HI ALL
So, Ive just returned from my consultant for my 12 week follow-up!
I sometimes need to REMIND myself just how much I have accomplished and just HOW FAR Ive come from that first days-- even my first post!
Im not at re-feed yet-- I have decided to push a couple more weeks... My refeeding program is ordered but I have commited myself to another 4 weeks or so.... I want to get the most out of this!
For me, it is now only starting to get exciting.. I LOVE BEING SMALLER! Its an unbelievable feeling! My head is not so occupied with thoughts of food, fat and flab! Its FANTASTIC! I feel less frantic
, less scared and less FATTY! lol!
No but like realy-- Before the diet, I was constantly worrying about my appearance,what Ive eaten what Im about to eat, how much Ive eaten and how terrible I look! How much my appreance was a affirmiration of just how a BIGGER FAILURE I WAS! I dont have that anymore......
I DONT MISS IT AND I NEVER WANT THAT EVIL VOICE IN MY HEAD BACK! I wish I can explain how relieved I am!
I never did Cohen's for anyone else besides myself and I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE SATISFIED! I LIKE MYSELF AGAIN.. or starting for that matter....
I dropped a total of 5.5kg in the past 4 weeks which is more than my 8 weeks! Im stocked-- on average over the past 12weeks Ive lost ±1.3 kg a week!
I am capable of so much and completing 12 weeks is a confirmation of that! Im not going to lie and say that I didnt stumble or fall or that it was easy-- because It wasnt and its still not-- but Im not longer consumed my by fear and appehension about my own abilities and determination.....
Im content.
I cannot garuantee that I will or can make other people happy---BUT-- I can make myself happy and by doing so I in return give out happiness!
So, do you want some ? LOL
I never thought that this will make such a possitve change in my life and although i have been disapointed in others and people do and say things that are hurtfull.. I know now that my peace lies within me and now one can take that away from me-- the best INVERSTMENT ONE CAN EVER MAKE, IS AN INVERSTMENT IN ONESELF! Strange how I sort of knew all these things before Cohens but I FEEL it more now-- there is a difference...
I spent the weekend with my parents in the bushveld... It was pure bliss and I value the time with my parents so valuable... I didnt deviate ONCE! That was my promise to myself.. I didnt!
The one afternoon, my mom backed bread on the fire in a big black pot-- here we call it 'potbrood'! Now if you ever want to lead me into temptation, then you should dish out one of these... So, I was sitting at the table, eating 'my' lunch whilst everyone was layering pieces of hot steamy bread with butter, home made jams and cheese...... I ate my lunch and them my brain started battling with me-- JUST ONE PIECE--COME ON MAN, JUST ONE PIECE, IT LOOKS SO NICE, I KNOW YOU WANT SOME ECT... it was torture...
I excused myself from the table, went to the loft and I silenty wept.....
I know it sounds crazy but I was so frustated.. I knew in my heart that the guilt will outweigh the pleasure and even if I ate the bread, I would not be satisfied....(I know I did the right thing) its not the bread, its me, its temptation that Im battling!
I too, then realised that Im close to the end of my journey with Cohens and that I need to put my head down now and get down to bussiness...loose these few kg and get it over with! DONT GIVE UP AND DONT GIVE IN!
My dad said to me many times that he takes his hat of for me being so strong and resisting my mothers cooking(that alone deserves and medal)... My reply was... Dad, thank you and your support means allot to me, but remember that In the process Im teaching myself so many things : determination, motivation, self constraint and new food guidelines.... He smiled! That was enough for me!
So, today marks the begining of the end for me...... I am on Cohens for another few weeks, then re-feed, the THE REST OF MY LIFE..... IM EXCITED!
Huggs to all! (LUVBUG. MISSING YOU GIRL
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