This is the time
- Thread starter felici
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felici
Well-known member
Yup! No fires for me. I would have to go on holidays - or at least a picnic to get near any kind of fire - and that is not going to happen while I'm settling in on this job! Touchwood, we don't have anything much happening in my state now anyway.
Today was not easy. I was short on sleep. I don't know how I got to bed an extra bit later, but I did, and though I tried to stay in bed later, that didn't work cos I woke earlier, and started thinking about the day. So I was tired. I have had a cold all week too - it's just turning the corner - but still having some impact I guess.
I tried a relaxation exercise last night before bed but wasn't in the mood to put too much effort in (that means I haven't been doing them enough, I reckon - a bit of negativity towards relaxing - plus too tired already).
Cos I tried to sleep in, I got to school a bit later. Half an hour before it starts, which was a respectable time, but not as early as I have been getting there. I started mucking around with cables to try and be able to show youtubes and play music, without having to unplug power sockets, and another teacher came up to let me know about something that didn't make sense to me, and which I thought I should have been told about at one of the myriad meetings I'd already attended. So I got cranky.
And I let it show. I did try to tell her that it was the poor communication set up that was bothering me and not her, but still. I wasted time trying to work out what she was telling me, and wasted more time trying to explain my position and then more time talking to someone else about it. And then I felt cranky for a while. I did some breathing and counting and stuff. Nothing else bugged me and I got over it - but I think it was a symptom that things have been too hectic and I haven't been de-stressing well enough. When I started posting here I was having to consciously de-stress like that but for a while I've just been staying calm.
Lunch wasn't as good as it might have been. My husband used the last of the peanut paste (butter) in dinner last night and so I couldn't make my usual sandwich. So I thought no worries, the sushi the kids had been buying at school looked good and sushi is satisfying and balanced. But it turned out the canteen doesn't do sushi on Thursdays. So I ordered a ham and salad sandwich - but the skinny little bit of sandwich ham they use in those things isn't enough to keep me going. No fruit or extra veges with me. I worked after school and popped in for a moment at home, already hungry enough to grab cookies left out on the bench, and eat them on impulse (only 120 cals - but impulse eating carbs is a worry). The thought that an occasional binge might not matter flitted over my brain - but I'd hate to have to start my winning streak over at zero again, so I didn't want to follow that thought.
So then I went shopping - and it was hard. I kept thinking I could do with more food and feeling uncomfortable - tired as. I could also feel that what I really wanted was a rest - which is good (good that I could feel it) - but I knew I must be a bit low on food too, so I grabbed a can of tuna and ate it half way through the errands. That helped heaps. Just figuring it out calmed me down so I stopped feeling interested in food. I figured I ought to eat it though - based on logic - and that helped too - just sitting down for a while plus eating something appropriate gave me a boost so I felt better able to get on with things.
So things are cool here food wise.
Just one more day till the weekend! Fingers crossed that I get a bit more downtime this weekend than the last couple. Basically things are good at work, but I am just too tired. I need to double check on my plans and stuff for tomorrow, but I think I can keep it short tonight, and go to bed. I am really really ready for an early night!
Today was not easy. I was short on sleep. I don't know how I got to bed an extra bit later, but I did, and though I tried to stay in bed later, that didn't work cos I woke earlier, and started thinking about the day. So I was tired. I have had a cold all week too - it's just turning the corner - but still having some impact I guess.
I tried a relaxation exercise last night before bed but wasn't in the mood to put too much effort in (that means I haven't been doing them enough, I reckon - a bit of negativity towards relaxing - plus too tired already).
Cos I tried to sleep in, I got to school a bit later. Half an hour before it starts, which was a respectable time, but not as early as I have been getting there. I started mucking around with cables to try and be able to show youtubes and play music, without having to unplug power sockets, and another teacher came up to let me know about something that didn't make sense to me, and which I thought I should have been told about at one of the myriad meetings I'd already attended. So I got cranky.
