Fiera's Diary
- Thread starter Fiera
- Start date
Fiera
Well-known member
Thanks for the Zoom tip Llama. I was having trouble earlier sending out the invites but it was, I think, related to the fact that I still use Windows and outlook on my PC for limited things and I use an Apple Ipad / Iphone with native address book for most purposes. There is a way to sync up your contacts and calendars I just haven't done it yet. And not sure how I will manage "lists" and groups" as I don't want all the dog rescue volunteers in my main contact list. I added like 40 people in 2 days and that is a lot of clutter.
Fiera
Well-known member
It is really difficult to not go ahead and have my avocado and egg white breakfast. I am seeing this mental game I am playing with myself. "you just sort of spontaneously started doing 16:8 because you were doing bloodwork fasting and then the 5-day, it doesn't mean anything if you do something different today. It's not like you signed up for a month of 16:8." No, self, I did not. But doing 16:8 has meant having the ability to say no and change the habitual automatic response going to the kitchen and having instant gratification. I feel like I am in no way safe from indulgence. The brain still wants to engage in old behaviors. So fighting to make it to noon today is worth the effort and part of the journey to retrain my brain-body.
Now is no time to lose momentum. As Guru Doc and many participants in this program attest, the real magic occurs in days 6-16, provided you maintain healthy controlled eating.
Weigh in this morning was 165.9. 16 days from now will be roughly when I leave to see my Dad so it will be a nice natural milestone to take inventory of my head and habits. Will I still be mindful and intentional about eating? I was going to say "I hope so" but hope is not a strategy. I am going in and putting the words "intentional" and "mindful" in my kitchen, along with the word "authentic"...because I cannot be genuinely me if I am ruled by disordered eating.
Now is no time to lose momentum. As Guru Doc and many participants in this program attest, the real magic occurs in days 6-16, provided you maintain healthy controlled eating.
Weigh in this morning was 165.9. 16 days from now will be roughly when I leave to see my Dad so it will be a nice natural milestone to take inventory of my head and habits. Will I still be mindful and intentional about eating? I was going to say "I hope so" but hope is not a strategy. I am going in and putting the words "intentional" and "mindful" in my kitchen, along with the word "authentic"...because I cannot be genuinely me if I am ruled by disordered eating.
Fiera
Well-known member
Trying not to race through this meal. Rather slowly take smaller bites and appreciate each one. Gulping down food is another mindless habit. I can change my interface with food and reduce calories. Notice when I have had "enough" and stop.
Lunch is: 2 egg whites, 1/2 avocado, 1 piece thin sliced many grain bread, and a little molcajete.
Oops some avocado took a nose dive onto my Ipad screen. lol.
Lunch is: 2 egg whites, 1/2 avocado, 1 piece thin sliced many grain bread, and a little molcajete.
Oops some avocado took a nose dive onto my Ipad screen. lol.
Fiera
Well-known member
Well, happy me, but feeling tired today. The diet was of course comprised of carefully crafted food items which helped you from crashing. I have to take KDog to the vet in about an hour and a half, maybe I will nap? I just planned the next little mini meal and in prepping for that washed some blueberries and popped 3 of them in my mouth. They tasted rancid and I should have spit them out. I thought maybe it just tasted funny due to the strict diet throwing things off. A minute later I felt a pain in my tummy. So I think I will chuck the rest of the blueberries out and settle for a banana and peanut butter on toast. Proggy and I are going for napoli style pizza later. I will get the margherita, my favorite. It will be a no meat day. For a meatatarian 6 days in a row without meat is really something.
Maybe there is something to this autophagy/plant based eating stuff. The scale is down about 5 pounds, and we can even argue that some of that will come back. But I wish I had realized what was about to happen with my body size because I would have taken measurements. I went from Veruca Salt to pear-shaped. Sure I still have a belly thighs etc but they are just so much smaller. What if the 5 pounds I shed really was, bit by bit, unhealthy cellular material? How remarkable!
Maybe there is something to this autophagy/plant based eating stuff. The scale is down about 5 pounds, and we can even argue that some of that will come back. But I wish I had realized what was about to happen with my body size because I would have taken measurements. I went from Veruca Salt to pear-shaped. Sure I still have a belly thighs etc but they are just so much smaller. What if the 5 pounds I shed really was, bit by bit, unhealthy cellular material? How remarkable!
Llama
Well-known member
Oh, I know those conversations... The only way to win is not to play, and not to negotiate.
"Do or do not, there is no try", as a wise little green gremlin once said.
Fiera
Well-known member
Friday morning. Up early to see Proggy off. We had quite the winter storm yesterday. Winds, rain, and falling temps which progressed into a thick layer of slushy snow and ice pellets then at length another layer of powder on top. The roads are extremely dangerous. Proggy and I kept up with his car and my front sidewalk every couple of hours, with the consequence that it was not so much of an early morning horror show.
