Emily Rose: The Reboot

- Hey Rob, that's cool, did you decide if you will attend the wedding or not? Thanks for trying to cheer me up.
- Thanks LaMa. Yeah, I think going with the wrong person wouldn't be that fun. Menthol cigs are just as bad, you're right.
- Thank you Amy.
- Great advice Petal, thank you.

Right, it's been ages. I just haven't been on track at all with food or exercise, and the scales are reflecting that. I'm maintaining just under 180, which I guess isn't the end of the world, it could just be so much better, haha. But I don't feel totally disgusting or anything, so that's good.

What has happened since my last post?
  • Still trying to find a place to live. I have a viewing on Tuesday and I just emailed about a very promising place this morning because both the women in there are early 30s, which means they are probably looking for someone of a similar age, AND it's en suite, which makes life so much easier. No arguments about towels on the floor, etc. It's more expensive than the Tuesday place, and the Tuesday place is probably in a better location, so the ideal scenario would be to get to see both and be offered both, so I get to make the call. Here's hoping.
  • I have been absolutely exhausted the last week. Two weeks really. I think with the travel to Denmark and the weekend away, I had a far more hectic January than normal, and my body was not happy. I went out with some friends last Saturday night, and it was such a bad idea. Got really drunk (way drunker than normal), kissed a farmer guy, didn't get to bed till half 4 in the morning... Those nights used to be easy for me to handle, but not with the stress in work, getting older, and the fact that it's winter time, and I'm already deficit in sunlight and probably lots of other things. I will save the madness for the summer.
  • I had a family occasion yesterday which was for a sad reason (funeral) but I actually really enjoyed meeting everyone. Is that bad?! I did cry a little bit as well, I'm not totally horrible. I had a lovely chat with my second cousin John, he has a 6-month-old baby and works in pipe welding. Totally different lifestyle to me really but he's a lovely fella. So that was good.
  • SG contacted me on Saturday asking me to meet him, cancelled again, and then got back on to me asking if I was still out, as he had changed his mind and wanted me to call over. I was too busy drinking cocktails at the time, so I didn't end up meeting him. But yeah, he's still lingering around a bit.
That's kind of it really, work is very, very challenging at the moment, but it's the weekend so I'm not allowing myself to think about it. I had a glorious 9 hours and 35 minutes of sleep just there, it's great. I also didn't smoke yesterday, trying to get a week done, and see how I go from there. I'm trying to look at it as an experiment similar to the no caffeine one.

The farmer man I kissed on Saturday night had asked me to meet up with him tomorrow but I cancelled because I have absolutely no interest. He took it well, then I was wondering if maybe I should have. But no, I have to go with my gut on this - it will be a waste of time cos I don't fancy him.

No major plans for today - tidy my room, avoid cigarettes and chill are on the agenda. I am also going to try to get some kind of food plan going for the week - loads of veggies, protein, all the good stuff. I just want to feel good. And I had a very indulgent week, so I don't want that again.

I have stuck to the no alcohol on my own/with work the next day so far for 2020, and I am truly delighted with that. It is making a difference I think.
 
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is it bad that I think your life is so interesting? I do the same thing every day and I'm lucky if I eat something other than cereal.
 
Starlight Em keeps a great diary . Em it’s good to see you are having a good time and a social life and lucky you having men chasing you . Enjoy it . Would it not be worth meeting the farmer in a non drunken night to see if you feel differently.

Good on the not drinking alone . That is real progress . Hope you find a good house to rent . Are you voting today ?
 
Emilyrose said:
I had a lovely chat with my second cousin John, he has a 6-month-old baby and works in pipe welding.
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I was wondering why one of the "sponsored searches" at the top of the page was about pipe welding :rotflmao: I definitely don´t think you´re horrible for enjoying social time with your relatives at a funeral: funerals are for the living.
Fingers crossed for the housing possibilities!
 
Sorry about the funeral Em . We often only meet extended families at funerals and weddings so always end up enjoying the chat
 
Hi, Em. Funerals can be a very social occasion here too & that's ok. They are a part of life.
Well done on the not drinking on your own or if working the next day. I think that's excellent.
 
- It doesn't always seem that way to me Starlight, but I'll take it as a compliment!
- I don't fancy the farmer, so I think I made the right decision there Petal.
- Haha, yeah, I might try to throw weird topics in just to see how I influence that sponsored search LaMa! :D
- Thank you Cate, I really am very pleased about that.

I'm not feeling well at all today sadly. It started yesterday afternoon before I went into town. I had some soup and a slice of toast with turkey with a best before date of the day before, and when I got into town, this weird rumbling started in my stomach. I felt very full and heavy and bloated.

I had volunteered to do the reception for a cacao, dance and sound meditation workshop in the evening, and I attended the workshop myself after signing everyone in. Things did not improve. A lot of times, those meditations conjure up a lot of negative emotions and try to expel them, and my stomach felt so nauseous after drinking the cacao and listening to the different gongs and sounds that were part of the thing. I'm still not right this afternoon, it's so annoying. I hate having a sick stomach.

