19 With a Dream; The Diary of a Fat Child.

Your blog is very inspirational! You have done an amazing job so far. Keep reaching and you'll achieve anything you desire.

best of luck to you!
 
Thursday May 24th 2007 12:28PM
I'm doing OKAY!
Just got back from the doctors. 226. I'm still finding it hard to move...but I'm working at it. I work tonight 3-10 so my walks are shot...however...I've been up early doing laundry...so the stairs have been good to me I suppose. I'll try to keep active at work and then Friday and Saturday are going to dedicated to working out, putting the pool up and drinking as much water as I can manage. I've been only drinking about 6 water bottles lately. I'm hoping for 8 and 10 these next couple days. The doctors is impressed. He upped my anxiety medication which is good because I'm still a bit "off" and it helps with losing some weight too, all on it's own. Fun.
Okay so I suppose I should try and do something productive before work... Thanks for all the lovely replies as always, you are all awesome!​
 
Tonight was great! Went for a walk at like Midnight, it's so nice outside, walked the downtown area and came home. No worries, I was safe. Two of my friends walked with me...both...striking young 19 year old men...who could take care of me. Not mention the fact that one of them is still into me. I really like him from like Grade 6-9....he's even cuter now and I would actually consider it. I just don't feel comfortable with myself right now. My body mostly. Losing this weight just makes me feel jiggly. I haven't been in these sort of situations lately....I fat fatter last time...weird. I don't quite understand, but hey! It's two in the morning. Who makes sense at 2 in the morning???
Oh well, I suppose...I should go to bed. I'm soo tired. I think mom wants me to clean or something tomorrow...so that's gonna suck.
 
Heya, just discovered your diary there (okay, so im a little slow heh)

Keep up with the exercise, i find doing it early in the morning before i can talk myself out of it helped a lot in the early days - that way i felt good about it for the entire rest of the day as well.
 
Her face is a map of the world
Is a map of the world
You can see she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
And everything around her is a silver pool of light
The people who surround her feel the benefit of it
It makes you calm
She holds you captivated in her palm

Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me

I feel like walking the world
Like walking the world
You can hear she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
She fills up every corner like she's born in black and white
Makes you feel warmer when you're trying to remember
What you heard
She likes to leave you hanging on her word

Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me

And she's taller than most
And she's looking at me
I can see her eyes looking from a page in a magazine
Oh she makes me feel like I could be a tower
A big strong tower
She got the power to be
The power to give
The power to see
The power to be ya,ya (Suddenly I see)
The power to be
The power to give
The power to see
The power to be ya,ya (Suddenly I see)
The power to be
The power to give
The power to see
The power to be (Suddenly I see)
The power to be
The power to give
The power to see
The power to be (Suddenly I see)
The power to be
The power to give
The power to see
The power to be (Suddenly I see)

Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me (Suddenly I see)
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me (Suddenly I see)
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me


Pools up, great day, great night last night....224! 30 Pounds officially.​
 
When to bed really early last night. 9:45 was the last time I looked at the clock. I was tired... then I woke up at 2 and stayed awake until about 3:30. Then back to bed until 6:01 when my mom woke me up...walking heavy upstairs.
I have to work 9-5 today. So I guess I'm up. I want to nap until 7:50, and that's what I'm thinking I'll do. ​
 
hi jessica, im nathan, and im 19 in 2 months! woop.

its awesome to see ur progress so far, pretty inspirational,
are u still doing the morning work outs??

i have often thought about doing morning work outs but im going back to martial arts this week, so that will probably take up 5 nights out of my week.

i hope you had a blast at work today
 
Hello Awesome People...
Today is Monday May 28th 2007 2:26pm

Thanks for all the feedback...work was fun as usual...I slept well last night and now I'm getting into work out mode..3 days off!
I realized that I've never really opened up to everyone yet. Not even my own diary. I'm always fixed on goals and losing weight...I'd like to talk about how I got here...you'd be surprised.
I'm thinking that I'll leave that to an entry all on it's own.
Today I entered the June 2lb a week challenge. My last weigh in for the May Challenge is the same day I'm starting to weigh for June. It's the 31st lol. Like it matters. So I'm looking real good for the May challenge. Definitely lost more then 10 pounds. So I am fulfilled. May went by SOOO fast. Looking forward to June being the same.
Should go for my walk this afternoon. I've found this awesome site with almost every TV show ever on it...with every episode. So I am totally watching something awesome on my walk.
I've been back listening to country again. It's most likely the weather. Summer = Country music. Always has, really. I'm soo indie/metal/alternative/acoustic in the Winter cause I'm usually in the EMO mood because It's cold. I hate Winter. But as soon as summer comes I'm such a hick... playing my guitar, singing by the campfire...getting smashed on cheap Canadian beer and listening to a lot of Country Music. I just got back from taking mom to work and I totally cranked "Fast Cars and Freedom - Rascal Flatts" and drove around town totally belting it out with the windows down. It's really weird but in this town when people see me they smile and waved cause many people know me... I'm awesome haha. See this is another reason why I'm scared to be thin. I've been me forever, I've been comfortable for the most part being fat because I'm still really beautiful and I'm talented, intelligent and I have an amazing personality... People get that. I don't live in such a media driven town (believe me if I did there wouldn't be so many fat...welfare baby mommas with mullets *Sorry if I'm offending anyone, Ask you're precious Avril Lavigne...she'll agree with me) Anyway...I've never had to feel bad about my weight cause everything else I had makes up for it and I'm confident with myself because of this.
I hope this sticks with me when I am much smaller.
:rolleyes:​
 
