Liza

[liza3]

Sorry I didn't explain myself properly! Those ten pounds had nothing to do with you specifically: they're my go-to for "a lot for any woman trying to gain muscle who isn't taking PEDs". Divide that up over the year and you get a monthly muscle gain of under a pound. So unless your reasonably expected weightloss for the past month was less than a pound muscle gain can't be the sole explanation for a lack of weightloss.

Being the strongest and fittest you've ever been is SUCH a big win though!

oh i see--yes thanks for clarifying...yes i don't think muscle gain would be the sole reason--there's definitely inflammation going on too and who knows what else. My deficits at this point don't add up to much so between everything i guess it's not too surprising to not see a loss...but yes it is nice to feel my strongest--especially in my arms which have always been so weak!
Will keep trucking along

 

[Cate]

I think it's wonderful that you feel so fit & strong, Liza. You sound really happy with how you're going. I'll be the 3rd vote for saying yes to a running partner If it doesn't suit you for any reason explaining why shouldn't be a problem & you can go back to running alone.

 

[liza3]

You sound really happy with how you're going.

well i sure wouldn't mind seeing the scales go down, but yes pretty happy with my health lately.
I don't usually come on here more than once a day, but i am feeling like crap tonight with anxiety so thought maybe writing here might help...
I had a pretty good day outwardly. Did my strength and stretch, even started in my garden...got some walking in...but inwardly not doing so well...i am very tired so that might be playing into it. Part if it has to do with one if the ideas I've been pursuing. Feeling like it's pushing me out of my comfort zone. Reminds me why I don't do this...but hopefully my nerves will settle. Maybe will try having a bit of wine to help calm them...

 

[Cate]

Feeling tired will do it for me. If one of your ideas has you feeling super anxious then maybe it's not for you. I quite like my comfort zone. I don't venture out far as I feel my mental health is equally as important as my physical health. I don't do well with stress.
Are you a list person? Maybe list the pros & cons of each of the new ideas. That helped me decide I didn't want to move.
I hope you have a better day tomorrow, Liza xo

 

[Llama]

Sorry to hear anxiety is messing with you. The combination of exhaustion and an uncomfortably new project would do it for me as well. I can only stretch my comfort zone a little bit at a time, sadly, and it seems to have shrunk during the pandemic.

 

[liza3]

Thanks so much @Cate and @Llama
I read your messages last night after I wrote and it was nice to feel the support. Had a very hard evening and bad night with it all. Did have a bit of wine to help calm me (and it takes so little for me so it's a good medicine to have around for those times)

I quite like my comfort zone. I don't venture out far as I feel my mental health is equally as important as my physical health. I don't do well with stress.

yes me too. I love my comfort zone, but i can get so easily stuck in it in an unhealthy way. Unfortunately this level of anxiety is common for me when I try and step out...so it's sort of unavoidable if I want to open to other possibilities.
A pros/cons list is an excellent idea and sometimes works for me, but I think in this case I'll just have to see this through and hope that the anxiety subsides.

The combination of exhaustion and an uncomfortably new project would do it for me as well. I can only stretch my comfort zone a little bit at a time, sadly, and it seems to have shrunk during the pandemic.

Yes exactly. The pandemic shrunk my world. Before covid i was continually pushing into uncomfy areas for me, but when the pandemic came it allowed me to sink into my wonderful introversion without feeling bad about it. Now I feel like everyone is moving on...or well-moved on and I need to start stepping out more again. I didn't think this idea would bring me that much anxiety but it really is hard when one has a disorder--it gets triggered so easily!
Hopefully it will come down with time..

Well despite the gross anxiety I did make overall good choices. Went over my sugar goal by a bit but not overly so. Got my exercise in, ate healthy food...i abandoned tracking calories halfway through the day but did my best to fill it in today. I ended up with a good deficit which makes me wonder if i forgot something, but quite possibly not as when I'm anxious i have trouble eating.

