Cate's Diary

cate said:
Princess- I'm over it! I do hope he doesn't regret it though. If I do like his tattoo- I'll get a copy too- Ha ha! It'll be on paper & I'll hang it on the wall! Tastes change right throughout your life. They evolve. Tattoos are so permanent unfortunately but, hopefully he will love it forever! Thanks for visiting my diary! I love it when people do. What is your tattoo by the way? Cheers, Cate.
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Its on my lower back about the size of a 50c coin, its the chinese symbol for faith

When i first went to have it done i saw in the book (which they were going to get the stencil from) the had the symbol for teach under faith.. lucky i can read/write chinese!!

makes me wonder how many people walk around with the wrong one tattoo'd on them
 
Hi Sam, I didn't take it the wrong way don't worry. I'm going to try not to think about it much. His tastes usually match mine so I was very surprised that I really disliked it. I'll get over it. I don't know if my LH will though!
Hi Princess, I thought that my son would have something similar in Chinese lettering maybe combined with the long-life symbol. I actually quite like similar tattoos. My disability client has a few & while they are a bit too large for my liking I like the look of them & what they symbolise. I guess it was(is) the size of it, how prominant it is & it's horrible. There is a cartoon character along the edge of it which I missed on first sight. It was hard to get my eyes away from the humungous fish.
I don't mind if everyone thinks I'm making a fuss over nothing but yuck! I'm not looking forward to him asking me what I think but I am very grateful that I got to see a photo first so I can tone down the reaction. I actually shuddered last night out at 8-ball thinking of it.
I've had a good day today. I went into my local town & did some supermarket shopping. Called in at my MIL's first & did some for her as well (including her cigarettes!); picked up the new Wackie Walker itinerary & the walk scheduled for when Kannadew is here is actually the Cradle Mountain area & is classified as a medium walk, not hard, so we should be able to do that together. I'm getting quite excited about it. Now I'll try & talk my LH into coming too! We haven't been up there for years & years-probably 10-15!
Have had a brief visit from my OS & a friend of his. They had been wood-cutting & called in here for a free beer! We don't drink it but always have it in the fridge for visitors.
I have ordered & paid for the fencing materials to fence off both sides of our drive so work should start on that soon which will be great. We have had 10 sheep visit us lately & I found out today who they belong to. I told him we would be very happy if they had an extended stay with us as our grass is so long & he said to let him know when they have outstayed their welcome. I love living in the country & we have a very good relationship with all of our neighbours. None of us live in one another's pockets also which is great.
I'm back at work tomorrow but then have Saturday off. Unfortunately my LH organised a golf game before he knew I had the day off so am not sure what I will do. There is a local market once a month & I am usually working so I might go to that. It's a very social occasion. I was going to take my client but I might go on my own.
I rang a friend today & have made tentative arrangements to visit her with the 2 older grandkids in a couple of weeks. She is the carer/partner of our old friend who died in the house fire. She lives right on the beach in a caravan park so I thought it might be nice to take the GK's & I might just go swimming with them. This might not sound anything out of the ordinary to anyone else but no-one has seen me in bathers for about 20 years. My veins won't be too good-looking(they do look better than before though) & my legs are pretty flabby(where once lived lots of fat) but I'm going to do it! She sounded pleased that I am going to visit so that's nice. She loves kids.
I had better stop rambling on & go have a look about, cheers, Cate.
 
Enjoy your weekend with the GK Cate and don't worry about how you will look, just enjoy your day off with the little ones. You sound like a wonderful hands on grandparent.

