nataliejo's diary: Moving, flowing, grooving forward... change is coming...

a-n-g-e-l said:

i understand totally about the bookcase. i'm like that.i have to have everything perfect to start something and be organized inmy mind and life but the thing is you can never be fully organized because something else will come up and then you have to get organized around that!

the thing with walks is...i hate walking on my own especially at night. i won't do it and i have had people cancel on me and it just spoils the day but you have to remember it is only 1 day that has been cancelled and you can always do some excercise at home. even if it isn't as good as walking.

be careful when you are out and always ry to take someone with you.there are some really crazy people out in the world!

;-)

x
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Hey a-n-g-e-l!
Thanks for visiting. I swear, I have to catch up on everybody elses diaries. Not doiing too well in that department.

I know about walks, and organization is key with my books lol I have series of books ... trilogies etc .. They have to find homes lol they are all stacked aimlessly in my bookcase ..in front of my old bookcase ...
I need to get this new bookcase together. My mom and I are making it our job on Wed, because its supposed to rain all day ..lol hopefully it will get done .. I am looking forward to it being on my wall .. I have these two tinfoil pictures of the bridges in NH and Maine ... and they are during fall and winter. They are just beautiful! I bought them at a fair when I was 16-18 and have never had them up ..finally I get to put them up ... I have a few pics up .. I am putting up "The Kiss" soon ... on the wall where the bookcase is going ... ITs HUGE!

well ttylater :Angel_anim:
love yas
always
natalie jo :coolgleamA:
 
So...
I have taken off a few inches. Its kind of obvious. These jeans, that shrank to a size 22 fit. They are stretchy jeans, but they do fit.

and I am in them for certain! and you all should see the expression on my face and I am doing the happy dance, well not my best, with my back .. but I have been running all over the house like mad! Going through old outfits that I now fit in ... finding things I don't fit in, but will fit in .. in another fifteen to twenty pounds. So by next June I will be able to wear this stuff. But its all warm weather clothes, so figure next year I will have a huge wardrobe!!!

Anyway ... also ... I am wearing an ultra sexy black sweater today. It has no shoulders. I look ultra sexy and I did pull my stomach in to see how I will look twenty pounds less and I will look so very hot and will share pics through Ringo for you all. I look different from the pics, body wise than the one I have on there now, so I will update them soon, once I get a pic taken of me in this sexy Teacher's Pet outfit...

Yes! I have always been Teacher's pet... I hate to admit it ...but I am one of those ...brown nosers lol ...and it works ... my marks are always good, because they take my disorders in account ... Will see what happens ... a couple girls played Teachers Pet in my last lit class...better than I did! oy vey, I hate competition .. I hope this literature teacher isn't hot ..because that makes it worse when you have a teacher you have a crush on ...

He was a student at Harvard... ugh ...oh baby! I can't wait ...but you never know ..he could be this ancient guy who could drill me with questions ..which has happened unfortunately ...especially when I haven't understood the material ... poetry and it was about Adam and Eve ..Robert Frost Poem ... oy vey .. I have never read the bible see, so I had no inkling of the story of Adam and Eve ..so he asked me how the story went ..and I was like .. ugh ........................... I have no clue .... and other people peeped in ..and I was like ..."this totally sucks! I need to read the bible! That is literature too!"

but in this class they have the "old testament" in one of the World lit books ..along with Homer ...Shakespeare ..etc ...

And ..they also have
The Green knight and Sir Gwain ... or something like that ...haven't read that since I was a little girl ... I love King Aurther books ... yea!! and the story about The Green Knight and Sir Gwain is awesome! I am so thrilled about this class

and than I have Intro to Sociology .. that should be a good class ..