The workshop was something a little bit different. I wouldn't sign up to do one every week, but it was an interesting way to spend a Saturday evening. On top of the sick stomach, my body is very tired. I've slept for over 8 and a half hours for the last 3 nights, and I am still not bouncing around with energy. I've decided to just give myself this weekend to really relax though. No expectations, just rejuvenation. It should help for the week to come.

I might go for another snooze now for an hour, then I want to go into town to buy a rain jacket, as I really need to start going for lunchtime walks, and I want to make it impossible to use the weather as an excuse not to go. It normally looks worse outside than it actually is anyway and I just feel like I'm missing out on sunlight bigtime. I am counting down the days till it's March and I can go for a run in the mornings. I am really excited about this. I need that morning booster to help alleviate the stress. My mum gave me a voucher towards the jacket and I am doing a lot better with money since I moved home anyway, so it's all good.

I just finished reading How to Fail by Elizabeth Day, it's very interesting. Even though she's a beautiful, successful journalist and writer, the insecurity and self-loathing that comes through is really intense. Why are we all so hard on ourselves? Is it a female thing or is it a human thing? Anyway, I'd recommend it.

In other arts and culture news, I went to see Jojo Rabbit on Thursday night. It's about a little boy growing up in Nazi Germany, and it was just so moving and insightful and powerful. I'd highly recommend it.

Right, that's it really. Hoping the week ahead is okay. Trying to not get worried and just go with it. I half-succeeded at that last week.

Oh yeah, one more thing. I signed up for a really interesting meditation workshop next Saturday about overcoming addictions, I am really looking forward to that. I hope it can help me.
 
Sorry to feel you´re unwell; I hope it passes soon! Having a decent rain jacket is pretty much a must in a temperate climate so I hope you´ll find something nice. I was surprised how expensive they were when I tried to find one last autumn.
 
I'm sorry you have had an upset stomach, Em, but good for you still sticking with your volunteering. I need a nice raincoat before Winter too. They are very expensive here too. That meditation class does sound interesting. Hope you're feeling much better when you wake up Monday morning xo
 
Emilyrose said:
...cacao, dance and sound meditation workshop
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This was quite new to me! I'm sorry you went into it with an upset stomach - not ideal. :(

Emilyrose said:
Why are we all so hard on ourselves? Is it a female thing or is it a human thing?
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I'm tempted to say that it's a female thing, but it may be that the extraordinary number of apparently self-satisfied men that I see in public life actually are balancing over great quagmires of self-doubt. It may be.
I remember when I was first getting into scuba-diving, I worried to the friend I was getting into it with that there mightn't be a dive-suit big enough to fit me. (I was then around about a size 16, UK.) She instantly shot back with "Ha! Do you think a single one of the men in the learners' group have had the slightest qualm about that, ever?"
And I realised that no, they never would. So from a sample of one, I think it's a female thing!
But I guess regardless, the point is to stop doing it to ourselves - and it's a difficult frame of mind to get out of, a long project, that, longer than the weight-loss! Thanks for the book recommendation - I see that she also runs a podcast: How To Fail With Elizabeth Day

Thanks for the film recommendation, too. It sounds like a challenging film? I quail at those, rather - but a thought-provoking film is so much better than a mind-numbing one.

All the best for a good week this week. :seeya:
 
Did you get a raincoat Em , I got a nice one last year in SportsDirect . Also regatta have some good ones .
Hope your week is good for you .
 
- Yeah, jackets are very expensive LaMa. I got a black lightish one for 80 euro, so I was happy with that. I don't need a heavy one when we're coming into the spring/summertime.
- Thanks Cate, I'm not 100% yet, but I'm definitely a lot better.
- Thanks for your lovely reply Amy. I wouldn't say the film is challenging - I found it really funny and quite optimistic actually, despite the subject matter.
- I got it in the Outdoor Adventure Store, I don't even know what the brand is, haha. It fit, it's a dark colour, that's all I care about, lol.

Well guys, I have news...
I got a house! :party:
It was a bit of an ordeal to find, but finally, luck was on my side this evening, and I am moving into my new home tomorrow. I was going to wait till the weekend, but then I thought, 'Feckit, why delay things?' So straight into the next phase of my life tomorrow evening. I really hope this one works out. The landlord is absolutely lovely, and the two girls in the house seem nice as well. When I went in, they were in the living room and there was a stove burning a lovely fire, so I won't even have to miss out on that! I will probably have to learn how to light the fire, haha.

I have yet to break the news to my parents, but I'll be back and forth a good bit this week anyway getting all the stuff I need. I'm really excited. I really love being at home but I just need my independence back. I want to start cooking again.

There is a huge kitchen and another living area attached to that, which is really handy if you had friends visiting and you wanted your own place to hang out. The room is a decent size and it's in a nice area close enough to work, plus rent is extremely reasonable (cheaper than last place), so all in all, I am thrilled.

