Cate's Diary

Hi Cate. Yes, it probably is the let down after the big event. And maybe a bit over tired.
I hate it when I feel obligated to do something for someone, and they don't show appeciation, or I feel taken for granted. Sometimes I feel like putting my foot down, but I don't feel I can. Other times I feel like doing that but realize it's just a passing feeling. You may feel better by the time you have to see your MIL. Sometimes you just want to say no, but ethically it doesn't feel right. "Sigh".
 
Niyah-
Once again you seem to have read me well. I think you're right about the let-down after the big event. I have been wondering if that was why I felt so flat. Plus the money worry has reared it's head for me again. The party was worth the expense because my LH just loved it & he is worth it. I'm really over-tired I know. Tomorrow I'll take steps to really look after myself again. I'll really concentrate on me again. The MIL will always be a problem but only if I let her be. I am taking her to the airport on Sunday but at least she rang herself today to check. I can't see a way around not bringing her home either so will probably end up doing that too. It's such a pity though that she is so ungrateful. No-one likes being taken for granted. It's no way to treat anyone. I'm doing it for my husband- no-one else.
The glasses are a big thing. I've been fighting this for a while. I know it's silly. I'm going to be able to see everything so much better. I have been getting around with my glasses on top of my head for ages! I need them every 2 minutes. I guess everyone has their thing about aging but I guess mine was my sight. Wrinkles don't worry me or silver hair.
Thanks Niyah for, once again, offering me support when I need it. You are a true friend. I talked to my LH & told him how I felt & that even if he doesn't like my glasses when I get them not to say so but that they truly suited me best. I still wish I could see myself how others see me. The staff at the Optometrists & the Optom. all said I should wear more "out there" glasses & that these ones really suit me. I know that they are right. They did. Now I'll have to feel brave & out there wearing them. Thanks Niyah, xoxo Cate

L-Jay
LOL! Brave girl! Reading my diary right through? You'll know me better than some of my friends!
Re: the MIL...the ethics/obligation thing can really suck sometimes. I usually end up doing the "right thing" but sometimes it's a battle. Respect should be earned. My MIL will not change though so..... Do you know that she gave him absolutely nothing for his 60th. Not even a card.
I am really enjoying your posts L-Jay. I think your insights & support in the forum are excellent! Thanks for your support, xo Cate.
Taekwondo- Was really good. Our GS loved it. His best friend(brown belt) does it & his older brother(black belt) & they are so good. I'll probably take him every Thursday & our OS will take him Mondays. He has made me feel much better just sitting on my lap. He's very loving & sweet.

Goodnight friends. be back in the morning, xo Cate

 
Thanks for you kind words Cate. Children are so good at reminding us what is really important. I found a quote that I thought you might enjoy, in light of the glasses situation: "Happy women know that with each phase of life they give up something, but they also get something in return". It's from a book called What happy women know. Interestingly there's also a section about understanding the difference between being civil, being nice, and being pleasing. Lot's of food for thought there. I'm really enjoying your diary, not that I've got very far yet. I've picked up little bits over recently, and the older posts fill in the gaps. It's very inspiring. I'm surprised at how much we have in common. I love words, writing, and english. There is a lot of the personal stuff I can relate to as well. So, I think it's going to be helpful. Then I'm going to read Niyah's.
I'm glad you MIL rang you herself. I was going to post yesterday and ask if she had, or if another family member had asked on her behalf. Sometimes something as small as that can make a difference. Your husband is a lucky man. What ever he lacks in his mother you have more than made up for as his wife.
Have a lovely day x
 
L-Jay said:
Thanks for you kind words Cate. Children are so good at reminding us what is really important. I found a quote that I thought you might enjoy, in light of the glasses situation: "Happy women know that with each phase of life they give up something, but they also get something in return". It's from a book called What happy women know. Interestingly there's also a section about understanding the difference between being civil, being nice, and being pleasing. Lot's of food for thought there.
Click to expand...

