Cate's Diary

Just a quick check-in to say that the feeling great didn't last long. When we went into town I felt woozy & not with it at all. We did what we had to do & are now home again. Half an hour ago, I took 1/2 an AD. You're not meant to break them up I know, but I couldn't cope with the thought of hitting my system with a whole one, when I don't want to be taking any. Will see how I go. Hopefully that half will be the last. I took it straight after lunch so hopefully won't upset my stomach.
My LH is being very sweet & caring. I haven't told him (yet) that I took the half a pill xoxo Cate
 
I had a good night's sleep & woke feeling much better. I may just carry some of these pills with me, including the other half, until I am withdrawal symptom free. I looked up the surviving antidepressant forum again & there are so many horror stories. I was trembling yesterday, fuzzy head, anxious & have been biting my bottom lip, sweating heaps & getting incredibly hot & itchy....all common side-effects of withdrawal from Pristiq.
Enough of that......I'm getting off them- that's good!
Weight today- back down to 84kg. I felt so much lighter than yesterday mroning & was 1 whole kilo lighter! :D I weighed 86kg on Monday! Now that I know my weight is headed back down I will continue what I'm doing.
I did not do any exercise yesterday, other than a bit of nervous pacing before I took the half pill & lots of foot & leg moving in my chair last night. I was under my cals for the day & had no wine at all.

I am def. going to keep moving, moving, moving. Apparently aches & pains are another side effect of being on this drug, so I'm hoping I might start aching less. There are a lot of things that have changed in the last year that I had not connected to the drug, but hopefully my health will just keep on improving.

I'll be away tomorrow as we're going to Hobart for the day. It's the State 8-ball presentation day & I have to go too as I'm a team manager. It's a 2.5hr drive each way.
Bye for now xoxo Cate
 
Getting there! Had a good day, with some nausea...eaten well, but have just enjoyed a good bottle of sparkling Shiraz with my lovely husband. It was delicious. Drinking wine is going to become something to enjoy & savour, rather than an everyday thing.




 
Sorry I should have said, we are going to nz to see her.
I go once a year but that may change now, with two kids the price is just too much.
We are going for 3 weeks and I can't wait! She came her when Lucien was born but couldn't make it this time due to the cost.
I'm hoping I will be able to fit my blue dress for my brothers wedding while we are there.

Yay on your drop! Nice work!
Your doing well if you only took half a pill, you will get there.

How was Hobart?
 
Hi Suz, Good on you for flying to NZ with 2 kids to see your family! You will fit that blue dress, the way you have been going :) It's 9.20pm Fri night & we're off to Hobart in the morning. I am feeling good tonight, but am also aware that I'm feeling quite emotional (verging on being teary.) I'm looking forward to being back on an even keel. I will get there though! Thanks for your visit to my diary sweets xo Cate
 
This year hubby's coming yay, last year I was alone with Lucien and pregnant.... Super hard that was.
I hope I do, I will fit it if I can continue to lose 1 kg a week.

Hugs or feeling teary. Hobart tomorrow will be a nice day and put a smile on your face :)
 
Thanks for the hug Suz. That's lovely that your husband can go with you to NZ. It will be much easier for you & nicer too!
I had a good day today but am SOO tired. It's 2 & 3/4 hrs drive each way & requires full concentration. Our roads are fairly bendy. We share the driving, but I am not a good passenger(understatement).
I did fit in a 1.5hr walk in the middle of the afternoon. It's 7.47pm & I am back home in my PJ's & dressing-gown. I am still having withdrawal symptoms, such as sweating & occasional shakes, but I will NOT be taking any more AD's, regardless. I will stay at home if necessary. I am done with them forever.
I am way too tired to type!
Bye for now, xo Cate
 
Struggling a tad, but ok. I think there may have been somw wheat in the meal I had in Hobart as have felt really uncomfortable. Felt quite irritable with the GK's yesterday & then felt bad about it last night. My MIL is going downhill fast now mentally as well & was sitting waiting for one of her daughters to take her out for lunch yesterday, when this had never been planned. I will need to find some thicker skin I think. My Mum has been sick & they have been trying to get to the bottom of it. She is very lactose-intolerant & she has been wandering into the dining-room & helping herself to a bit of this & a bit of that & has been drinking other people's drinks. They have had to lock the dining-room! :blush5: It would be funny if it wasn't so close to home.

Yesterday I actually said something out loud that I have been thinking for some time- I hope that both our mothers don't live too much longer. My Mum is almost 89 & my MIL will be 90 in Dec. Their lives are not really much anymore. It is very sad.

I have been without any AD's since Thurs, when I took that half. Hopefully the withdrawal symptoms will go away soon. They are horrible. I am not taking another. I am not feeling very good today at all. I am meant to meet W, my SIL today for lunch, but I would rather stay home all day.

