Rock bottom
okay, i was going through the forum and stumbled upon the thread asking what our wake up call was. it's really neat because everyone sums up they're rock bottom point in a few lines, and it's interesting to see what triggered everyone to start their weight loss. i actually just posted on there some things i've never told a soul and it felt so good to do so...so i decided to add it on to my diary. those days were so dark for me....i know i have a loong way to go, but i'm NEVER going to go back to the way i was again.
here's the post
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this is a really cool thread, it's like reading everyones life in a few sentences.
okay, what was my wake up call?
1) I LOVE TRAVELLING but stopped because not only could i hardly fit in the plane seats but was scared i'd be asked to buy two seats....so saved myself the trouble and haven't travelled in like 2 years even when i had the opportunity. By the way, the last time i travelled ie 2yrs ago, i had marks on my legs for months from the indent the arm rests of the plane made from the many hours of seating.
2) i haven't been to a movie theatre in 2 years for the same reasons as stated above, the last movie i saw in the theatre, i was suspended in mid air in my seat because my ass/hips couldn't go all the way down. i was in so much pain, i don't even know what the movie was about.
3) going out with my thin friends and them getting free drinks left right and centre and getting hit on, but no drinks for me and not even a glance in my direction. the only men who ever came up to talk to me were actually just asking for my thin friends numbers. the past two years i've been out about 5 times.
4) going to the plus size clothes store and immediately trying out the biggest size of clothes, out of every 10 items i try only having one fit very tightly. i haven't been to a clothes store in months, and now shop online for PLUS PLUS sizes.
5) when i was younger alot of people would tell me i had a pretty face and just needed to loose some weight and i'd be fine. the past few years, even the pretty face comments subsided because of how much weight i've added and has puffed up my face with extra chins, cheeks etc
6) i can go on and on and on. but will leave it at my number one and the one thing i hate most about me now. I HAVE BEEN WEARING THIS ONE HUGE JACKET EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE, I CALL IT MY HARRY POTTER INVISIBLE CLOAK BECAUSE WHEN I'M IN IT I FEEL INVISIBLE TO THE WORLD, AND LIKE PEOPLE CAN'T REALLY SEE HOW FAT I AM. EVERY PIC IN THE LAST TWO YEARS I'VE HAD THAT COAT ON...AND I WANT TO THROW IT AWAY....NO I WANT TO BURN IT! I HATE IT AND WHAT IT REPRESENTS AND ONE DAY I HOPE I'LL LOOK BACK AND SAY I'LL NEVER EVER COME BACK TO THE ROCK BOTTOM POINT I WAS IN JANUARY...hence i made my lifestyle change on february 1st. I still wear my jacket because i don't have any other that will fit for now, but i'm waiting for it to get really loose before i dump it for GOOD.
7) oh sorry, i have one last major one, last christmas and new years were the first holidays i've ever spent alone in my entire life. i told everyone i spent it with friends I LIED. i lied to them because i was too scared to hop on a plane to go see my family because of the reasons i've mentioned in point 1 about not fitting into plane seats. the feeling of hearing/seeing everyone with family when i was alone watching cable eating every form of junk food known to man was.....DEPRESSING. that was my rock bottom, that was when i knew it all had to end...and that i needed to change.
-wow, this is some good venting, i needed it...i'll actually go paste this in my diary.