L-Jay- who is it by? I did a search on the library site but couldn't find it. Sounds interesting & useful.
L-Jay said:
I'm really enjoying your diary, not that I've got very far yet. I've picked up little bits over recently, and the older posts fill in the gaps. It's very inspiring. I'm surprised at how much we have in common. I love words, writing, and English. There is a lot of the personal stuff I can relate to as well. So, I think it's going to be helpful. Then I'm going to read Niyah's.
Click to expand...
I hope you love words & writing because it's an epic journey! LOL xo
L-Jay said:
I'm glad your MIL rang you herself. I was going to post yesterday and ask if she had, or if another family member had asked on her behalf. Sometimes something as small as that can make a difference. Your husband is a lucky man. What ever he lacks in his mother you have more than made up for as his wife.
Have a lovely day x
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L-Jay- That comment brought tears to my eyes. How very sweet & thoughtful you are! Thank you. I'll try to see things differently. I'm sure she tries to put me down & has often succeeded in the past. My husband's sister asked me initially but the MIL rang just to check up on times etc. I usually would have called in Wed but chose not to this week. She was very pleasant when she rang. She usually pushes me to the limit & is then sweet when she knows she's gone too far. I did feel much better after her call but I am not going to let her bully me. I don't deserve it & neither does my OS & his sweet family.
Thank you so much L-Jay. That made my day!xoxo Cate

Money is going to be a bit tight over Christmas with the party & the glasses.
"Oh well. It doesn't matter." This is my new mantra, thanks to Niyah!
We'll manage.

I had a good talk to my LH last night about the glasses & he was very understanding, sympathetic & sweet. I am so lucky. We are so lucky. I didn't say anything before but our friends from Vic said some lovely things at the week-end about both of us but in particular our close relationship. I really do miss them a lot. We have lots of friends here but not friends we love as much or have as much in common with. I loved sitting around the dining table drinking nice wine with them & chatting. My idea of heaven on earth! "Oh well........"

Today-
I will do my weights after bike & fit in a walk as well if the clouds clear away. Or I might walk in the rain. I really need some exercise.
As of right now I am getting back into my routine. I need it!

I am missing our YS & can't wait for his return. Mid Dec? Not far away!

OK- Dishes to wash, bike to ride, weights to lift!
Bye for now, Cate
 
Hi Cate, the book is by Dan Baker, Phd, he has a Life Enhancement Program at a ranch in the states and the book came out in 2007. It's a good read, and has some very inspirational stories.
 
L-Jay- I couldn't find it in the library but ordered an older book by the same author that sounded similar.
Exercise today
10 mins bike & then 3 sets of weights X 10 reps X 14 exercises = 420 reps. Then I headed off for a walk to the letterbox & my DIL appeared with the mail so I came back with her & spent the afternoon reading.
Food today-
Breakfast- piece of ham, 2 mushrooms, 1/2 a tomato & 2 eggs on 2 crackers.
Lunch- a big tuna salad.
Snack- a stick of licorice & a couple of gluten-free sweet biscuits as I really felt like eating something sweet so did.
I'm about to get an orange.
Dinner to night is soup & maybe a small piece of Spanikopita that my LH cooked the other day & a small salad.
Mood-
Is much improved. I have the glasses/sight thing into perspective I think. At least glasses improve my sight!
I left a message on my SIL's phone to say that I will pick her up on Sun & take them both to the airport & then do the same in reverse on Tues. She rang me back & said that's too much bother but I have insisted. I told her I'm doing it for her & her brother, not my MIL. I also said I would do some Christmas shopping on Tues so that I am not just travelling into Launceston for one thing. I feel better having decided to do it even though my MIL has been such a pain.

I have decided to pay for our GS's Taekwondo outfit for his present but need to pick up a few little things for the 2 littlies so will try to do that.
Orange o'clock,
Cheers, Cate.
 
Cate, I'm glad you're happy with the decision you've made re your MIL. I have had similar situations, and I ask myself, am I saying no because I really can't or because I have a bee in my bonnet and am digging my heels in because I can. Not that I'm implying you were, because honestly you sound like you need a rest, and a week off would be wonderful. But, the week you plan something like that, I usually find anyway, I'm full of energy, and I want to do things for others. Can't win. But sometimes asking myself the tough questions leads me to the right decision. But whatever I decide, I tell myself I must stick to it and be happy doing it otherwise, I may as well not bother. It sounds like you do a similar thing. What a great idea taking the emphasis of doing it for your MIL and making it about your SIL and her brother. Have a good night x
 
Hi Cate

There is nothing worse than feeling like you have been taken for granted. So I am glad that your MIL phoned herself. What you said about letting defences down is so true. I do that with my mom and then I end up feeling miserable and sabotaging myself. If the last 2 weeks weren't bad enough with my mom. She then went and forgot my 2DS birthday on Sunday. And still hasn't remembered! She is very wrapped up in the fact that my brother is coming out on holiday in a few weeks time and everyone else falls by the wayside. I suppose like Niyah said - very smart lady that - some relationships we are stuck in and I sure as hell am stuck with my mom! But it has made me realise how NOT to parent my kids. I am sure that your relationship has taught you how NOT to be as a MIL yourself. Sometimes it's hard to see what the learning is when you are feeling resentful.

