mishi
New member
Just trying to hang on...
The good news is that finally my cold has come over the hill and I am on the downward slid to not being sick. Sadly that downhill road is covered in snot and hacking coughs (tmi I know... don't read my diary while you are eating!! lol).
I went to the doctor today to have a check up and baby is doing great (at least by movement and heartbeat) but my BP is up. I mentioned to her about my cold and my mom and not sleeping and she said she is going to ignore my BP right now and see what it is in a few weeks.
The very very bad news is my mom has Stage 3 Ovarian Cancer. Apparently as cancers go it's a "good" one to get and 51% of diagnosis' are made at stage 3 so they have a good routine for treating but then I read other stats like the 5 year survival rate is 20% and I am just beside myself. I have pretty much completely withdrawn. I haven't really told anyone. I just don't really want to face it. I don't know why it's easier to share here. I don't know you all and this is certainly not a private diary but I guess I need to share somewhere... Just not a lot of people understand. I am on a chat thing with the National Cancer Institute trying to find out what I can do for my mom. It's strange but I don't even know how to act. I am trying to act "normal" and be a ray of sunshine and all that and my mom seems to be handling it well but I wonder if we are both blowing smoke up eachother's asses and if this is the best way to handle it. Hopefully the literature the specialist is giving me will give me some direction. Today is an especially bad day. Just acknowledging the stress that this is putting on me by seeing my BP makes it more real. I have certainly been in a bit of denial.. not of the facts but just if I don't talk about it I am somehow protected from fully facing it. Hard to explain. So I am not in a great space and really stressed and sad and freaked out but not really wanting to share it with anyone. I feel very closed off and don't really know who to talk to. I don't want to talk to anyone I know. I want to talk to someone who may understand which means someone who has gone through this. I just got a lot of info on support groups and places to get info on care-giver roles and whatnot so I will read up on that and see what I can find out. The really sucky thing is that this is hard enough but being 30 weeks pregnant it is almost too much! At least the baby is doing well but I worry what the stress of this will do to the pregnancy. I have to try to figure out how to relax and calm down but how the heck do you do that in this type of situation? My mom has no one really. Sure a few friends and my pain in the ass brother who is being a twerp but there doesn't seem to be anyone there who is there for her. I am expecting to head down there for sure during her surgery and then as she needs me and as I can travel. I love living in my new city but it really sucks that it's so far away for things like this. She will have chemo after the surgery and hopefully it will get rid of it! She is looking forward to having her energy back (the signs for ovarian cancer are very subtle and losing energy is one of them) and she is hoping that when her hair grows back a patch she lost when she was uber stressed many years ago will grow back with it. That is certainly a positive way to look at it. It's going to be a rough road for all of us and I can't imagine how she feels. I just want to do the best by her and see that she is taken care of.
Sorry to vent folks but it has to come out sometime. Thanks for all your support. I hope for the best of course but numbers and statistics have me a bit scared.
Reluctantcabbie- I am glad to hear your wife is doing well. It is such a scary experience! The 5 year survival rate for it being caught in stage 1 would have been 90% as opposed to the 20% she got now. That is so great you guys were able to catch it early and though hysterectomy's aren't a cup of tea by any means being cancer free has to feel great! I hope my mom can be there too.
The good news is that finally my cold has come over the hill and I am on the downward slid to not being sick. Sadly that downhill road is covered in snot and hacking coughs (tmi I know... don't read my diary while you are eating!! lol).
I went to the doctor today to have a check up and baby is doing great (at least by movement and heartbeat) but my BP is up. I mentioned to her about my cold and my mom and not sleeping and she said she is going to ignore my BP right now and see what it is in a few weeks.
The very very bad news is my mom has Stage 3 Ovarian Cancer. Apparently as cancers go it's a "good" one to get and 51% of diagnosis' are made at stage 3 so they have a good routine for treating but then I read other stats like the 5 year survival rate is 20% and I am just beside myself. I have pretty much completely withdrawn. I haven't really told anyone. I just don't really want to face it. I don't know why it's easier to share here. I don't know you all and this is certainly not a private diary but I guess I need to share somewhere... Just not a lot of people understand. I am on a chat thing with the National Cancer Institute trying to find out what I can do for my mom. It's strange but I don't even know how to act. I am trying to act "normal" and be a ray of sunshine and all that and my mom seems to be handling it well but I wonder if we are both blowing smoke up eachother's asses and if this is the best way to handle it. Hopefully the literature the specialist is giving me will give me some direction. Today is an especially bad day. Just acknowledging the stress that this is putting on me by seeing my BP makes it more real. I have certainly been in a bit of denial.. not of the facts but just if I don't talk about it I am somehow protected from fully facing it. Hard to explain. So I am not in a great space and really stressed and sad and freaked out but not really wanting to share it with anyone. I feel very closed off and don't really know who to talk to. I don't want to talk to anyone I know. I want to talk to someone who may understand which means someone who has gone through this. I just got a lot of info on support groups and places to get info on care-giver roles and whatnot so I will read up on that and see what I can find out. The really sucky thing is that this is hard enough but being 30 weeks pregnant it is almost too much! At least the baby is doing well but I worry what the stress of this will do to the pregnancy. I have to try to figure out how to relax and calm down but how the heck do you do that in this type of situation? My mom has no one really. Sure a few friends and my pain in the ass brother who is being a twerp but there doesn't seem to be anyone there who is there for her. I am expecting to head down there for sure during her surgery and then as she needs me and as I can travel. I love living in my new city but it really sucks that it's so far away for things like this. She will have chemo after the surgery and hopefully it will get rid of it! She is looking forward to having her energy back (the signs for ovarian cancer are very subtle and losing energy is one of them) and she is hoping that when her hair grows back a patch she lost when she was uber stressed many years ago will grow back with it. That is certainly a positive way to look at it. It's going to be a rough road for all of us and I can't imagine how she feels. I just want to do the best by her and see that she is taken care of.
Sorry to vent folks but it has to come out sometime. Thanks for all your support. I hope for the best of course but numbers and statistics have me a bit scared.
Reluctantcabbie- I am glad to hear your wife is doing well. It is such a scary experience! The 5 year survival rate for it being caught in stage 1 would have been 90% as opposed to the 20% she got now. That is so great you guys were able to catch it early and though hysterectomy's aren't a cup of tea by any means being cancer free has to feel great! I hope my mom can be there too.
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lol
You are sooo talented!! I love arts & crafts!!! 
<----- seriously that is so how I feel! grrrrrrrrr come on baby!
lol 
