Emily Rose: The Reboot

Cate

Support crew
I'm glad you had some fun, Em, He does sound fairly intense. Well done on a completely sober date :)
 

Emilyrose

Well-known member
- Oh definitely, LaMa. I find him really interesting though so I hope we meet up again.
- Thanks Cate. I’m incredibly shy but I think I coped pretty well. I’m just so out of practice.

I am currently in my friend’s house, waiting for my dad to pick me up after an incredibly heavy night of drinking. I’ve probably felt worse, but I can’t wait to eat something and have a shower and sleep a bit more. I am playing tennis at 5pm, which I am happy about, as it will speed up the recovery process.

I played a game yesterday for 2 hours, it was really good fun. I love my club, I really do. It’s transformed my life in some ways.

I also had a weird conversation with a friend last night who was really drunk (the theme of the evening) and for some reason, she decided to bring up an acquaintance/friend that used to bully me really badly in school. And I just said that I honestly bear her no ill-will anymore whatsoever. Which was actually an astounding thing for me to say, because I never realised that I’d actually forgiven her.

There was something really cathartic about that conversation. I think I can continue to grow and change and leave my baggage behind me. I hope so anyway.
 

Cate

Support crew
It is so good to realise that you have forgiven someone who hurt you. I'm glad you have tennis now, Em. It has been good for you in lots of ways.
 

Emilyrose

Well-known member
- I managed to sleep most of it off and played 3 hours of tennis this morning, so I’m back to normal, thanks LaMa.
- Thanks Cate, it really has.

Have worrying pain where my appendix is. I’m back on birth control the last few days, so I hope it’s just a side effect from that. Scared.

Good day overall, between tennis and rehearsal. Saw a bit of live music tonight and just had one alcohol-free beer. Whoo.

Praying the pain is gone in the morning.
 

LaMaria

Well-known member
I hope it is, too. Depending on how good your sense of anatomy is it could be your ovary reacting to the hormones.
 

Emilyrose

Well-known member
Yeah, I'm not sure really, LaMa. Hmm.

I don't know if I'm better or not, but I did some yoga this evening and my side wasn't affected, so that's good. I don't think it's my appendix. It could be a reaction to all the heavy food I've been eating. It could be my ovaries. It could be my liver. :eek:

Or, it COULD be my appendix - apparently, undigested food can get trapped around it and cause an infection. Anyway, I'm still alive, so I will probably bounce back from this.

Smoke-free day today. Gotta love those. It helped that the weather is shocking. Has not stopped raining all day. Dad lit the fire though, so I'm all cosy and warm in my lovely house. Mum seems to be doing a bit better as well.
 

LaMaria

Well-known member
If it's still quite sore you should probably try to get to a doctor before the weekend rolls around. Better safe than sorry!

Cozy autumn night by the fire are lovely though.
 

Emilyrose

Well-known member
Thanks LaMa. The pain has changed from one point to general inflammation, so I think I’m okay. It’s the pill. My ovaries are screaming at me, ‘Don’t you want a child?!’

I might chat about the ‘ticking clock’ marketing at a certain point.

Today was a challenge. I was a bit of an asshole. New colleague is someone I naturally clash with. I am really trying to be kind. I would hate to be a negative part of her time in the job. I think there’s something off with her, but I have to ignore that and just get on with things.

I’m in a bad place this week, mostly because I’m not feeling well. Looking forward to recovering at the weekend.
 

Emilyrose

Well-known member
The weekend is finally here, LaMa!

My new colleague has been complaining to another colleague about a comment I made to her during training. I had shown her something a couple of times, and when we got to the screen again, I asked her what we should do next. She kind of looked panicked and started scrambling for her notes, so I made the comment that she needs to start using her head a bit more and trying to figure things out so that she understands the whole thing better. She replied that everyone learns differently and that she likes to use notes. I just said okay, that's no problem, and we moved on.

Well, I moved on. Clearly, the 'use your head' comment struck a nerve. I'm sure this will be brought up to my manager next week. This is a truly challenging situation for me. I don't really feel bad about what I said - I didn't mean it in a negative way, but I just wanted her to start thinking about things instead of just waiting for me to tell her or following points 1 to 10. If something goes wrong when I'm on hols, I want her to be able to troubleshoot and figure out what to do next.

Anyway, I'm sick of having to justify my behaviour when it comes to her. If this crap continues, I will be handing in my notice, as I have no intention of letting her dictate everything. She's incredibly demanding and entitled for someone that is only in the role a couple of months, and has also refused to do one of the tasks I ask her and a few more to do to help me out. What a disappointing attitude. For someone that claims to love positivity and not to enjoy office politics, she has been incredibly disruptive in a short space of time.

The whole thing has really distressed me. I just thought I'd write it out here and hopefully put it at the back of my mind for the rest of the weekend.

In other news, the scale has turned completely evil, but I figure if it can go up at a really fast pace, it can also come down at speed.

I'm trying to stop being afraid of food and start to enjoy it and all the benefits it gives me.

I'm going to write out a little bit about my breakfast from my 'Healing Foods' book, just to reinforce to myself that eating is a good thing! It does not have to feel like reward or punishment.