Thrill,

I know exactly what you mean. I love being me, i hate change! I think i have quite a unique personality. But I understand I must under go this journey for myself and my health (and some vanity...:rolleyes: )

I read your thread in the club section and you are right. You can be fat and beautiful. And I just hope, at the end of our journeys, after the excess fat is gone, our personalities remains the same, and we remain the proud, beautiful people we were before.
 
DeepGreen said:
Thrill,

I know exactly what you mean. I love being me, i hate change! I think i have quite a unique personality. But I understand I must under go this journey for myself and my health (and some vanity...:rolleyes: )

I read your thread in the club section and you are right. You can be fat and beautiful. And I just hope, at the end of our journeys, after the excess fat is gone, our personalities remains the same, and we remain the proud, beautiful people we were before.
Click to expand...

WORD! You get it, I'm glad someone does lol. I hope so too!
 
Today is Wednesday May 30th 2007 12:30pm

Okay! So lot's to update. I hit 219 this morning. So I'm basically floating between 219-221. This is such a great feeling. I told my grand mother last night and she was happy to announce that she started eating the things I've been eating and she's lost about 5 pounds since my birthday (May 17th) quite impressive. She's finally got normal blood sugars (diabetic). She's proud of me. I'm equally as proud as her. I don't blame her for wanting to get some of the extra weight off. It must be hard to carry any weight around being older... Oh and no, she is not eating as drastically as me, but she is eating bran and yogurt and drinking water and trying to eat healthier meals. Whole grains ect. It's really helping keep her blood sugar regular. It used to go really high or really low almost every day. So yay for grams!
Sitting at home alone. Mom and Dad went out to my grand mothers trailer to put her refrigerator. So I'm just sitting around. Looking at the beautiful pool outside.. I'm thinking that I will wait until a little bit later because it's supposed to be a high of 28 or something with nasty humidity and the pool temperature is about 75 degrees. Good times ahead. Maybe I'll start tanning.
I've noticed I have started to develop some lose skin on my thighs and stomach and some stretch marks have started to appear.
Watched a bunch of episodes of The Office. Oh how I love that show. Cut grass last night. 2 back yards, push mower *by choice.
Well I suppose, I should do something. Go walking...pilaties...something. Hope everyone is doing well. Weigh in tomorrow. Here's for a good update. ​
 
Great job on the progress, absolutely awesome.

perfect_thrill said:
I've noticed I have started to develop some lose skin on my thighs and stomach and some stretch marks have started to appear.
Click to expand...

I am not a big expert, but the loose skin may be appearing, because you may losing the weight too fast, and not giving a chance for your skin to adjust.

Then again, I am not an expert, but thats my theory.

And strech marks appearing? I'm totally baffled on that..
 
I think stretch marks can come from shrinking quickly as well as growing quickly. At least I think I read that somewhere.

I haven't lost weight necessarily that quickly, but I have noticed not loose skin, but just that things are more "jiggly" lol. I guess because there is less fat in the skin??? Either way, I don't think its anything to worry about too much. I asked Leigh one time what to do to try and avoid loose skin and one main thing she said was to eat enough good fat (avacados, nuts, fish etc..).

But anyways, you are doing great Jess! I'll talk to you soon on MSN :)
 
It's more so just the stretch marks that were there before...now appearing because the fat is going away. Yeah, I suppose I should expect lose skin at the rate I'm burning.
Swimming, Working, Hanging...that's basically all I've been doing. I don't even think about the bad foods at all. It's crazy. Anyway...I hope to lose 15 or more pounds this month. Can she do it? I think she can!
Nothing much else to say. I'm starting to become attracted to my best guy friend. It's sorta awkward. I don't think I plan on doing or saying anything...it wouldn't be right.
Okay...bye.
 
I love your devotion! Keep it up!

And omg, this journal looks like its going to turn into a soap opera real soon.
 
perfect_thrill said:
It's more so just the stretch marks that were there before...now appearing because the fat is going away. Yeah, I suppose I should expect lose skin at the rate I'm burning.
Swimming, Working, Hanging...that's basically all I've been doing. I don't even think about the bad foods at all. It's crazy. Anyway...I hope to lose 15 or more pounds this month. Can she do it? I think she can!
Nothing much else to say. I'm starting to become attracted to my best guy friend. It's sorta awkward. I don't think I plan on doing or saying anything...it wouldn't be right.
Okay...bye.
Click to expand...

i heard cocoa butter helps with stretch marks. maybe can try? of cos weights training wld help too. less obvious. if all fails, go for a tan haha.

oooooh..... cmon, tell us more abt the guy:p
 
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