Bye for now

Sam:)
 
Hi Sam, It's not this week-end. I wish it was. I have come home really p...'d off with work. OK. I'll admit it- I am not enjoying this job. Like the client, not enjoying the job. There is no real communication between my employer & staff. No-one is up-front about anything. I am getting really sick to death of it all. I think I'm stuck between a rock & a hard place. My client says one thing but I hear the opposite from others. I think every-one else is not giving her credit for having any intelligence. It is very frustrating. I am being told not to do this, not to do that, but not being told what to actually do. Don't do any housework.... Most of the things are just so bloody obvious Iam wondering who is actually doing them anyway. Don't dry her back-doh! I taught her to dry her own back 2nd day. I feel there is some hidden agenda at play. I know one of the other workers was playing games early on, hoping I wouldn't work out. Also after being told not to do Mum's housework I think she may be giving my boss the wrong impression. My client & I get on very well & have a lot of laughs. She is no fool. I think mum may have been very happy with me doing the housework & isn't now that I have stepped back a little with it.
I'm not going to go back & read all this because I really need to get it out. I am so angry & upset. My boss rang to say we are having a team meeting next Friday. I am meant to be working so probably will have that shift cut short & more than likely won't get paid for that either. The 5&3/4 hr Induction day they only paid me 2 hours & this week I had 2 shifts cancelled at the last minute (1x8hr shift@1.5 + 1x8hr shift) because Mum decided that she wanted some time alone with her. I think perhaps I might be getting on better than she likes. I find this a bit disconcerting & am very confused.
I do know that I am going to start looking for another job. I would prefer to work in a place where your job is more defined & instructions are clearer. Too much of this job is left to your discretion but your decisions or judgements are undermined & there is too little communication. I would hate to run a business this way.
OK-got that off the chest. I'm attacking the key-board here. This job is not good for me. I am so close to tears.
Another thing in the letter to all the support workers, via the mother was to not ask our client what she would like to do, don't take her for walks(in the wheelchair) as it's too tiring, try to talk her out of shopping, I could go on for ages.... I would like (love) to know what they would like us to do!!
Grumpy, Cate
 
Ohhh Cate,

I hate those lack of direction days and not knowing where you are headed next. I hope the weekend gives you a refreshing break and gets you ready to face the next week.

Connie
 
Thanks Connie, It had been a pretty good day up until the letter arriving. We(my client & I) both enjoy Fridays. My husband says I should not take it personally but I find this really hard. I think if someone is doing the wrong thing they should be told directly. If it is me then so be it. I will take constructive criticism on board. I don't like this general criticism as it does lump us all in the same boat & I don't think it's fair. There was some really personal,offensive stuff in there that I wouldn't think of doing. Unfortunately I have to work Sunday & Monday so won't get much of a break this week-end.
I ended up lying in bed stewing about it, after watching a late SBS movie & didn't get to sleep until after 1am.
Funny thing is I feel much better this morning, but determined to really speak my mind at the team meeting on Friday. I am also going to look for a new job.
I'll be back later, Cate.
 
Just thought I should mention that in today's paper there is an ad for "dedicated staff to fill casual positions for Registered Nurses, extended care assistants & service staff. We are expanding our capacity at both G......(high care) & K......(low care). The successful applicants would be available to work at both sites." These 2 places have recently amalgamated & are in my local town. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Surely position responsibilities would be clearer than at present. I'll try to get away for a 15 minute break during the day on Monday to ring for more info. One of my neighbours works at the low care facility. I might ring her up in a minute & ask a few questions. Cheers, cate
 
That sounds like the plan Cate. It's never good to stay where you aren't happy because you will undo all your positive work.

Keep smiling

Connie
 
Thanks Connie, You're right. I feel better just contemplating this change. I think it's called fine tuning. I haven't got my job change down pat just yet!
Where is everyone tonight? Out galivanting? Hope you're not all out being naughty deviators!! See you, Cate
 
Hi Cate,

Sorry to hear that the job s*cks at the moment, I think you should look around and see what else is out there, the one you saw advertised in the paper sounds pretty good! You would not have any problem getting any job Cate, I wish you the best, I know how it feels to be in a job that is not providing much satisfaction and I also think no job is worth making you feel the way you are feeling at the moment...ditch it and move on!
Gee I am straight to the point aren't I? doh !

