This is the time

I hope you have a good time at the wedding. Get drunk and dance the night away. And relax, too. Enjoy a day away from the internet. It sounds like you could benefit from that. amiright?
 
LOL! A friend at the other place said something very similar to me last night. I'm sure you're both right. I hadn't thought of the wedding as a dance opportunity - but you might be right about that too.

I had a great morning away from the internet. My mum had surgery on her head a couple of months ago and she needed a hair piece to cover the damage. She'd been left with a hairless skin graft about 5 cm in diameter on the crown of her head, and it had really damaged her spirit. The hair piece that was ordered took a while to come in and then had an extra delay so that in the end we were just getting it today - the day before the wedding. She was so strung up by then that on the way in there she really couldn't take in anything I said, and at one stage she asked me a question and I answered it and the moment I stopped speaking she asked me again just as though the first time hadn't happened. We really weren't too sure how the hair would look or work either.

At any rate, in the event the man who'd organized it for her spent an hour and a half making it look absolutely perfect. It's very secure, beautifully blended, and unnoticeable - and with the great salon work he did today, it looked very elegant - probably better than her real hair did before.

And even better than that, she was totally rejuvenated and back to being coherent again, looking and acting (and feeling) about 10 years younger.

I'm really so grateful to him. Apparently he's the only person in our city even doing this work at all - and my sister had to hunt him up. The surgeon who did the work didn't prepare my mother for the result, let alone suggest what could be done to deal with it.

So yep a great morning. A short walk this afternoon. I ate ... um not off the plan I had for this week, but not great either. I stuck all my food in meals, though my dinner would have been high in calories. No binges though and I chose to cook my own potato and salad to go with takeaway chicken, seeing as we were buying takeaway food tonight. It was still an easy meal for me to prepare - just a rinse and microwave on the potato and a rinse and dump in a bowl for the veges, but I enjoyed it. I had dessert, but less of it than the last time I ate it - I'm progressing with it I think.

My on-line troubles aren't over but they're settling. Tonight was sort of ok. I ran the kids around a lot, then had a brief clash with my son about midnight over something I had stuffed up - and sure enough that little sugar urge poked it's head up again. It's still pricks up it's ears at shopping centres and petrol stations too, but I'm starting to feel more comfortable again about expecting myself not to take too much notice. It helped that I was on my way to type this anyway.

Tomorrow, there will be food offered twice at the wedding. One is the reception, which will be a sit down meal. That's cool. I'll just eat whatever they offer, it won't be anything that will cause me ongoing issues. However, the way this part of my family has been doing things for weddings, there will be an afternoon tea at the church after the ceremony - so as to include a bigger group of people in the celebrations. That will be a help yourself thing where I get to look at lots of food at once (trigger) and includes things that look small and innocent and really appeal to the sweet side of me. Plus at that part of the day I usually feel like I'm looking for something to do. That's a danger zone thing to me, so I'm flagging it to myself now. I want to skip sweet food at that time. Food yep, maybe. Cup of tea. Yep. Something to trigger a sugar spike, nup, no thanks.
 
The wedding was brilliant. Lots of fun even during the ceremony. (Not a dancing wedding though, just a few for custom's sake.)

Foodwise, well I definitely had an evening over overeating. I wouldn't call it a binge though. I think it started with me getting busy while I was getting ready to go and so skipping lunch, and not having a walk or anything similar, and progressed with a long wait for the main part of the evening meal and ... yeah ... I definitely overdid it after that, any chance I got. I did stick to my plan for the afternoon tea, in the face of great temptation - the trigger thing probably got involved too.

Today has been ok so far, but I recognize that yesterday is the kind of day that could be the start of a deterioration in my control, especially as I'm starting to tense up about school again and (partly as a consequence), not wanting to get stuck into all the stuff I still need to do before I go back, and feeling out of my food groove.

Therefore I am here, posting about this stuff now in the hope that it will help me push things back the other way. I should eat some veges and a piece of fruit.

Also, I need to get used to having the freedom of choice in my days curtailed again. I guess that's part of my reluctance to get stuck into what I need to do ... I'm pretty sure that as soon as I align my feelings with how huge it is and how important it is, it will just dominate everything again and take away all my other fun. Maybe I need to try, somehow, to put limits on it, even though there's plenty of good reasons to let it be all absorbing. Or at least tell myself that I will. "I am not going to do it all in an unending stream. I am just going to do an hour and then stop and go for a walk." Or "I will eat a carrot then quickly straighten things up here, so my desk looks easy to use, and then go for a walk."
 
oh wow catching up here.

My mum is just like that, gets all nutty when stressed totally! Though she has head injury hehe :)
Well done on the eating front!
 
Thanks wishes.

I posted here last night! Well I did the typing for a post. I guess I stopped before I pressed submit.

