Boam46
New member
We'll help you too!
I don't know if I ever felt comfortable thin... well because I don't even remember being thin =0/
ups and downs and shifting around
- Thread starter SoSel
- Start date
We'll help you too!
I don't know if I ever felt comfortable thin... well because I don't even remember being thin =0/
bikinibound
New member
If that is the case, you should get some counselling asap. perhaps your college has some free service you can take advantage of--or if your insurance covers it. YOu need to love Selena for the wonderful person that she already is--not the thinner person she will become. Losing 30-50lbs isn't going to change your insides--and that is who you have to love no matter what you look like on the outside. I think you've been beaten down over the years, and it's taken its toll. I'm very sorry about that.
SoSel
New member
If that is the case, you should get some counselling asap. perhaps your college has some free service you can take advantage of--or if your insurance covers it. YOu need to love Selena for the wonderful person that she already is--not the thinner person she will become. Losing 30-50lbs isn't going to change your insides--and that is who you have to love no matter what you look like on the outside. I think you've been beaten down over the years, and it's taken its toll. I'm very sorry about that.
I have been and this marriage [no matter how much I love him] has not helped. I went from a verbally insulting father to a verbally abusive hubby. He's not that bad, but he is. Sometimes I tell myself I deserve it b/c I'm so difficult. I have some good friends [here and in the real world] that I try to turn to when I get to hard on myself. But I usually keep things inside b/c I'm scared to tell others how I feel. I've been to counseling a lot in the past. I've been on pills for depression and anxiety. I dunno. Most of what I do I do to myself.
Boam46
New member
Difficult or not you never deserve to be treated poorly. Building some self-esteem and confidence should help you see that. If you ever feel like opening up about anything you know I'm there for you
Maybe some counseling while your going through all these life changes will help you with gaining confidence and a better self-image.
If you need anything just lemme know
SoSel
New member
Let me add this to the discussion. I am actually happy today. I don't feel down or negative. Screw the mirror, financial woes and boredom. There are some good thing going on right now. My sis-in-law bought the kids some school clothes. My hubby is doing some side work today to help with day care costs. I weighed 194.4 this morning. I talked to my brother about a fitness schedule and what foods I should eat. [He's an athlete. He's been a runner -cross country, sprints and hurdles- for 6 or 7 years and a mountain biker and a weight lifter...] Most importantly, he's my little brother and I love talking to him. I'm honestly happy, despite the odds. So don't worry about me today.
Thanks ladies and lots of love for your support!
Thanks ladies and lots of love for your support!
SoSel
New member
Difficult or not you never deserve to be treated poorly. Building some self-esteem and confidence should help you see that. If you ever feel like opening up about anything you know I'm there for you
Maybe some counseling while your going through all these life changes will help you with gaining confidence and a better self-image.
If you need anything just lemme know
Thanks pookie! I know you're right. If I could talk to someone in the know WHILE I'm changing, I'll be set for when it's over. Unfortunately, to get to counseling on my schedule will be impossible once my hubby is gone. [Which is therapy in itself as I learned when he was gone for the month of January this year.] I am friends with a counseler, but he's super busy. I have another friend who's in grad school for counseling that answers a ton of my questions. And I have this forum that lets me get feelings out. And I pray, pray, pray! Oh, and exercise helps battle depression. And school will keep my mind occupied.
However, and hold me accountable, if I get worse and it's keeping me from being the Selena I need to be, I will seek help. Give me a little more time.
SoSel
New member
I have a killer headache right now. There's a storm coming, I can tell. I just watched the Messengers. Not a bad movie, but nothing compared to the Bourne Ultimatum. Hehe. I can't seem to get in gear to exercise. I have to take 2 days off from bike riding b/c of the pain I'm having or did have or kinda still have if I move a certain way. I feel ok, but my brother warned me. It's not like I can't do abs or upper body anyway. And if my head wasn't hurting like this, I'd be making other excuses not to work out. 
Oh, you gotta be honest with yourself.
Oh, you gotta be honest with yourself.
Boam46
New member
I have a killer headache right now. There's a storm coming, I can tell. I just watched the Messengers. Not a bad movie, but nothing compared to the Bourne Ultimatum. Hehe. I can't seem to get in gear to exercise. I have to take 2 days off from bike riding b/c of the pain I'm having or did have or kinda still have if I move a certain way. I feel ok, but my brother warned me. It's not like I can't do abs or upper body anyway. And if my head wasn't hurting like this, I'd be making other excuses not to work out.