Bye for now, xo Cate
 
Have stayed at home. Spent all morning on the loo.
In retrospect I should have gone into town as I have a had a MAJOR FOOD FAIL. I am going to have to drag myself over to my bike & try to ride it, when I feel like going to sleep.
I do recognise a trigger though, as this has happened, in the same way before. I ate a really healthy, delicious lunch- grilled salmon & veggies (no potato) & then thought it would be OK to follow that with a small bowl of Mango sorbet. That triggered intense sweet cravings. Next time, I have an apple or some other fresh fruit!

I know that I will always be learning, but it is about bloody time I stopped making so many mistakes!!!

Feeling horrible :(
 
Sorry you were feeling horrible with the wheat and then again in your post above :(
I can understand you with your mum and mum in law. I feel the same with my Aunty. She is still young in her late 50s but has a bone marrow cancer and it's bad enough that she broke a hip while sleeping, that's how weak her bones are. I don't want her to die but she will be in less pain once she passes.

It's hard once you get a taste of something sweet.
I was reading and not sure how true it is but apparently bananas are supposed to lift your moods. They have a natural thing in them that does things in our brains to make happy thoughts and avoid depressive ones. Worth a try while you are coming of the meds?
I make it sound like a myth but when I was reading it they used bigger medical words :D I wish I stayed in school longer :doh:
 
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Suz, when I saw you had posted I almost didn't read it as I thought I would cry. You said just the right sorts of things! Oh boy, I feel fragile. I usually have bananas, but have run out. I'll get some tomorrow. They have tryptophan, amongst lots of other beneficial things & are meant to lift your mood. I feel better after having rung my sister xoxo Cate
 
Glad I said the right things and crying can be a big help and make you feel better afterwards.
It's great you can call your sister also, sounds like you are really close and that's so nice to have.
Feeling fragile is not a negative thing, all emotions are natural to feel, it's how you deal or cope with these emotions that's important and ringing your sister sounds like a positive way of dealing with them.

P.s. I'm glad I was right on the banana thing. I'm going to remember that for when I need a pick me up.
 
Hi Suz & Benny & anyone else reading my diary. Thank you for all your support & kindness. I just wanted to say that I am really proud to be a part of such a caring & loving community, that is this weight-loss forum. I feel that we really get to know one another well, and it is a safe & supportive community. Ah, that the world would be like this always! I have to go but just wanted to say thank you for being so caring. I'm getting there! 5 days now, without any AD medication & starting to feel better today, xoxo Cate
 
I totally agree, I wasn't expecting such a great place when I joined.
Once I've reached my goals I will definitely stick around here to support others in their journeys, Everyone is just so great.
Glad you're feeling better.
 
I start off feeling fine & almost every day am struggling by lunch-time. I wasn't good today at all, but am feeling fine again now, just sitting in my chair. No exercise really, but am under 1200 cals for the day. Nausea helps, but I'll be happy to say good-bye to it.......soon.......
Am home on my own and have to show some self control & stay under my cals. No chocolate!! No biscuits!! No mango sorbet!! (Dangerous stuff as has me craving everything sweet after having it!!)
"Self-respect is the root of discipline: The sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself." ~Abraham Joshua Heschel, The Insecurity of Freedom: Essays on Human Existence, 1967
Say no to yourself Cate!!!!!!
Bye for now, xoxo Cate.
 
Hang in there Cate.

My sister recently went through withdrawals on Paxil (I'm not sure if they use the same name over there) and she said it was horrific.

I'm quite fortunate in that I don't have much of a sweet tooth. When I crave a type of food, it's usually the fatty kind. While that doesn't sound good, fatty foods don't tend to lead to more fatty foods in quite the same way the sweet stuff does. It's strange because my dad does have a sweet tooth.
 
Thanks Mr Vee, I have decided that, no matter how bad I ever feel, I will not be taking anti-depressants EVER again. I can't say that no-one should ever take them, but I can say that I never will, regardless. I don't want to mess with my brain, any more than is absolutely necessary.
Re: cravings- most of mine are for salty food, but when I start on sweets I feel like an internal demon takes over.
I sound like a total nut case, but really I'm just a tad eccentric. I quite like eccentricity & usually end up being drawn to people who are a little bit "out there."

I have been at the golf club "Ladies" AGM & struggled with it. I really did not want to go, but also really knew I should. I am nominating to go on the general committee of the club so that I can present a more balanced view than the woman who is currently on it, & who is, I think,a bloody troublemaker. The women hear such a skewed version of what is meant to be said at the meetings & I don't think she can be trusted at all. I hear what is said from my husband & I know that she changes everything around. I'll have to tread carefully, but I really dislike conniving, nasty people & I have decided to get involved more with the club, seeing I am married to a very committed man. I may as well join him! Maybe I'll start playing more! SOON! :(

Rambling tonight-sorry!
My brain will have to unscramble again.
Love to all & thanks to anyone who manages to read through my posts & STILL want to know me, xoxo Cate
 
Hey Cate,
Sorry I have been lax at following your diary and sorry to see you have been going through the emotional and mental ringer. Just know you are loved and yes, we will continue to support you!
Sarah
 
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