Journey to Knowing

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I haven't eaten great the past week but I have eaten what I cooked last week and today i cooked more. I've tracked everything. I've got to cut down on the food outside of mealtime. Doing it slowly. Trying to manage the depression.

Work. Ugh. If I had the capacity to keep so many moving parts going, if I could juggle this much, I would have my own company. I knew accepting the promotion was a risk. No other options now. Keep treading water.
 
CrowFeather said:
Keep treading water.
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Sounds like you may be doing a bit better than that. Cutting down on eating outside of meal time and tracking all is good. Keep up the good work!
 
Keep treading that water, G. Hopefully your promotion will get easier with time. Look after yourself & eat healthily xoxo
 
My trainee is on unexpected leave for at least a week so I've got his jobs plus mine. I hit today running and then IT issues on the website are preventing uploads. Very frustrating.

But my mood is better today. I'm tracking mood/activities on Daylio and food/exercise on myfitnesspal and then general stuff on my insurance website since they'll pay me for doing it. I guess it's making an impact, especially the mood and intake because I can see the correlation between depression and being 1,000 calories over daily intake goal. Now I've got to break the inertia and fear of going to wellness center. I did it before.

I'm taking a lot of small breaks as I keep getting overwhelmed. I'm going to work as late as 9 tonight to get things done. I'll do the same tomorrow. Hoping I can get a little caught up on my work and do a little around my coworker's contracts.

I also pulled out the dust mop.
 
I'm glad your mood is better even with the added pressure. Being back on track does make a difference. I'll wish you an early Happy New Year. It's the 31st here already. Let's make 2020 a really good, healthy year :beerchug: - but without the beer :)
 
Joining in the no-beer toast to 2020. I think we can do it - we can make it a good year - and I say that as someone who is pretty consistently glum about lots of things. But this year is feeling like it might be a good one!

That link between the eating - not just too much, but also things that in themselves might be wrong for you - sugary, or low-level allegy? - and depression sounds a really intriguing find, and one which I bet will be very fruitful in following up.

Good for you in taking the breaks you need - self-care (to quote someone just above) is not selfish. :)
 
Thank you guys. This has been a year of extremes and it's nice to end it on a pretty level place. Happy New Year.

I did something completely unexpected last night and asked my father if he'd want to move in with me....ideally in his own space, but still. He immediately perked up and started planning to clean up my mom's horde. The quality of house I plan on buying/building is out of his stratosphere and that's a ways down the road so I suggested expanding my tiny house plans to include 3 little homes for him. I'll have two and there will be a deck system connecting everything. I'll price everything the coming month and see if one of the builders can come up with a good price. I think if we choose this path, we can have everything done by October. I've got to get dad to a tiny house festival so he can tour the things. I don't think he understands how narrow 8 feet actually is. Also looking at modular homes. Might contact a regular builder too but the tiny home wheels are a positive over a permanent foundation.

All of this has little to do w food but wth.
 
I thought you & your Dad didn't get along well, G. Maybe I have that wrong. I love the idea of tiny homes, built on wheels, but am so used to living in a large house that I'm not sure I could adapt. If we ever rebuilt it would be a series of interconnected, but separate living spaces. It's fun planning it.
Happy New Year :)
 
Wow! This feels so bold to me - planning three tiny houses, getting them built, upending living by have a parent move in... You are a really out-there thinker, CrowFeather!
And maybe it has little to do with food, specifically, but lots to do with fitness and healthy and stable living, taking charge of life and not just being buffeted around by the winds of happenstance, or of the past, or of zeitgeist.
 
My dad and I are not a happy pair. That's why I either want totally separate living spaces or a huge house (modular). Do I think that will ever happen? Absolutely not. I think he'll marry the lady he's dating. Hoping any way. But the offer seems to have broken through his depression and definitely is helping mine.

