When Your Fat Jeans Become Your Skinny Jeans

Hey Laura, I'm sorry to read that you're feeling a bit down, keep your chin up, I think you're awesome :)

All this talk of tea makes me miss it so much! I'm going to have to buy some more now (I haven't been drinking it for 5 weeks).

I can really sympathise about the social phobia/anxiety. Our son has Selective Mutism, which is such a misleading name, but it's childhood social phobia/anxiety. He is extremely intelligent, great at sports, just an awesome kid, but can't speak at school. It's so hard seeing him freeze up in fear when he's in certain situations :( Anxiety sucks! And he is only in Kindergarten...

Sending you a big :grouphug:
You can do it Laura!
 
Hope your workout today left you feeling better! You eating is still right on so I'm sure the scale will be nice to you! It gets so much harder to drop pounds every week once you get into the lower numbers and closer to your goal - just don't get frustrated - you will get there...one day at a time!!
 
Wednesday:

Breakfast – Venti pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks
Estimated calories: 400
Lunch – Peanut butter and jam sandwich, snack mix, orange, 2 Kudos bars
Estimated calories: 655
Snacks – 2 Kudos bars
Estimated calories: 200
Dinner – Ham sandwich, with a low fat fudgsicle for dessert
Estimated calories: 421
Total calories for the day: 1,676

Exercise – 5:30 am date with the treadmill! Did thirty minutes of hills, speed 5.6. I alternate quarter miles at 0.5 and quarter miles at various inclines, starting at 2.0 and increasing by 1.0 each time. Could not quite make it my entire last quarter mile at incline of 6.0. I lasted about til about .22 miles but the second I looked at the distance I was done. 5.0 was killing me, I was surprised I lasted as long as I did at 6.0. Hills make for my shortest distance but my sweatiest runs by far… literally dripping. Gross. But good! Very good.

Island Girl said:
I am also a huge tea fan. If you ever get the chance, you should visit teavana and try some of their teas. They are to die for!!! (don't know if they are located in Mass...i've only been to boston twice :/). But if you like tea, u will love them. Chai is my favourite too :) but almost all teavana teas are so good you will love them all. Oh glad to see you are enjoying the Jell-o mousse, I usually eat the caramel flavour. Little cups of heaven :D

anyways i feel you pain about the mid-terms. Right now I am drowning in work for my dissertation, due in a week :ack2: and I still have so much to do. But keep at it, i love your positive attitude..it's really encouraging :).

Btw, both you and lisa have encouraged me to give running a try. I have never run more that 30secs in my life so this is totally new experience for me. I tried it yesterday (running 30sec intervals every so often that is :blush5: since i can't do anymore :blush5:). Since I am now starting out, any tips?
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I looked up Tevana and got excited because I thought there was one nearby, but I think that’s just the retail store… I want to go sit and have a nice cup of tea! I’ll have to find one that sells it by the cup somewhere nearby. I may have gone there in DC with my aunt. If so, they DO make a delicious chai tea! And yes, those mousse cups are GOOD! Tests are dumb and I’m sick of them, haha. One week left for your dissertation, wow! Good look finishing it up!! I definitely have some running tips, I will post on your diary, I think. I haven’t gotten a single comment on looking any slimmer (I know it’s only 12 pounds or so, but still, I wish someone would notice) but hearing that I’ve helped inspire someone I think makes me feel even better than a compliment on my looks would be! I was talking to an old boss today about running, too, I love hearing other people’s stories!

Sunflower said:
You haven't had tea til you've had English tea ;) Mmmmmmm, tea. Love all kinds like you!
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Well I better get my hands on some English tea, haha. I gotta head over to your part of the world someday and do it right! Crumpets and all. Maybe one day… I’ve got a good friend whose aunt and uncle live near London. They told me to come out and visit with him next time he goes (boyfriend went with him last time). I need to try a crumpet!