I'm sorry you have a wicked headache... pain just sucks
Honestly is the best policy. At least your recognizing that what your doing is making excuses and you can work on it. If you actually recognize it you CAN work on it... otherwise you just have your head up your butt
I hope you feel better soon
SoSel
New member
I'm sorry you have a wicked headache... pain just sucks
Honestly is the best policy. At least your recognizing that what your doing is making excuses and you can work on it. If you actually recognize it you CAN work on it... otherwise you just have your head up your butt
I hope you feel better soon
The pain has diminished amazingly. I had to take 3 types of medicines throughout the day for relief, though. So I don't know if I have allergies, stress, or a common headache. I just took it all! I'm also drinking a cup of hot tea right now to soothe myself. Yummy raspberry. :]
Ironically, I'm a very honest person. I know my faults and am quick to point them out. Probably too quick!
*hugs back!*
SoSel
New member
Food Today
bf- 3 turkey sausage links [those little breakfast ones], 2 biscuits w/sugar-free strawberry jam, coffee, milk, splenda
l- something I created w/pasta, tuna, mixed veggies [peas, carrots, lima beans, corn], cream of mushroom soup, milk, beef broth, a whole array of seasonings and parmasean cheese to taste [it was bland]
d- lasagna [left-overs, it too was bland]
s- raisins
ex- um.... none... battling a headache? typing? cooking? not working for me, is it?
I just wasn't hungry today. Very weird. And it was only in the 90's today.
bf- 3 turkey sausage links [those little breakfast ones], 2 biscuits w/sugar-free strawberry jam, coffee, milk, splenda
l- something I created w/pasta, tuna, mixed veggies [peas, carrots, lima beans, corn], cream of mushroom soup, milk, beef broth, a whole array of seasonings and parmasean cheese to taste [it was bland]
d- lasagna [left-overs, it too was bland]
s- raisins
ex- um.... none... battling a headache? typing? cooking? not working for me, is it?
I just wasn't hungry today. Very weird. And it was only in the 90's today.
Boam46
New member
Sona
New member
Hi Selena, I found your journal! yay!
Nice place you got here!
I read back a few pages and I hope it's ok if I stick my 2 cents in.
After I had my youngest son he's 11 now.
I ballooned up to 275 pounds,
I carried that weight around for about 2 years
I had to take off 90 pounds.
I'm 6 foot so 165-170 is a good weight for me
It was bizarre,
but even at my goal weight,
I still saw a fat woman in the mirror.
I was uncomfortable with the weight loss.
At 275 I was invisible, nobody could see me.
I swear if a person went into a door before me
they let it go in my face like I wasn't even there.
As I got smaller I suddenly became visible.
It was uncomfortable in a way and I resented it.
I mean I liked the attention but it felt funny, shallow.
Especially men,
women were more comfortable with me at a larger size.
There is a mental adjustment to a big weight loss.
That's a whole other story.
Strange I know but somehow I realized
that how I feel about me isn't connected to my actual size.
Now after my surgery I'm up 50 pounds again.
I see that same old fat person in the mirror and I'm invisible.
NOBODY CAN SEE ME
Here we go again!
Nice place you got here!
I read back a few pages and I hope it's ok if I stick my 2 cents in.
After I had my youngest son he's 11 now.
I ballooned up to 275 pounds,
I carried that weight around for about 2 years
I had to take off 90 pounds.
I'm 6 foot so 165-170 is a good weight for me
It was bizarre,
but even at my goal weight,
I still saw a fat woman in the mirror.
I was uncomfortable with the weight loss.
At 275 I was invisible, nobody could see me.
I swear if a person went into a door before me
they let it go in my face like I wasn't even there.
As I got smaller I suddenly became visible.
It was uncomfortable in a way and I resented it.
I mean I liked the attention but it felt funny, shallow.
Especially men,
women were more comfortable with me at a larger size.
There is a mental adjustment to a big weight loss.
That's a whole other story.
Strange I know but somehow I realized
that how I feel about me isn't connected to my actual size.
Now after my surgery I'm up 50 pounds again.
I see that same old fat person in the mirror and I'm invisible.
NOBODY CAN SEE ME
Here we go again!
SoSel
New member
Today has been the strangest day for me. The best thing I can say for myself is that I've been pretty mellow. Just one of those days that life knocks you around, and you can list off all that crap that bugs you, and it all seems so melodramatic. Welcome to my soap opera, more or less.
1. I had to switch around my entire college schedule. So I'll now be going from 9:30-12:30 [not bad] but I had planned on 11-2:30. I don't know if I'll have time to bike ride in the AM as planned. It's almost funny- I care about my class schedule and how it affects my exercising. Two years ago I'd be mad I couldn't sleep more. I can see my commitment level to losing weight is steadily rising.
2. H and paperwork and he promised to do something and he lost it and found it and it's still not done. That's all I'm going to say on that. Oh, and that said paperwork is on a deadline.
3. I have a stomach bug. Nothing tastes right. I lost out on some sleep last night. Grr...
4. The dog ran away. He'll be back soon. I let him outside to potty and he was gone. He should be motivational. He's the only being that wants to run in this 100 degree weather.
And it's really weird how all this stuff normally has me upset and today it's just rolling off my shoulders. I'm, in all honesty, slightly bemused.
