Liza

[liza3]

Ah, those tricky, sticky couches... For reasons that don't matter here I asked a patient if they lived in a bouncy castle earlier and then I realized that would be the most amazing thing ever. No way I'd stay on the couch if I could bounce off it!

Lol! So funny you would like to live in a bouncy castle!

Me too.
Your day sounds lovely, Liza

Thanks Cate

Another not great sleep last night. Waking with anxiety, unable to get back to sleep...blech, I seem to be on a real worry streak. As soon as I stop worrying about one thing, another starts up. Just trying to carry on and wait it out.

I had a nice morning yesterday in the garden and hoping for another garden morning today. In fact I would say my whole day was outwardly positive yesterday--just that damn underlying worry sticking with me...but always good to see that I can do all the positive things regardless. Even made myself play piano last night as I've been neglecting it again. I was tired but actually that almost felt like it made for a better session somehow.

Ate well for the most part. Didn't get a deficit, but didn't go over maintenance which is the more important thing for me right now.

walk-45 min
garden-1 hour
essentrics-30 min
protein-79%
carbs-107%
calories-maintenance

 

[Llama]

Even made myself play piano last night as I've been neglecting it again. I was tired but actually that almost felt like it made for a better session somehow.

When I'm quite tired and do things anyway it sometimes feels like I fall into them more deeply. Like I'm too tired for distraction and buts.

 

[Cate]

I am having a worrying week too & I will take your thoughts with me to golf today. I am going to lean into playing golf & try to put my worries behind me. I am trying to sing "Don't worry, be happy".....

 

[Marsia]

I've been doing that, too, being really tired and doing things extra well because there's no energy left to think about other things while I am doing them. Sometimes tiredness is a good teacher it seems. I hope you can take refuge in your lovely activities and let the worry just go ignored!

 

[liza3]

When I'm quite tired and do things anyway it sometimes feels like I fall into them more deeply. Like I'm too tired for distraction and buts.

Yeah that is interesting. It also feels like my brain stops interfering with my piano playing and I make less mistakes!

I am having a worrying week too & I will take your thoughts with me to golf today. I am going to lean into playing golf & try to put my worries behind me. I am trying to sing "Don't worry, be happy".....

So good to just do the good/healthy/happy things despite our worries. I always feel like it's a special win for the day when I carry on with the day as planned despite feeling anxious.

I've been doing that, too, being really tired and doing things extra well because there's no energy left to think about other things while I am doing them. Sometimes tiredness is a good teacher it seems. I hope you can take refuge in your lovely activities and let the worry just go ignored!

It's an interesting way of quieting the thinking brain I guess...although sometimes when I'm tired I seem to get caught up more in silly worries...the brain is sure a tricky one!

So yesterday the anxiety hung around for most of the day again. But overall it was a positive day. Got a really nice amount of gardening done. Fixed up a little barrier for the cats around the one section, and worked in the soil amendment into the veggie garden, got a few more seeds planted...It's looking good out there. And it was nice as I had a nice bunch of kale and a few asparagus spears from there for my lunch (along with rice and chickpeas.)

Rest of the day was good as well. I overate unfortunately. A lot of it was healthy food, but yeah too many sweets again. I realized after reading Cate's diary, that I could actually include some wine for my extra anxious days and it would be fewer calories than my sweets...but I do like to try and see my anxiety through without alcohol. It can actually sometimes seem to make my anxiety worse the following day...anyway...something to consider. The sweets are so many calories and when I use wine instead it's much fewer as I don't need much and I do love the relaxing feeling it brings...

My evening was ok. Tired again and practiced tired piano playing again

Walk-30 min
Garden-2 hours
protein-102%
carbs-146%
calorie surplus-200

 

[Llama]

Was that your first harvest of this year? Fresh asparagus is so good!

 

[Cate]

I realized after reading Cate's diary, that I could actually include some wine for my extra anxious days and it would be fewer calories than my sweets...but I do like to try and see my anxiety through without alcohol. It can actually sometimes seem to make my anxiety worse the following day...anyway...something to consider. The sweets are so many calories and when I use wine instead it's much fewer as I don't need much and I do love the relaxing feeling it brings...

I think that it is only when you drink more than 1 or 2 glasses that anxiety is worse the next day. If I could have one glass of red wine or one piccolo of bubbles every now & then I could stay within my calories easily & it would help me relax. It's the stopping after one which is the hardest thing. That's why I'm having another month of no alcohol to see if I can cut right back to one & not every day. My sleep is much worse without any alcohol. I have noticed that each time I stop.
Yay for fresh asparagus!
Well done on a 200 deficit

 

[Marsia]

I like the idea of an occasional glass of wine. I always forget that alcohol exists except for using it in cooking. That would be way better than a bowl of ice cream. I've been really thinking about how stress is part physical thing that affects the body just as much as the mind, and I've really been concentrating on breathing and relaxation like putting the massage gun on my neck muscles while we are doing school. I do think it helps me a lot.

 

[liza3]

Was that your first harvest of this year? Fresh asparagus is so good!