DDog does not mind a gentle rain but the biting ice pellets were too much for him, as they were for me. Winds were 30+ MPH with gusts close to 50MPH. Stinging. So DDog made a poopy accident in the house after coming back from a quick venture out. I feel like if I had just watched him more closely I could have caught him in time. He got back on track around 9P though during a break in the snow, so it's just a fluke.
Proggy came up after work Weds. We went to the Napoli pizza place, then the arcade, (next to LH, also by the house where Jason stayed before his last apartment). Wrapped up with a bar drink/snack at a brewpub (Erin). It was fun getting out. I played my favorite pinball as well as a vintage machine which really made me happy. Keep your electronics and music soundtracks, there to me is nothing sweeter than the sound of the original bumpers and bells.
Thursday was Cleaning Lady, I had her focus on clean the picked up areas and the dog bedding. Meanwhile Proggy and I left for breakfast at the horseshoe diner and then came home grabbed stuff, walked the dogs and dashed for the train. We first took care of his errand at vital records then went to a museum. More vintage nostalgia (plastic-wax figures from childhood). While there the storm moved in so we skipped transit altogether and took an Uber all the way back to my place. As usual the discussion around dinner was long and ridiculous. Finally we ended up taking the SUV out in that mess to go get seafood tacos. After that, we watched vintage movies (I didn't really, I was shovelling and salting and walking DDog and washing soiled pee pads and answering emails and getting the to do list together for today. Phew!
The best surprise of the day was that I had been dreading the dog food/supplies delivery showing up in all that, coming home from museum to wet heavy boxes on my front porch and having to bring them around to the back and into the basement. Even with a cart. The shipper packs the boxes so heavy I can hardly scoot them and cannot lift them at all. Bulky and heavy. In windy ice pellet blizzard conditions, I though of leaving a note on the door begging the delivery person to bring them through to the back. I shoveled and salted and made it as safe as possible. As it happened, on my way out the door to go to dinner, the Fox Box truck pulled up and after delivering across the street, opened the back door and I could see my boxes waiting there. So, like a spider in its web, I waited for him, getting pelted in the face, feeling bad for even asking him on a day where he surely was already having a rough time of it. But I did, and while his silence and body language signalled annoyance, he did as I asked and brought two dollys full of boxes all the way to the back. From there, I kicked them down the back steps and dragged them inside, to be opened later. Sooooooo much easier and I was very grateful, not that he acknowledged my gratitude, But I really do hope the Universe sends him some good juju from me.
Today I will open and inventory the box contents and stack them, and also inventory the winter coats. The vet tech I recruited Weds at DDog's appt was very excited and yet now has not provided contact information to me. So we may still be short someone to perform the mobile heartworm tests. I might try the nearby shelter.
Today is going to be nearly entirely about the dogs, since I had about 24 hours almost entirely off and there is a lot to do before the arrivals Thurs.
The sun is shining brightly and as we have not seen it much lately this makes everything seem a bit more joyful.
I like staying busy. It is amazing how having purpose helps me to set aside people who are bandwidth burners in favor of my own heart and what matters to me.
As far as re-entry into the feeding world, I will admit this is not easy, I am making healthier food choices on the whole but not entirely. Last night I did a lot of grazing until I was full, because I was not fasting. I will start a new 16:8 this evening.
Oh dear I also need to read 3 Chapters for tomorrow morning with Saylor. Darn it.
Curly Bubbly cancelled today, throwing up since 6A. hope it is nothing serious.
Ok gotta go be productive.
DDog does not mind a gentle rain but the biting ice pellets were too much for him, as they were for me. Winds were 30+ MPH with gusts close to 50MPH. Stinging. So DDog made a poopy accident in the house after coming back from a quick venture out. I feel like if I had just watched him more closely I could have caught him in time. He got back on track around 9P though during a break in the snow, so it's just a fluke.
Proggy came up after work Weds. We went to the Napoli pizza place, then the arcade, (next to LH, also by the house where Jason stayed before his last apartment). Wrapped up with a bar drink/snack at a brewpub (Erin). It was fun getting out. I played my favorite pinball as well as a vintage machine which really made me happy. Keep your electronics and music soundtracks, there to me is nothing sweeter than the sound of the original bumpers and bells.
Thursday was Cleaning Lady, I had her focus on clean the picked up areas and the dog bedding. Meanwhile Proggy and I left for breakfast at the horseshoe diner and then came home grabbed stuff, walked the dogs and dashed for the train. We first took care of his errand at vital records then went to a museum. More vintage nostalgia (plastic-wax figures from childhood). While there the storm moved in so we skipped transit altogether and took an Uber all the way back to my place. As usual the discussion around dinner was long and ridiculous. Finally we ended up taking the SUV out in that mess to go get seafood tacos. After that, we watched vintage movies (I didn't really, I was shovelling and salting and walking DDog and washing soiled pee pads and answering emails and getting the to do list together for today. Phew!