I went to see it tonight and she texted me back a couple of hours later to say the room was mine if I wanted it. :)

I actually went to see another place tonight as well, the two girls there were lovely, I actually had a really enjoyable half an hour or so chatting to them. That house isn't in as good a location and was a lot more expensive, so it's worked out the way I wanted it to, but it was a fun evening all the same.

Busy few days ahead now hauling all my stuff across town, but it has to be done.

I also made out a new exercise schedule today, going to kick that off tomorrow morning. A change often results in a new surge of energy for me, so I'm feeling quite positive about things again. Still very tired though, I need to shake that off quick.
 
New house!!! Oh, this is brilliant!! :hurray: It sounds great, especially the big living areas - good that it's close to work too, and cheaper than before. Lovely about being free to cook more as you like (will meals be communal?) and lovely about the charge of change-induced energy as well! When you say "hauling... stuff across town" does that include furniture? The other girls, in the house not taken, sound good, too - mayeb you can invite them round sometime?
(Is there a garden?)
Best, best wishes for living in the new place! :)
 
Congratulations on finding a new place! I hope you´ll be so happy there and get along splendidly with your new housemates.
 
Very happy to read some lovely good news for you Em . A change is great and as good as a rest . Your new coat sounds grand . Happy walking in it .
 
- Thank you so much Amy. It's fully furnished, I just mean my clothes and things. No communal cooking so far, that's not really my thing anyway. Way too much pressure.
- Thanks LaMa. So far, so good.
- Cheers Cate!
- Thanks Petal.

Tonight, I had a moment. I made the right choice. And it feels really good, I have to say.

The background: My friend left a voice message on our group chat earlier to say her and her boyfriend were having a 'Palentine's Night' this evening for all their pals - just a relaxed evening with some takeaway food, wine, beers, etc. It sounded really lovely. They are such a nice couple and I've really got closer with both of them over the last couple of years. Anyway, I went to the shop after work and bought some wine for me and a bottle of Bailey's and some maltesers for them. I had replied to say I'd be over around 8, and Allie must have realised I thought that the gathering was happening tonight, cos she texted me and said that it was actually happening tomorrow night. I said that was no problem.

The dilemma: And now, suddenly, I found myself at a loose end on a Friday night with a full bottle of white wine and bottle of Bailey's at my disposal. And I did think about drinking them. Well, the wine anyway, which would inevitably have led to me dipping into the Bailey's. Once you pop, you can't stop. Marketing genius there, by the way. So I sat on my bed, contemplating. I looked at the bottle. I thought about the fact that I am doing a workshop tomorrow about overcoming addictions, and that it would totally make sense to act like an addict tonight and drink. I would be justifying my attendance at the workshop. This is how warped your mind gets when you crave something that you've been used to having for so long. In other words, I was tempted. It felt like a horrible test from the universe.

The triumph: But guess what team, I passed that test! I gave one last look at the bottle, heaved a big sigh, and decided that I deserved better than waking up tomorrow morning, feeling like shit. Instead, I watched Destination Wedding with my new housemate, who is actually a lovely girl, and had a very pleasant alcohol-free evening.

Of course tomorrow, I will go to the party, and more than likely drink all that wine and probably some more besides, but I am okay with that. There's something different about drinking at a party, and while I probably should consider that maybe I should stop entirely, I'm just really happy with the progress I've made so far this year. It's really been great.
 
I love absolutely everything about your last post, Em.
That was a real triumph. Well done, you!
 
Emilyrose said:
Rob, that's cool, did you decide if you will attend the wedding or not
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Yep, I am here for the wedding now, festivities began last night and will continue until Sunday. My father's brother married a Cajun lady and brought up their kids in south Louisiana, so it's a Cajun affair. Blue jeans, not fancy dresses. Probably not a lot like an Irish wedding, less formal and lots of eating and drinking. The words low calorie don't seem to translate into Cajun.
Emilyrose said:
I found myself at a loose end on a Friday night with a full bottle of white wine and bottle of Bailey's at my disposal. And I did think about drinking them. Well, the wine anyway, which would inevitably have led to me dipping into the Bailey's. Once you pop, you can't stop. Marketing genius there, by the way. So I sat on my bed, contemplating. I looked at the bottle. I thought about the fact that I am doing a workshop tomorrow about overcoming addictions, and that it would totally make sense to act like an addict tonight and drink. I would be justifying my attendance at the workshop. This is how warped your mind gets when you crave something that you've been used to having for so long. In other words, I was tempted. It felt like a horrible test from the universe.
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That does sound like a challenge. I know alcohol has a lot of calories, but is it something more for you? Are you an alcoholic or at risk of becoming one? I hope not, but if so its even more important to stop.

Good post, and it sounds like you are doing well fighting the good fight. I did not have time to catch up on all in your diary but wanted to check in, you are one of my favorite Irish girls!
 
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