Friday, January 6, 2012
Wow..it's been a while hasn't it? One and a half months of pure diet Hiatus...
But I can explain. And I think I need to reflect a bit.
I haven't been losing weight because, in the back of my mind, I was scared and stressed out. Not from losing weight, but from other things - mainly College and getting my Driver's License. These two topics occupied my mind 90% of the time for the past month, and it really took a toll on my day-to-day optimism.
I have never been in College before, so when I registered back in June of 2011 I knew I would have to face my fears sooner or later. I hate change with a passion, and being at my High School for well over 4 years kept me in that sort of sheltered, safe-zone sort of thinking. It didn't help either that my Summer vacation was actually 6 months long. I stayed at home and practically did nothing with my life. But I was comfortable. Bored and a bit chubby and lazy, but comfortable.
Of course, during this time (last days of September, if I can remember correctly), I decided to lose weight. And it was moderately successful. I managed to lose 20 or so lbs from September to November, and they stayed off. I set goals for myself - lose 3 lbs this week, 2 lbs this week, 10 lbs before Halloween, reach 199 before Thanksgiving (which failed). It was all going great. And, best of all, it was easy for me. I had no school, no job, barely any responsibilities apart from keeping my room and the house clean, so I had a clear mind to do what I needed to do to lose the weight.
When mid-November hit and I wasn't able to get the weight off to 199, it hurt me a little. I was actually at 203 or 204 lbs, which is SUPER close to 199, but me failing to reach a weight goal for the first time really dented my self esteem. It was minor, of course, but it was only the start of a downhill trend. After Thanksgiving and stuffing myself, I started to realize that January 4 was getting closer - the day that I would have to start college.
That Thanksgiving night I started to ask myself a few things:
Am I ready for College?
Am I adult enough to do things myself?
Why don't I have my license yet, and am I comfortable with having my mom or dad drop me off every day?
Can I drop all this weight before college?
And then started the dreaded what-ifs:
What if I can't afford college?
What if I can't do the college work and drop out?
What if the work is too much that I only get to sleep 2 hours every night?
What if I'll never learn how to drive?
What if I do learn how to drive, and wreck my car?
What if a random gunner goes to the college and starts shooting everyone?
What if my Driver's license tester person is so mean, I start to bawl my eyes out?
So for the past few weeks these questions and What-ifs have been dominating my mind, keeping me from doing what I wanted and focusing on losing weight. I also had to do things like FAFSA and counseling and all that stuff that kept me on the road - and, consequently, having to resort to fast food for consumption.
But now that's it's January 6 and I just took my first two classes in College, all this doubt and what-ifs and paranoid crap went away. College is...to a certain extent...easy. For me, at least. I took the class and the teachers seem nice, my classmates are intelligent, and the course work is totally manageable. My driving also improved dramatically with very little problems. I still have a few issues with parking, but I'm starting to get it.
So, starting tomorrow (again -_-), I'm going to be focusing on my diet. I already prepared my meal for tomorrow including some snacks to keep me busy throughout the day. And it's 2012 anyway, so heck, I'm going to start it off strong.
Thank you all very much for supporting me even though I've been gone for so long. I appreciate it, and I wish you all the BEST of luck with your dieting ventures.
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My Daily Board
What did I eat today?
One Slice Whole Wheat Bread: 130 Calories
Lettuce: 10 Calories
One Slice Turkey Breast: 60 Calories
One-Half Cup Raisins: 150 Calories
Two Slices of Mozzarella: 180 Calories
Salad Bowl: 20 Calories
Two Fried Lumpia: 336 Calories
One-Half Cup White Rice: 105 Calories
Four Fried Lumpia: 672 Calories
One Cup White Rice: 210 Calories
TOTAL: 1873 Calories
What did I do today?
Nothing yet!
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My Daily Totals
Calorie Deficit:
384 Calories
Calories Burned:
0 Calories
Total Calories Burned:
384 Calories
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My Weekly Message
Starting over is always difficult in the beginning, but you've made so much progress already! 20 pounds off, and you can fit a ton more sweaters and pants now. Just remember to keep your goals in mind: a thinner body, handsomer face, ABS. You can do it, I know you can. You just have to believe! :biggrin:
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