Llama

Llama said:
I hope I won't be frail too long because I have no relatives close to take care of me.
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Oh lordy I dread for my old age for this exact reason. I hope I can at least keep my wits so I can wander into the wilderness to pass on when I'm struck down by my last illness. Even now I often feel more like a pet than a person, something useless kept alive by vague humane values because I haven't yet crossed the threshold of "this one we can put on the kill list". And if you guys think that this is hyperbole, Finnish hospitals have reportedly signed DNR:s for disabled patients without their consent or the consent of their relatives/caregivers.

Sorry about the glumness.
 
Let's face it: I've looked at places where I could "disappear" even when I'm not a strong walker anymore. Most medical personnel really tries their best but horrible things do happen. Too often.
In Austria you can be charged even for helping a dying person get to a country where assisted suicide is legal. So...
 
Llama said:
Let's face it: I've looked at places where I could "disappear" even when I'm not a strong walker anymore. Most medical personnel really tries their best but horrible things do happen. Too often.
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In my early twenties I studied to become a nurse and had to quit. But I had a summer job working with bed-bound elderly people and that's not something I could handle. Me, an autistic, sharing a room with an Alzheimers patient who wails and cries 24/7? No thank you, I'll rather take a nice long walk on the sea ice.
 
At that point hopefully you'll be surrounded in other happy elderly people, and you can all sit around on the porch in your rocking chairs and talk about your bunions and medications like in the stereotypes of old people! Or maybe you'll open an exercise club for the elderly or who knows what? You are very talented and I'm sure you'll find all sorts of work arounds to aging!
 
I hope so. But at some point most of us become frail and unable to do without a good bit of support. Maybe by then our society will deal with those who can't be independent better than it does now but it doesn't seem to be a priority so I doubt it. I don't remember who told me about their grandpa dying at 103 because he fell out of a tree while drunk but that would be the best way to go :rotflmao:
 
5 pm. Solved my computer issue (go me!) and should be getting started on dinner. But I don't wanna. My stomach says it's hungry but I can't think of anything I want to eat. Which means I'm setting myself up for a binge. Which in turn would mean a sore stomach, bad sleep, and a hangover in the morning. And nobody needs that. Maybe I should have a sweet dinner.
Said it, got up to check what I have in the fridge, and made it. Dinner is a salad with three kinds of greens, three kinds of fruit, half a small avocado, and the rest of that tofu. Oh, and a handful of garlic crackers. That puts me at just under 2100 kcal for the day and I think I'll be done once I finish this thing.
 
Llama said:
Said it, got up to check what I have in the fridge, and made it.
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Well done!!!! :grouphug:

I've been doing the whole "just eat SOMETHING" thing and it has made a big difference. I'm having my second beer now, and because I ate first and I'll eat my overnight oats after this one, that nervous binge feeling just isn't here. Such a simple thing but so effective - "eat to avoid binging".
 
It don't even know if it's ridiculously simple or completely alien to me. It... almost feels wrong to be feeding myself regularly without beating myself up. Like it can't be right and it can't go well? On the one hand I could see the scale being a couple hundred grams down tomorrow morning but on the other it feels like I must have gained weight. I don't know. It just feels... alien. Intellectually I think I'm doing the right thing and I even felt like my pants were a little looser today but at the same time it's like I slipped into the wrong leg of the trousers of time and everything is just ever so slightly off. Repeat after me, Llama: feeding myself regularly is the right thing to do. A well-nourished body will support a more balanced mind. It's ok.

Oh well: fingers crossed for the scales tomorrow morning.
 
Yes, I completely agree with Cate. Don't worry about the scale, getting back in the habit of eating right and taking care of yourself is so much more important than the numbers coming down right away! If I don't start there, I don't have the foundation down for weight loss to happen consistently.
 
Thanks guys, you're all very right.
Llama said:
If I'm down more than 0.3 by Saturday (my other weigh day) I'll make a rule of no days below 2000 kcal but for now I think I'm good.
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Well, I'm down 0.6 kg from Wednesday, for a total of 0.8 kg this week. I kind of hate it (because some part of me still wants to LOSE ALL THE WEIGHT RIGHT NOW!) but I think it's the right thing to do: no more eating less than 2000 kcal/day for a while.
 
Looking back on the week I logged an average of 2240 kcal/day this week, not counting Monday because it was such an outlier. (If I do include Monday it's 2340/day.) And I only went below 2000 once. That makes it feel less scary.
 
Love how you are so logical about this. I think that's such a good way to calm down all the emotions around food and comfort - this works and I can show it with the numbers!
 
Thanks Marsia and Floater. Seeing how much the scales had gone down made me either overconfident or reminded me that overly large deficits make me want to binge. And I was kind of hungry. Then my favorite chocolate was 50% off at the supermarket so I got some. Which lowered my inhibitions enough to ALSO get another kind, at 50% off but only if you got a lot of it. And then I ate 3/4 of it in one sitting, plus a bag or corn puffs that weren't nearly as good as the brand I normally get. I stopped tracking at around 3000 calories yesterday but definitely didn't stop stuffing my face.

Does that mean my new system doesn't work? I don't think it does. I think it means I underate and lost too quickly. So no days under 2000 kcal and ideally not below 2100. I didn't prep breakfast for today and I am super hungry after my high-carb, low-protein, low-fiber binge but my stomach is still feeling very dodgy. So I need to pack enough food (and drink) for the day. Should be glorious hiking weather.
 
Walked for 4 hours this morning (now on top of the Kahlenberg, having lunch and rehydrating) and have about 90 minutes to go. It feels so good! I definitely carbed up this time... :p
 
I looked up pictures of the Kahlenberg. Looks gorgeous! So glad you are not letting a slip up get in the way of good planning! I was allergic to all the burning they are doing here (they burn brush to get rid of it here) and it was super humid. Made me crave chocolate, and I had about 6 squares, which is highly abnormal for me. Guess it was an overeating chocolate day yesterday. We'll do much better today!!
 
Not sure that would be termed an allergic reaction, medically, but I hope you feel better. Sometimes things just are the way they are and we have to accept that. Decided to walk down to the start of the subway in Heiligenstadt instead of taking the first streetcar so I'm walking along the Danube for a bit now. Nice to hear the sound of the water.
 
Well, that was another glorious hike but now it´s super nice to sit on the couch with my legs up, having washed off all the mud, blood, sweat, dust, and sunscreen. It rained a lot this past week so parts of the trail were quite treacherous and I was super slow on the descent. Still: slow and safe is better than fast and risky. Maybe I´m too much of a scaredy-cat but I see the results of fast too often at work. Plus of course I walk alone and cell service is patchy.
Some beautiful views today. The air was very clear so I could see further than usual. Spotted a wasp and two ants fight over half a worm. (The ants won.) A bit further along the way lay the head and thorax of a stag beetle, one leg still attached and waving. Nature is gruesome sometimes but I bet some baby bird was thrilled about mom´s haul.
 
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