Stretch and strength-30 mins
walk-30 mins
garden-1 hour
calorie deficit -490
sugar calories 406

 

[Llama]

I'm sure that just as you got used to the small comfort zone you'll adapt to pushing against the walls again as well. It just takes time, courage, and lots of gentle self-care.

 

[Cate]

I'm sure that just as you got used to the small comfort zone you'll adapt to pushing against the walls again as well. It just takes time, courage, and lots of gentle self-care.

Just take it slowly & carefully, Liza xo

 

[liza3]

I'm sure that just as you got used to the small comfort zone you'll adapt to pushing against the walls again as well. It just takes time, courage, and lots of gentle self-care.

Just take it slowly & carefully, Liza xo

Yes exactly--it's kind of like getting into an exercise program after too long lying around on the couch! I do like a lot of time alone but connecting with people in deep and significant ways is essential for me. It can be scary for me as I reach out to start a project involving people I don't know but I am hopeful that it will result in some long-term deep connections. And yes, hopefully stepping out more will become easier with practice!

Yesterday I had some anxiety still going around the whole thing, but at a much more manageable level. So I could mostly just let it gnaw at me in the background while I carried on. The worst is when the anxiety gets so bad that I just sort of sit there paralyzed by fear!

Yesterday should have been a walk-run day, but road conditions weren't good (just when I thought spring had begun we were hit with another round of winter!) So it turned into just a walking day instead. Lovely and easy. Beautiful trails. And probably very good for my poor little anxious soul Trees are wonderful friends to have!

Food wasn't too great...lacked veggies...as I mention the anxiety was still churning which makes cooking more challenging. It wasn't terrible. I have a nice pack of mixed greens that can be used as a salad or cooked up so I did have some of those. Had some sauerkraut too....but yeah maybe went a bit heavy on carbs...

Still achieved a bit of a deficit though.

Walk-90 mins
calorie deficit-146
sugar calories-382

 

[Llama]

Walking is great for me when I'm anxious and walking among trees is even better! Sounds like you made it a good day despite the struggles.

 

[Cate]

It can be scary for me as I reach out to start a project involving people I don't know but I am hopeful that it will result in some long-term deep connections.

It scares me too. Kudos to you, Liza for stepping out when it is so much easier to do nothing. Knowing that those deep & meaningful connections are important to you & being prepared to be uncomfortable in the process is a testament to your emotional strength. I love hearing about your walks along the trails & your affinity with the trees xoxo

 

[Emilyrose]

I felt very out of sorts for a long time after Covid Liza and I also felt really disconnected from people. I have taken small steps to get back into the groove and I feel so much better about everything now. Try not to let the anxiety and doubts hold you back from living a great life. In the words of Jimmy Cliff - 'You can get it if you really want; But you must try, try and try, try and try...'

 

[liza3]

Walking is great for me when I'm anxious and walking among trees is even better! Sounds like you made it a good day despite the struggles.

Yes there really is something to walking (and also running for me) that is just so healing!

It scares me too. Kudos to you, Liza for stepping out when it is so much easier to do nothing. Knowing that those deep & meaningful connections are important to you & being prepared to be uncomfortable in the process is a testament to your emotional strength. I love hearing about your walks along the trails & your affinity with the trees xoxo

Thanks so much Cate. Really trying to not let the anxiety limit me too much as it is always so rewarding to make some new deep connections...this latest project of mine is already seeing some really good results...so far worth the pain/fear!

I felt very out of sorts for a long time after Covid Liza and I also felt really disconnected from people. I have taken small steps to get back into the groove and I feel so much better about everything now. Try not to let the anxiety and doubts hold you back from living a great life. In the words of Jimmy Cliff - 'You can get it if you really want; But you must try, try and try, try and try...'

Thanks for the encouragement Emily Will keep trying!

I really am already feeling much better in terms of connections...like I already had a pretty strong base to work from that was established before covid, so at least I have some places that I can kind of start easing back into more rather starting completely from scratch. It is quite disconcerting to see my anxiety get so bad with such little steps, but as I say it's kind of like getting back into physical exercise after being away from it for too long. Hopefully I'll do better over time.