My breakfast this morning was porridge, sesame seeds, blueberries and milk.
I also had a coffee with milk and an orange juice.

Oats - Have natural sedative properties, easy to digest, help control insulin secretion and help lower cholesterol.
Sesame seeds - Help improve skin.
Blueberries - Slow the growth of prostate cancer, help prevent cognitive decline, effective against gastroenteritis and help protect eye health.
Milk - Helps keep blood vessels supple, helps regulate sleep cycles and helps prevent metabolic syndrome.
Orange - Helps prevent kidney stones, helps lower cholesterol, aids healthy digestion and helps remove accumulated toxins.

What a fantastic start to the day, I think you'll agree!!

I have a tennis match planned for 2pm and then I think I'll treat myself to a film in the cinema. The pain is not entirely gone, but it's a lot better. Alex the painter texted last night, but I told him I hadn't felt well this week, and he didn't suggest meeting up. Not sure he will again. But hopefully, he comes back to me next week.
 

Emilyrose

Well-known member
So, yesterday just before my tennis game, Alex texted me to ask to meet up again that afternoon. He said he'd been thinking about our last meeting, and just because we have different viewpoints on things, it doesn't have to be a problem. He also said I was lovely and 'so beautiful'. He's growing on me, I have to admit! :D Anyway, I still don't feel 100% this weekend - I'd attempted a woodland walk before tennis and had to turn around after 10 minutes because my stomach was so upset. So, I just asked if we could meet up next weekend instead and he was happy with that.

*PLOT TWIST*

I played my match against Irene and when we were finishing up, the handsome Italian man from the club came onto the court and asked if one of us would stay behind with him and do some practice drills, as his partner's babysitter cancelled, so he couldn't make it. Irene looked like she was going to stay, but she thought better of it and left. Haha. So I had an hour with the handsome Italian man. We had a great time. He was telling me about all his successes in work, but the sad part is that he is moving to Dublin soon, so he'll be gone. He got a new job with TikTok, of all places. But it was a really fun hour and he gave me some nice pointers. He wasn't afraid to tell me what I was doing wrong (it turns out, most things, haha), which I really admire. He didn't mention a wife or girlfriend, so who knows? Maybe he likes the single life, I don't know. I don't even think he's into me, and he's moving anyway, but we did have a good time.

In conclusion, no matter what decision I made yesterday - agreeing to meet Alex or staying to play with Marco, it meant me spending some time with a really handsome man, so I feel like it's the Universe's way of telling me that all roads lead to a new man! I can't run away this time!!! Hahaha.

I think I'm going to go to the cinema today instead. I kind of want to go to see this film because the poster is so beautiful:

1635667482520.jpeg

I won't bother getting into what I ate for the rest of the day yesterday, but I'll just discuss breakfast again today.

I had scrambled eggs with marjoram, basil and a sprinkling of cheese on top of a wholewheat bagel with butter, sundried tomatoes and spinach. Yum and should keep me going for a good couple of hours. I also had tea and milk.

Eggs - Help protect eye health, help strengthen bones and teeth, boost mental performance and help prevent metabolic syndrome.
Basil - Aids healthy/optimal digestion.
Butter - Maintains energy.
Tomatoes - Help remove toxins from the body, help keep blood vessels supple and reduce the risk of prostate cancer.
Spinach - Helps strengthen bones, contains anti-cancer properties, helps fight inflammation and helps prevent atherosclerosis.
Tea - Antioxidant and antibacterial, helps lower cholesterol, contains anti-cancer substances and helps build strong bones.
Milk - Good for hearth health, a healthy mind, metabolic balance and weight control.

That's it for now, I have another game of tennis planned for after the cinema, and I should really do some cleaning today as well.
 

LaMaria

Well-known member
In conclusion, no matter what decision I made yesterday - agreeing to meet Alex or staying to play with Marco, it meant me spending some time with a really handsome man, so I feel like it's the Universe's way of telling me that all roads lead to a new man! I can't run away this time!!! Hahaha.
:D I like how you frame that! Also: love the idea of focusing on what the food you put into your body does for your health.
 

Emilyrose

Well-known member
Thanks LaMa. I think the reverse psychology approach that I mentioned in your thread might also help. :D

So, I applied for a new job today. Basically, Italian Man put all these ideas in my head from our brief hour together about my career and share options allowing you to pay for half your house in a couple of years and all this stuff. My job is going really well at the moment, I know they like me there and want me to stay, despite a few hiccups with the new hire.

I guess the thing for me is that I need to start thinking longterm - what if all my dreams don't come true? I really am treading water where I am in terms of salary, level of challenge in the job, and future opportunities. It's a good place to work, I enjoy it, I like the team. But I always like the team anywhere I work really. I like people. I find most people interesting and engaging. I like hearing about their lives and interests (up to a point - not a fan of the talkers). The job I applied for has everything going for it. Brilliant money, bonus, flexibility, based near home, SHARE OPTIONS, remote work (which I don't care for, but might be important some day - all the men I meet are from abroad it seems), huge step up for me personally, greater autonomy in my working life, and so on.