The best surprise of the day was that I had been dreading the dog food/supplies delivery showing up in all that, coming home from museum to wet heavy boxes on my front porch and having to bring them around to the back and into the basement. Even with a cart. The shipper packs the boxes so heavy I can hardly scoot them and cannot lift them at all. Bulky and heavy. In windy ice pellet blizzard conditions, I though of leaving a note on the door begging the delivery person to bring them through to the back. I shoveled and salted and made it as safe as possible. As it happened, on my way out the door to go to dinner, the Fox Box truck pulled up and after delivering across the street, opened the back door and I could see my boxes waiting there. So, like a spider in its web, I waited for him, getting pelted in the face, feeling bad for even asking him on a day where he surely was already having a rough time of it. But I did, and while his silence and body language signalled annoyance, he did as I asked and brought two dollys full of boxes all the way to the back. From there, I kicked them down the back steps and dragged them inside, to be opened later. Sooooooo much easier and I was very grateful, not that he acknowledged my gratitude, But I really do hope the Universe sends him some good juju from me.
Today I will open and inventory the box contents and stack them, and also inventory the winter coats. The vet tech I recruited Weds at DDog's appt was very excited and yet now has not provided contact information to me. So we may still be short someone to perform the mobile heartworm tests. I might try the nearby shelter.
Today is going to be nearly entirely about the dogs, since I had about 24 hours almost entirely off and there is a lot to do before the arrivals Thurs.
The sun is shining brightly and as we have not seen it much lately this makes everything seem a bit more joyful.
I like staying busy. It is amazing how having purpose helps me to set aside people who are bandwidth burners in favor of my own heart and what matters to me.
As far as re-entry into the feeding world, I will admit this is not easy, I am making healthier food choices on the whole but not entirely. Last night I did a lot of grazing until I was full, because I was not fasting. I will start a new 16:8 this evening.
Oh dear I also need to read 3 Chapters for tomorrow morning with Saylor. Darn it.
Curly Bubbly cancelled today, throwing up since 6A. hope it is nothing serious.
Ok gotta go be productive.
Fiera
Well-known member
Time is flying and I have to keep several balls in the air today but I am carving out a bit of time for myself. Very short as meditation group begins in 20 mins.
Yesterday was busy getting an update out to volunteers, updating the roster, meeting a sparkly gal for the handoff on scanner, chips, heartworm tests, leash kits, folders etc. Clearly she puts a lot of effort and organization into her work. I admire her, though she can tend to be a bit stubborn. After years of making myself small in a men's world, being around bold decisive, opinionated women helps me find my own voice.
I talked to Pixy for an hour and a half. Then the woman who paired DDog with the prospective family. I plan to pressure test a few things when they are here later today. Honestly several intentions have gone out the window, like giving DDog a bath before they meet him today.
Still first and foremost is the transport next week. Still down to the wire on the last two, we will find out Tuesday morning. Everyone is a bit stressed about it as the transport has is already booked and must be paid regardless.
I am doing my role however and before I go to bed today there will be a decision on DDog's adopters, paperwork proofed, and directions out to the troops for Thursday's arrival. I do need to get me house picked up before the adopters come over.
*********************
As far as post fast D6-16, I did 16 hours yesterday but last night I put on a late movie to relax and made a tub of popcorn ( w some butter) and this morning I had breakfast, I have noticed however a shift in that I don't seem to be having cravings for specific foods (generall). I don't have chocolate or sweets or ice cream or chips in the house and don't need them. More interesting to me, is the shift away from meat. I have gone from being meatatarian - that is, requiring meat to be a substantial portion of each meal - to being ambivalent or even put off by it. Two days ago I grabbed 2 bacon strips to go with breakfast and could only eat 1/2 of 1. Fish seems to be going down Ok. And the 1/2 turkey burger patty taco I had with a sweet potato and a portababello taco. Chicken eh, I could only put a small bit into my salad at lunch yesterday.
The conundrum is that I don't really prefer to eat carbs, pasta etc and yet that is what they suggest you focus on along with veg. I eat bread and tortillas and naan, but generally I prefer a low carb diet. I get hungry if I don't eat enough so I am generally filling up with tortillas. I don't like this many carbs. I just am too busy to research my options right now.
But I can say I think that the gut reset is a real thing and also I have been taking my new probiotics. Also found this great researcher who gave a convincing webinar and I have her book on the way, about an anti-anxiety diet.
I am off the antidepressant entirely for about 5 days now and hope that with what we are learning about the gut-brain biome that I will never need to go on them again.
Gotta run!
Yesterday was busy getting an update out to volunteers, updating the roster, meeting a sparkly gal for the handoff on scanner, chips, heartworm tests, leash kits, folders etc. Clearly she puts a lot of effort and organization into her work. I admire her, though she can tend to be a bit stubborn. After years of making myself small in a men's world, being around bold decisive, opinionated women helps me find my own voice.
