ups and downs and shifting around

I started off the day right with a trip to Curves. :]

I had to take a major test in Psych and I don't know how I did. I don't see getting less than an 80, but you always kinda worry after the fact.

I made a 100 on the keyboarding test I was worried about. :]

I ran around campus all morning trying to find someone to talk to about majors. I went to the computer department and they weren't at all friendly. Ugh. So Accounting is next. I'll see what I can find out tomorrow.

The H and I went out to lunch so I could celebrate my test grade. And I found out that it wasn't a good idea after all. I barely spoke to him. I couldn't look at him. It's awful. I don't know what is going on between us. He acts like we're cool. And we're not.

I just need to get into my books and stick with it.
 
Let's see..

8 mile bike ride this morning, in about 45 mins. I'm no good with timing. Did stretches afterwards. I'm really getting stronger. I guess you'd have to be me to understand.

I'm hungry as heck after that ride. I am trying soooo hard not to over-eat. But it feels like I'll never get enough food to satisfy myself. Thus, I'm here. Trying to divert my mind.

Holding off on the major switch. Prof said it would get better. *crosses fingers* I just feel bored.

H and I are still distant. I think he's trying to warm up to me. [He kissed me on his way out earlier] Can't he see how sick he makes me? *sighs*

Just lonely. A house full of people and I feel isolated.
 
Yesterday defies definition.

Today might not be so good either.

I don't even know what to say anymore. I don't know who I am, what I want, or where I want to go. Much less, which direction I'm taking.

I don't know if I'll be back.

I guess I'll be back, but I don't know if I'll post.

I live in the shadows anyway.
 
i do hope you'll stick around... even in the shadows.. and come out when you feel like it...

people will always listen to whatever you have to say...

not knowing who you are is a common feeling -i think who we are changes over time so if you're in the middle of a change - it's confusing... don't force trying to figure it out - you don't need to label yourself... just l et whomever comes out - be... just being yourself is all that matters...

take care of yourself
 
SoSel said:

He leaves in January. And I really want to know, to the best you can know, if I should wait for him like a good wifey or not. I mean, he's not meeting my needs, physically or emotionally, but that doesn't mean I can break vows. If, on the other hand, we're gonna call it quits, then I'll probably spend a lot of time happy just KNOWING that. Screw another man, lol!

Yeah, come down and get to smackin'. My neighbor wants to so bad. She sees how he treats me. I guess I'm used to it.

On the upside, I haven't shed a tear. So I think I was right- we're kinda emotionally separated [divorced] right now. A month ago, I'd have cried on my knees. Today I was all whatever, just detached. Not that I feel great about it.

I really don't think marriage is this traumatic. I don't think a good husband would tell you he wished your brother would die a horrible death so you could feel his pain. I really think I'm married to an unstable toddler. My son is more a man than him. Maybe, one day, someone will truly love me. I just don't think it will ever be him.
Click to expand...

I completely agree with your last line there. I say this--can you get by financially on your own if you get divorced when he goes to Germany? I mean he would have to pay child support, but would that be enough? I'd talk to a divorce lawyer. You can get an initial counseltation for free. Perhaps you could get alimony.
 
Hey there! Don't leave us!! I'd miss you too much. I think you've been doing so well lately, so i don't know why you're down on yourself. You know, when I was your age I felt similarly--not knowing what i wanted to do, or exactly who I was. I wouldn't worry about it--you'll figure it out. I think most women feel that way in their 20s. :hug2::hug2:

Did you go to the Clemson game today? I saw that they won, and I thought of you.:beerchug:
 
Hey All!

Guess who's back!

I need a boost and I'm prepared to return all favors. I'll also be starting a new diary. I'll try to post a link or something.

So, hello to friends, old and new!

:waving:
 
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