This is a terrible thing to say, but because I don't work hard on making myself or my body look good, I feel like I don't deserve attention from men and like I don't deserve love or something. And yeah, personality, blah blah, but I just feel like if I get all these compliments, they have no idea of the inner rot, and I feel like I'll never live up to whatever they think I am, and I avoid, avoid, avoid. It's very sad.

However, when it comes to work, I have a very different attitude. I've met a huge amount of spoofers in my career to date. I've also met loads of naturally talented people, and I've learned a lot from them. I definitely think I could be earning a lot more money, and I also feel like I deserve to be. Not that money is the answer - I am not driven by money whatsoever. It's not something I ever think about really, I just spend foolishly, bingeing on unnecessary purchases all the time, which doesn't make me happy either. BUT - I do need somewhere to live. The situation with my mum has made me rethink things a little bit. I want to be able to help my parents out if I can. And I think I have the ability to do that and I'm not willing to sell myself short anymore. So, in conclusion, I applied for that job.
 

Cate

Support crew
Yay for applying for the new job, Em!
This is a terrible thing to say, but because I don't work hard on making myself or my body look good, I feel like I don't deserve attention from men and like I don't deserve love or something. And yeah, personality, blah blah, but I just feel like if I get all these compliments, they have no idea of the inner rot, and I feel like I'll never live up to whatever they think I am, and I avoid, avoid, avoid. It's very sad.
This, though is such a shame & is a load of rot. Of course, you could live up to whatever someone else sees in you. Why are you so hard on yourself?
:Edit: I amended this. I may have had a FFS in there somewhere :blush5:
 
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LaMaria

Well-known member
Yay for knowing your professional worth and looking beyond what you have! I hope you´ll be able to see the same value in your personal abilities some day.
 

Emilyrose

Well-known member
- Haha, no worries Cate, say how you feel!
- Thanks LaMa. Me too. It's not a defined feeling, it meanders.

Well... I got an interview! :D It's just a short video call, but it's a start. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much, but I really think I'm in with a chance. I wrote a brilliant cover letter, if I do say so myself. Well, Dad also agrees! :)

Mum is coming home this week. She's suffered a lot of memory loss from the ECT. WOULD NOT RECOMMEND to anyone. Apparently, the doctors are not worried and everything should return to normal, so I have to hope and pray that it's true. I'm trying to stay positive and see the best possible outcome for her. I'm not succeeding at being a supportive daughter right now. But I'm working on it. I want to be as kind and as caring as I possibly can when she comes home. I'm worried about her coming home. We both are. She's had people doing everything for her for the past 2 months. It's going to be an adjustment, to say the least.

Even though this is a terrible thing to happen, it's been an incredible bonding time between me and Dad, and I've treasured it in some ways. I mean, he makes life very easy for me. But we get on great, and I think with the tennis and everything, I've helped him through it. There's something to be said for that. Now, onwards to the next phase.

Food and exercise is a bit all over the place. Actually, I just remembered that I got a call from my gym today and I've booked myself in for a personal training session the Wednesday after I get back from my hols! I'm going to Portugal on Sunday, don't know if I mentioned that. So yeah, the gym instructor Tony was asking me why I haven't been in for a while, and I just said I'm out of my routine. So I ended up booking in with him for a session. God, I actually did that on autopilot, did not really mean to! Anyway, it's done.

I do think this Portugal trip will be a kickstart to getting back into shape. (Did I mention the new job is for a company that deals primarily with helping clients lose weight? Could I be more qualified...?)
 

Cate

Support crew
I hope you get this job, Em. It sounds like this could be the something new that you need. I really hope that your Mum will be much better when she returns home. She must have been in a bad way for them to give her ECT in the first place. It's done now. She will need some TLC. Your Dad seems very kind & I hope he will be able to cope.
I hope you have a wonderful holiday in Portugal. It looks beautiful.
🤞 for the job.
 

LaMaria

Well-known member
I tried replying twice and twice my message somehow got lost... I guess the universe didn't think I was being helpful! That's ok: I really just wanted to wish you an awesome vacation and a good interview :grouphug:
 

Emilyrose

Well-known member
- Thanks Cate. The doctor rang me on Wednesday evening - she really was in a bad way.
- That’s lovely of you LaMa, thanks.

It’s interview day! I read through the job spec again last night and while the job sounds kind of scary and important, when you read through what they are actually looking for, I think I will be more than capable of delivering. I was tempted to drink wine last night - I did not!!!! So at least I will be clearheaded and fresh today.

I’ve been a bit anxious and down lately - obviously, the stuff with Mum manifests itself in other ways, even if I’m not actively thinking about it a lot of the time. But I’ve been incredibly remiss with my diet and I haven’t been playing tennis that much either. I think the holiday should get me back on track a bit.

I’m kind of hoping to lose 10 pounds next week and just get a boost. I’m in a bit of a hole right now. I brought an old pair of swimming togs to the pool by accident last night - I stuffed myself into them but I couldn’t wear them in public when I looked in the mirror. I just had to go home again. So it’s disappointing to be back here again.
 
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