Tigpuppy said:
I just read thru your diary because I've seen you post on a few other folks' threads and wanted to pop in and say HI! You're so positive about everything and it's very inspiring! I'll definately be stopping in again!

Great job on the weight loss so far!
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Thanks for saying hi! I’ve definitely read some of your journal but I get intimidated jumping into people’s journals (I don’t know why, it’s silly). I’ll quit lurking and say hi next time! Thanks for the kind words, but congratulations are definitely in order for YOU – I see in your ticker you’ve met your goal! That’s so awesome!

healthyjess said:
Hey Laura, I'm sorry to read that you're feeling a bit down, keep your chin up, I think you're awesome :)

I can really sympathise about the social phobia/anxiety. Our son has Selective Mutism, which is such a misleading name, but it's childhood social phobia/anxiety. He is extremely intelligent, great at sports, just an awesome kid, but can't speak at school. It's so hard seeing him freeze up in fear when he's in certain situations :( Anxiety sucks! And he is only in Kindergarten...
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You guys are seriously all way too nice… I’m feeling much better today, thank you! Logging in and seeing so many kinds words definitely helps. I hadn’t heard about selective mutism before, that really must be so tough to see him go through. I just did some quick reading online about it.. does he really not speak at all in school? Wow… poor little guy.

chubbygirl said:
Hope your workout today left you feeling better! You eating is still right on so I'm sure the scale will be nice to you! It gets so much harder to drop pounds every week once you get into the lower numbers and closer to your goal - just don't get frustrated - you will get there...one day at a time!!
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Thanks, Lisa, it was SO great to have that early-morning workout feeling again! I’ve got to do it more often. I did hills, which leaves me sweatier than any other workout… Job well done, if you ask me :) I’ve got to keep my eating decent now in hopes that MAYBE I can be on a good trend when I’m home for Thanksgiving next week… I’m getting way too excited about all the food!

Well I’m sure some of you remember me talking about my relay race next year, but if you haven’t – I am doing a relay race with my company in May. 178 miles total, between 12 people. Everyone is responsible for running three legs, which vary between 3 miles and 11 miles in length. Twenty-four hours. Starts in the mountains in New York and ends in Times Square. We’ve got almost 100 people signed up for it, from 17 different countries. Today we got the first official e-mail about it, in which we were told we would all be required to purchase (and be reimbursed for) an iPod Nano and a NikePlus chip, which will track our runs beginning December 1. In March, after looking at everyone’s progress, the teams will be formed so they are all fairly equal in strength. And this, my friends, will be my inspiration between now and then. Complete accountability. No room to slack off. They will see all of my runs (as far as I can tell) and WILL be judging me! I’m excited for the extra bit of motivation. Terrified a little as well… but excited!
 
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There's a man eating McDonald's French fries in front of me on the train. Why?!??!???!!? It smells sooooo gooooooood.......
 
Thursday:

Breakfast – 16 oz green tea
Estimated calories: 0
Snacks – 1 oz party mix
16 oz cinnamon stick tea
Estimated calories: 130
Lunch – Ham sandwich, with too much cheese, and honey mustard. Plus 2 Kudos bars
Estimated calories: 555
Snacks – 2 Kudos bars, and 9 oz green tea
Estimated calories: 200
Dinner – Nachos (1 serving each of tortilla chips, shredded cheese, and salsa) + Lean Cuisine quesadilla + Jello mousse for dessert
Estimated calories: 600
Snacks – 1.65 oz party mix, and coffee (homework time!)
Estimated calories: 235
Total calories for the day: 1,720

Exercise – None today, but another 5:30 am date tomorrow morning is planned. I guess I worked out hard yesterday because I am still sore from those hills! And since I am a huge proponent of NOT getting excited by being sore, today was definitely a rest day. I’ll stick to the same plan next time I go to the gym to do hills and will hopefully be less sore next time.