1. I had to switch around my entire college schedule. So I'll now be going from 9:30-12:30 [not bad] but I had planned on 11-2:30. I don't know if I'll have time to bike ride in the AM as planned. It's almost funny- I care about my class schedule and how it affects my exercising. Two years ago I'd be mad I couldn't sleep more. I can see my commitment level to losing weight is steadily rising.
2. H and paperwork and he promised to do something and he lost it and found it and it's still not done. That's all I'm going to say on that. Oh, and that said paperwork is on a deadline.
3. I have a stomach bug. Nothing tastes right. I lost out on some sleep last night. Grr...
4. The dog ran away. He'll be back soon. I let him outside to potty and he was gone. He should be motivational. He's the only being that wants to run in this 100 degree weather.
And it's really weird how all this stuff normally has me upset and today it's just rolling off my shoulders. I'm, in all honesty, slightly bemused.
SoSel
New member
Hi Selena, I found your journal! yay!
Nice place you got here!
I read back a few pages and I hope it's ok if I stick my 2 cents in.
Well thank you. It's a work in progress.
Oh yeah. That's what the diaries are for. :]
I totally think that is the case with me. It's kind of an all-or-nothing thing. All this in-between while loosing weight is hard. I'm no longer really big, but I'm nowhere near thin. I can't hide behind food. What I'm doing is obvious and the process is long. I used to go out with friends and eat whatever. Now I'm ordering water and veggie dishes. They act like I'm crazy. They have already accepted me. I haven't. I just need confidence.
Boam46
New member
Today has been the strangest day for me. The best thing I can say for myself is that I've been pretty mellow. Just one of those days that life knocks you around, and you can list off all that crap that bugs you, and it all seems so melodramatic. Welcome to my soap opera, more or less.
1. I had to switch around my entire college schedule. So I'll now be going from 9:30-12:30 [not bad] but I had planned on 11-2:30. I don't know if I'll have time to bike ride in the AM as planned. It's almost funny- I care about my class schedule and how it affects my exercising. Two years ago I'd be mad I couldn't sleep more. I can see my commitment level to losing weight is steadily rising.It is and I'm really proud. However it works out is how its going to work out. You'll get in as much exercise as you can... classes are important too
2. H and paperwork and he promised to do something and he lost it and found it and it's still not done. That's all I'm going to say on that. Oh, and that said paperwork is on a deadline.
3. I have a stomach bug. Nothing tastes right. I lost out on some sleep last night. Grr...
4. The dog ran away. He'll be back soon. I let him outside to potty and he was gone. He should be motivational. He's the only being that wants to run in this 100 degree weather.
And it's really weird how all this stuff normally has me upset and today it's just rolling off my shoulders. I'm, in all honesty, slightly bemused.
I think your learning to allow things to roll off your back and that you can't freak out over things you can not control. I do that too... its great that your not letting it all upset you.
SoSel
New member
food today
bf- 2 pieces french toast, applesauce, coffee, milk, splenda
l- tortilla w/shredded cheese and salsa
s- kettle corn popcorn
d- chicken breasts marinated in lite italian dressing and a whole buncha spices off the spice rack, carrots, 2 pieces garlic bread [whole wheat bread]
s-sugar-free jello pudding cup
I wasn't hungry all morning. I guess the stomach bug cleared about 2:00, b/c I've been hungry ever since. I know I ate a pretty big dinner, but I felt like I needed it. Honestly, this is one of my better days, except I carbed out a lot.
bf- 2 pieces french toast, applesauce, coffee, milk, splenda
l- tortilla w/shredded cheese and salsa
s- kettle corn popcorn
d- chicken breasts marinated in lite italian dressing and a whole buncha spices off the spice rack, carrots, 2 pieces garlic bread [whole wheat bread]
s-sugar-free jello pudding cup
I wasn't hungry all morning. I guess the stomach bug cleared about 2:00, b/c I've been hungry ever since. I know I ate a pretty big dinner, but I felt like I needed it. Honestly, this is one of my better days, except I carbed out a lot.
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SoSel
New member
Ok, sorry, but let me add some no sugar added Rocky Road ice cream to the day. I'm just freakin' hungry!
Also, I noticed some improvement in my soon-to-be abdominal region. [All I have there now is baby fat.] Mucho improvement. Stopped and stared in the mirror improvement. And trust me, vanity is not my style. Makes me wanna do some crunches. And I'm going to!!!
Also, I noticed some improvement in my soon-to-be abdominal region. [All I have there now is baby fat.] Mucho improvement. Stopped and stared in the mirror improvement. And trust me, vanity is not my style. Makes me wanna do some crunches. And I'm going to!!!
bikinibound
New member
I see a big improvement in you from the beginning of your diary. You are more self-assured and not letting things get to you as much. It is very attractive, and I'm so happy for you!