Re:my job? well waiting to hit my 10 year long service (feb 9th), take 3 weeks annual leave as of 7th feb, have a holiday up in Qld, then come back and start looking to see what's out there, I have my moments some days I like it , some days I hate it..to top things off we have moved from the city and now are working in Collingwood, I hate it there, I miss the city, I miss the Vic markets (worked around the corner) I worked in the city for 20 years and I feel like i am working in a different city now....grrrr

Thanks for your lovely words in my diary Cate and thanks for believing in me, I think maybe I should start doing that too...

Have a good day at work today and Monday and don't let things get you down.

TTFN
Annie Lusion
 
Hey Cate
Sounds like things are pretty Sucky at the moment! I totally agree with you that if someone is going to bring criticism they should bring it directly to your face… however, I think I also agree with your hubby! =) Don’t take it personally. I think if you WERE doing something wrong specifically they would have said something by now and therefore these things are obviously directed at other team members to whom they may have already had one on one conversations with about these issues. If you know that you have not done anything and your relationship with your client is great then relax and don’t take these issues on board. Obviously looking for a new job, which provides clearer structure and hierarchy is something you still want to investigate, but while you are still there, don’t let it eat you up.

It sounds like a good idea to have your say at the team briefing this week! I think you could be direct with them and ask them to be specific with individual staff if they have issues, so that the rest of the staff don’t feel lumped into the same box as others who are not performing well.

Anyway… just my 2cs worth!!

Cradle Mountain!!! Sounds Lovely!! I am really looking forward to it!!! Maybe I should start increasing my walking etc so that I can handle a bush walk! EEEEk…. I cant wait! Only 84 days!!

Anyway gotta go!
Blessya
Kannadew
 
Hi Cate

I had a feeling you were unsettled at work......but I knew you would come out and let us in when you were ready. I think you have held it together very well considering you are sort of being pulled in different directions. The one good thing is you have a great relationship with your client......I think your decision at the end of the day will be entirely up to you but your briniging this up at the team meeting is very important. When working in this industry guidelines is very important. It is a shame that this industry has always been notorious for staff leaving. They don't seem to realise how unsettling this can be for the client.

I have been through exactly the same situation as you and I lasted about 10 months in the job only because financially I couldn't afford to leave until I found another job.......I must say during this time my weight sky rocketed. But when i did eventually resign the director rang me asking me to reconsider and that they were in the middle af changing things for the better and that I was the best thing they ever had.......my reply to this was it has all come a little too late and that reigning compliments on me at this late stage was also too late (all said in a nice maner) of course.
Cate the job I eventually found was my dream job I loved it. I sometimes think if i hadn't found that job it wouldn't have lead me to my dream job and I think life is too short to be miserable with these sort of things.
I wish you all the best in what ever you do and at the end of the day it's their loss in not recognising what you could have offered and it's also a shame your client does not have some imput into all of these arrangements which is at the end of the day is all about providing a quality lifestyle for her. As we all know out parents are not going to be around forever.

Goodluck with everything Cate.

Sam:)
 