By the way I am sure you will look great with your glasses. I think we all have to deal with aging in our own way, and which part of it affects us. But look at yourself now and before you started this journey. Now you are slim, fit but need glasses, you could have been fat, unhealthy and needing glasses! So well done to you!

I seem to be monopolising your diary and haven't yet posted on my own or anyone elses. I just wanted to say that I chucked out 2/3 of my wardrobe the other day. What a liberating feeling. I will post more on my diary soon. Just been so hectic with the kids and year end.

Have a great weekend and relax so that you can make a full recovery from your last weekend.

Sue
 
Hi Sue, That is funny because I had just typed in Kristy's diary about being a MIL & how I see my role. Some people repeat the mistakes & don't learn a thing by them. Me- I have the perfect example of the "Mother-In-Law from hell" and I do not want to be one myself. Occasionally I have negative MIL thoughts re my DIL but I quickly think of a positive spin to put on things. It boils down to choice. Everything does really. Mine rang again this morning & was very sweet, asking me how my Mum is & what I'm doing today. She knows that I have been crabby with her & she's trying to make amends. That's a good sign.
Sue-I can picture your size at the moment as you have started from a similar weight to me, with a similar goal. I can imagine how great you are feeling. The rest of the journey is a soda compared to where you have come from. Good on you getting rid of all those clothes! Have you done some op-shopping to buy some more temporary ones? I had to as my slim clothes were given away 25 years ago! I wish I still had my clothes from the 70's! They would fit me perfectly now. Come into my diary any time & say as much as you want. I love it!
The glasses-
I have come to terms with it now I think & put it into perspective (thanks in part to my forum friends.) They are absolutely gorgeous glasses. They look French with a beautiful filigree pattern on the sides. So pretty! I will take a photo of me in them & put it out there for you to see when I get them. They are more out there than I have ever felt confident enough to be but it's time I started being more confident in public. I'm getting there.
Actually I just doubted if filigree was the word to describe them & googled it & saw these beautiful earrings. I'll attach the photo of the earrings now if I can.
Today-
It is very stormy & cool. About 14-16oC only. I might do some floor exercises today. I haven't been doing any at all & usually go for a walk but that won't be happening today. I'm not dressed yet & feel pleasantly lazy & relaxed. I'm feeling much better now & I think I have recovered from last week-end. I asked my LH (lovely husband) if he felt a let-down from our visitors going & he said he didn't. He has more of a social life than me with his golf & his job. He very rarely feels sad. Mind you he gets teary sometimes watching tv. He is very balanced though. Lucky for me!
Long diary posts-
Never apologise! Look at mine!

I hope everyone is having a really good week-end. I am enjoying the forum very much at the moment & it is great to see the support being provided to one another & the sharing of insights, thoughts & feelings. It is an integral part of the process of ensuring that this is a permanent change.
"If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got." In here we give & we get & give...& it's great! True support!
Cheers for now, Cate.
PS An example of filigree (hopefully!)
 
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Hi Cate,

Gorgeous picture, I'm sure your glasses are beautiful. I have worn glasses for tv/computer and now for driving since grade 5 and I feel they add to my character. One of my favourite things to do every couple of years is go and pick out new glasses and prescription sunnies. I just love them. My current ones are Vogue and they are purple. I need new ones I think but I still love these ones so much! Can't wait to see a picture of you wearing yours.

I am so so glad I was introduced to this forum. It feels like a whole other family and the support is so valuable. It's good to be able to come somewhere that people can really relate to you and understand you, and give such great encouragement and motivation. I know my journey through cohens would be so much harder without the support of all of you lovely ladies. I am really grateful to everyone who takes the time to post and read dairies etc.

Have a nice lazy, relaxing day Cate. You deserve it.

xo
 
L-Jay- Sorry sweets I missed your last night's post. Yeah, I feel better having decided to just do it & be gracious about it. Feeling mean & angry does not sit well with me so I chose to get over it. I'm feeling much better today & have more energy & positivity. Phew! xo Cate
Kristy-
I almost chose purple but the filigree pattern on the red ones won me over. I just love red! Thanks for being so sweet, xo Cate.
The sun is shining now so I might head off for a walk.
Cheers fellow Cohenites, xo Cate
 
Hi Cate. Filigree is gorgeous. I think the glasses must look very classy. Short post, as I'm really tired, but never too tired to comment on a work of art.
 
Hi Cate!!