And I let it show. I did try to tell her that it was the poor communication set up that was bothering me and not her, but still. I wasted time trying to work out what she was telling me, and wasted more time trying to explain my position and then more time talking to someone else about it. And then I felt cranky for a while. I did some breathing and counting and stuff. Nothing else bugged me and I got over it - but I think it was a symptom that things have been too hectic and I haven't been de-stressing well enough. When I started posting here I was having to consciously de-stress like that but for a while I've just been staying calm.Lunch wasn't as good as it might have been. My husband used the last of the peanut paste (butter) in dinner last night and so I couldn't make my usual sandwich. So I thought no worries, the sushi the kids had been buying at school looked good and sushi is satisfying and balanced. But it turned out the canteen doesn't do sushi on Thursdays. So I ordered a ham and salad sandwich - but the skinny little bit of sandwich ham they use in those things isn't enough to keep me going. No fruit or extra veges with me. I worked after school and popped in for a moment at home, already hungry enough to grab cookies left out on the bench, and eat them on impulse (only 120 cals - but impulse eating carbs is a worry). The thought that an occasional binge might not matter flitted over my brain - but I'd hate to have to start my winning streak over at zero again, so I didn't want to follow that thought.
So then I went shopping - and it was hard. I kept thinking I could do with more food and feeling uncomfortable - tired as. I could also feel that what I really wanted was a rest - which is good (good that I could feel it) - but I knew I must be a bit low on food too, so I grabbed a can of tuna and ate it half way through the errands. That helped heaps. Just figuring it out calmed me down so I stopped feeling interested in food. I figured I ought to eat it though - based on logic - and that helped too - just sitting down for a while plus eating something appropriate gave me a boost so I felt better able to get on with things.
So things are cool here food wise.
Just one more day till the weekend! Fingers crossed that I get a bit more downtime this weekend than the last couple. Basically things are good at work, but I am just too tired. I need to double check on my plans and stuff for tomorrow, but I think I can keep it short tonight, and go to bed. I am really really ready for an early night!
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felici
Well-known member
So Friday night is here at last. I am truly bushed. I'm just really glad to know I can sleep in a bit in the morning. Today it was the school nurse who made me cranky. I sort of ate ok, during the day. ( I think I might have left a carrot in my desk drawer though. ) I was glad to get a chance to display some of the kids' work after school, though chased out by the cleaners yet again. I knew I was in a bad place emotionally - just drained.
I wasn't thinking about food until I got home, but then even on the way home, I could totally feel that urge to relax by eating. I had to go out more than once and even had to use an automatic teller in a petrol station. I hate those places, they always make me think I could get chocolate there. If they'd had any little yummy ones I would have bought them actually. I had the calories in my day to be able to eat some kinda sweet carbs but I could sooo feel I was in binge territory. So abstain from all that I did. I had dinner early which helped. I intended to eat an icecream afterwards, but I accidentally ate yoghurt instead. I guess my subconscious is on board as far as eating goes at the moment. Also, I didn't even take the night off my school work. I just used it for the sort of things that make my life easier when they're done, without actually being anything I use during a lesson. I sorted through old papers on my desk - good for inspiration and clarity, and made myself a chart to put my lesson plans onto, seeing as my diary makes me confused. And now I've got my son home from his friend's and it's beddy-byes for me.
I'm feeling that I'm starting to get a bit more on top of things and at the same time, anxious that I just don't get it at all and am not really teaching what/how I should be. I think that might be partly because I just need to be more awake, and partly cos I need to revisit a few things while my head is clear and make sure I've covered my bases. I hope my head does get clear some time this weekend. I'm going to send my husband to do the groceries tomorrow. That should help. Saturday grocery shopping is a monster.
I hate this feeling. I'm too tired to do things the way I want them to be (cos I make tired mistakes), and then I feel inadequate because I'm not working well. No binge coming tonight though. Time to sleep ... honest ... I'm going now.
I wasn't thinking about food until I got home, but then even on the way home, I could totally feel that urge to relax by eating. I had to go out more than once and even had to use an automatic teller in a petrol station. I hate those places, they always make me think I could get chocolate there. If they'd had any little yummy ones I would have bought them actually. I had the calories in my day to be able to eat some kinda sweet carbs but I could sooo feel I was in binge territory. So abstain from all that I did. I had dinner early which helped. I intended to eat an icecream afterwards, but I accidentally ate yoghurt instead. I guess my subconscious is on board as far as eating goes at the moment. Also, I didn't even take the night off my school work. I just used it for the sort of things that make my life easier when they're done, without actually being anything I use during a lesson. I sorted through old papers on my desk - good for inspiration and clarity, and made myself a chart to put my lesson plans onto, seeing as my diary makes me confused. And now I've got my son home from his friend's and it's beddy-byes for me.
