This is the time

[cinderelly]

Anyway, driving home and I got that Friday night cheesecake yen. I dealt with it during the drive, reminding myself of how often the reality of that pleasure falls so short of the idea. I even made a connection to the negative feelings it would lead to soon after I ate it and to the feeling of trying to buy a bathing suit with my body out of shape. It seems all very logical to think that way, but I don't usually.

THIS IS AWESOMEI was so happy to read this!!!

I just logged on now to kinda touch base here. I see that when I do, I eat better. My food was bad today. I had a training session after school, with nibbles, and I thought it would be ok to eat because it's common for me to eat then anyway - only I ate all the types of things they had crap included and that has sparked a binge - not my worst ever, but not good. I really don't feel like getting out of it right now either, I'm sort of having an emotionally restful night I guess, and I don't want to take up my responsibly eating persona again.

But what if I don't ...

I know the impact's not really worth it - this thing is like a rash that starts from one little lump and spreads a bit further every day till the itching interferes with every other thing.

I wish they didn't sell muffins at my school though.

Nah, nah, nah. I am so NOT doing muffins. All I have to do is let my assistant be the one that walks the children to the canteen (and it usually is her), plus I need to take my banana, and drink my coffee. I like that stuff! I like bananas. Plus I need to never put money on an account there, and never take my purse out my storeroom. