bluehats diary

LaMaria said:
That's odd. Unless the portion size of those homecooked meals was off by quite a bit you were eating below maintenance. Except for the bugles, of course. Any chance of it being water weight?
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i dont know how to tell if its water weight

i do know that family meals are made and portions are
whatever wanted with no regard to any recommendatons
so spaghetti for example will be 2 huge platefuls
with parmesan cheese poured on heavy and at least 10
meatballs
they've decided to eat what when and how much they want
and i fight the urge to do the same
and with an appetite that never stops
its a hard fight and i mostly fail
i did follow my cde recommendations as a diabetic
but put on 50 pounds and was needing over 200
units of insulin daily
eating my way i only need 65 units at this time
so i believe my family to be partly right in ignoring
recommendations
so your probably right in saying the family meals
portions were way off

i just am unclear on that if the calories are ok
then the portions would be ok?
(if the portions were truly ok)
 
From your description I would estimate one of those plates of spaghetti to be at least 1200 calories. Nothing wrong with eating spaghetti and meatballs but it is calorie dense food which makes it hard to stop eating before you overeat.
 
bluehat said:
just am unclear on that if the calories are ok
then the portions would be ok?
Click to expand...
I don't think I quite understand what you mean. As you're mostly looking at not binging and roughly sticking to your calories those calories would be what determines the size of your portions. If your main goal were to be, say, a certain amount of protein or fiber you might get different portion sizes - but then you probably wouldn't be eating spaghetti anyway.
 
LaMaria said:
I don't think I quite understand what you mean. As you're mostly looking at not binging and roughly sticking to your calories those calories would be what determines the size of your portions. If your main goal were to be, say, a certain amount of protein or fiber you might get different portion sizes - but then you probably wouldn't be eating spaghetti anyway.
Click to expand...

ok i understand now
 
LaMaria said:
From your description I would estimate one of those plates of spaghetti to be at least 1200 calories. Nothing wrong with eating spaghetti and meatballs but it is calorie dense food which makes it hard to stop eating before you overeat.
Click to expand...

yikes alot
i better be watching the family meals
 
i sometimes wish it was alcohol
or smoking i struggled with
because they arent needed
to sustain life so therefore can be
completely stopped
not easily but can be done
 
today--
salad 598.5

later will be--
salad-- same
pea soup 550

12 cups water

really want to do my 15 minutes cycling
but i wont be permitted until likely in sept.
which means starting all over again from
5 minutes
i may ask if i can do other forms of activity
but right now even walking hurts alot
 
bluehat said:
i sometimes wish it was alcohol
or smoking i struggled with
because they arent needed
to sustain life so therefore can be
completely stopped
not easily but can be done
Click to expand...
True. And you can get help quitting, because people take it seriously. Then again they're pretty lethal as well.
Maybe you can ask about sit-down exercise? One of my old folks fractured their pelvis in three places plus one of their arms so they could neither walk nor bike. But they could and did work out for a good hour every day. Gentle exercise, but still very useful.
 
not a good food day yesterday
so i dont know the calories
but i can list the foods anyway

pea soup 2 cans (796 ml each)
walnuts 200 grams
shredded cheese 320 grams
ham 156 grams
blueberries 600 grams

from waking to sleep
too much
bloated painful tummy
such a fat pig
i hate myself
its so embarassing
but i wanted to share
because hiding doesnt
get help or support
 
Hi Bluehat

Hiding doesn't help - but neither does self-flagellation. They both hurt.
What we tell ourselves MATTERS
What we tell ourselves impacts everything we do
What we tell ourselves can sabotage what we really want to achieve

Your opinions will re-enforce your actions, whether you want them to or not.
If your opinion is that you hate yourself, then you won't do what you need to do to take care of yourself.

My daughter deals with depression/anxiety and a lot of what I read in your post above and I see it lived out and how harmful it is.
It doesn't help you achieve your goals.

It just makes it harder
:(

That isn't to say, it's just mind over matter, ie., just think positively..etc I would never say or suggest that, but there are times when you do have to fake it till you make it, if for no other reason than to practice treating yourself right.

You are worthy of respect EVEN if you have weight to lose.
You are worthy of respect EVEN if you didn't have a great day
You are worthy plain and simple

I'd really recommend talking to yourself as *if* you were your own best friend.
It won't feel real, it won't feel genuine or authentic, but you will get practice at saying the things your mind needs to hear instead of saying the things only to hurt/punish yourself.

I know it's not easy, I do.

{{{Sending lots of hugs}}}
 
Also: you never give up. You keep working on yourself even though you´re in pain and limited in the things you can do and that´s hard. You deserve credit for that. Nobody has only good days. Sending hugs.
 
I agree with all of the above. You don't give up, even though you are hurting and that is to be admired. M2M's idea of treating yourself as you would a really close friend is a really good idea. Learning to be kind to yourself would help in your healing process. Try it, even if it does feel weird at first. I used to stand in front of the mirror & make myself find some good points about myself. It felt ridiculous, but it helped. I'm sending you hugs too. Here's one from the forum as well, from everyone who has suffered from lack of self-esteem :grouphug: Hang in there. Hopefully your life will get better & better, xoxoxo Cate
 
yesterday--
pea soup 550
ham 210
walnuts 200
store made sausages 900
plus my 12 cups of water

sad today about the whole food and weight thing
hoping my foods better
today
 
yesterday--
bad encounter with the mean family member
so idk what i ate
and i didnt get my 12 cups of water in
 
bluehat said:
yesterday--
bad encounter with the mean family member
so idk what i ate
and i didnt get my 12 cups of water in
Click to expand...

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with that. I wish it was easier to not care what certain people in your life think or say... There are always going to be bumps in the road, so don't worry if you don't keep track of things for a day. Hopefully the next day will be easier!
 
yesterday--
6 breakfast sausages- 288 per 3
salad --315
pea soup-- 550
swiss cheese slices--700

yikes a bit too much

its been a bit hard tracking and limiting food
these days with my pain level, bad family encounters
and stress not wanting the surgery next month (and hoping
he doesnt discover the need for the second one)
but im trying

thanks for all the hugs
and supports
 
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You're trying, you're not binging, you're taking care of yourself and you're not *that* far over calories. In fact if you never had a higher-calorie day than this one in your life you'd probably lose weight :grouphug:
 
All you can do is try! You're doing well, don't expect perfection. Just do what you can and if it's seeming like to much, just try to make small, manageable changes.
 
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