U know what .. I have to hang my clothes up again ..darn it ..forgot too

but I look sexy and sophisticated ..you can see the good curves and not the bad ones ... good stuff ...

love ya all
you are all my inspiration .. you keep me going through troubling times :Angel_anim:
always
love yas :coolgleamA:
natalie jo
 
i bet your room will look really good once you finish! you better post some pictures when you can!

well done on shrinking! that should keep you motivted! :party:

glad you are feeling great1 i do tht keep trying old clothes on or my sistas clothes....shes smaller then me..

good luck with classes. im sure you'll be fine...just don't get a crush on the teacher! hehe

;-)

x
 
a-n-g-e-l said:
i bet your room will look really good once you finish! you better post some pictures when you can!

well done on shrinking! that should keep you motivted! :party:

glad you are feeling great1 i do tht keep trying old clothes on or my sistas clothes....shes smaller then me..

good luck with classes. im sure you'll be fine...just don't get a crush on the teacher! hehe

;-)

x
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Well the bookcase hasn't been done a-n-g-e-l ...
lol
I haven't had time. I have to read a lot for class tonight.. so I am just sticking around for a few seconds ..

ttylater
love yas
natalie jo :party:
 
Hey all ..
well I put a ton new pics up on Ringo .. :svengo:
check them out if you wish
here is the link.

These are from Christmas day ...

love yas
always
natalie jo :party:

link:
 

hey how you doing? got that reading done? what about the case?

i haven't got an account on ringo so can't check the pics. :(

hope you are having/had a good day.

;-)

x
 
:waving: Hi NJ
I see that you are now down 7.8 lbs! You are almost half way to your current goal, which is simply smashing!

I hope you had a good Christmas break, and that you are now back into the swing of things with your schooling. You are one dedicated gal!

Just wanted to drop by and cheer you on.

Thinking of you,
ABBA
 
Hi NJ

Hows things going?
Have you weighed for the challenge yet? (page 11 dont forget LOL)

Hope your doing great
Sarah
 
My Food Addiction: My log!

"You don't change the foods you eat. You change the habits."

"Eating doesn't change the outcome of anything but your waistline and self-esteem."

"Perfection is an illusion."

Food for thought:

"In order to have what you don't have, first you must do what you don't do."

Habit:

An acquired behavior pattern regularly followed until it has almost become involuntary."

"A component of addiction is denial."

These are some interesting quotes from Caryl Ehrilich's book called...

Conquer Your Food Addiction.

I am reading it now and see patterns where I follow, things that I do ...it all sounds same old same old, because I have a food addiction ... hmm..

anyway ...
so the first step to the program is to:

Write down what you eat, how much, and how you feel when you eat.

So here goes:

I didn't eat right off the bat this morning, because last night I binged on two vanilla yogurts and four sugar cookies, so I tried to wait until I was hungry. Around ten am I was hungry. So I cooked up

two eggs, scrambled with skim milk, tomatos and onions.

Ok so I was satisfied. We ran out in the rain and brought home some sand with salt, because its raining out and has been all day and very slippery ...

later ...around eleven am .. I ate a few carrots pieces with ranch dip...

seems all good so far, right? not so my friend that was only the beginning. Around eleven thirty I decide to go for a walk irregardless of the weather. I walk for twenty five minutes. Good stuff! I got out and did it and at moments I felt like I couldn't walk along my journey and than I thought it over and realized I could lose weight, but almost faltered in my thinking, until I started reading this book for Compulsive overeaters...

When I came back I opened the fridge door. I ask myself "Why did I just open the fridge. Oh, I know, because I am bored, actually its because I happen to be procrastinating on doing my reading and homework. So not good! Mental note: Don't open fridge door when procrastinating. I felt the computer was not enough time to bide my time, so I went to the fridge again. Finally I decided it would be ok to eat a sandwich. Oh yea. I had two slices of provolone cheese on my eggs. Well I had two slices of cheese with two slices of ham on a Rye bread, but I also slipped in two other pieces of cheese while preparing the food and three pieces of ham while getting the food out of the packages. Thats called binge eating.