I talked to Pixy for an hour and a half. Then the woman who paired DDog with the prospective family. I plan to pressure test a few things when they are here later today. Honestly several intentions have gone out the window, like giving DDog a bath before they meet him today.
Still first and foremost is the transport next week. Still down to the wire on the last two, we will find out Tuesday morning. Everyone is a bit stressed about it as the transport has is already booked and must be paid regardless.
I am doing my role however and before I go to bed today there will be a decision on DDog's adopters, paperwork proofed, and directions out to the troops for Thursday's arrival. I do need to get me house picked up before the adopters come over.
*********************
As far as post fast D6-16, I did 16 hours yesterday but last night I put on a late movie to relax and made a tub of popcorn ( w some butter) and this morning I had breakfast, I have noticed however a shift in that I don't seem to be having cravings for specific foods (generall). I don't have chocolate or sweets or ice cream or chips in the house and don't need them. More interesting to me, is the shift away from meat. I have gone from being meatatarian - that is, requiring meat to be a substantial portion of each meal - to being ambivalent or even put off by it. Two days ago I grabbed 2 bacon strips to go with breakfast and could only eat 1/2 of 1. Fish seems to be going down Ok. And the 1/2 turkey burger patty taco I had with a sweet potato and a portababello taco. Chicken eh, I could only put a small bit into my salad at lunch yesterday.
The conundrum is that I don't really prefer to eat carbs, pasta etc and yet that is what they suggest you focus on along with veg. I eat bread and tortillas and naan, but generally I prefer a low carb diet. I get hungry if I don't eat enough so I am generally filling up with tortillas. I don't like this many carbs. I just am too busy to research my options right now.
But I can say I think that the gut reset is a real thing and also I have been taking my new probiotics. Also found this great researcher who gave a convincing webinar and I have her book on the way, about an anti-anxiety diet.
I am off the antidepressant entirely for about 5 days now and hope that with what we are learning about the gut-brain biome that I will never need to go on them again.
Gotta run!
Llama
Well-known member
That is interesting. Of course the gut generally prefers fiber and foods with a high water content so maybe it's just making itself heard more now that it has a chance?
Beans, peas, and lentils are a good option if you want to push for more complex carbs and a little extra protein. Of course it might take a while for your digestive tract to adapt to the fiber content.
Fiera
Well-known member
Hello. Been so busy I have been crashing out early and then hopping on email first thing. I must have spent 14 hours understanding ASF regulations and options and talking with a peer from another rescue group. Then those 2 dogs didn't get paperwork in time and are not coming, so then we had to unravel paperwork with the transporter etc.
Then this morning an email from the vet tech backing out. Short of a relative dying or serious medical emergency, he will never have an opportunity to work with us again. I feel when someone says that something urgent came up, if they don't say what, at least generally (i.e, death in the family, medical issue), then they are hiding something. His coworker was also supposed to come so I am waiting for her to reconfirm before we start working the phones.
In sequence, I had a daily word game fail and DDog ate KDogs breakfast while I was distracted. What is the Universe up to? Well, I am back to being calm and grounded, which is the place to be when things are out of your hands, Well - it is the place to be when things ARE in your hands too...silly girl.
One nice thing as a continued benefit of having these events at my home is that there is forced action to clean up. This morning I found the party spotlights in the garage. There hasn't been a party here in over 20 years. They were filthy with the debris of time but functionally almost new. I located the clamp that was embedded in the mud in the side yard and am cleaning that up and will try some spray lube on it.
It sounds as if the plumber won't have time to put the new faucet on the utility tub today and the boiler guy didn't respond to my text. I want to do it myself and I can, just not this close to a haul in case something goes wrong, I had bought a collapsible hose and sprayer to make the entire dog bathing process easier. But it may have to wait until next haul scheduled in a month.
Also I don't have the decorating done. Whelp, best laid plans...will just see what I can do today. I really need to stop passing out at 8:30 and waking up at 4 though. It may be a late late evening tomorrow.
I guess I had better start the day.
Then this morning an email from the vet tech backing out. Short of a relative dying or serious medical emergency, he will never have an opportunity to work with us again. I feel when someone says that something urgent came up, if they don't say what, at least generally (i.e, death in the family, medical issue), then they are hiding something. His coworker was also supposed to come so I am waiting for her to reconfirm before we start working the phones.
In sequence, I had a daily word game fail and DDog ate KDogs breakfast while I was distracted. What is the Universe up to? Well, I am back to being calm and grounded, which is the place to be when things are out of your hands, Well - it is the place to be when things ARE in your hands too...silly girl.
One nice thing as a continued benefit of having these events at my home is that there is forced action to clean up. This morning I found the party spotlights in the garage. There hasn't been a party here in over 20 years. They were filthy with the debris of time but functionally almost new. I located the clamp that was embedded in the mud in the side yard and am cleaning that up and will try some spray lube on it.
