Cate's Diary

Well.......I only lasted one solitary day without wine but I did keep within my calories. I know everyone says they're empty calories but it was worth only having a little lunch (2 sml tubs yoghurt) to keep within my cals for the day and still enjoy my Henkell Trocken. I won't do that every day though.

I had a lovely day yesterday, including visits to both of our mothers & doing their shopping. I take my Mum up the street at least twice a week & it's always interesting, to say the least. I also walked for over 90 mins & did some op-shop shopping, but nothing exciting yesterday. Mum thinks I know everyone or they know me. It is always a very sociable outing & it's lucky that I'm rarely in a hurry any more.

I called in to see our YS & there was an Indian cook there. He answered their ad for a cook & paid his own way over from Melbourne for a trial. He seems really nice. I was only there for about 10 mins but already I've been asked to his wedding in India year after next. He hasn't even met her yet but says he will tell his Mum to find him a wife next year. He seems really sweet. I said he may find a wife here but he says he won't have time to look. Maybe our son & his pub have found a real asset here. It will be a fun challenge for all of them. Hopefully we'll see some Indian food appear alongside their very popular menu. I love Indian food!

It's my Tai Chi day & I had better get moving.

Feeling good today after a lovely day yesterday, keeping within my MFP calorie goals & eating delicious healthy food. My LH cooked a free-range chicken last night, a spinach stir-fry, carrots and steamed broccoli & cauli. It was YUMMY! The sweetie is even weighing stuff for me so I can add it easily & telling me exactly what he adds to anything.

Today is Tai Chi day. :grouphug:

Lots and lots of love to all, xoxo Cate
 
I must say again that your husband seems like a sweetheart!!!!!!


What is a stir Fry?i see it written all over the place and dont know what it is!!!
 
He is Jess! :beating: Not perfect, as no-one is perfect but he's thoughtful & loving & close enough to perfect for me!

A stir-fry is "Stir-frying is an Asian technique for cooking meat and vegetables quickly, so that they retain texture and flavour. Stir-frying typically involves a quick sauté over high heat, usually in a wok, occasionally followed by a brief steam in a flavoured sauce." He uses only a little oil at the start & a little soy sauce or oyster sauce at the end. It's a very healthy way of eating as it retains most of the the nutrition. We have a lot of Asian influences in our cooking in Australia, especially in the last 20 years or so, coming with an increase of mostly Vietnamese refugees.

My LH loved Greece when he visited way back in 1975 & it's cuisine. His favourite Greek island was Santorini, followed closely by Corfu. He loved the tavernas and had a great time there with a few of his friends.

In Australia we also incorporate a lot of Mediterranean food, including olives, olive oil, fresh fish, calimari, pickled octopus etc. Australia picks up ideas from everywhere and usually puts a new slant on different cuisines & I feel that we have benefited greatly from huge migration, back in the 1950's onward. In Tasmania we don't have a very diverse culture but our 15 years living in Melbourne exposed us both to the wonderful hospitality and food of the huge Greek population. I used to work in an employment office, run by the Government, in a suburb mainly populated by Greeks & I loved it. Melbourne back then had the 2nd highest Greek population of any city in the world, 2nd only to Athens.

All this talk of yummy food is making me thinking of eating & lunch is over 2 hours away. Whoops! I had better scoot & have a shower.

xoxo Cate
 
I ended up being in such a rush yesterday, which was silly of me as I had all morning really. I raced around & only just got to Tai Chi on time. I felt woozy and had to sit down during class & was very short of breath. The weather has been gloomy the last couple of days & I have had bad asthma & also been quite shaky. After Tai Chi only a couple of others went for lunch. I felt bad and lunch was disappointing. It's a long story to explain what's happening but I left feeling really down about a young Indian who had flown over to Tassie, hoping for a permanent job (work visa.) I feel that the mother of the family has too much influence over the 2 younger ones (incl. our son) in the business &, although she says she wants to ease out of the business & leave it to them, she is having lots of trouble actually letting go. This new Indian guy, S, who had flown himself over from Melbourne for a trial as a cook, at his own expense, I felt wasn't being given a chance. He has a great work ethic but probably doesn't have much work experience as a cook. She is like a bull at a gate & is really manic(& very capable) & I felt sorry for him. She expected him to be able to do everything she did instantly. Our son rang last night & I told him that I felt sad about S. & he said that he is staying & he will tell me about it later. That made me feel a little better. I'm sure there is much that he could do around the place so maybe they have decided he will be able to work full-time as a kitchen-hand/cleaner etc. & train him to cook. L(the mother) hadn't even asked him if he could cook Indian food. That would have been one of the first questions I would have asked him. It would be exciting to have authentic Indian food in the town.