How are you? Wow.. It feels like ages ago when we last spoke..!
I'm on holiday now and at home, exams are done so I can relax.. Fully back on the Cohen's wagon again :) hehe
I've got so much reading to catch up on..hehe. I'll post tomorrow :)
Lovies! Mwa!
 
Luvbug said:
Hi Cate!!

How are you? Wow.. It feels like ages ago when we last spoke..!
I'm on holiday now and at home, exams are done so I can relax.. Fully back on the Cohen's wagon again :) hehe
I've got so much reading to catch up on..hehe. I'll post tomorrow :)
Lovies! Mwa!
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Hi Luvbug! YAY! You're back!

I was about to post in my diary & was all excited about you being back & then the phone rang & then it rang again & then I had to hurry off to have a shower & scoot to pick my MIL up etc & just remembered that I hadn't! I'll catch up with your news soon! Welcome back sweets. If your ticker is still accurate you need to put done next to one of your goals! So nice to hear from you my sweet friend! xo Cate
Today-
Has been pretty good. I took the MIL into Launceston, picked up my SIL & then took them to the airport. We didn't talk about the party & how she was but we talked about lots of other things. It was quite good actually.
Exercise today-
Bike & then weights- 280 reps today. I am feeling so good physically & mentally today.
OK. That's it for today. No- not yet. I had better go find a motivational or whatever saying. Cheers, Cate
 
Brrrrr.
We're having a cold snap! I woke up so cold in the middle of the night & had to fish out a comforter. I had gone to bed in Winter PJ's already!
Weight-
Has settled apparently on GW + 3.5kg again. It seems to want to stay there. I can eat next to nothing for a week & drop about 1.5kg but as soon as I eat "normally" it goes straight back to that weight. "Normally" is re-feed portions & does not include bread, milk, cream, desserts, pasta...
I'm wondering if it's the weights & all of my other exercise. I know I'm building muscle. I can see it & feel it every time I move. I see the exercise physio on Wednesday & will ask her what she thinks. I woke up feeling very stiff from the Fitball exercises I did on Saturday but it was also so cold. I'll do them again today. I don't think I had mentioned that I had a crack at them for the first time on Sat. I took my ball down to our mechanic neighbour & he blew it up for me. I had a real giggle doing them & found them fun. Felt easy for a while but boy do they work your legs!
Mood & energy-
I'm feeling really good actually so am not letting the scales dictate how I feel. Exercise makes such a big difference to me. I think a gentle walk every day even while on Cohen's would improve mood. Anything other than that may hurt the scales & sabotage the weight-loss. I know that some weight gain is ok now because I'm well into maintenance but if it had happened while I was on the program I think I would have found it disheartening. I don't think I would have been able to do it anyway. You need more fuel, i.e. food.
Today-
Not sure what we'll do today. We had planned on gardening but it's cold & very windy. We need to light some fires before the heat comes back but can't today b/c of the wind. I have some lettuce seedlings to plant so will do that but we have lots of oak trees & the 2 olive trees to plant out as well with protective fences around them. We'll see if the wind dies down.

I hope everyone had a good week-end.
Cheers for now, Cate
 
Isn't the weather strange at the moment. Our bodies don't have time to adjust.
Sorry, you may have mention this already, but how do you feel at 3.5kgs above goal? I know you've been on maintenance for awhile, so you'd know what weight you feel best at. It must be so challenging to know what and how much you can eat, without letting the kgs blow out again. Your posts are really appreciated because I know I'm going to find it a real challenge when I've finished refeed. It could be the weights causing the increase. Do you notice difference in how your clothes fit though? Because if it was weights, they wouldn't affect that would they?
It'll be interesting to hear what your physio says about it anyway.
Reading your posts has also made me realize that a few weeks ago i was really starting to overdo the exercise. It was affecting my hunger and energy levels, so I will try and keep it to a moderate walk when the urge hits me.
That's interesting about "normal" being refeed portions too. It's a scary thought, but the insight you're giving us all is invaluble. It's motivating to have someone whose willing to put the effort in to work out what's right for them, and post it, because, it's going to be different for all of us, but we have a monument, I guess you could call it, or a testimony, in your diary that it can be done, and it's really worth it. Having come through the Cohens journey, who wants to throw away that effort, commitment, and knowledge?
Have a great day x
 
Hey Cate!!

It's great to be back.. but to be honest, it's pretty tough! I feel so out of it..and I'm so angry with myself. Stress is really evil and it kills your body and mind!

Well, according to my mom's scale I weigh 59kg.. it just doesn't sound right, but okay. Wow, how did I let this happen? *sigh*
I'll update my sticker to that for now..