It sounds as if the plumber won't have time to put the new faucet on the utility tub today and the boiler guy didn't respond to my text. I want to do it myself and I can, just not this close to a haul in case something goes wrong, I had bought a collapsible hose and sprayer to make the entire dog bathing process easier. But it may have to wait until next haul scheduled in a month.
Also I don't have the decorating done. Whelp, best laid plans...will just see what I can do today. I really need to stop passing out at 8:30 and waking up at 4 though. It may be a late late evening tomorrow.
I guess I had better start the day.
Fiera
Well-known member
I am going to mention to my doc about the meat thing and see what he thinks. Maybe I was wanting beef so frequently because of low iron/ferritin. And other meat because I was not getting protein from other foods.
Which leads to your second comment. I think peas, chickpeas, and lentils are all in the same family which my body does not like. Are they related to nightshades? I need to look. I do like black beans and kidney beans. I kept putting them aside because of the carb counts. Also I like green beans so will see if those have protein.
Llama
Well-known member
All beans varieties are the same species and lentils are a reasonably close relative. Not in the nightshade family but the generally high amount of fiber can make them hard to digest for people who're used to a diet high in animal products and low in roughage. Most people adapt fine if they build them up slowly though.
The dog rescue thing sounds like a full-time job!
The dog rescue thing sounds like a full-time job!
Fiera
Well-known member
OK, Sat AM. The event went great, I thought. Decorated to the last possible second. Some last minute changes to the setup were well received for the most part. Need to do something different with the food tho. I was riding a high from having what I though was really well done. The volunteers were beyond amazing. Everything seemed fine and I felt like there was a positive vibes. But then I am not so sure about J and LG, two people I absolutely value and depend upon and I have this sinking feeling that maybe I have already effed up with each of them. I left LG off the thank you email, accidentally of course, and send her an immediate follow up, but crickets, The entire Thank You email was met with crickets except for one of the foster moms. Holding my breath a bit and resisting the urge to "fix it" by reaching out to the, this morning but as AN used to say, it is so easy to fill voids of information with demons. Since today is Sat, maybe people are just now catching up. It was so busy that I really didn't stop in the chaos to make sure I really connected with people. It was a stretch just meeting new people and remembering their names and what they look like. Plus Pixy is really the magic maker and I can only imagine people want to hear from her. I will tell her that, actually.
So now that I have offloaded my uneasiness for a few minutes, I am going back to a few things. First off, pat myself on the back for doing things outside my comfort zone. Everything from recruiting to rah ran with the volunteers. I delegated and I asked for help. It made my time at the the hauler meet a lot more pleasant.
I feel like a last minute request threw me from relaxed and ready to scrambling mode. I had already been on the go very hard since 4 AM running errands, getting gas, emailing the volunteers with transport updates, and decorating the basement after a stop at the party store. Still I pushed it to the limit and took a last minute shower and was putting my jacket on, when LG called. Pixy had just dropped her dogs at LG's and in the haste they had forgotten the treats for the transport personnel. She had called Pixy and it was too late for her to turn around. But none of the other vols was very close by and it had to be me or skip it. I had her call Pixy while I dashed to my car, and make sure what Pixy wanted me to do. Pixy had me go fetch them. So I, the volunteer coordinator, was going to end up arriving 20 mins late and there were new people coming who had never been there before. Great. So I went flying out of my garage and across the street when, I am not kidding, I see a body on the sidewalk. An older man, (60's, thin, a bit haggard, pale, eye wide, not moving.) I screeched up next to him and started yelling to him. No response. I called emergency services and the guy started showing signs of movement, and responsiveness. He eventually tried to stand up but could not. A lady came out of the house and I asked if she could stay with him for the ambulance but she refused. The guy started laughing out loud at my discussion with the police. Maybe he was on something but he didn't seem drugged up but something was clearly wrong, Finally the folks who live immediately behind me saw what was going on and came over, and agreed to stay with him until emergency services arrived. i will call the neighbor this morning and see what happened.
So great, apparently the neighbors number is not in my current phone and I don't have the piece of paper where it was written down.
********That was written hours ago and I guess I won't get to finish for now.
Gah.
Spending too much time on dog stuff, It will get easier as we get better at it.
So now that I have offloaded my uneasiness for a few minutes, I am going back to a few things. First off, pat myself on the back for doing things outside my comfort zone. Everything from recruiting to rah ran with the volunteers. I delegated and I asked for help. It made my time at the the hauler meet a lot more pleasant.