I want to get back into the balance I feel I had before covid where I did have a good amount of alone time but was also very much connected into the community around me.

I had a wonderful outing with a friend of mine yesterday. She took me to a very beautiful place that I hadn't been to in years. It was a really wonderful time with lots of walking and exploring...a little longer than we expected actually...time just slipped away...

Today was weigh-in day....and surprise surprise...still no change...haha i'm starting to give up on ever seeing a change...but some sites i read about on weight plateaus say it can take a couple of months before the body is ready to see that change again...and just to stick to the healthy changes...sounds good enough to me. I figure I'll just keep on aiming for deficits, and keep the healthy eating and movement in and let the body figure the rest out. Like I say I'm not in a bad place at all weight or body-fat or fitness-wise so I don't feel like I have to worry about it.

But yeah--weight 143, Body fat 26%
My pushups up to 16! I like that as a marker a lot for my increased arm strength. Looking forward to when I can get back to trying for chinups again...if spring ever comes back and if they ever re-open that playground...

 

[Llama]

I love the concept of living a good and healthy life and just letting the weight take care of itself, but... It's hard to trust the process. Plus I'm secretly vain Gaining strength is so validating though.

 

[Cate]

It sounds like your life is becoming more balanced & you seem to have a healthy lifestyle, Liza & are in a good place.

 

[liza3]

Gaining strength is so validating though.

Yes it's so interesting...before i started the whole weight loss journey i think i gave very little thought to fitness abilities. I never liked sports growing up so never got involved in that...happily i always liked walking and never relied on cars so i always had that...but yeah never thought to try and increase physical fitness...i was naturally skinny too so never thought about weight...so gaining weight in my 30's made me rethink a lot... and taking on running really changed my perspective on things. I suddenly understood about runner's high, and the feeling of accomplishment, and the wonderful feeling of being so fully in one's body (i think I've always been inside my head)
I have never gotten the same lift from strength training, but I do think i'm starting to understand that feeling more as my usual wimpy arms are starting to feel like my strong and capable legs. They like being used!

It sounds like your life is becoming more balanced & you seem to have a healthy lifestyle, Liza & are in a good place.

Definitely feeling a lot better than last week or whatever it was...feeling that depression of being cut off, then the anxiety of trying to step into community more...now I am feeling a lot more connected and hopeful. I feel really good about this project I started. It combines my passion of community and the environment and is really getting me focused on positive things. I don't know where it will go but it feels like a good beginning.

Yesterday should have been walk-run day, but the road conditions continue to be too tricky for running. I went with the feeling of the day and kept things easy and cozy...i'm sure i went over calories and over sugar calories esp...i didn't keep count as it just felt like a nice day to just enjoy things and not keep count of it all...course i can't afford to go back to that on a regular basis but it's nice to do once in a while Back to counting today. Going to try for at least a good longish walk and keep calories a little lower!

 

[Llama]

I have never gotten the same lift from strength training, but I do think i'm starting to understand that feeling more as my usual wimpy arms are starting to feel like my strong and capable legs. They like being used!

Such a wonderful feeling, and so simple: just noticing and enjoying your body and its function.

 

[Cate]

Good idea having a day off counting & having an easy day

 

[Emilyrose]

I love the idea of our arms and legs liking to be used. I agree!

 

[liza3]

Thanks @Llama , @Cate and @Emilyrose

yes a wonderfully functioning body is wonderful.
Yesterday was pretty good. back to counting, back to deficits, back to proper exercise...
I do wonder if this weight plateau may be saying that if i do want to lose weight, i will have to have bigger deficits...that my body has become too used to this level of exercise and it won't burn the calories like it used to...so i guess it's a reconsideration of how much weight do i actually want to lose and at what cost...maybe it's time to say enough's enough.
While i consider this i am just going to try and stick to the plan as is.

Also i am considering taking some time off from posting here...we'll see...i'm sort of wondering if i need to take a break from thinking about/posting about weightloss...so anyways if i disappear for a bit, you'll know what's happened!