At any rate, I said that I had a large dessert with last night's meal, which is a step back from a small dessert, but I ate it at the right time and I had no cravings before or after. I'm aiming at being healthy and right now that means a short term goal of sticking to the plan rather than going straight to the bigger goal (losing weight). I didn't walk yesterday though and that's just because the work I have to do needs doing in this room next to the computer, and the most important bits of that work have to be done on the computer ... so the procrastinating effect I've allowed it to have on me was in full swing. Today that effect should be (better be!), overpowered by urgency.
 
felici said:
On the day that I started it, I just made it the next post in my journal here. Then I put a link to that post, into my signature, so that I could always easily go back there - and because that's where people usually put their stats.

Then when I want to, I click on the signature, go to the post and edit it - just like any other post.

When I was doing the link I first clicked on the number at the top of the post - for example the number of your post above this one is 2478. That takes you to a single post so you can get a URL address for that particular post.

When I got to my signature I just typed in the words I wanted use as my link - ie "My stats", highlighted that, and then clicked on the "insert link" button in the message controls - the blue dot (like a world with a sort of oval shape at the bottom), and copied in the address of the post.
Click to expand...



Thank you so much for those directions! If you don't mind, I'm going to keep one of those for myself. I think it will really help me.

Thanks a lot!
 
Of course I don't mind. It's a compliment. I half copied the thought from someone else who put his stats on page one of his diary. I thought how handy it would be to have them in one place on-line. I used to keep weights in my signature, but then I would change it and have to hunt around for the actual posts any time I wanted old figures.



Today I did walk. I was determined to . Also, I did get my work groove back. (Too late but better than nothing.) I got a lot sorted. I also lost some time when a neighbour I've always had a lot of affection for came to tell me that they'd suddenly arranged to move and that the local ladies were meeting for dinner at a Chinese restaurant tonight. That didn't do much for my work plans or my food plans. I've had another evening of not eating well. This was borderline binge territory. I guess currently I'm not coping well on those days when my expectations for the way I want to eat get disrupted. I hope that's all, because that shouldn't happen too often. (I am going to my s-i-l's this Saturday though.) Only not now. It's already way past the time I should have been in bed. I just thought though that as I didn't have such a great day I'd better touch base here.

Tomorrow back to school! I am sooo not ready. I have one more day before the kids come back, and then a short teaching week. It should still be heaps better than the start of last term though.
 
Well I guess today was a good day. I just logged on here thinking I should say something now and quickly, so that I didn't end up doing it last thing and getting to bed too late, and then I realized that I'd actually done ok.

I went out to lunch as it was a pupil free day at school and all the other teachers were going. There were no great options there so I picked an okay one. Ate a bit too much of the rice and it's creamy sauce I suppose.

I didn't have any snacks beside a banana because I was just so hungry by the time I got to walk this evening. I wasn't trying to avoid snacks, it just worked out that way.

I ate what my husband had prepared for dinner, limited the rice (as usual), and the sauce. The high calorie dessert I'd often had lately, wasn't available (though there were other high calorie desserts here, including one that sometimes gives me the binges), so I had a low calorie yoghurt instead. And I feel fine - quite satisfied.

And I did manage the walk. I didn't manage it quite as planned, because I really did need to stay at work a fair while seeing as this was the first day back, and because I had to go somewhere else as well, and, importantly, because I hadn't considered how I would go for a walk in the bush while I had a handbag on me ... However, I did manage to come home and go out again. I really had it firmly in my mind that I wanted to go and that it was something I was looking forward to, and that I needed to do. So that was pretty cool really.

I noticed today that I was vastly less tense at work than I was at the end of last term, even though things haven't changed all that much. I guess that says something. I'm not sure what. Maybe if I can manage to eat ok, plus get some exercise this time, I will manage the stress better this time? I can but try.

It was nice to see some friendly faces at work. Home is stressful tonight. Online is so-so - still issues around to capture my attention. I can resist posting, but I can't resist sorting through my thoughts, and if anyone posts directly to me, I can't resist posting back about it.

At any rate, I've sorted myself a different pack to take my wallet and personal gear to work in, and I guess I need to take some shorts and a different shirt as well. I need to get off here now though and get ready properly for tomorrow's classes.
 
Ugh. The kids came back to school today. The day went quite smoothly, everyone was very pleasant and I feel like I've been run over by a bus!!

Now I remember why I didn't think I could exercise at the end of the day. It's because I don't want to do anything at all at the end of the day. I don't have an assistant on Wednesday, and I never have one at the end of the day, so I just tidied up, thought about tomorrow, bundled everything into my bag, feeling as though I had no hope of thinking coherently about it ... drove home ... bliss to be sitting down in the car ...
Fortunately I had given all my cash to the kids I live with, so I couldn't talk myself into going to buy ribbon to match a little project I'd given the kids I work with. I forgot to fill my water bottle at school too.