Completely off-topic rant, but one of my biggest pet peeves in the world is when people are on a crowded subway car and don’t take off their giant backpacks. They are then taking up the space of two people, and knocking people around as they move without even realizing what they are doing. Take the backpack off and put it by your feet, and carry it while you are trying to maneuver yourself through to get to the door. Trust me, it’s better for everyone that way.

Anyway.... I’ve been doing pretty well with controlling my crazy snack attacks for a while. Obviously the wedding last week showed a lack of self-control, but in general I’ve gotten better about sitting down, eating a sandwich, one serving of chips, one dessert, and being done. Well the Kudos bars are my downfall! I ate four of them yesterday not too far apart from each other. I ate two before lunch today. I ate two after lunch today. They are 100 calories each, which isn’t as bad as eating a pint of ice cream, sure, but it’s still evidence of my lack of self control. I feel as though I do this every now and then… Find that one thing that I just can’t only have one serving of. I realize this, make a mental note that I won’t buy them again, and proceed to try to get rid of what’s left as quickly as possible, knowing that “it will be ok once they’re gone.” It’s like I just want to eat all the evidence or something. Anyway, the box is done ( 10 bars in three days) and I am happy about this.

Getting so excited about Saturday’s concert (did anyone check out the videos?) and my trip on Sunday! I am not going to count calories next week, but with the exception of Thanksgiving day, I WILL at least keep track of my food. That way if I want to get an idea of what I am doing I’ll be able to. I’m not sure how much I’ll post, since I keep track of my food on another website and just summarize it here, but we shall see.

I need to think of something to put on my new iPod Nano. It comes with free engraving, but only around 26 letters or so. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far:

“Live, Laugh, Love.”
“Ready, Set, Go”
“Ready, Set, Run”
“Harder, Better, Faster”
“Believe You Can”
 
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I just wrote what was probably my most emotion-charged post ever, and before I was even done everything disappeared. Effin' computer. I don't feel like recreating. It's not the same the second time around. Basically it was about how I just let my emotions get the best of me, and sat down with three servings of a snack, measured, fully intending to eat the whole thing. I got a hold of myself after about a serving and a half, but can't believe how I/we use food as a band-aid, thinking somehow it's going to help.

It doesn't.
 
And say goodbye to two servings of Sour Patch kids that will never be seen again.... ARGH! What is wrong with me! Step it up, Laura!!
 
I hate it when my post goes *poof* into thin air.

Food is such an emotional thing. All of us who have had weight issues on either sid eof it can feel it. Amazing that something intended simply to fuel us can cause so much havoc isn't it?
 
Laura F said:
They are 100 calories each, which isn’t as bad as eating a pint of ice cream, sure, but it’s still evidence of my lack of self control. I feel as though I do this every now and then… Find that one thing that I just can’t only have one serving of. I realize this, make a mental note that I won’t buy them again, and proceed to try to get rid of what’s left as quickly as possible, knowing that “it will be ok once they’re gone.” It’s like I just want to eat all the evidence or something. Anyway, the box is done ( 10 bars in three days) and I am happy about this.
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I do the exact same thing! Buy something to have as a treat once in a while, but then find I just can NOT leave them alone! So I hurry and eat them till they are gone knowing I'll never buy them again because I can't be trusted with them. And actually most of the time I get sick off eating so many all at once and it kills any craving I've had for them and don't even really want them any more. Just the thought of eating that thing again sometimes makes me ill. And then after there is ALWAYS the guilt and asking myself why, why, WHY, WHY do I always do that!!?!?!?!?!?!?

I have no answers though.
 
Today is a new day! And a Friday, thank goodness. A Friday before vacation, no less. And office bagel day, and office pizza day as well, but we’ll try not to focus on that.