I feel like a last minute request threw me from relaxed and ready to scrambling mode. I had already been on the go very hard since 4 AM running errands, getting gas, emailing the volunteers with transport updates, and decorating the basement after a stop at the party store. Still I pushed it to the limit and took a last minute shower and was putting my jacket on, when LG called. Pixy had just dropped her dogs at LG's and in the haste they had forgotten the treats for the transport personnel. She had called Pixy and it was too late for her to turn around. But none of the other vols was very close by and it had to be me or skip it. I had her call Pixy while I dashed to my car, and make sure what Pixy wanted me to do. Pixy had me go fetch them. So I, the volunteer coordinator, was going to end up arriving 20 mins late and there were new people coming who had never been there before. Great. So I went flying out of my garage and across the street when, I am not kidding, I see a body on the sidewalk. An older man, (60's, thin, a bit haggard, pale, eye wide, not moving.) I screeched up next to him and started yelling to him. No response. I called emergency services and the guy started showing signs of movement, and responsiveness. He eventually tried to stand up but could not. A lady came out of the house and I asked if she could stay with him for the ambulance but she refused. The guy started laughing out loud at my discussion with the police. Maybe he was on something but he didn't seem drugged up but something was clearly wrong, Finally the folks who live immediately behind me saw what was going on and came over, and agreed to stay with him until emergency services arrived. i will call the neighbor this morning and see what happened.
So great, apparently the neighbors number is not in my current phone and I don't have the piece of paper where it was written down.
********That was written hours ago and I guess I won't get to finish for now.
Gah.
Spending too much time on dog stuff, It will get easier as we get better at it.
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Llama
Well-known member
Oof, that was way too much excitement for 24 hours! I'm going to side with AN on this one (gasp!) and say people are tired and not reading emails or if they are they see no need to redpond to a "thank you" message. I never respond to group messages unless they contain specific questions, simple because if everyone does the sender gets inundated with replies and I myself wouldn't like that.
Fiera
Well-known member
Thanks LLama, Good feedback of course.
I received a note from J on Sunday expressing support and commenting the hard work. She called me fearless leader which was really unexpected and sweet. I was like who, me? But felt a bit better. Crickets still from LG who I wrote to privately. Just going to keep giving it space.
Sat I was busy continuing to clean up and answer some emails for the rescue group. Proggy came up and we went to an early dinner at G St and trialed some apps at the bar. It was tasty. Then spent DDog's last evening watching old movies at home. I was answering emails really.
Sunday Morning I had the reading for Saylor, then Saylor at 7:30, then coffee with Proggy at 9:30 then leave for walkies group at 10:30. Pick up JJ then go home, eat lunch, get Proggy out the door and then finish collecting DDog's things and take him "home". I was super glad that MgY came with since it was my first time and there were some slight questions about these folks. But it was all good. In fact they have been more than good, being proactive, asking lots of questions.
Everyone says how difficult it is to let go of a foster, especially your first one. But it is not affecting me yet, I have so much to do and it is nice to not have to
*************
Well I never finished that post this morning.
Instead, I got to work on contingency planning for KDog, who is still recovering from a bad bout of stress colitis. Her sitter is going thru chemo and it may end up being too much for her. I got some thoughts from Pixy and then had to run and take KDog to the vet to get metronaidazole. Then there was an emergency text from DDogs' adopter. He had consumed a plastic knife with some peanut butter on it. The girl said that he had gotten in the garbage can when she wasn't looking but I suspect that is not the real story. In any event she had no peroxide and no car and she was trying to get a hold of her partner so I had Pixy call her directly and the I jumped in the car and went racing down there in case I could do anything.
After vomiting him 4 or 5 times we got just about everything out, and hopefully there was no damage. I race from South to North and my dental cleaning where I was about an hour late. Picked up some scripts and some more immodium for KDog and finally made it home.
I am re-washing laundry. I am exhausted. I have bills to pay and packing and then of course there is trying to get KDog back on some kind of solid food and in the middle of that, DDog tried to follow me out the door when I was leaving the adopters. I know buddy, I'm sorry, I do believe that things will be OK. All you can do in my position is encourage, coach, provide solid, clear information, and hope.
There is no possible way for me to do everything I need to before tomorrow night. Also, I cannot for the life of me find the microchip scanner that caused so much hassle last week and we might replace anyway. I am not going to look good if I don't find it.
Ok. Well, things are at the point in the day where I just need to stop and rest and work on the to-do list to get myself from where I am now, to packed and ready to go in 24 hours. Good luck to me.
I received a note from J on Sunday expressing support and commenting the hard work. She called me fearless leader which was really unexpected and sweet. I was like who, me? But felt a bit better. Crickets still from LG who I wrote to privately. Just going to keep giving it space.
Sat I was busy continuing to clean up and answer some emails for the rescue group. Proggy came up and we went to an early dinner at G St and trialed some apps at the bar. It was tasty. Then spent DDog's last evening watching old movies at home. I was answering emails really.
Sunday Morning I had the reading for Saylor, then Saylor at 7:30, then coffee with Proggy at 9:30 then leave for walkies group at 10:30. Pick up JJ then go home, eat lunch, get Proggy out the door and then finish collecting DDog's things and take him "home". I was super glad that MgY came with since it was my first time and there were some slight questions about these folks. But it was all good. In fact they have been more than good, being proactive, asking lots of questions.