Thank you Annie, Kannadew & Sam, I value your input & really appreciate you taking the time out for me. I have been trying to pretend that I am doing fine with the job, mainly because I didn't want to feel a failure & I was so enthusiastic at the start. I guess I'm embarrassed as well as disappointed. Mainly I get confused as to what I am meant to be doing. I have resented the general criticism & don't feel it is personally warranted. I do appreciate having clearer direction re not having my client & her mother becoming dependent on us. I will speak up on Friday. It worries me that I don't feel that what I say will be confidential though which is a worry. One of the other support workers I fear is trying to undermine the others, including me. Today my client said "......." she's always talking s...t, she never shuts up" & I laughed & said "I hope you don't say that about me when I'm not here" & she let me know that she didn't think that way about me. I never criticise the others. We do get on very well. I would hate to let her down & leave. It's hard really.
Today when I got to work the smell of the kitty litter made me gag & her brother's cigarette smoking & spraying Lynx de-odorant had me hanging my head out the front door gasping & needing to use a puffer within an hour. I am also eating more than I should & drinking more! I know that it is not doing me much good. I can leave if I wish luckily. We would manage.
It is a shame that disability support has such a big turnover of staff. It is well known. I don't know if every employer is as disorganised as mine. I hope not. I am going to speak up though at the meeting but will mention that what we say at the team meeting should be confidential. I am not at all confident that it will be. I really distrust one of the other workers. She tries to undermine us all in the hope of getting more hours, hoping that we won't work out.
I'll come back later I think. I need some yoghurt!
Speaking of yoghurt. My local re-cycling depot is now re-cycling no 5 so Vaalia is ok. Happy about that. I'm sorry I didn't chat to each of you separately. It now seems rude!
K-the Cradle Mountain Walk is only medium, not hard & there are 2 groups within the Wackies & they are both going. There will be simple walks & medium so lots of choice. Don't sweat over it-literally. We can have a lazy bones walk if we want. A gas-bagging, leisurely walk!! Cheers all & thanks again, xo Cate
 
Hi Cate! Its late I know (busy) but thanks for those measurements.WOW WOW!
You must be shocked to see them in front of you again.
Can you remember being large? and being disadvantaged?
I cant remember getting to this size as i look in the mirror and still see a size 12. Too good a body image problem?! Weird isnt it.
WOW Im still in shock at how much you have lost...will take a while to sink in that I too will be there one day, it gives a clearer picture rather than kilos ( my opinion) also lets me know what a "normal" person should approximately measure, thankyou for putting them in. :waving: you are brave!
 
Alibi, You're welcome! I will admit to now feeling a little ashamed that I was so big. It just crept up slowly. I didn't feel disadvantaged at the time. I just saw me in the mirror, not my size. Funny isn't it? Because I didn't feel so bad about myself when I did make the decision to lose weight & get healthy it was a positive thing & therefore easier to commit to. If I had felt miserable I wouldn't have been able to do it. The fat seemed to melt off me on Cohen's. Almost straight away I knew it was going to work. It is really amazing. Even now I am still being asked if I have lost more but it's because your skin retracts & firms up that it appears that you are slimmer.
I am not skinny or thin & have never been. I look healthy. My brain has not quite processed that I am no longer fat & sometimes I still think I am. 2kg on my belly feels like 20kgs!!
Work was quite good today. I haven't rung about the other job yet. I might tomorrow. It feels disloyal to do it. I know that my client would feel let down if I leave & I would hate that. I am going to clarify a few things on Friday. I'm making a list.
At the moment we are hardly spending any time at home together. I hate that! My LH is at golf again tonight. When I'm at work he's at home, when I'm home he's at work or golf, or a meeting... Not good. I'm not doubting where he is though. I would just like to spend more time together.
I hope everyone is enjoying summer while it lasts. It rained here today but not enough. I was looking forward to thunder storms. I love them but so far, no storm. I was secretly hoping golf would be washed out!
Cheers for now, Cate.
 
Hi Cate

I'm glad to hear your day was much better. Sorry it's been a while since I've popped in it's just been so so busy here and I've been not so motivating or chipper! More will be explain in my diary if I can get around to finishing my entry today. I started an entry yesterday in a Word doc but when I went to leave late last night I realised I didn't get around to finishing it!

Only 9 days till we're in Tassie!!! I'm so excited, I really need a break and I really think LB and I need to just get away together and relax! I am so so so looking forward to meeting you and seeing your property that always sounds so amazing through your words! On the Friday afternoon we are going to to the Tree Top Adventure in Launceston before coming to your place so that should be exciting. I will send you an email from home to organise plans!

