*heavy sigh* back again

Well, I got a huge news flash last night. I'm not a runner. I'm way too jiggly for running especially on the treadmill. My boobs where flopping around (and I have a really good bra...just happen to have a large bust), I couldn't breath to save my life...and today my knees are KILLING me. I managed to complete the whole day one assignment. But I think I'm going to have to put this off till I lose a lot more weight, my body cannot do it.
 
Daily food log update:
B: coffee (100) sf rock star (20)
L: ww bread 2 slices (140) mayo (100) tomato (35) lettuce (10) basil (5) goat cheese (80)
Snack...damit! popcorn (100)
Dinner: 5 oz grilled halibut (150) ww pita (150) goat cheese (80) lettuce tomato onion lemon (35) skinny cow ice cream (150)

It all started a few nights ago when I was chatting online with my honey. He wants some pics of me...you know...the kind a lonely far away boyfriend wants...but I've gained so much weight since the last set of those kinds of photos that we took, like, before all the baby drama, that I just look repulsive. I don't want him to see pics of me like this and then not be attracted to me. That and my surgery scar is still screaming red and looks like I was hacked by a quack when in reality they did they best they could with what they had to work with (which is some severly damanged skin from me being so heavy and then losing weight). I've just felt like crap all day because of all the feelings this all brings up. That, and trying to run last night and realizing I'm just too fat to even jog. So, B calls me today to ask why I havn't sent pics yet and I tell him its because I feel repulsive and I'm not taking pics until I weight what I weighed when he met me. "well, how long will that take...like two weeks?" what am I? Wonderwoman? can I lose weight at the speed of light? Fuck no! so that made me feel worse. "well, how much do you have to lose, like 5-6 lbs?" NO, like 15 you rat bastard! Geez, has he been living under a rock for the last 6 months? is he blind (thats not actually too far fetched...)?

I don't feel like working out tonight because my knees are killing me from my misguided attempt to pretend I can run but I know that if I don't get off my lardy ass and go work out I'm never going to get any closer to my goals. I already missed one goal and it wasn't even a loft goal, I gave myself two weeks to lose 4 lbs and I failed. That has set me back on another major goal to be at least 185 by my surgery date so that if I end up stalling or gaining a litte it won't set me back too much. I'm deathly afraid that I will still be too fat when I fly down to see B and he will reject me. He has no reason to be with a woman like me when he could have so much better and I fear that if I don't lose the weight I will be alone again.
I wish I could perform a frontal labotomy on myself sometimes.
 
Last edited:
hehe...I shouldnt laugh, but that was funny.

the really funny thing is that my boobs flop when I try to run also.....

.........

:leaving:

.......*cough......(awkward silence)..........and I'm a guy.


So I,ve decided that walking is for me....easy on the knees too for the time being.
 
Not much to report here. Rode my bike last night, cooked dinner and watched ghost hunters then went to bed. scale says 189.5 this am, hoping it doesn't go back up again.
 
well, I think the trick is to slow down, but if I did that it would cease to be running and just be walking fast...

We are having a rockin and rollin day, lot of earthquakes and we have two dueling volcano's erupting. was woken up last night around 11:30p to a rolling quake and almost kissed the shower floor this am both over 5 pointers and close to home as we usually don't feel them when they are that small.
 
Food diary from yesterday 8/7
B: Coffee (100) Skinny cow ice cream (150) it was one of those days...sweet tooth
L: ww bread (140) spread (80) goat cheese (80) lettuce & tomato (35) rock star (20)
D: halibut (133) mayo (150) tomato, onion, basil, red pepper flakes (40) lettuce for wraps (25)
S: skinny cow ice cream (150)
Total:1103

Rode my bike after work to the store, library and about a mile and a half with my son who got a new bike yesterday...a faster bigger bike so he can actually ride as fast if not faster then me. I need to fix my back breaks, they are feeling loose.
Weighed in at 188.4 this am
 
Last edited:
I am pissed. On friday I weighed 188.5, today I weigh 193 again. WTF! And I didn't even have any major slip ups or anything this weekend, AND I worked out and was very active. Its nowhere near my TOM. I don't know what happened! I'm ready to just give up eating all together because obviously I can't even eat like a normal person without being a huge fatass. I counted calories all week and didn't go over 1200. I feel like pulling my hair out. I literally cried when I got on the scale this am, and had to get off and get back on four times. how does a person gain over 4lbs in two days without binging on food? I could understand it if I'd been eating non stop but I was very careful.
 