So no straight from work to walk for me. Instead it was home, foot massage machine, internet, coffee ... and 2 pieces of raisin toast ... I thought it might be a bit heavy on the calories but actually it's about 200 calories all up. I am just aching everywhere. I had planned to take anti-inflammatories last night - that little walk had some moments that were a bit more intense than I've been used to and I thought it might cause grief all by itself. Then, it happened that I stood up for ages today - more than half the day. I haven't lost my desire to feel good from walking though. Also, I still have my wonderful husband looking after the dinner, so I'm still planning to go out soon. I really did need the time away from days like this before I could even envision a walk afterwards though. I'm only feeling like it's ok because I had my heart set on it already.

I'm also remembering how different this would have been if I'd tried it at the beginning of last term, when we were having a heatwave. I still think this is a good plan for me for now, but it wouldn't work in the summer. The other idea I had about exercising early in the morning would have been better for that.

Anyway, coffee's done, I better get going. I know I need it if I have to cope with how full on my work days are.
 
Just quickly. Not a great time weight wise this last 24 hours. Binge food last night - I don't exactly know how/why ... ummm ... more veges with dinner might have helped ... it seemed to be instantly eaten. And today my food was just ok, not great.

No walk. I stayed at work, and then I shopped for work, and the combination used up all the daylight - I did tell myself that I'd do bodyweight exercises instead but I guess I have no powerful desire to do that because I forgot all about it until now, and it's almost midnight. ("No powerful desire" is putting it mildly :rolleyes: )

Emotionally it was quite a good day. No real upsets between me and anybody else. Two of my little kids realized today, as I did, that they were starting to truly decode the print they were trying to read - I think the unstoppable smiles were spreading over our faces at the same instant. :)
 
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Oh wow!! Your little ones reading is amazing!

I just wanted to stop and say hi! I'm sorry to hear about your recent binge, keep on track! You've got an awesome method and you're doing great!
 
sweet oye!

I had been meaning to share a snippet of my last weekend with you about one of your homeland treats.

Last Saturday, I was in the T-shirt trailer going about my business when my little brother tossed a bagful of stuff from a local c-store. I paid no mind to its contents though the unmistakable bulge of potato chips largely imprinted the plastic sack.

Time had passed and lil bro and Jim had already made quick work of the crisps. At some point I was offered some Australian Premium Black Licorice that was hidden at the bottom of the bag. To be honest, I had never seen this product in the states before. Hell, licorice is licorice - or so I thought.

My sweet tooth rarely gets the best of me, but this, this licorice, omfggggg. Simply constructed like nothing here in our country, so soft, so chunky, so chewy, soooo tasty, was about to put me on a binge.

After two pieces, I took the bag and put it on the front seat of Mike's pick up, had I not, I would have lost that battle. Damn your Confectionaires :cuss:

Join me if you will, and share in my disappointment as I sit here eating my nightly Natural microwave popcorn while I write about your licorice. I haven't been this distraught since I found out Cat Cora was a Lesbian. Talk about wanting something and no chance of having it, all in one fell swoop. It's kinda like that.
 
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licorice never really did it for me, but i will eat the good stuff if its about, but the cheap stuff is just garbage eh.

I over ate yesterday too just a bit, but oh boy those wedges were pure gold! :)
 
OK. Just one line to prove to myself that I'm NOT disconnecting from my health desiring self - I had a bad weekend - used food help myself procrastinate. I'm doing better today - not great just much better - I need to get more veges into my life.

Randy - I feel your pain on the licorice front - not that I look for it to eat - just that I understand how finding out that you love yet another new version of the sweetly sinful is a special kind of torment. I might watch out for that Australian Premium Black Licorice to make sure I never try it!!

wishes - you have been managing a tough programme with your food lately - I admire the progress you're making - wedges and "every trigger known to man" notwithstanding. :)
 
And again - to turn my thoughts towards this, a quick post. An ok day food wise, not great, not bad. No exercise - plenty of walking around though, busy but ok.

I was thinking today that I'm going to let myself celebrate the things I don't do, when I don't do them. For example, that box of chocolates on the staff room table. I was thinking that really the thing to do is not notice them and then it's no biggie, not eating them - but then again there are the days - like this week - when things seem awkward or the control hasn't been there recently - when they have an impact. Those days, and every time on those days when I turn my thoughts away from the box to banana, or the coffee or the promise of some other positive activity are worth celebrating (quietly and to myself! :D), as little victories just because that turns the whole moment into something positive instead of something negative and reinforces the turning away.
 