I left there feeling worse than when I had arrived but our YS had asked me to do some banking for him on the way home. A cheque had arrived for us that needed to be banked as well so that was ok. I went into the bank & went to take out my credit card & it wasn't there. I went into an absolute panic! I searched my bag & then went to the supermarket where I had used it the day before. No-one had handed it in. They have just introduced this new system at the supermarket, without asking, where you don't use your pin if the purchase is under $30, which is really annoying as anyone could have found my card & used it over & over. I went back to the bank & the teller was about to cancel my card when I remembered that I had bought 2 ink cartridges the day before at the post office. I walked down there & queued up at the counter, with my heart pounding. I felt really sick. "Please tell me you have my credit card" They did! I rang the bank on my way back up the street to tell them (I have their private number & they all know me) & was almost tempted to ring my LH to come pick me up & drive me home. I felt awful. I had been going to go to the doctors' & make an appointment until I went to the bank. I have never in my 58 years ever lost a credit card!

I got home & was a wreck. I was still really shaky & depressed & told my LH all about it & feeling unwell & ended up sitting in my chair & crying. He was very sweet & looked after me for the rest of the day & evening. I'm still not sure what's going on with me. I woke at 3am & couldn't get back to sleep so that's why I'm typing in here at 4am! I didn't realise it was so early or I may have stayed in bed. I'll try getting back to sleep soon I think.

I had better ring the doctor today & make an appointment. The biggest trouble with most doctors is they tend to write you out a prescription first, rather than really getting to the bottom of the problem. I feel like the last few months has just been too much for me & I am stressed. I would like to stay home for a few days but I can't.

Please excuse me not writing in anyone's diary. I think I'll go back to bed in a minute.

Love to anyone reading my diary xoxo Cate
 
AHeya sweetie

I'm so sorry you have had such a stressy day. I just wanted to send huge hugs your way :grouphug:

I couldn't decide whether to tell you this but i wanted to be honest so i will. I am on a mild anti-deperssent, i have been since june. I had a hugely stressful time and i just wasn't coping, i kinda had a bit of a meltdown so went to the doctor and i don't regret taking them at all, they gave me the chance to get things straight in my head, if that makes sence. I have been on them twice before in my life, never for more than a year and they have really helped me. I am aiming to start cutting down in the new year with a view to stopping very soon after. I just wanted you to know that taking meds is not 'being a failure' or 'giving up'. I always use to think so and looking back at when i had not realised i was suffering from depression (when i was 19-20) i know it took me near on 2 years to get over it with out medication.

Lots of love and hugs lovely :)
 
Kate, You just can't imagine how much your last post means to me. I have sent you a pm. I know I'm depressed & I have been putting off going to the doctor for AGES & AGES. I really miss my "old" doctor who was young, female & empathetic. I could talk to her about anything & everything. She is lovely. She moved interstate. I haven't even attempted to talk to the new doctors I have tried since she left. I will wait until I hear back from you & will look up the medication that you are on to see if it may suit me. I have had quite a few melt-downs in the last few months but yesterday I thought I was going to have a heart attack and die. I'm not exaggerating- really I did. It was awful & I have had enough of it. It's time for help. It has all got on top of me. I can usually get myself out of it but am struggling this time. I have good days but the overwhelming heaviness is taking over. I've been snappy too. It gets me down typing this so I will stop. I just wanted 'publicly' to thank you as well as you show great courage as well as being such a caring, loving person. Thank you Kate, xoxo Cate
 
I am so sorry you had such a bad day and you felt terible.I hope you are better now.I dont know anything on the subject you and Kate have spoken about,so i really cant help with any advice,only what Kate said that taking medication doesnt mean someone has failed the opposite i can say , it means you are taking care of yourself.
 
