not get this woman to listen for anything! I'll try again. And avoid her. It's not that I'm against accounting. I just don't know about it. I don't know anything anymore. I have a test in 2 days.
 
Taking a break from studying to calm my head. I've knocked out HW for 2 classes, 2 to go. That should be an accomplishment.

I'm going to a rodeo tonight, and, let me tell you, being a Southern girl like me... let's just say this... I don't actually see the horses, but I am thinking about horseback riding! I'm excited. I love the energy and beauty and all-around fun of a rodeo. [and the muscular men in tight jeans...] I really need this break.

I'm over my crush. He pops in my head maybe once a day.

I have 2 tests this upcoming week, maybe 3, depends on the Prof. I took 2 last week. I made a 92 on one [and an 85 & 90 on quizzes] and the other I should know about Monday. I'm liking this fast-paced college life. I just don't understand why I'm learning what I'm learning. [see last post]

I missed the gym this morning b/c Curves closes at 12 on Sat. Don't get me started on how that bugs the crap out of me. So I'm going to get my bike out today or tomorrow. The weather has cleared up and it's only supposed to be 80-85 today, which is about what fall is like in the South. I love it! :D



 
The H and I had another huge fight. I don't really know who snapped first [although I dare say it was him b/c I sure as heck didn't throw anything]. Divorce got mentioned, "getting over stuff" got mentioned, all my faults as a human being were screamed into my face, and it ended with something being said that was so hateful and hurtful that, well, I don't know what to do. [It was about my brother, so not even cool. He wasn't part of the argument.]

If only I had a rich uncle or grandparent to bail me out, put me back on my feet, dust me off, and send me into the world.

I don't. I don't have support, much less financial. So, I'm doing all I can, and that means sticking my face in my Psy book so I can ace this test tomorrow. It feels like school is all I have going for me. I don't think I'll be leaving the paralegal field, like it or not. I need that internship. I need the chance to make a few bucks. This situation over here just gets worse and worse.

Oh, and I didn't hit the 180's this morning. I'm not worried. I still need some time to get myself balanced. I really back-slided with all that drinking and partying. *shrugs* Wow, I actually feel like giving up. Go get a job at Wal-Mart, gain 50 lbs, and hate life. Grow old, die young, and not care anymore. So tempting.
 
SoSel said:
The H and I had another huge fight. I don't really know who snapped first [although I dare say it was him b/c I sure as heck didn't throw anything]. Divorce got mentioned, "getting over stuff" got mentioned, all my faults as a human being were screamed into my face, and it ended with something being said that was so hateful and hurtful that, well, I don't know what to do. [It was about my brother, so not even cool. He wasn't part of the argument.]

If only I had a rich uncle or grandparent to bail me out, put me back on my feet, dust me off, and send me into the world.

I don't. I don't have support, much less financial. So, I'm doing all I can, and that means sticking my face in my Psy book so I can ace this test tomorrow. It feels like school is all I have going for me. I don't think I'll be leaving the paralegal field, like it or not. I need that internship. I need the chance to make a few bucks. This situation over here just gets worse and worse.

Oh, and I didn't hit the 180's this morning. I'm not worried. I still need some time to get myself balanced. I really back-slided with all that drinking and partying. *shrugs* Wow, I actually feel like giving up. Go get a job at Wal-Mart, gain 50 lbs, and hate life. Grow old, die young, and not care anymore. So tempting.
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I hope you screamed back all of your H's many faults.:) I'm sorry about your arguement--and I hope you didn't take any of it to heart. Just keep doing what you're doing. Doesn't he ship off to Germany soon? I thought that was in Sept.

You are doing so well with the weight loss, school, the kids, etc. Don't let one bad day bring you too down. You want me to come down there and smack your H around for ya? lol. And you can smack mine around a bit..lol. Ha. He washed my car for me today--without me asking. It's like he knows I'm still kinda mad at him, and is trying to win back my favor..lol. I gave him a bit of the cold shoulder the last day or so.

Anyway, you DO have support here from us. We love ya darlin'! Don't give up--never surrender! haha. :hug2::hug2::hug2:
 
bikinibound said:
I hope you screamed back all of your H's many faults.:) I'm sorry about your arguement--and I hope you didn't take any of it to heart. Just keep doing what you're doing. Doesn't he ship off to Germany soon? I thought that was in Sept.

You are doing so well with the weight loss, school, the kids, etc. Don't let one bad day bring you too down. You want me to come down there and smack your H around for ya? lol. And you can smack mine around a bit..lol. Ha. He washed my car for me today--without me asking. It's like he knows I'm still kinda mad at him, and is trying to win back my favor..lol. I gave him a bit of the cold shoulder the last day or so.

Anyway, you DO have support here from us. We love ya darlin'! Don't give up--never surrender! haha. :hug2::hug2::hug2:
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He leaves in January. And I really want to know, to the best you can know, if I should wait for him like a good wifey or not. I mean, he's not meeting my needs, physically or emotionally, but that doesn't mean I can break vows. If, on the other hand, we're gonna call it quits, then I'll probably spend a lot of time happy just KNOWING that. Screw another man, lol!

Yeah, come down and get to smackin'. My neighbor wants to so bad. She sees how he treats me. I guess I'm used to it.

On the upside, I haven't shed a tear. So I think I was right- we're kinda emotionally separated [divorced] right now. A month ago, I'd have cried on my knees. Today I was all whatever, just detached. Not that I feel great about it.

I really don't think marriage is this traumatic. I don't think a good husband would tell you he wished your brother would die a horrible death so you could feel his pain. I really think I'm married to an unstable toddler. My son is more a man than him. Maybe, one day, someone will truly love me. I just don't think it will ever be him.
 
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