Dont want to hijack your diary but just on what Alibi was asking about. There are days when looking in the mirror, even though I'm now a size 10-12, that I still see me as fat. My thighs appear to me as if they wouldn't fit into a size 18 let alone 10. And then there are other days where I look at myself and see a person that looks like an extra in Schnidlers List (purely example only - I have nothing but respect for the people who lived through that time). It is funny how the mind works. And as Cate has said 2kg can feel like 20kg. Isn't it funny how before I didn't notice 44kg going on kilo by kilo but now I can feel and see half a kilo go on.

Anyway... Cate I hope you have a wonderful day and get some quality time with DB.

Lauren
 
Hi Lauren, I'm looking forward to seeing you soon. I'm relieved that you are doing something on the Friday arvo in Launc as I have to work that day. I'll be home by 5 though. I have to work Saturday as well but will see if I can go in later than usual. I'll talk soon. I just checked your diary but nothing new...?? I'll have a look tonight, xo Cate.RED ALERT!!I have felt bloated & uncomfortable & downright Fat so I got on the scales this morning, saying to my LH that I feel like I weigh 74kgs(joking) & I do!!74kgs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now I know this is probably fluid & I know I have been having too many carbs but I feel revolting & fat, fat, fat.
So......I'm back being serious about my diet again. By that I am going to watch everything I eat. I must think about what I put in my mouth again. Think why am I eating this? Am I hungry? Am I bored? Is this healthy? What would be a better choice?
Now, by typing this I don't want you to think that I have been gorging myself on bad, bad foods. I haven't had an icecream since Jan '06(PC- pre Cohen's). I haven't eaten a piece of cake or slice or similar since Christmas & even then not much. I haven't eaten a whole chocolate bar since PC either.
Gradually some things have crept back into my diet- salami as my protein snack on crackers, a little bit of dip on crackers (baba ghanoush or similar)
My weight had not been spirally upwards so I thought I was safe to dabble.
Just when you think it's safe to go back in the water.........
So, back to base.
I must realise that these things are not for me. I have also been taking convenience foods to work like a chicken & salad bread roll or crackers, cheese & salami plus fruit salad & yoghurt. I thought I might have been eating too much fruit as they warn you about this so the last couple of days I have cut down my fruit (& put on 2kgs!)
My husband cooked a beautiful curry which in itself would have been ok, but also a delicious rice with vegies in it, plus pappadams, & then there's the chutney. OMG I feel full & bloated just thinking about it.
I haven't typed in Sam's new thread because I don't think I am at the stage yet that I should. AC (Apres Cohen's) is much harder than Cohen's. It's a minefield!
I love the activity in the forum at the moment. It's great! By sharing my apprehensions & experiences I hope it will help others. You get to the end, through all the ups & downs & then realise that it's only just started. Life is a little daunting.
I did ring about the job this morning but I was so nervous. I am calling in tomorrow to pick up an information pack. I got quite a bit of info on the phone. The positions are just to establish an on-call pool & I would only be able to apply for a service position unless I complete an Aged Care course. She did say that most of the staff see it as a "foot in the door" & complete the course whilst working there in a service job. I'll give it a go I think but I might have my hands a little bit too full if I try to retain my current job, be on-call for another, whilst completing an aged care course.
I'm about to go visit the grand-kids so will popback later.
I half-jokingly but really sooking-ly(no such word I know) asked my husband last night when he got home at 9pm what he had on tonight & he answered "a working bee at the golf club." He wants me to go out & help but I feel like strangling him so probably won't go. He's gone from one extreme to the other. We worked together 7 days a week for 18 years & now we are hardly ever together.
What a rant & rave I've had today. I had better go off for some good medicine- the grand-kids!! xoCate
 