Thanks Kate & Jess. Thanks for enabling me to open up about how I'm feeling. I haven't spoken about how bad I have felt to my lovely husband. He must know but we're not mentioning it. I think he hopes it will just go away & I'll feel fine. I know I do! Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. My sister says she's feeling the same at the moment, as are many in her allergy group & they are thinking it may be related to pollens etc & our allergies. I have made an appointment to see my doctor & will talk to him about it. I have an ap't next Tuesday morning. I have had an exhausting morning in town with my mum & another stressful "chat" with the R.N. at her hostel. I think she's naturally abrasive & authoritarian but in the end I got through to her that I have all the good intentions in the world & she softened & recommend I take Mum to the doctor & explain her condition in detail. Mum can be really annoying I know but I need to get through to them that she needs hay-fever medication & probably an asthma puffer. I know that she has always suffered from both but has never really given medication a chance. She insisted we buy some anti-histamines when we were up the street & the nurse had a fit! After ranting & raving about it & saying that there were proper procedures to go through I said "I realise that & that's why I have come to ask you how we can do it." She said they never hear Mum cough. She coughs every morning for an hour or 2. It seems that the other nurses are contract nurses and they don't pass on my messages. When I said that Mum won't walk in the garden because of the flowers giving her hay-fever & shortness of breath, that was the turning point. She said the best thing I could do is go with her to the doctor & explain it as the caring daughter that I am. I almost burst into tears. She had been about to take blood tests to send to the doctor & asked me to leave it a few days before making Mum's ap't. I asked her if they would give Mum one of the anti-histamines each day in the interim, to which she said she would ring & double-check with the doctor but she thought it would be ok. I had explained how stressful & difficult it is trying to work out systems when it's all new & already stressful & that I am trying to do the best I can. When I left Mum there I sat for about 10 mins just feeling totally stuffed.

Then I drove to the doctors & made 2 separate appointments. I'm not looking forward to telling him how I feel but I must.

We are meant to be going out tonight as there is an Irish Music night at our son's pub & he would be disappointed if we don't go. He loves to introduce us to his friends, which is lovely. My LH still hasn't met S, the Indian cook & would like to. I'll see how I feel later on.

Lots of love to all, xoxo Cate
 
AHeya sweetie.

I think opening up on my diary is great therapy for me. I feel that i can be totally honest which is important, especially on our weight loss journey. I am glad you feel that you can talk to us, rant, scream and shout if you need to. We are always here for you hun.

Love and hugs
Xxx
 
Could it be that it's a sunny day & that is why I'm feeling much better? I wonder sometimes. I seem to be affected by the sunshine or lack of it more than most people. I know my older sister was greatly affected by it. I also know that medication didn't seem to help her much. I'll do some homework now about different ones before my doctor's ap't on Tuesday. I'll have to write some notes to take with me so I don't chicken out. I also got almost 10 hours of sleep last night. We didn't go out. I hope our YS is not too disappointed. So far I think I've managed to hide from both our sons how low I've been feeling. Not so sure about my LH. I think he thinks I'm not feeling well physically (asthma etc) mainly.

Kate- I really appreciate your friendship & advice. I think I'm much better at giving than receiving but I really do appreciate all your support! xoxo Cate

Joh- I forgot to answer your question of about a week ago! I haven't seen my neighbour up close, since I sent him an apology so I didn't know if he's talking to me or not. We drove past him yesterday walking his dog & he turned his back to us, but that's his usual behaviour. He's very weird & I'm not going to worry about him any more. I'm just letting it go now as I have apologised & meant it and can't do much more, without him thinking I care too much. Hope you're starting to feel a teensy bit better. Look forward to hearing about your first night in the new flat! That should help lift your spirits, if not your rotten cold. xoxo Cate

It's a lovely sunny day & I must get outside & soak up some of it!

Love to all, xo Cate.
 
Spent most of the day outside, either gardening, walking or just reading & feel so much better for it. I went over with my calories but not much. I was really hungry today!

The forum is so quiet at the moment but that happens at the week-end. Not everyone is like me & turns into a hermit at the w/e. I love it. I have made a rule where I don't visit either of our mothers at the w/e.

Hope all is well with everyone xo Cate
 
I too log on on the weekends more that the rest of the week!!!Thought the same thing that most people are really out there having fun!!!ans im in the house like a hermit!!!!!it will get going in the evening though!!!

Its nice to read you are feeling better today having some YOU time!
 
Thanks Jess. I thought I was going to be a hermit again today but it's a gloomy day again & rain is threatening. My LH just rang & asked me to ring the p/t barmaid (he doesn't have her mobile # & I do) to get her to work for a couple of hours this afternoon when they come in from their golf & I volunteered to do it instead. It will do me good to be sociable & I feel up for it today. I'll also visit my Mum beforehand briefly & then I won't have to for a couple of days. I won't visit his Mum though or she'll want to go out there with me & she is embarrassing. I'll also do a little shopping on the way. I need to minimise my wine drinking as I'm keeping to my calories but am not having enough food/nutrition. I weighed this morning & have dropped .5kg this week, which is good, because I know it's more sustainable, by losing slower. I'm trying hard to be sensible about it & know that I need to reduce the wine & increase my carb's probably. I have only eaten 1 slice of gluten-free bread this week & some crackers, no rice or starchy veg.