I'm feeling that I'm starting to get a bit more on top of things and at the same time, anxious that I just don't get it at all and am not really teaching what/how I should be. I think that might be partly because I just need to be more awake, and partly cos I need to revisit a few things while my head is clear and make sure I've covered my bases. I hope my head does get clear some time this weekend. I'm going to send my husband to do the groceries tomorrow. That should help. Saturday grocery shopping is a monster.
I hate this feeling. I'm too tired to do things the way I want them to be (cos I make tired mistakes), and then I feel inadequate because I'm not working well. No binge coming tonight though. Time to sleep ... honest ... I'm going now.
felici
Well-known member
Okay, well, I guess the last couple of posts were leading up to this one. The no-binge streak is over, cos today I only made it to around 5:00. Carrot cake at 5:00 (one of those flat bits, not massive, and I scraped the too sweet icing off the top). It was not supposed to be the start of a binge of course, it was supposed to be the single extra thing that would have been allowable. Yet, I did know that I was feeling too crap for it to be a wise move. Also, I knew that eating it all by itself was a bad move. I did feel better after I ate it - I think I must have actually been hungry, but I had also been fighting the cake wish for about 24 hours already, and I knew the cake wish was emotional. So anyhow, that was as I finished shopping. Once I got home I had an icecream on a stick (90 cal) - fine if it was the only icecream - fell into an instant deep deep sleep - which my husband soon woke me from for dinner. Then after dinner (a small serve of Thai fish curry and rice), I ate two biggish bowls of icecream with chocolate topping. That was some hours ago. I didn't even feel like eating after that, and I never felt stuffed full, so hopefully that will be it for a while at least, and I can start eating well again.
I have had 2-3 short breaks today where I've gotten thoroughly relaxed, but I know it's not really adequate. However, I don't see how I can get any peace with myself while I know there's so much still needing to be organized for work. I do think I let myself get sidetracked on the weekend though - sometimes spending time on looking for the best option when I know I only have time to find the adequate option for now. I kinda realize that I'm a bit stuck in my thinking there - partly my circumstances are awkward, in a way that's common to many teachers getting started, and partly I'm just anxious and fearful, and would do well to work on that by itself - destressing and thinking myself through to a stronger more confident position.
A 48 hour day would do it.
Well, rightly or wrongly I'm still drowning in work here. I can't see where I will be on top of it anywhere this week though. Maybe next week?
I have had 2-3 short breaks today where I've gotten thoroughly relaxed, but I know it's not really adequate. However, I don't see how I can get any peace with myself while I know there's so much still needing to be organized for work. I do think I let myself get sidetracked on the weekend though - sometimes spending time on looking for the best option when I know I only have time to find the adequate option for now. I kinda realize that I'm a bit stuck in my thinking there - partly my circumstances are awkward, in a way that's common to many teachers getting started, and partly I'm just anxious and fearful, and would do well to work on that by itself - destressing and thinking myself through to a stronger more confident position.
A 48 hour day would do it.
Well, rightly or wrongly I'm still drowning in work here. I can't see where I will be on top of it anywhere this week though. Maybe next week?
felici
Well-known member
It's funny how you can.
I am used to not being able to get it right all the time now, though I reckon I'm still on the improve so that's cool.
Today I ate fine. I worked my butt off, but I didn't eat poorly. I don't have time to eat cos my fingers are busy all the time.
I also haven't done well with the destressing, or being super disciplined with my prioritizing of my work. And my back is getting way stiff. I might take some ibuprofen. There's just so many things that I reckon ought to be done right now, that I'm just not there yet.
I am going to keep this short for once though. Also, I got quite a lot done - that's a kind of destresser - as long as I make it to get enough done overall, without missing sleep. We'll see.
I am used to not being able to get it right all the time now, though I reckon I'm still on the improve so that's cool.
Today I ate fine. I worked my butt off, but I didn't eat poorly. I don't have time to eat cos my fingers are busy all the time.
I also haven't done well with the destressing, or being super disciplined with my prioritizing of my work. And my back is getting way stiff. I might take some ibuprofen. There's just so many things that I reckon ought to be done right now, that I'm just not there yet.