OK well today was totally crapolla. I have some kinda cold or sinus thing happening, plus, yesterday I worked too late (again), I wasn't relaxed when I got to bed, I slept too lightly and too briefly. At school today, either the children started acting much worse than they normally do, or I was grumpy as (I don't feel too guilty about that bit, cos it's time to up the ante but still... ) and I came home and took my son to the dentist and ate badly again and didn't exercise. About 5:30, fell asleep in front of the computer for an hour or so - upright luckily with my chin on my hands - so I haven't cricked my neck ...

Anyhow, usually when I start behaving as crap as this I stop typing about what I'm doing, because I reckon it's too negative and too repetetive ... however, I am having a go at doing the opposite to see if THAT's helpful to me (so maybe gets less repeats). Hopefully now I will get a good night's sleep and be a bit better behaved tomorrow.

It's odd. Once I would have done all that - had a similar day but my response to it and understanding of it would have been quite different - I suppose that's some sort of help. I let myself feel the positive of the the couple of things I got right today - but by the time I got to sit down at home it wasn't working on me any more. I think I have to try and keep the hormones under better control than that.
 
bugger about feeling sick as a dog, thats not good at all!
get well soon, And agreed totally about the chocs on the table at work lol. Not that im winning that battle atm :D
 
Now that I look back on it, I did feel sick as a dog. LOL. I didn't think of it that way at the time. I just thought I'd stuffed myself up. I felt heaps better today though.

Today I ate ... not that well, but not at an extreme. I didn't have a walk in mind - need to fix the mindset once again - but as I pulled up at home tonight I remembered, and figured I might go after I collected my daughter from her shopping trip - and then when I got her almost home we had a phone call that sent me back again to collect her mobile phone. So I called it a day.

I want to go for a walk when I get home tomorrow. I have to try to help my daughter get her card back from the bank first, but I really want to give myself that type of downtime afterwards.
 
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I'm posting to help myself turn around my motivation. It was really badly balanced this morning. I'm saying "badly", meaning that it was balanced with me being unsure which way it would tip. What I need is for it to be unbalanced in favour of eating properly.

So having won the little battle to start typing, I now think I will be okay. I don't know where this came from ...

Last night I didn't get the walk. By the time I'd helped my children with the driving and other things they needed, it was too dark. Also I was mindful that I needed enough veges to make my evening meal satisfying, and it was. Also, I did get some pleasant healthy downtime early on - but - I still ate too much sweet stuff later in the evening - not at an extreme but without fighting my impulses at all for a few hours. I let myself stay up way late too. I tried to watch a movie with my girl, but I fell asleep for a while, too early in the night, then I made myself revive to finish little things that interested me, and after that I wasn't tired and didn't notice the time. So I stayed up late, so then I woke up late - and I had to fight myself to eat my normal breakfast - in the end I sort of did - but the tomatoes looked gross, so I didn't get any, and then I was blowdrying my girl's hair and forgot about my egg (luckily my son turned it off before it burned the house down ... ) So I ate leftover chicken and no veges.

So then my food balance was a little worse still.

So probably the reason I wasn't inclined to eat a normal breakfast (even though normally I want to), was about it being Saturday and waking late and smelling bacon. Why did I have to win it? Because a few times lately I've modified my breakfast for the weekend and then eaten badly at other parts of the day. The normal breakfast was the safer choice.

Wanting to eat badly after breakfast was probably because I had to fight to eat properly in the first place, and then still didn't quite make it to normal.

I ate a yoghurt instead. (80cal) And pushed myself to get on here. That was touch and go too. It was useful that I'd already decided to try and put something in my diary every day (I know this is Saturday not Friday but I felt guilty about not posting last night).

OK. That will do for writing now. I know these thoughts aren't pushed to conclusions but I need to do other things as well. Getting them done will be more help to me in the long run.

It is a truly beautiful mild sunny day here. I'm going to get a piece of it. Also I'm going to work on some long term planning for school. I'm sure it's my insecurity about my work, and my sense of it's omnipresence that is the underlying reason I'm not making more progress with my health. (I don't mean that to excuse anything - just that I see it's an issue which would pay off for me - if I could manage it better.)

So time to get some shoes on and tidy this desk so there's space to work here without touching the computer. I'll walk the dog after I get feligirl from dancing, do some programming, and eat a standard lunch later on.

This evening will probably be the next trouble spot. I'm going to plan to do some kind of writing. Maybe programming if it's going well, but if I have that pen sticking in the paper feeling that writing them has sometimes given me before (even though other writing doesn't), then I will write something else I feel like doing.
 
So, that should have been a good plan A. However I had no plan B and when my timing was off for 5 minutes plan A pretty much unravelled. And then I remembered it was about to be Mother's Day and had to shop at a bad time ... So nah. Not a good day, Saturday.

Today was a lot better. Fairly good food. No walk. Lots of work.

And of course, as it's Sunday night I'm working. I did start quite a long time ago.
 
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