Weight Loss Diary 2017 - Goal 1-0-5

Life update: Today currently weighing in at 114lbs. Have been good with the clean eating, did have a cheat day yesterday and today my tummy is regretting it :(

Total lbs to go: 9lbs
Next goal: 110lbs

My period is still irregular but I am going gung-ho with the natural route to get a period. I want to give it my all. I don't wnat to go on the birth control pill. I'd like to ovulate. I'm finding that the pcos is also leaving me very dry down there b/s I am low on estrogen. It's making sex awkward and painful.

I'm quasi seeing someone. He's nice - but there are some red flags:
1) His ex and him are still friends - in fact she's trying to get back together with him lol - ah, if she wants him, she can have him. I'm too old to fight over a guy. He has told me he does not want to get back together with her but who knows. I'm not trusting of men.
2) He lives a bit far - and he does not have a car yet
3) His timeline for kids and marriage just seems 3 years out and I'm 34, turning 35 this year, I don't know if my ovaries can last that long
4) He wants kids. I have gone back and forth in my head on kids. Given I have problems ovulating and am already 34, I would be OK without kids. I don't mind having one kid - but my age and PCOS situation makes me feel there will automatically be a strain on the relationship. He is 32, for context.
5) We have known each other for 4 months now - I have introduced him to a couple of coworkers/friends. I haven't met any one of his friends or family as yet - so I don't know if he is serious enough to see me as a gf. I mean the fact that his ex is trying to get him back is a bit of a red flag but also hilarious in a way (I'm trying to see the humour in the situation as I am tired of online dating). How serious he is about me, who knows.
6) He's knee deep in work - very focused on building his career, which is a good thing, but that means I do not see him as often and there are days I do not hear from him. This was actually one of the breakup factors with the ex.

On the upside, he is progressive, kind, smart, humble and good looking. And from the online pool, is the best thing to come out of it. That said, my head says, keep looking. Open to opinions on the above :)
 
I've felt him pulling away from me for a few weeks now and I have started noticing the ex being more involved in his life (from a social media perspective) and I have decided to forgive myself and let it go. He did not want to meet up this weekend, he did not even suggest an alt time so I have my answer. I was the rebound.

I'm hurting inside but at the same time I never felt comfortable in this relationship. He pursued for a while and then stopped when she came into the picture. And I cannot compete with that. I cannot compete with three years of history and strong attraction. I do not want to compete with that. I am tired of the emotional turmoil I have been feeling for the past couple of weeks. So today I sent my last text to him. I do not expect any texts back. Deleted his number. I cried yesterday. And so we repeat the cycle of heartbreak. I'm tired and I want a break. My head has not been at work. And work is so busy - I feel drained.

I went to the naturopath yesterday. My DHT is high. Need to balance my hormones already.

I'm really tired on the inside, I want to cry as I type this, and yet I feel like I'm empty on the inside. I'm tired of heartbreak. I am tired of my hormones not being balanced. I am tired of the anxiety and depression that comes with my hormones being unbalanced. I am tired of not ovulating. I am tired of work. I am tired in every which way and I just need a hug from God and need to be told it will be ok. There are times I want to go "home." Not the home where I live - eternal home - heaven. Where there is peace and where none of these worldly problems hold any weight. I just want to go home. I don't feel strong and it's the worst feeling in the world. I don't feel strong and I want to feel strong.
 
I'm going to pick myself up and get on with life:
  1. Continue my efforts on getting down to 105lbs (9 more lbs to go)
  2. Move out
    1. Throw myself into looking for a new job
    2. Set up side-hustle (3 clients per month)
  3. Continue to write my manuscript

    Stop feeling scared. Stop feeling like life cannot offer me better. Take chances.
 
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Hi Misty,

There's nothing wrong with feeling scared - that happens, it's being scared and pushing through it all where you reach your goals.
:)

Here's to reaching goals!!
 
Misty- I'm sure you are not losing your mind. You were hopeful that your new relationship would work out & it doesn't seem to be. You are strong & you can keep on going & life must get better for you. Keep working at it, hon. Try to be as healthy as you can be & be kind to yourself. :grouphug: xoxo Cate.
 
cate said:
Misty- I'm sure you are not losing your mind. You were hopeful that your new relationship would work out & it doesn't seem to be. You are strong & you can keep on going & life must get better for you. Keep working at it, hon. Try to be as healthy as you can be & be kind to yourself. :grouphug: xoxo Cate.
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Thanks so much Cate, you are an angel, hope you are well xoxo
 
SW: 115.6lbs
Goal weight: 105lbs

Just a reminder to myself. 10 lbs - how hard can it be to lose them? Not hard, just need to keep going consistently. I can do this.
 
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It's just one pound at a time.
I never look at the "big" goal number, it's too much. I do tell myself I can lose 5 pounds.
 
I went to the naturopath last week for my PCOS - the hair continues to shed as I have not had a regular period since Oct 2018.
We went over a couple things, which are not new-news, but I felt, it was worth putting this down and tracking.
  • Lower insulin -> 75% vegetarian diet; no bread, pasta, crackers, added sugar
  • Lower inflammation -> can take an inflammatory food test
  • Pituitary gland issue -> cannot be addressed by food...ovasitol may help...I honestly do not know what to do if my pituitary gland is not talking to my ovaries...
  • Track food
    • Breakfast: Eggs, Pineapple, green tea
    • Snack: Almonds, coffee
    • Lunch: Broccoli Salad with tuna
    • Dinner: Spinach-cherry shake
I keep stretching out taking the BCP .... because I do not want to be on it...but there are some days I really want to throw in the towel and flood my body with synthetic hormones. However, today is not that day. Giving this one to two more months.
 
Brand Planning right now - so busy - have not worked out in days. Feel the weight creeping onto me.
Period is late - hopefully it comes tomorrow and there isn't a long delay...
 
I remind myself all the time is that every day and every meal gives us an opportunity to start fresh.
:)
 
M2M said:
I remind myself all the time is that every day and every meal gives us an opportunity to start fresh.
:)
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That's very true. I am an emotional eater and need some taming on that front. I'm glad you have such a positive approach to each meal :)
 
I'm having some spotting...not sure if its the beginning of a period or just hormonal fluctuations or a cyst.
Man. It is day 39 of my cycle. Need to bring period back to 34 days (if it is a period).

Hair looking thin and sparse today. Hoping period goes back to regular soon.
 
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