I am going to keep this short for once though. Also, I got quite a lot done - that's a kind of destresser - as long as I make it to get enough done overall, without missing sleep. We'll see.
felici
Well-known member
I know you're right, Brandy.
Well, I post here, plus I read and maybe make a one paragraph post to friends elsewhere. I fit in relaxation exercises though I usually fall asleep - so I don't often get a nice meditative state. I hug my girl (and other family). I don't actually work all the time, because I have other things I have to do, shopping, driving my kids back and forth and so on.
I've been given a little extra non-teaching time this week - but now I have a parent thingo to prepare for Wednesday. I hoped I'd get it done yesterday but yanno, I think I'm going to put it off until tomorrow. I'm just going to finish off what's urgent, and have an early night. School is exciting though because I am getting such incredible tuition from the other teachers I have in my class. I love feeling that I'm learning so much. I reckon I will feel like I'm into a regular workload in another couple of weeks. (*crosses fingers*)
(My number went down again. And stayed down for repeats this time. )
Well, I post here, plus I read and maybe make a one paragraph post to friends elsewhere. I fit in relaxation exercises though I usually fall asleep - so I don't often get a nice meditative state. I hug my girl (and other family). I don't actually work all the time, because I have other things I have to do, shopping, driving my kids back and forth and so on.
I've been given a little extra non-teaching time this week - but now I have a parent thingo to prepare for Wednesday. I hoped I'd get it done yesterday but yanno, I think I'm going to put it off until tomorrow. I'm just going to finish off what's urgent, and have an early night. School is exciting though because I am getting such incredible tuition from the other teachers I have in my class. I love feeling that I'm learning so much. I reckon I will feel like I'm into a regular workload in another couple of weeks. (*crosses fingers*)
(My number went down again.
And stayed down for repeats this time. )Hey Felici, I am sorry to hear about your binge, but I am glad you are managing to stay busy!
So, out of curiousity... how long has 2 bowls of ice cream been a binge?
I'm wondering, because for me, that would just be a "Man, I had too much dessert tonight."
Also, how bad was it compared to your calories for the day? How far over did it put you?
Okay, enough reliving the bad moment; I am just hoping to add some perspective. Keep in mind, that I do think you are doing great, and I am still amazed that you haven't torched your school yet.
So, out of curiousity... how long has 2 bowls of ice cream been a binge?
I'm wondering, because for me, that would just be a "Man, I had too much dessert tonight."
Also, how bad was it compared to your calories for the day? How far over did it put you?
Okay, enough reliving the bad moment; I am just hoping to add some perspective. Keep in mind, that I do think you are doing great, and I am still amazed that you haven't torched your school yet.
felici
Well-known member
Thanks, Brandy.
Thanks for the positive perspective Qjay.
My binge was a tiny chocolate (40 cals) that I didn't bother to mention because it was wasn't what started it - I was eating it while I walked to the cake place - carrot cake (about 300 cals?) - followed by icecream on a stick at home (~85 cals), followed by two biggish bowls of icecream (with chocolate stuff on them) - maybe 600-800 cals?. That's all within 3 hours or so, and my meal was in the middle of it. My maintenance calories are not all that high, especially as I'm not exercising. Normally I don't eat any of those things, or if I do, I limit the amount and try to make sure that something sweet like that, is attached to a meal, so that it doesn't blip my blood sugar and start a craving cycle. Also, by the time I got to the bowls of icecream, it wasn't about hunger at all any more. Even in the beginning there was a big component of what I wanted that was just about emotion and tiredness and wanting time out.
So we're probably talking about an extra 1000 or so calories onto my day and all within a fairly short period, and sparked by emotion - plus there was definitely an abdication of control by the time I got up to the icecream! That's a binge to me. The good news is the next day was good, and the next - so I'm not overly bothered right now, I still feel like I'm headed in the right direction.
I'm getting stress overload though - I'm bothered about that, and about how I can keep going and keep handling things. Today I felt fine about my kids (at school), and myself but I am really cranky about communication issues at there and the way they sometimes affect me. I don't have time to go into my usual detail - plus for now I'm kinda over it, and want to just stay cool so I can focus on what I need to do. Bu-u-ut, by the time I had cars in both lanes either side of me squeeze past using my lane space to get to their turning lane while I waited for a traffic light that .... ugh enough. Loud severe swearing! Poor feligirl! Yet after that, I did stand at a counter selling chocolate, and did not buy any. Saturday is the hard day. Next Saturday could be a worry. Maybe I won't have to go to the shops though.