So I drank three cups of cocoa, in succession. One after the other, until at the end of the third one I developed a stomach upset, which I still have and have no clue what to do to be rid of it.
So thats what I have done so far, no homework, but a lot of eating!

Maybe, no ..yes I will work at this until I quit these lines of behavior ...until I have a knowledge of how to eat. I can eat anything I want to, but only when I am trully hungry. I can't over stuff myself, but I don't need to stuff. I need to feel "stomach hunger". I think I have finally figured out step one now ... journal entry number one of the rest of my life lol ..

This is high time I did this and now with the support of important books, three journals including, plus this forth one, I should be able to beat this addiction ...

ttylater folks
love yas
natalie jo
 
Hey everyone,
I think now that I know I suffer from this emotional upset about food and I am honest with myself, others, and you ... that this will be an official move forward in my journal. I think I will find myself eating less, writing a hell of alot more quotes and finding peace with in and not with out... food ... I don't need food to bolster me up. What I need is to cut out the diets and get to what is real. And what is real is I have a food addiction, which is emotional...very emotional... from boredom to procrastinating, to anger and frustration ..to rebellion... to not hunger pains, never feeling hunger pains ..because of ever available moment to eat and stand in front of the fridge wondering why I opened the damn fridge in the first place. I go to fold laundry.. I open the fridge .. I realize what I am doing and make decisions on what I should do ...and when I can't think of anything .. I eat ..its time I take my procrastinating emotional days ..and make it better by not feeling the space in myself with food, but with knowledge... and filling out less space eventually and fitting in my jeans better ...

so I am focusing on all fronts ...and I am starting to eat less, now I have to make the next step ...and eat even less ...but more of what I want ...varying degrees ... be nice to myself ...don't beat up myself ... but go with the flow ..and don't let life ..or an obsession with weight ...weigh me down ... I want to lose, but I need to do it just right ... I need to have the right behavior ..and realizing why I am eating or going to the fridge absent mindedly is a new beginning ..asking why I am eating ..why am I craving ...what is it all about ...why did I gain so much weight ...what have I done to myself, with myself .. I am so much better today ... and I am getting better every day ... I am finally in tune with what is going on ..and now I am taking steps to make it stop ...

love yas all
natalie jo
 
Hey Sarah, Janice and a-n-g-e-l!
It was nice to see you had visited..
today I weighed myself and I was 288.8.... from a 293.8 yesterday ...

I didn't binge last night, which was remarkable in itself! lol
These books are working .. I am sworn not to eat out of boredom lol or procrastination lol ... now that I have figured out that is what I do! lol

but anyway
thanks for all the words guys ..
I know my journal is sounding odd, but I need to recover from this disorder and get back on my feet and instead of relying on food to get me through ..rely on myself and my standing, my smarts, and my knowledge ..instead of gnoshing all day!

love yas
love natalie jo :Angel_anim:
 
Hey Nat,

It is great to know that you are taking a positive step forward. Just remember to eat all the healthy stuff that fills you up so that you can eliminate the cravings. I've been having a lot of salads with dressing- I know the dressing is probably not the most intelligent choice but it's always better than food with empty calories.

Also, OooO la la I read the part abt the sexy black shoulderless sweater. Lol....you make me want to buy one.

Anyways, I hope you're doing fantastic otherwise!

xoxoxo
 
misty22 said:
Hey Nat,

It is great to know that you are taking a positive step forward. Just remember to eat all the healthy stuff that fills you up so that you can eliminate the cravings. I've been having a lot of salads with dressing- I know the dressing is probably not the most intelligent choice but it's always better than food with empty calories.

Also, OooO la la I read the part abt the sexy black shoulderless sweater. Lol....you make me want to buy one.

Anyways, I hope you're doing fantastic otherwise!

xoxoxo
Click to expand...

I am doing alright at this time Misty. I miss having friends that are right in front of me lol You are a great friend, if only we lived closer ...as I wish all the people on the forum ..it would be nice to have gatherings ..maybe a weight loss group offline lol

I have been envious ..today ..a tad green right now ... my ex bf has a date ..has been on the date since twelve noon and is still on the date as of now ..and its ten pm ...what does that say ..heh...