Weight 73.5 but I am feeling so much better. Yesterday I was really strict. Today even better. I had zucchini, mushroom, tomato, eggs & Saladas for breakfast; yoghurt & a little muesli for lunch & 1 Salada only. I am absolutely ravenous but I feel great. It feels so good to get back on track & having less food in my system. I have learned a valuable lesson. I have been eating too much & for the wrong reasons the last week.
I got my roster today for the next month & I have been rostered to work on a couple of days when I have ap'ts. I decided to see if I can change the ap'ts to Tuesdays. I won't miss many walks. I cannot change most of them.
Today was called a review but I had lots of more painful needles than last week. Go figure! Ouch! It hurt more afterwards than while I was having them. He offered me local but I said I would be fine. I can stand a fair bit of pain as I am able to meditate & relax. It helps.
I feel better about my job today. I am pleased we are having a team meeting & tomorrow I will type up a list of points I want to make. I picked up the Information pack from the local Aged Care facility & met the personnel manager also. I think it would be good to have other options.
I'm feeling back on track with my weight & hopefully I will be back to 69-72 soon. Better go- I'm starving. I cooked a chicken before I went to Launc & I'm going out with LH tonight. I'll go pick some salad from the garden, cheers, Cate.
 
Hi Cate

It should be called the silent predator!!!!!. You think your doing fine and all of a sudden you feel your clothes getting tighter and before you know it....Viola!! you've gained kilos back. But it looks like you've jumped straight back on the band wagon Cate,,,,unlike myself who actually gained a further 2kg after returning from holidays.

Take care Cate and hope you sort out what is happening at work.

Sam:)
 
Hi Sam, I felt so gross that I had to do something quickly. Also it freaked me out a bit! I hadn't totally gone off the rails or anything. I had, as you said, just let my guard down. This guard must be ever vigilant I think for the rest of my life.
I'm still 73.5 today but I don't feel bloated & uncomfortable. I'm going to just cut right back, especially on the carbs. Also I'm going to go back to eating more of the original Cohen's food & less of the new.
I ate some supper last night at 8-ball so that would explain not weighing less this morning. I was really hungry last night as I only took some yoghurt & muesli with me for lunch & I don't think that is a good idea. Better to have a more substantial lunch & not come home ravenous. I didn't succomb to pizza or sausage rolls but did eat some multi-grain ham & mustard sandwich. I also had a late night.
I bought car seat covers yesterday & a new steering wheel cover & I'm trying to psyche myself into washing the care & fitting them.
My legs feel much better today but did sting last night. I am really seeing good results already. I can't wait to be able to wear shorts & skirts etc next summer. Wow!
I've been having a look at the employment info pack I picked up yesterday & it seems quite interesting. I'm not going to quit this job but will apply for the other as well as it's only an on-call thing & nothing is guaranteed. I have been honest with them about having employment already so if they want me on that basis, good.
We are going to Devonport to catch up with some old friends of mine. I used to work with them both in an employment office in Melbourne. I always got on well with the husband(he was married to someone else at the time) & at one stage he was my boss. His wife & I became good friends & used to go out in a group for "girls lunches" once a month. We called ourselves the "Hedonists Club". Makes me laugh now but we had lots of fun together. They have been together now for over 25 years. I keep in touch with them from time to time(they are always surprised to hear from me) as I like them both a lot. She is just lovely. I used to think there must be some flaw in her character somewhere but I never saw it! My LH worked early today so that we could get down to see them before they got on the ship back to Victoria. We have had too much on this week & it looked too hard to catch up until I hit on this idea of meeting them at the pub before they left. They headed straight for Stanley to spend a few days & didn't come our way & we have both been busy. At least we will get to see them. I honestly don't know how long it's been since we actually saw one another. I think I got fat & then lost it all in that time so I might look a little more like I used to. Funny that. I've got a funny feeling it's been 20 years. OMG! She's had a breast cancer scare- a few years ago. They love sailing & have moved down the coast. I am looking forward to catching up with all their news. I had better get a wiggle on & attack my car.
Cheers, Cate.
 
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