Thanks for the positive perspective Qjay.
My binge was a tiny chocolate (40 cals) that I didn't bother to mention because it was wasn't what started it - I was eating it while I walked to the cake place - carrot cake (about 300 cals?) - followed by icecream on a stick at home (~85 cals), followed by two biggish bowls of icecream (with chocolate stuff on them) - maybe 600-800 cals?. That's all within 3 hours or so, and my meal was in the middle of it. My maintenance calories are not all that high, especially as I'm not exercising. Normally I don't eat any of those things, or if I do, I limit the amount and try to make sure that something sweet like that, is attached to a meal, so that it doesn't blip my blood sugar and start a craving cycle. Also, by the time I got to the bowls of icecream, it wasn't about hunger at all any more. Even in the beginning there was a big component of what I wanted that was just about emotion and tiredness and wanting time out.
So we're probably talking about an extra 1000 or so calories onto my day and all within a fairly short period, and sparked by emotion - plus there was definitely an abdication of control by the time I got up to the icecream! That's a binge to me. The good news is the next day was good, and the next - so I'm not overly bothered right now, I still feel like I'm headed in the right direction.I'm getting stress overload though - I'm bothered about that, and about how I can keep going and keep handling things. Today I felt fine about my kids (at school), and myself but I am really cranky about communication issues at there and the way they sometimes affect me. I don't have time to go into my usual detail - plus for now I'm kinda over it, and want to just stay cool so I can focus on what I need to do. Bu-u-ut, by the time I had cars in both lanes either side of me squeeze past using my lane space to get to their turning lane while I waited for a traffic light that .... ugh enough. Loud severe swearing! Poor feligirl! Yet after that, I did stand at a counter selling chocolate, and did not buy any. Saturday is the hard day. Next Saturday could be a worry. Maybe I won't have to go to the shops though.
Okay, I'll give you that one. I will say I AM impressed with your binge being "only" 1000 calories or so; that's often a normal meal for me (remember, me = "big, dumb guy" in a lot of ways) even if they are unhealthy calories, I just try to account for them and fix it the next day or two, if possible. I dunno if it will help you, but it's a way to learn about what your binges are really worth, and another fun fact to track.
Bwahahahahaha! I want to hear that! Okay, still being supportive, but I can just see feligirl blushing during and fuming afterwards.
Would you make an MP3 next time, and email it to me?
Massive congrats! If you're really worried, then (not trying to be pushy here, but...) DON'T DO IT! Keep yourself focused and remember that you have to keep at this for yourself, because nobody else will do it for you.
felici
Well-known member
Awww. Thanks, Qjay.
I didn't swear at feligirl. I just swore (majorly), at the woman in the other car while my girl was trying to tell me happy stuff.
(Seriously. I was waiting at the lights, cars were squeezing into my lane to turn left to get to the freeway, and then I thought I might turn right - but there is this other woman inside my lane space on my right! Jeez. Get outta my space!! LOL! And I was about to scream anyway by then.)
Well, I'm sure you will all be happy to know I felt about 3 tons fall off my shoulders tonight when the parent information session I was supposed to run, was done with. I had no idea that one bit of what I was doing, was contributing so much stress all by itself. Plus I have some free time tomorrow morning, and my aides helped me hang fabric this afternoon, and one will help me prep in the morning.
Still eating ok. Many yummy things foregone when our school put on enough afternoon tea for 40 people and about 8 parents turned up. I didn't even feel like eating then actually. I walked around offering it to various people working back afterwards. It was a bit harder when I stopped to shop on the way home. I definitely, massively associate food with relaxing. Eat to relax, and also, relax therefore eat. At any rate, that's what I have done, not what I want to keep doing, but I still have those responses. At the shop I just ate something I think is ok. It's an apricot bun but low GI, usually ok for the time between lunch and dinner, and I have enough space to add those calories in most days.
Anyway, I'm feeling a lot better. Probably too much so - I felt relaxed enough to take time out tonight, and I do still have a mountain to get done.
I didn't swear at feligirl. I just swore (majorly), at the woman in the other car while my girl was trying to tell me happy stuff.