I am so freaking jealous .. I wish I could meet a wonderful man lol but all of them are too stuck on what you look like and not who you are in real life ..never judge a book by its cover ..right ..well men do ..they are so freaking visual , its just a ... ugh ...

but anyway .. I have lost a little weight ... I am down to 288.8 ...
so some life in me yet lol

talk to you later hun
love yas
Natalie jo
 
New Ticker ...

I chose a new ticker to represent the positive changes in my life. My life is great, except I miss the acceptance of a man ... I want so to find or them find me ..the right man .. I was on a Big and Beautiful site and this beautiful man wrote me ..he put a smile through .. he is milado ...he has the most beautiful eyes, but I have to wait to tell him until next month when I have the cash or check to pay for the sites addmission, so I can write him mail. He is so sweet, fantastic, a dream. And I feel so far away from him ...lol he likes my pics .. I just have this month that I have to get through until I can write him ..and I feel sucky that I smiled at him and haven't written him for over a month ..

as far as weight .. I actually didn't eat anything last night, but slept in today ..so I didn't eat until ten this morning... lol
but I binged on cocoa today and juice, not good for diabetics lol my sugar was stacked so high. I have finally learned my lesson about juice and cocoa ..no more of those treats .. I have been eating a TON of salads .. I absolutely love Salad .. I am so excited ..

and I have gone down from 295 to 288.8 ...not bad ..

so I will weigh myself Monday and see what the results are for the Vday challenge .. hopefully I will lose six to seven pounds....a pound a week doesnt sound bad

well must run
love yas
natalie jo :Angel_anim:
 
--fattitude--

Am I full of --fattitude--...
I swear .. I am a defeatest... of fatal to myself ...


I want to make so many changes to myself, become a better person, with out changing my core ...

I want to be happy and what would make me trully happy is getting these pounds off, meeting a great guy who will take me with all my faults and all my goodness, I want to get my degree and even if I end up working at a Bookstore, its better than Walmart. I don't know .. I am such a defeatest ..fatalist ...
I can't think of anything good about me ..stuck in the motions

maybe its because my ex now has a gf and I have ..no one .. I am lost ..unsure of what my future will be ... totally and completely lost .. I don't know what to tell you ..except .. I am having a bad night :nopity:

love yas
always :angelsad2:
natalie jo
 
I've gained control!!! I have done it!! :)

Hey peeps who are reading,
I have finally gained control. No more binging... :) I have not been binging much and have not gotten up to eat for the past four nights. I haven't been walking much, the weather is crappy today ...but I have had a loss in weight. The book that I am reading is really helping me understand why I eat, when I eat and what I need to do to stop eating the way I do ..

I need to eat like a "thin me", so I am .. :smash:
I only ate a little veggies, kidney beans and two hot dogs for supper ...

usually I eat 3-4 hotdogs .. I decided I was going to eat small ... we were stuck with the hot dogs, because thats all we had ...but tonight I am cooking something healthy ... its my turn to cook! :)

Well feeling good!:party::party::party:

love yas
natalie jo :Angel_anim:
 
I don't think I am ever going to call my ex, who was my friend again. He told me I am hopeless and that I will not lose the weight... :angelsad2:

I don't think it is healthy for me to talk with him .. I think I need to take a step and get rid of people who don't believe in me and he is a big factor in how I thought of myself. He made me feel like crap over our relationship ..:icon_bs:.

its time for me to make the break ... :smash:

love yas all
natalie jo ..always
 
I've made the break guys .. I am not calling him anymore .. I am just going to update him how I am doing through email ...he doesn't like that I won't call him ..but hey ..if he is not going to play nice ...why play at all ...we can be quasi modo friends

ttylater lovies
love yas
natalie jo ...always :seeya:
 
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