Looking to lose an extra human I apparently picked up along the way

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MrVee said:
It's not so much not wanting to date as it is a more sober, data-driven assessment of my general attractiveness: I'm a 42 year old man with red hair and freckles whose neutral expression makes him look like a serial killer and who weighs 50 pounds more than he should and hasn't dated in almost 15 years. I can only do something about one of those things, and so on that one thing I'd like to be as close to perfect as possible to make up for the rest.
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Hello MrVee,
I don't think you give yourself nearly enough credit. Of course, we (those of us who struggle with our weight) all tend to do just that. You are a good-looking guy with a wicked sense of humor. Keep up the good work of inspiring others on this forum. Thanks.
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Aww MrVee... I really have to say this. I honestly think the weight is something that would bother you more than someone you potentially date. I think you're incredibly intelligent, you seem to talk to people and communicate well, you are being proactive in your health and bettering yourself. Honestly not all women are looking for a super slim or muscle bound guy (despite what you may have heard!) Putting yourself out there is insanely hard but I think you would be denying someone out there of your company because you feel that maybe you aren't good enough. Sure it's something you have to wrap your head around but you already aren't the same person you used to be!
Please take this from someone who actually met the person they are currently married to while they were 20kgs heavier- he saw something and looked past my weight. I had never dated anyone before and it was awkward and I fumbled through some stuff but it changed so much for me as I was at such a low point with myself and he seemed to make everything better and help me with my issues, which in turn helped me lose the weight I'd been struggling with. Sure I've regained a little but that's not something he even sees or or cares about, same with him his weight has gone up and down since we've been together but it doesn't bother me and I support him when hes trying to be healthier (or not).

All I'm saying is what bothers you with yourself likely won't bother many females out there, plus I think you're a catch and you're denying them getting to know a pretty awesome dude.
 
:iagree:

All of the above!

Don't be so hard on yourself. You seem like a great guy and I know, even being 50lbs heavier than you would like, you could still find that woman you are looking for. Personally for me it's more about confidence than looks. And after that, completely about personality. Personality ALWAYS beats looks, any day and time. And the fact that you are doing so much right now to better your health I think would go a long way as well.

And if nothing else, it would get you the experience of going and putting yourself out there right now, and you will be better prepared when you finally feel ready to date and put yourself out there even more.

Of course in the end you will make the decision for yourself whether to put dating on hold or not.
 
icychic said:
Personally for me it's more about confidence than looks.
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I know, but I actually have a chance to improve my looks. My confidence is pretty much a lost cause. :D

I'm not so much putting dating on hold as much as I'm not going to beat my brains in every weekend trying to make something happen. I had put a little bit too much pressure on myself lately on that front.

More importantly, thanks a bunch all you folks for the pep talk. When I start to feel sorry for myself I can become a whiny little rodent and I want to slap myself silly. My apologies.

Fortunately I found a more productive way to punish myself today: a two and a half hour mountain hike. I did this despite getting a cramp in my right calf when I got out of bed this morning. I have a video on my phone of one part of the hike that I'll post when I get a chance. Anyway, by the last half hour it was clear I had bitten off more than I could chew but my car wasn't going to magically transport itself to me so I managed to make it through.

Finally, 219 this morning; a new low.
 
MrVee said:
I know, but I actually have a chance to improve my looks. My confidence is pretty much a lost cause. :D
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Aww. It shouldn't be. Just keep saying "Peak sexy" every time you look in the mirror & don't forget to SMILE :D :D
MrVee said:
Finally, 219 this morning; a new low.
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Well done on the massive ride(hike! edit) & the new low!!!!
Cheers, Cate
 
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I just realized that today is the one year anniversary of me joining these boards!!

According to the first post in this thread, I weighed 336 pounds on that day. So that's 117 pounds lost during my first year here. Thanks a lot to everyone who has visited, and special thanks to those who have been visiting almost the entire time. I probably would not have been able to make it without your support.
 