I decided what my iPod is going to be engraved with. “Hear me roar.” As in “I am woman, hear me roar.” I could actually fit the whole thing, but I sort of like it better shortened. Key lyrics from the song:

If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman
-----------------------------------------------------------------
You can bend but never break me
'cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
'cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul

I am very happy with this choice, although I cannot take credit for it. Boyfriend came up with the idea, which frankly surprised me a little, because that single quote “I am woman, hear me roar” makes me think so strongly of my mother and just makes me feel good inside. Not that I don’t think my boyfriend of seven years would know what’s special to me, but it’s one of those things that I must have mentioned once and he stored that knowledge away for a rainy day. It pretty much always surprises me when anyone does that, co-workers, friends, boyfriends, whoever… when they remember something that is important to you but that you assumed anyone else would blow off and forget the next minute. Perhaps I just have low standards for the people in my life, but I like discovering that I deserve a little place in their mind.

thecabbie said:
I hate it when my post goes *poof* into thin air.

Food is such an emotional thing. All of us who have had weight issues on either sid eof it can feel it. Amazing that something intended simply to fuel us can cause so much havoc isn't it?
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The posts disappearing is so frustrating! I generally write mine in either an e-mail or a word document and just copy it over, but in that moment I wasn’t really thinking about that. Darn.

It amazes me when I see new diary-writers who fill out those surveys that ask about emotional eating, and they say they don’t do that, because I can’t really picture my life any other way. You eat as a reward, as a way to drown your sorrows or to alleviate stress or boredom… and then the cycle has begun and it’s VERY hard to get out. Reading your comment struck a chord because I realized how infrequently I think of food as fuel, which, as you mentioned IS its most basic and important quality.

Tigpuppy said:
I do the exact same thing! Buy something to have as a treat once in a while, but then find I just can NOT leave them alone! So I hurry and eat them till they are gone knowing I'll never buy them again because I can't be trusted with them. And actually most of the time I get sick off eating so many all at once and it kills any craving I've had for them and don't even really want them any more. Just the thought of eating that thing again sometimes makes me ill. And then after there is ALWAYS the guilt and asking myself why, why, WHY, WHY do I always do that!!?!?!?!?!?!?

I have no answers though.
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Sounds like you know exactly how I was feeling yesterday!! It feels so good once you can throw away the last package or wrapper or box but you still have that thought in your head of what the heck was the point of that? I think I only enjoyed three (of ten) bars, maybe… I know for sure I did not get a single bit of enjoyment out of the last one! The only thought going through my head was “There’s only one left, I might as well eat it up.” But now I know. No more of those! We’ll just keep narrowing down our list of snacks we can purchase. I’ve scratched pints or half gallons of ice cream, honey roasted peanuts, any type of granola bars, bite size candies, and Klondike bars off my list so far....
 
ugh...I had one of those days yesterday too. Today's Friday so I'm just putting it past me and trying to move on.
I like "live, laugh, love" the best!
About losing your post - that happened to me too many times so now I type up what I'm going to say in a Word document and then just cut and paste into the forum. OR I highlight everything I wrote and copy it before hitting submit because a lot of the time it makes me log in again and then the post is blank - hitting the back space should work but it doesnt - it's very frustrating.
Hope your day goes better today and have a great weekend - sounds like you will be having lots of fun!! Cheers!
 
Well done on the treadmill Laura :)

I hate that I grew up with the whole 'food is a reward' system, but we were poor, after Dad died Mum really struggled with raising us 3 kids, so to have nice food WAS a treat :(
I'm most determined of all to break this one.
When I bought a fitness package it came with a journal/tip book, and in it it suggests to log some rewards for certain goals reached. I immeadiately wrote 'go out for a nice dinner'. Can you believe it? After a container of liquid paper it now says 'but a nice top and jeans and do something fun with the kids'. Unbelievable that even after 6 weeks solid effort it's still ingrained in my brain. I guess it's why food is so much harder an addiction to overcome... You always have to have it in your life!

I love that you're having 'hear me roar' engraved on your iPod - that's just awesome. How cool is your boyfriend for suggesting it too? I love that song, and it's on my motivational playlist!
 
healthyjess said:
Well done on the treadmill Laura :)

When I bought a fitness package it came with a journal/tip book, and in it it suggests to log some rewards for certain goals reached. I immeadiately wrote 'go out for a nice dinner'.
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Laura, great job on the treadmill..its a great encouragement!!!