I'm glad that you're well!! I've missed you a lot :)
Unfortunately, though, after I broke up with my bf I didn't have internet.. so that really sucked.

I'll pop in again later today hehe

PS. I'm going for my drivers license on Wednesday..!!! :D
mwah!
 
L-Jay said:
Sorry, you may have mention this already, but how do you feel at 3.5kgs above goal? I know you've been on maintenance for awhile, so you'd know what weight you feel best at. It must be so challenging to know what and how much you can eat, without letting the kgs blow out again. Your posts are really appreciated because I know I'm going to find it a real challenge when I've finished refeed. It could be the weights causing the increase. Do you notice difference in how your clothes fit though? Because if it was weights, they wouldn't affect that would they?
It'll be interesting to hear what your physio says about it anyway.
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L-Jay- I'm ok about it but only because I feel so good physically. I have lost cm's around my stomach even though my weight is up a bit so I know that it must be muscle & my clothes still fit well. I still have to tell myself not to freak out though. Powerful things scales! Silly really!
L-Jay said:
Reading your posts has also made me realize that a few weeks ago i was really starting to overdo the exercise. It was affecting my hunger and energy levels, so I will try and keep it to a moderate walk when the urge hits me.
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The exercise I am doing def. makes me hungry so would have seriously sabotaged me on Cohen's. Gentle walks would have been ok I think but I didn't dare risk it as I hadn't been doing them before starting the program. I'm still glad I waited.
L-Jay said:
Having come through the Cohen's journey, who wants to throw away that effort, commitment, and knowledge?
Have a great day x
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Absolutely L-Jay. Thanks for that post & your repping me for the post to Angela. If we can help anyone not repeat our mistakes we are doing well. Cheers fellow Cohenite, xo Cate
Luvbug said:
Hey Cate!!
It's great to be back.. but to be honest, it's pretty tough! I feel so out of it..and I'm so angry with myself. Stress is really evil and it kills your body and mind!
Well, according to my mom's scale I weigh 59kg.. it just doesn't sound right, but okay. Wow, how did I let this happen? *sigh*
I'll update my sticker to that for now..
I'm glad that you're well!! I've missed you a lot :)
Unfortunately, though, after I broke up with my bf I didn't have internet.. so that really sucked.
I'll pop in again later today hehe
PS. I'm going for my drivers license on Wednesday..!!! :D
mwah!
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Hi Luvbug, I know you have had a tough time my sweet but it's time to be positive again & stop being angry with yourself. It happened but you are in control of what happens to you from now on & you can fix this. I know you can! Back to working on your self-esteem & loving yourself. I have missed you too! I have missed your bubbly personality & welcome you back. The forum has many lovely people in it now who you will get along with.
Re the drivers licence. I won't wish you luck as you won't need luck. Be confident. The Luvbug I know will get her drivers licence & then will refocus on getting back on Cohen's & getting to goal weight. The Luvbug I know is lovely & is worth loving. Have a read of the motivational thread when you have a chance. It helps me stay focussed on the positive, xoxo & a big Mwah back to you, Cate.

Yesterday-
My exercise was about 2 hours of wood gathering, dragging, stacking, carting & throwing & was great. It's very physical so I didn't need to do anything else. I slept soundly last night! Also helped by the fact that my LH removed the squarking Starlings that were nesting right outside our bedroom window. 3 of them! He had to get up on the roof & remove screws to lift the tin to get them & all the dry grass out. What a mess! Today he's getting a can of foam to fill the gap up so that they can't get back in.
Starlings=flying rats. Times like yesterday I'm glad I'm not a Buddhist!
Food yesterday-
Breakfast- Yoghurt & mango
Lunch- Wallaby soup, 4 crackers with Mozzarella cheese & zucchini pickle, 1 apple
5'ish- 1 piece of Mozza. cheese & 1/2 bottle red wine
Dinner- Baked wallaby with a very green stir-fry & a little bit(1 tablespoon?) of a rice thingy (like Risotto) my LH had made (very tasty)
Snack- 1/2 apple, 1/2 orange, 1/2 a kiwi fruit plus 1 stick of Molasses licorice.

Today-
I'm going back to Launceston to pick up my MIL & SIL. I was thinking about doing some Xmas shopping but I really can't be bothered. I might do my weights soon instead.
I might be back tonight I think so will head for now, cheers, cate
 
Hi Cate,

I get so much from reading your diary.
Still itchy for a good sweat and move about!

I love Launceston. I think I would have to stop at Cataract Gorge and have a tea looking at the view, and then go for a walk down to the water's edge, around the pool and then sit on the grass.

:waving:
 
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