(Seriously. I was waiting at the lights, cars were squeezing into my lane to turn left to get to the freeway, and then I thought I might turn right - but there is this other woman inside my lane space on my right! Jeez. Get outta my space!! LOL! And I was about to scream anyway by then.)
Well, I'm sure you will all be happy to know I felt about 3 tons fall off my shoulders tonight when the parent information session I was supposed to run, was done with. I had no idea that one bit of what I was doing, was contributing so much stress all by itself. Plus I have some free time tomorrow morning, and my aides helped me hang fabric this afternoon, and one will help me prep in the morning.
Still eating ok. Many yummy things foregone when our school put on enough afternoon tea for 40 people and about 8 parents turned up. I didn't even feel like eating then actually. I walked around offering it to various people working back afterwards. It was a bit harder when I stopped to shop on the way home. I definitely, massively associate food with relaxing. Eat to relax, and also, relax therefore eat. At any rate, that's what I have done, not what I want to keep doing, but I still have those responses. At the shop I just ate something I think is ok. It's an apricot bun but low GI, usually ok for the time between lunch and dinner, and I have enough space to add those calories in most days.
Anyway, I'm feeling a lot better. Probably too much so - I felt relaxed enough to take time out tonight, and I do still have a mountain to get done.
What kinds of healthy "free" snacks do you usually keep around the house?
I'm always curious what other people have around. I always have Sauerkraut, try to keep lettuce and celery, and (when they aren't a fortune) keep some various kinds of apples handy. Apples might not count as free (they are pretty low cal though) but they do help with feeding my sugar demon and sending her to bed (unless nothing does the trick, anyhoo).
What kinds of food work as your
chill pill?
I'm always curious what other people have around. I always have Sauerkraut, try to keep lettuce and celery, and (when they aren't a fortune) keep some various kinds of apples handy. Apples might not count as free (they are pretty low cal though) but they do help with feeding my sugar demon and sending her to bed (unless nothing does the trick, anyhoo).
What kinds of food work as your
chill pill?
felici
Well-known member
I (almost) always have wholemeal bread, wholemeal crackers, salad veges, fruit, yoghurt, milk and tinned fish, reduced fat cheese, nuts and peanut paste in the house. If I'm hungry for a between meal snack, I use any and all of those things, and the best way, for me, is a carb, vege, protein combo - a mini-meal.
Most of the times I crave food though, it's not because of physical hunger, it's emotional, so a some diary writing, or chat to friends, a relaxation session and a walk would help better than food.
Most of the times I crave food though, it's not because of physical hunger, it's emotional, so a some diary writing, or chat to friends, a relaxation session and a walk would help better than food.
felici
Well-known member
Also, on the food side, baked beans. (Popcorn I guess, but that's rare.) I tend to drink coffee, various kinds of tea - I don't like milk added, and I like chai tea, and lo-cal soft drinks. All those things take a while to get down and fill tummy space, so they can help after the food's eaten and before it's registered.
And also on the emotional side, there's music.
And also on the emotional side, there's music.
felici
Well-known member
Hi Brandy. That's cool that naps work for you. It sounds really logical and healthy.
I know it's often sleep I need, but I have a poor response to day time naps myself. I don't know if maybe something really short would help. I think under 10 minutes gets a recommendation as a booster. Maybe that would work, because it just so relaxes and destresses. My hormones start going weird when I sleep though and I have this tendency to wake up, half awake half asleep and do horrible things in the kitchen. I'm hoping that my new pattern in the morning, of always doing other things before I eat, instead of making eating the first thing I do after opening my eyes, might help give me a different pattern ... but I think it's more than habit ... it definitely feels like hormonal things to do with sleep have a big impact.
I know it's often sleep I need, but I have a poor response to day time naps myself. I don't know if maybe something really short would help. I think under 10 minutes gets a recommendation as a booster. Maybe that would work, because it just so relaxes and destresses. My hormones start going weird when I sleep though and I have this tendency to wake up, half awake half asleep and do horrible things in the kitchen. I'm hoping that my new pattern in the morning, of always doing other things before I eat, instead of making eating the first thing I do after opening my eyes, might help give me a different pattern ... but I think it's more than habit ... it definitely feels like hormonal things to do with sleep have a big impact.