It really is lovely. I've actually been harvesting the kale for a while (that is the stuff that over-wintered) and that was my second harvest of asparagus. The crop doesn't look as plentiful this year as past years, but I'm grateful for anything it offers!

I think that it is only when you drink more than 1 or 2 glasses that anxiety is worse the next day

lol--you would laugh at the amount I drink when I do drink Cate. If I have a full glass I'm pretty tipsy! I usually just have a small amount, but regardless if I drink because of anxiety, it tends to come back on worse for me the next day. And then I want to drink again...and so the cycle goes on...I guess that's why I generally avoid drinking even my small amount to cope. But then I overeat on sugar which is a similar cycle which has more calories for me!

Well done on a 200 deficit

unfortunately that was a surplus, not a deficit...

I like the idea of an occasional glass of wine. I always forget that alcohol exists except for using it in cooking. That would be way better than a bowl of ice cream. I've been really thinking about how stress is part physical thing that affects the body just as much as the mind, and I've really been concentrating on breathing and relaxation like putting the massage gun on my neck muscles while we are doing school. I do think it helps me a lot.

yeah it's good to work with the body in regards to stress. I do find that the essentrics program is helping keep my body relaxed. I was holding so much tension before! The other thing I used to like was progressive muscle relaxation.

Yesterday was pretty good. Got some gardening done and my full physio and essentrics session in. I've been good at keeping up with essentrics but have been slacking a bit with the physio so it was good to get that in. Still trying to work out a schedule where I include all the things. The essentrics does seem to be the thing I need most right now--it has released so much tension from my back and I've gotten back so much of my flexibility. It's wonderful!

We're getting a good round of rain right now which is lovely. I keep dreading the idea of summer drought and heat so the rain is always so welcome.

walk-30
garden-30
physio/essentrics-1 hour
protein-60%
carbs-134%
calorie deficit-250

 

[Llama]

I like progressive muscle relaxation as well, but it seems to work best for me when someone tells me what to do live. (Or when I tell my group what to do ) I struggle to do it by myself or by a recording.
Regarding wine: I can drink pure wine anymore. At all. I've become a very cheap date!

 

[Cate]

Essentrics sounds like the go then as does the gardening & that lovely rain. It is so dry here.

 

[liza3]

I like progressive muscle relaxation as well, but it seems to work best for me when someone tells me what to do live. (Or when I tell my group what to do ) I struggle to do it by myself or by a recording.
Regarding wine: I can drink pure wine anymore. At all. I've become a very cheap date!

haha i am a cheap date too...unless someone wants to take me out for dessert!
I found the same with progressive muscle relaxation--better in a group being guided.

Essentrics sounds like the go then as does the gardening & that lovely rain. It is so dry here.

I feel like everywhere we are appreciating good weather systems more. Like really getting it about how climate change can really mess things up and people feeling so grateful when things go well!

Well I hadn't been on a walk-run in a while and boy did it feel amazing yesterday. So needed. It was extra lovely in the rain through the trails. I was drenched and happy and all filled up. No pain afterwards either, so I get to keep moving up in my program. yay!

Ate fairly well yesterday. Anxiety seems to be coming down a bit, but I do have some real life worries that aren't resolved yet so I am still feeling a little stressed.

walk-run--1:3 x 13 (no pain)
extra walk time-60
essentrics-30
protein-87%
carbs-117%
calorie deficit-250

 

[Llama]

Well I hadn't been on a walk-run in a while and boy did it feel amazing yesterday. So needed. It was extra lovely in the rain through the trails. I was drenched and happy and all filled up. No pain afterwards either, so I get to keep moving up in my program. yay!

That sounds magical. I made a pact with a friend to start trying to build up running again by mid May and I'm kind of looking forward to it. No time for the next 2 and a half weeks though!

 

[Emilyrose]

Sorry to hear about your real life worries. I hope things start to resolve for you soon.

All your gardening time sounds great. They say things like gardening and knitting are amazing coping mechanisms for the brain so keep it up!

 

[liza3]

That sounds magical. I made a pact with a friend to start trying to build up running again by mid May and I'm kind of looking forward to it. No time for the next 2 and a half weeks though!

Excellent! Running can bring such joy!

Sorry to hear about your real life worries. I hope things start to resolve for you soon.

All your gardening time sounds great. They say things like gardening and knitting are amazing coping mechanisms for the brain so keep it up!

Thanks Emily. Me too. It's hard because it's one of those things I don't have a lot of control over so it's a practice in letting go while at the same time feeling very affected by it. Just trying to keep on with the healthy things in life.

Yesterday i was feeling a bit down overall, but kept going along and you know there are always the things that make me smile or even laugh and so those are the things I'm trying to emphasize while at the same time trying to go a little deeper with some of the spiritual practices that help me to feel like maybe there is some deeper meaning in it all...
I found a Buddhist course online that I may give a proper go at to help me go a little deeper with the practice.

Official weigh in today--140--I think that was the same as last week, so at least I haven't gained more, but do want to see that dropping back down into the 130's maybe this week.