Everyone says how difficult it is to let go of a foster, especially your first one. But it is not affecting me yet, I have so much to do and it is nice to not have to
*************
Well I never finished that post this morning.
Instead, I got to work on contingency planning for KDog, who is still recovering from a bad bout of stress colitis. Her sitter is going thru chemo and it may end up being too much for her. I got some thoughts from Pixy and then had to run and take KDog to the vet to get metronaidazole. Then there was an emergency text from DDogs' adopter. He had consumed a plastic knife with some peanut butter on it. The girl said that he had gotten in the garbage can when she wasn't looking but I suspect that is not the real story. In any event she had no peroxide and no car and she was trying to get a hold of her partner so I had Pixy call her directly and the I jumped in the car and went racing down there in case I could do anything.
After vomiting him 4 or 5 times we got just about everything out, and hopefully there was no damage. I race from South to North and my dental cleaning where I was about an hour late. Picked up some scripts and some more immodium for KDog and finally made it home.
I am re-washing laundry. I am exhausted. I have bills to pay and packing and then of course there is trying to get KDog back on some kind of solid food and in the middle of that, DDog tried to follow me out the door when I was leaving the adopters. I know buddy, I'm sorry, I do believe that things will be OK. All you can do in my position is encourage, coach, provide solid, clear information, and hope.
There is no possible way for me to do everything I need to before tomorrow night. Also, I cannot for the life of me find the microchip scanner that caused so much hassle last week and we might replace anyway. I am not going to look good if I don't find it.
Ok. Well, things are at the point in the day where I just need to stop and rest and work on the to-do list to get myself from where I am now, to packed and ready to go in 24 hours. Good luck to me.
Fiera
Well-known member
Well, forced change of plans. KDog's condition worsened with substantial bleeding added to her colitis so the entire plan has been reworked. It is too high a risk for her and also for the sitter, My dad is now doing to be alone from Thursday morning to Sat evening - assuming KDog stabilizes and I can get down there by then. A neighbor is going to walk their dog. I just worry about him falling or eating a bunch of junk food and having his blood sugar or heart failure go sideways. But...here we are. This will just be more fuel for Peaches' arguments to not go down there next winter. His own brother and sister in law live down there but live and move in very different circles...and my dad is not one to ask for help. So it is all a bit worrying but hopefully he will be OK alone for a couple of days.
Switched brands of turkey for Dog; went to TJ for oatmeal then grocery for 99% turket, then dropped off leash and checked microchip of WS (WSC!) with A&L and picked up a Napoli pizza all while taking with Pixy about dog colitis and Peaches about schedules and coverages. Got home and changed my flights. The disinfectant for bathing and bedding arrived. Did some dishes and laundry today; tomorrow AM is Cleaning Lady and hopefully I will wake up in time to pick up a bit more and wash some bedding I want changed out.
Got several backlogged emails taken care of. Still need to pay bills. Got an email about a favorable interest rate change on the promissory note. It will sure help me pay propert taxes this year.
The dental office called today after checking my insurance benefits. The treatments recommended are so absurdly expensive and the insurance covers so little. I think I may go get a 2nd opinion. I go to the out of network dentist because she is so good and I have always eaten the excess cost because I trust the work. But..this is too much. I might have her do the crown and have a periodontist look at the deep cleaning / gum disease piece.
Oh AN wrote today and proposed coming over Sunday or Monday, saying that he finally "had words". I saved my reply as a draft email, to the effect of "I don't, and I made a decision to not stay mired in the morass of emotions trying to decipher them, and I can't say when I might be ready. Likely when it was too late to be meaningful. Wow. This is like when I used to break free of the spell of TB and then he would find a way to catch me on his hook again and I would allow him to shatter my peace again. At one point I finally told him he needed to put what he had to say in writing because I wanted him to really think about, and express with permanence, what he had to say to me. To his credit, he actually did, and this was when he finally came out and said that my lack of tending to my physical fitness was a problem. So the idea I have with AN is just have a session where he talks and I just listen and am not forced to respond or offer comfort or say anything. But even that, I don't seem to want. It's just toxic stew and I just can't afford to get all emotionally turbulent. I don't want it; I have too much to do.
Switched brands of turkey for Dog; went to TJ for oatmeal then grocery for 99% turket, then dropped off leash and checked microchip of WS (WSC!) with A&L and picked up a Napoli pizza all while taking with Pixy about dog colitis and Peaches about schedules and coverages. Got home and changed my flights. The disinfectant for bathing and bedding arrived. Did some dishes and laundry today; tomorrow AM is Cleaning Lady and hopefully I will wake up in time to pick up a bit more and wash some bedding I want changed out.
Got several backlogged emails taken care of. Still need to pay bills. Got an email about a favorable interest rate change on the promissory note. It will sure help me pay propert taxes this year.