Weight is just a number. Settle down, fucker. :D

If you're doing the right things, you're doing the right things. What you're experiencing is just your mind making excuses to get sad, so it can trick you into giving up and going back to lying on your ass stuffing it full of warm food and cold drinks. Body fat, how your clothes fit, measurements, the mirror, how you feel, all of these things are far more relevant.

Right now the question is this: Who's in charge? You, or the monkey part of your brain? ;)
 
:iagree: It'll be all good Iwan. Don't let short-term setbacks sabotage long-term results. The body is a cyclical beast.

Is it that time of the month perchance? I only ask because you said you cried getting onto the scale and that just seems like one of those PMSy things I would do.

I always gain about 5 pounds during my period no matter HOW hard I'm working out. Which is typically not very hard...

And I have the same boobage issue that you do. You are not alone. Well-endowed women should not be joggers. Not unless they want to be tying their sweater cows around their waist like a belt. :D
 
I'm going to listen to the biological monkey part of my brain because the other part is always wrong.
No, its not time of month either, thats not for another two weeks or so. And I'm pretty much ALWAYS emotional, I cry alot, and its because my SO is so far away and I'm losing the weight so he doesn't leave my fat ass for something smaller and cuter because he deserves better. And nobody jump on the femnazi bandwagon and tell me he should love me for who I am because thats just a lazy ugly chics approach, I should love him enough to work my ass off to make myself a better person. He's the best thing that has or will ever happen to me. At any rate, he's away, I'm alone and its been difficult. So focusing on losing the weight is a huge part of how I get by day to day without having complete mental breakdown. And then this, a huge gain for nothing. If I'd of know I was going to gain four lbs for nothing I'd have eaten an entire pizza and drank a case of beer. At least then it would have been WORTH it. DAMIT!
Focus, does your ticker indicate that you are on a gaining streak? You wanna be 400 lbs? Is that muscle or fat? I must have missed something.
 
Iwan naloseit said:
I'm going to listen to the biological monkey part of my brain because I am irrational and indulging in whining because i have estrogen ... blah blah blah
Click to expand...

Fixed your post. :D

Iwan naloseit said:
Focus, does your ticker indicate that you are on a gaining streak? You wanna be 400 lbs? Is that muscle or fat? I must have missed something.
Click to expand...

Hahahahaha. That's actually my bench press 1 rep max. So I'm trying to gain "255 lbs" of horizontal pushing. :)

I don't have a weight goal for something like the reasons your current spazmodiousness is demonstrating. I don't care what I weigh. It's just a random number. Like time - completely made up, and only useful in a relativistic sense. I measure performance, and body fat. Better, harder, longer, faster, stronger. :flame:

P.S. I have lost over 160 lbs total. ;)
 
And nobody jump on the femnazi bandwagon and tell me he should love me for who I am because thats just a lazy ugly chics approach, I should love him enough to work my ass off to make myself a better person.
Click to expand...

I'm not a femnazi, but I think he should love you who for you are AND you should work to make yourself a better person for you. Not for him. That's just my take though.

No matter what I look like, I don't want anyone to be with me just because they think I'm hot. (Though if they did think I was hot too, that would be great.)

Because I wouldn't want to be with someone who thought like that, and I can't understand anyone who would. If you don't love yourself, it's really hard to convince anyone else to.

And I personally don't think that's a lazy ugly chick's approach, I think that's the approach for anyone who has self esteem.

If you ate a pizza and drank a case of beer before gaining four pounds, it would make you feel better?

I'm not trying to dog you, I'm just giving you a little perspective. I had an SO in the Army so I feel you on the long distance relationship thing. But beating yourself up over a minor blip is not going to help you lose weight for your honey. Try to stay positive and believe in yourself! :eek:
 
maverick said:
But beating yourself up over a minor blip is not going to help you lose weight for your honey. Try to stay positive and believe in yourself! :eek:
Click to expand...

Etc. etc. Thing is, also - it's not even a blip. You just see it as one cause you're not thinking clearly. Sorry if this is patronizing, but I can't help it. You are simply wrong. Take a deep breath, clear your mind, let the love and serenity that is all around you flow in, and pick your guns back up. IT'S A WAR, not a game of cops and robbers. :flame:
 
[Focus];487747 said:
Fixed your post. :D



Hahahahaha. That's actually my bench press 1 rep max. So I'm trying to gain "255 lbs" of horizontal pushing. :)

I don't have a weight goal for something like the reasons your current spazmodiousness is demonstrating. I don't care what I weigh. It's just a random number. Like time - completely made up, and only useful in a relativistic sense. I measure performance, and body fat. Better, harder, longer, faster, stronger. :flame:

P.S. I have lost over 160 lbs total. ;)
Click to expand...