Thanks for the link (again) Mr Vee. I have come to the conclusion that 1200 cals is too low for me & also starchy carbs seem to be my biggest problem, so have cut them down drastically & have lost 2kg in 3 days. Thanks for your continued support xo Cate. PS I preferred "peak sexy" in your sig- much more human!
 
Happy belated anniversary! 219 is awesome! The mountain hike sounded rough. As far as dating goes it's probably just as well to be open to opportunities than to worry about actively pursuing things all the time.
 
223 this morning. Just way too much backsliding this weekend due to a spate of birthdays.

Going to lay off the sauce for a while as it's in the way of my weight loss (and especially fat loss) goals at this point.

The good news is that my schedule has been ridiculously hectic for weeks now, and I'm finally starting to see some space open up where I'm not scheduled to be running all over town.
 
223 again this morning.

Getting a little tired of yo-yo. Hopefully I can get this back down and keep it going down.
 
So I totally missed the DEXA post. I was surprised it was 30%. 160 sounds terribly low to me, but I get it is accurate. I'm happy to know that the BF% estimator was pretty accurate for you. The "with waist measure" was the read that was the most accurate to DEXA in the clinical study you shared too. I'm at 37.4% by that one. That works out to an LBM of 205.1 lbs. I guess I AM big boned. ;)

I guess I will lose a LOT of LBM because 246 lbs is 20% BF at my current LBM. That's measuring at the navel relaxed and height in socks. Something seems off.
 
Hope things move along again soon Mr Vee. I jumped on the scales this morning, fully expecting a drop & saw a gain of 1/2 a kilo. Yo yoing sucks! Cheers xo Cate
 
It's 12:12 am here, and after a very long meeting this morning and a day full of thinking, I'm very much leaning toward making a HUGE decision that would mean big changes for me (including a change in the "location" tag on my screen name).

When things are going as well as their going on the weight loss front, making such a big change is scary, but I feel it's a job opportunity I can't pass up.
 
Big changes needn't be scary - they can be good.

Weight loss is after all a big change for many of us.

I tended to be on the shy side and met Rod within a few weeks of moving 300 miles when I was young... There is something about getting outside our comfort zone which can make us realise that we need to be a bit braver about meeting new people...

Be brave - it could mean that you go on a wonderful adventure which changes your life for the better. You have after all earned through your hard work a wonderful trim figure to wear for the journey.
 
221.5 this morning. Getting better I suppose.

Blue skies and palm trees are a much more psychologically uplifting part of daily life than dingy brick and bumper to bumper traffic. I will also miss the mountain hiking and living within a 40 minute drive of my parents. There is the possibility I could still live a few months out of the year here.

But it's a very difficult opportunity to turn down, and I just don't think there's any way I can. I have until next week to decide, and I think I can spend a little time mapping out what a day to day schedule looks like fitting in my exercise and seeing how it all fits. My flexibility and freedom will be seriously reduced but will probably still be greater than most jobs. There will be an office I go into a lot, but when the situation makes it feasible, I'll still be able to work from home when I want. The reality is that it's a job many of my friends in my industry would mug me to get, and all I have to do at this point is say the word.

Anyhow the blue skies and palm trees of Phoenix right now are raining, so I'm not sure whether I'm supposed to take that as a sign or just a practical joke. So no mountain hiking today. Tomorrow afternoon seems like a great opportunity though.
 
Sounds like a pretty big decision. Weigh out the pros and cons for both the job itself and the lifestyle change.

It's great to be so close to your parents (especially if you know they aren't planning on moving anywhere), but there is always phone and Skype and vacations. As for the mountain hikes and palm trees, what would be traded for those given where you will be moving to? Sounds like the job itself is a no brainer and that if it was in a different/closer location you'd have already jumped on it, no questions asked. Where do you see yourself in 5 years with your career if you do or don't take the job? Will you be hitting yourself for not taking the shot?

Also, if you took the job and found it really wasn't working, what are the chances you could get back into your current position?
 
The environs involve moving from a metropolitan area of over 5 million people to a much bigger city; skyscrapers and lots of them.

I guess change is just scary and inertia comes with it a certain comfort.
 
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