The dental office called today after checking my insurance benefits. The treatments recommended are so absurdly expensive and the insurance covers so little. I think I may go get a 2nd opinion. I go to the out of network dentist because she is so good and I have always eaten the excess cost because I trust the work. But..this is too much. I might have her do the crown and have a periodontist look at the deep cleaning / gum disease piece.
Oh AN wrote today and proposed coming over Sunday or Monday, saying that he finally "had words". I saved my reply as a draft email, to the effect of "I don't, and I made a decision to not stay mired in the morass of emotions trying to decipher them, and I can't say when I might be ready. Likely when it was too late to be meaningful. Wow. This is like when I used to break free of the spell of TB and then he would find a way to catch me on his hook again and I would allow him to shatter my peace again. At one point I finally told him he needed to put what he had to say in writing because I wanted him to really think about, and express with permanence, what he had to say to me. To his credit, he actually did, and this was when he finally came out and said that my lack of tending to my physical fitness was a problem. So the idea I have with AN is just have a session where he talks and I just listen and am not forced to respond or offer comfort or say anything. But even that, I don't seem to want. It's just toxic stew and I just can't afford to get all emotionally turbulent. I don't want it; I have too much to do.
Llama
Well-known member
And why should you? Doesn't sound like it would change anything but it would probably be distressing for you even without the added pressure of having to take care if his emotional needs.
Fiera
Well-known member
Hi!
It is Saturday morning and the major crises have all been handled.
KDog is sleeping in (she has mastered the art of not going out for over 12 hours).
I will soon set about stealth packing, which is really the art of gathering things in staging areas, (bedroom, bathroom, den) in small spurts so as to not seem out of the ordinary. Then about 9 we will "go for a ride" and I will put her stuff in the car and the jig will be up as they say.
Spent about an hour and a half on DDog yesterday, helping his adopters with training feedback and exchanging feedback primarily with Pixy and also MgY. MgY will try yo walk with them this weekend with her own dog which may help some on-leash behaviors.
I was trying to respond to AN before I get on the plane, but after spending 20 minutes I just saved the draft and will come back to it. It literally feels too complicated and heavy, and I found myself trying to set boundaries and call him out, all of which is work for me as I carefully try to wordsmith and manage his feelings. I just don't have space for it. I have lost so much time this week with KDog and DDog, that I am falling further and further behind on some other intentions, like making notes on the new people I have met, starting to recruit volunteers for the next transport.
I have taxes I need to work on, I lost the entire month of Feb. I need to transfer photos off my iphone so I can get the battery replaced. I wanted to get that done before this trip. Oh well.
I guess I had better not hang out here, point being that I am busy, I am reasonably happy and content, and I am not addressing some major things like the house or AN perhaps as I should be. Maybe this dog stuff is a place for me to temporarily hang out while I heal, maybe it is a permanent shift in my way of life. One thing is clear is it is NOT a place to meet men, maybe that is another thing which appeals to me. Men just make everything complicated and volcanic for me. Most men anyway. Attraction is distraction...or worse. Is it possible that this is the conclusion most single women over 50 reach? Or is this simply me giving up and letting my relationship trauma have its way? Eh...
It is Saturday morning and the major crises have all been handled.
KDog is sleeping in (she has mastered the art of not going out for over 12 hours).
I will soon set about stealth packing, which is really the art of gathering things in staging areas, (bedroom, bathroom, den) in small spurts so as to not seem out of the ordinary. Then about 9 we will "go for a ride" and I will put her stuff in the car and the jig will be up as they say.
Spent about an hour and a half on DDog yesterday, helping his adopters with training feedback and exchanging feedback primarily with Pixy and also MgY. MgY will try yo walk with them this weekend with her own dog which may help some on-leash behaviors.
I was trying to respond to AN before I get on the plane, but after spending 20 minutes I just saved the draft and will come back to it. It literally feels too complicated and heavy, and I found myself trying to set boundaries and call him out, all of which is work for me as I carefully try to wordsmith and manage his feelings. I just don't have space for it. I have lost so much time this week with KDog and DDog, that I am falling further and further behind on some other intentions, like making notes on the new people I have met, starting to recruit volunteers for the next transport.
I have taxes I need to work on, I lost the entire month of Feb. I need to transfer photos off my iphone so I can get the battery replaced. I wanted to get that done before this trip. Oh well.
I guess I had better not hang out here, point being that I am busy, I am reasonably happy and content, and I am not addressing some major things like the house or AN perhaps as I should be. Maybe this dog stuff is a place for me to temporarily hang out while I heal, maybe it is a permanent shift in my way of life. One thing is clear is it is NOT a place to meet men, maybe that is another thing which appeals to me. Men just make everything complicated and volcanic for me. Most men anyway. Attraction is distraction...or worse. Is it possible that this is the conclusion most single women over 50 reach? Or is this simply me giving up and letting my relationship trauma have its way? Eh...