My plan for myself is two tiny houses with a 16' screened deck between the two. One house will have a nice sized kitchen and small living room and the other my small bedroom, litter closet, a small office, and a bathroom with full size walk in soaking tub. The deck would have the dining table and a closet w w/d (or it will go in kitchen unit) and a wood stove to keep the outside warm. Figure my dad could have 3 shorter units: bedroom/bath, kitchenette & livingroom, and one for the workout equipment he never uses. Maybe do a horseshoe for his and connect via the decking. The deck is actually the single most expensive item in my plan. I plan on building a real house but have my two unit as a vacation rental and housing for guests. My dad and I have different standards of living and I'm willing to move to a modular house but will not accept crap living conditions.

Today I got out on trail. My left foot immediately cramped. After half a mile, my right foot started stumbling. I stood still for 5 minutes to let my system calm per my physical therapist and was able to walk out safely w little pain. But at least I got out there.

Doing IF finally again. Feeling better even with my food choices.

Thinking of staying overnight in the city tomorrow night. I'll be in office Friday. There are a few places I want to visit that wouldn't be possible with the five hour commute. It's an extravagance but I think worth it.

Hoping tomorrow to walk around the neighborhood. It's a 2 mile loop. My neighbor said she'd come pick me up if I can't finish. That's been my fear that I would get stuck and we don't have uber here. Didn't occur to me until today to ask Shirl if she'd drive me home if the pain got too much.
 
Day 4 IF and feeling even better. Tiny steps. I started w twelve hour fasting and I am up to fourteen. I'll keep this as the norm and throw in an eighteen hour every two weeks until I can increase to once every week. Hoping the cognitive benefits kick in soon.

I am very grateful I drove to the city tonight instead of waiting for tomorrow. The fog and rain were treacherous on the mountains.

The world is crazy. Love to Oz.
 
@Cate I participated in a global intensive meditation today for rain and relief and help for your beautiful country.

IF cognitive clarity kicking in. I was able to get so much done at work today. Staying overnight in the city the night before is going to become a standard. I can only afford one or two nights a month but even that will help.

The cats were fine without a sitter. My wifi enabled feeders did what they do though every time I checked the camera, Tristen was eating. At one point I used the speaker to tell him to go on and stop eating. He didn't.

I pulled my annual spread last night using some oracle cards I was gifted a few years ago. First time they'd been out of the box. It was a fascinating challenging reading.

I also made a list of 20 adventures. From riding my bike to 4 night backpacking trip to nyc to knocking on doors during election next year. This month I'll try to go snow tubing.

My dad's girlfriend is not happy with him contemplating moving north. I really think they'll be married by end of next year. Dad will wait a while after my mom's death for propriety. Unlike my brother getting married four months post divorce.

I had a kale juice today. THAT made me feel good. Bought some cucumbers and apples on way home to maybe make my own this week.
 
@Cate It also included a plea for financial support w info of local orgs to give to. Know that even if our governments aren't offering help, people everywhere are srnding prayers and funds.
 
Another fasting day. Up to 16 hours. Once I fit in my minimum calories, I click that button to start the fast. I can feel the inflammation disappearing. And I was in a group situation for three hours with no anxiety. Which is wonderful.

Really great food choices today. I always feel like these places will last forever and then something happens and, bam, I'm down again. Fall down ten times, get up 11. Blah.

Playing phone tag with that friend again. Plan on telling her that I don't have the emotional fortitude to sustain a deep friendship. I get abusive in my attitude and reactions. This is why I've been single since my partner died 16 years ago. I'm not happy about solitude but I'm intelligent enough to know I'm broken and how that brokenness impacts my world. Twenty-three years of therapy got me to holding down a decent job and not moving every 18 months but hasn't touched interpersonal relationships. It is what it is.

Juice in the morning. I'm excited.
 
CrowFeather said:
Twenty-three years of therapy got me to holding down a decent job and not moving every 18 months but hasn't touched interpersonal relationships. It is what it is.
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I suppose your acceptance of the relationship thing is good, but they are important, I hope you find a way to build some. Its a slow process.
 
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