I would like to give a proper go at really setting a limit with sugar...we'll see. I think if I could aim for no more than 250 calories per day, that would be a good goal. Maybe for this week I will try for 300/day. Yes will do that and post here every day how much sugar to try and stay accountable.

Another rainy day today and happy for it. I hope to go on a run this morning and then meet with a friend this afternoon for a short walk or maybe a tea...

Physio/essentrics-1 hour
walk-1 hour
protein-85%
carbs-149%
calories- surplus 50

 

[Marsia]

Yay for all the rain! If I could I would join a permaculture project to re-green a desert or highly degradated area. If we were financially stable and my arm worked, I would go do that for a few years. I love that you are exploring how to go deeper into spiritual practices that help you access deeper meaning. I think you do so well with managing anxiety and with appreciating the beauty in your life, too.

 

[liza3]

If I could I would join a permaculture project to re-green a desert or highly degradated area. If we were financially stable and my arm worked, I would go do that for a few years.

That does sound like it would be very rewarding. Do you know of specific projects doing that? I think I do a form of permaculture in my space here...but not totally sure--I should research that more...There is a local project here doing something like that with a patch of degraded land--rebuilding back proper soil life with specific farming techniques. I paid them a visit last year and they were just getting it going. I should try and visit there regularly. There seems to be a lot of awareness around soil health these days which is great.

So yesterday ended up to be pretty active. I had to laugh at what cronometer said my deficit was--it said 970! Lol I don't think I ever reached that low before and I'm pretty sure that is an exaggeration of what was real, but it was an active day with not much food, and no sweets...

Morning was my walk-run session. Beautiful. It wasn't actually raining when I went out but dark clouds all around and was just a break between some good downpours. The trails were beautiful and quiet. I don't think I saw anyone on the trails...oh wait yes, just as i was leaving I saw a man and his lovely dog. But yeah got a good run session in and then walked the inner trails in a more quiet/meditative space. The inner trails are better for walking than running.

After the walk, I got home and had a quick lunch and short nap before meeting my friend for a tea. Then we went over to the bike shop and picked up my new bike! yay! I only got a short test ride in, but it rides beautifully and I love my posture on it. I think it's exactly what I'm looking for. Looking forward to doing a proper test ride on it when it gets sunny again.

After I got my bike home, I had to run back into town for a couple of other things...so yeah got a lot more walking in than planned! My evening was very quiet and good. Connected with the family online and then just lay on the couch and played games and watched tv before a very early night.

Walk-run 1:5 x 7 no pain
extra walk time-90 mins
essentrics-30
protein-44%
carbs-59%
calorie deficit-970 (haha probably not!)

 

[Marsia]

Sounds like such a lovely day! I love going out between rain storms - so fresh and twinkly! Are you going to name your new bike? Did it feel really different to ride than bike-y? The permaculture teaching farm I was looking at that did projects abroad was in Florida. It would take me a bit of research to find again, but I could try if you are interested. That's so cool you can visit a local land conservation project. I'd so love to hear about it if you do go!!

 

[Cate]

After the walk, I got home and had a quick lunch and short nap before meeting my friend for a tea. Then we went over to the bike shop and picked up my new bike! yay! I only got a short test ride in, but it rides beautifully and I love my posture on it. I think it's exactly what I'm looking for. Looking forward to doing a proper test ride on it when it gets sunny again.

I find this so exciting! I love that you love your new bike already

 

[liza3]

Sounds like such a lovely day! I love going out between rain storms - so fresh and twinkly! Are you going to name your new bike? Did it feel really different to ride than bike-y? The permaculture teaching farm I was looking at that did projects abroad was in Florida. It would take me a bit of research to find again, but I could try if you are interested. That's so cool you can visit a local land conservation project. I'd so love to hear about it if you do go!!

Don't worry about researching the teaching farm--It is just so lovely to hear of excellent projects like that. I will definitely try and stop by our local endeavour and see what I can learn...I think last year they had just cleared the land of invasive plants and then were starting the process to build the soil back. The guy I talked to was really nice and I'm sure they would be a great group to get to know. It's another one of these where any food grown will go to locals in need. Thanks for reminding me of it--it's not really in an area I often go to so I kind of forgot all about it, but it is something I would be interested in learning more about.

I find this so exciting! I love that you love your new bike already

I may get the chance to give it a proper ride today...I am excited to see how it does on a longer ride!!

Yesterday was a lovely quiet restful sort of day. I also got caught up a bit on laundry and cleaning so that was good...also did a grocery run. Ate well with another nice round of asparagus and kale from the garden. The sun is shining today and would be a good day to try out the new bike (you asked about names Marsia--I'm not sure--I never intentionally name my things but who knows maybe a name will come to me as we ride together...) I may try out the bike today but may save it for tomorrow as it is also knitting group this morning and while I feel more tempted to get out on a ride, I am still trying to expand my social circles a little! And also I totally don't pick up my crocheting until I go to the group...

Walk-45 min
physio and essentrics-1 hour
protein-115% (loving that high protein number after the other day's sad low!)
carbs-118%
sugar calories-377
calorie surpplus-80