I think I'll get on the move now. I'm being a lazy bones & haven't had a shower yet. My sinuses are hurting today from being out among the long grass etc yesterday. I did about an hour's hard-core gardening (breaking up mounds with a mattock & shovelling & wheel-barrowing dirt & rocks) and also a half hour hilly walk yesterday & I get really bad hayfever. I love Spring & Summer though, so refuse to let it stop me from being outside.

A big Hi to anyone reading my diary & love to all, xoxo Cate
 
Headed out after lunch & did some supermarket shopping, visited my Mum & went out to the golf club where I worked behind the bar for a couple of hours. It was good. We called in to see our YS in the pub & ended up staying a couple of hours. I had 3 ciders. Eep! They were delicious though. I had to adjust my supper accordingly though & went to bed a little hungry. Serves me right! It was fun though. There was live music & good company. I went to write in my "little book of good things" but my special silver, engraved pen, that sits on top of it was missing. My younger sister gave it to me for my 21st birthday, 37 years ago. She had saved up for it & paid it off on lay-by. I can only think that one of the grand-kids has played with it or has taken it home with them. The only other person that has been in the house since I used it last is my DIL. I had trouble getting to sleep worrying about where it might be. Bugger! This morning I'm trying to tell myself that it will turn up.

My LH is home with me today & we are going to garden, when we get energised (ha ha) We're both feeling lazy. I'll go have my morning coffee now. Lots of love, xo Cate .
 
We spent well over 2 hours working really hard in the "garden." We weeded, sprayed etc & planted out 7 tomato plants & then it rained. Nice. After lunch we went into the bush & raked & burned. It was hard work & I ended up with a blister that burst. My skin is pathetically thin. I was wearing gardening gloves! Then it rained again & that also made it safer as the fires fizzled out when we wanted them to.

I have felt much better the last couple of days. Depression comes & goes & there is no rhyme nor reason to it. I feel like a weight has lifted again thank goodness, hopefully for a long time. (I wish!) I'm going to the doctor tomorrow & I will try to tell him how I have been. I need some new scripts anyway.

On a very sad note our OS's dog was run over today & killed. She was a lovely dog & he sounded really sad. The grand-kids will be devastated. He had just told them when I rang him, after seeing a missed call from him. We always minded the dog when he went away & our dogs got on really well with her. He was about to build a fence to keep her in as the neighbours were about to get sheep & she chased the ones that we have up here at the moment. Poor guy. I feel that it's all a bit much for him at the moment. He feels like he failed with their marriage. That is not the truth & I hope he knows that deep down.

I have kept easily within MFP today by exercising & feel pretty good.

A big hi to anyone reading my diary, xoxo Cate.
 
AHeya sweetie

Glad things are good at the moment and i'm so sorry to hear about you sons dog. I would be gutted if that happened to one of mine. They are definalty part of my family (annoying as they are at times) The are my babies.
Fingers crossed for your appointment tomorrow. Be brave and tell them how you really feel hun.
Thinking of you. Xx
 
Kate I will tell him & hopefully I won't cry. I hate to fit a stereotype- post menopausal, emotional......I couldn't find any anti-depressants that would not bring me unwanted side-effects. Over the years I have tried most types. I'll see. Thanks for spurring me on to have the courage to tell him as I think if you hadn't mentioned that I would probably just have got my other meds & got out! :blush5: I love the 2 'posey' photos of you sweetheart. I really do. I'm so glad you had a great night out! xoxo Cate
 
Well...I told the doctor how I feel & came away feeling like a total nut-case. I have been referred to a Psychologist. If, after seeing her I feel I need medication he will prescribe me a very mild anti-depressant. I can't remember which one but it's newish. I just looked up names but really can't remember which one. I felt very stressed out after seeing him. He probably would have written me out a script on the spot but I was in 2 minds about it & said I would give counselling a go. I really don't feel like retelling my day. It was crap & I felt really down for most of the day. More stress re Mum. It's all a bit much. It's my LH's birthday tomorrow & I must pick myself up & make his day special.

Love to all, Cate.
 
AHeya sweetie

Sorry i didnt get a chance to post last night.

Councelling is good!!! It is definalty worth giving it a go. A friend of mine had some and it really helped him. In a way it's nice that your doctor is willing to offer other options instead of just giving you meds straight away. Here in the UK we have to really fight to get therapy. Well done you on being brave and talking to the doctor :)

Sorry you have had a crappy day hun :( big hugs. Xx
 
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