Food still is a reward system for me too! My birthday is coming up in 2 weeks and all i can think about is what food i am going to eat (thai express :drool5:). While I am going to have the food that i want on my birthday, I usually find myself thinking along the same lines..lose 5lbs i can eat 2 blocks of cadbury, lose 10lbs ...that deserves some local food. And I was telling myself when i lose all this weight, I am going on an all-inclusive trip..where i will indulge in whatever there is to eat! But I think i am going to have to reprogram my brain. (though honestly i don't want to).
 
Thank you all for sharing in my treadmill excitement :) I must be quick, as I am leaving for the airport in about six hours and I have yet to even start packing (and I just put in a load of laundry... gonna be a cat-nap sorta night tonight). But I am on cloud nine after tonight's concert! The group always does a meet and greet after their shows, and seeing them all and saying hello was AWESOME! I got all of their autographs, although I wish I had been a little less nervous and more conversational, haha. Oh, well! I was happy that I had a common bond with one of the guys (Walter Chase - we shared an employer at one point and time) so at least I had something interesting to say to him!
 
chubbygirl said:
ugh...I had one of those days yesterday too. Today's Friday so I'm just putting it past me and trying to move on.
I like "live, laugh, love" the best!
About losing your post - that happened to me too many times so now I type up what I'm going to say in a Word document and then just cut and paste into the forum.
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I opted for an unannounced contender, "Hear Me Roar." It was the only one that wasn't found using a google search of short quotes, haha. And yeah, I always type in Word for my daily calorie-listing e-mails but sometimes I don't bother with the one-off ones... Serves me right! Here's to good weekends for us all!!
 
healthyjess said:
When I bought a fitness package it came with a journal/tip book, and in it it suggests to log some rewards for certain goals reached. I immeadiately wrote 'go out for a nice dinner'. Can you believe it? After a container of liquid paper it now says 'but a nice top and jeans and do something fun with the kids'. Unbelievable that even after 6 weeks solid effort it's still ingrained in my brain. I guess it's why food is so much harder an addiction to overcome... You always have to have it in your life!

I love that you're having 'hear me roar' engraved on your iPod - that's just awesome. How cool is your boyfriend for suggesting it too? I love that song, and it's on my motivational playlist!
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That's neat that you wrote down some rewards for yourself... I think the top and jeans is a much better plan! That'll last longer than a dinner, too. Food is always there and it's just way too easy.. Work meetings, dates, time with friends, etc etc... All done over a restaurant table, with abundant bread, unlimited refills on sugary soda, huge portions, who knows how much oil and butter for flavor.... Ack!

I'm glad someone likes my engraving choice! I figured it was a little more obscure than most, and that's just how I wanted it!
 
Island Girl said:
Laura, great job on the treadmill..its a great encouragement!!!

Food still is a reward system for me too! My birthday is coming up in 2 weeks and all i can think about is what food i am going to eat (thai express :drool5:). While I am going to have the food that i want on my birthday, I usually find myself thinking along the same lines..lose 5lbs i can eat 2 blocks of cadbury, lose 10lbs ...that deserves some local food. And I was telling myself when i lose all this weight, I am going on an all-inclusive trip..where i will indulge in whatever there is to eat! But I think i am going to have to reprogram my brain. (though honestly i don't want to).
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Even when I'm not eating so great, seeing improvement on the treadmill is such a motivator.. At least I'm doing something right!

I know what you mean by not wanting to reprogram your brain. We spend all this time depriving ourselves trying to lose weight and yeah, we want to be able to enjoy delicious foods without having to feel guilty! I'm at the airport right now, headed home to see my dad and my brother, and all I've been talking about for weeks is how much yummy food I am going to be eating. I didn't even pretend for a second that I was going to try to be good. Maybe sometime I will want that, but not this trip!
 
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