Wow, try not to push any intestines through your muscle walls...ouch. That'd make me poo my pants.

I use the scale to measure my progress because in the past when I've used tape measures its been just as fickle as the scale. Its either, the scale says I gained but the tape says I lost or the tape says I'm a fat ho and the scale disagrees with a loss. The scale is so much easier, I get undressed and I step on. The tape measure...I get undressed, I measure 16 different body parts and compare my measurments from the last time I measure and oh shit, did I hold the tape wrong, did I suck in last time, do I suck it in this time...and why is my right calf almost 1/2 an inch bigger then my left calf? Ya...scale is easier.

I think since I started "dieting" I've lost and gained about 160 lbs in the last two weeks. Unfortunalty it was the same 4 lbs just over and over and over again...
 
Tape measuring bugs the hell out of me. I don't know why. I just don't trust it as an accurate measurement. I'd much rather scale-weigh once a day. Even if the number jumps and down though, I don't stress about it because it all depends on how much food you have "in process", your water intake, etc...

Nothing to slap yourself over, in any case.

IT'S A WAR, not a game of cops and robbers.
Click to expand...

It's on like Donkey Kong.
 
Iwan naloseit said:
I think since I started "dieting" I've lost and gained about 160 lbs in the last two weeks. Unfortunalty it was the same 4 lbs just over and over and over again...
Click to expand...

Yeah, I find measurements pretty useless, also. Tbh, it's all useless, and you won't really be able to see easily observed progress until you're pretty close to goal. It's all faith. Two weeks is a short breath in your life. Give it some time. Take a deep one and you've got some oxygen. Take a few, and you'll start to feel better. Sit in quite repose for 20 minutes (a year or two, in this analogue), and you'll be amazed at what you've accomplished.

Impatient-delusional thinking is the #1 'cause of failures in fitness. Everything else is way, way, down the list. Just trust me on this one. Despite my general goofiness, I do have a bit of an idea what I'm talking about. :p If you never surrender, it's impossible to lose. Therefore, giving up is the only mistake you can make.
 
WAIT A SECOND, I never said I was giving up on diet and fitness, just food. I'm hating it all right now. Anything that can make a scale be so damn mean first thing in the morning is on my shit list. Fitness is something I'll never give up on because even when I was at my heaviest of 260 I could still play ball, hike and be active. Its a fundamental part of who I am. dieting though, trying to lose all this chub, is taking its freakin toll on me right now. Its been one step forward and two steps back for weeks and all I want is to see downward progress, fit into the jeans that I wore last october and walk off the plane in San Fran this october to a fiance who still gets a hard on when he sees me. Is that too much to ask of myself? I don't think so. Now if my body would just cooperate. And I don't think I'm being that impatient. I stared this diary thread a few weeks ago, at 193 lbs. I weighed in this am at 193 lbs. Thats just fuckin frusterating.

Food log:
B: coffee (100)
L: LC (210) Salad (310)
D: LC (210) ww pita (150) hummus (80)
S: yoplait yogurt (100)

Out: 60 minutes
elliptical for 35 min, hear rate @ 153 bpm
treadmill: incline:8.0 10 minutes, incline at 5.0 15 minutes
 
Last edited:
And even more frusteration to add to the heap. Ate on plan yesterday, worked out cardio for 60 minutes, drank lots of water incase I was for some reason retaining it due to sodium. came to work, stepped on the scale, 196. three more lbs in one day. for a total gain of 7 lbs in three days. I don't know what to do anymore.
 
Iwan naloseit said:
And even more frusteration to add to the heap. Ate on plan yesterday, worked out cardio for 60 minutes, drank lots of water incase I was for some reason retaining it due to sodium. came to work, stepped on the scale, 196. three more lbs in one day. for a total gain of 7 lbs in three days. I don't know what to do anymore.
Click to expand...

Stop weighing yourself, because it makes you go batshit crazy like this little guy -> :willy_nilly:. Go read the sticky re: The Scale Mentality.

Other than that, just keep on keepin' on. :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top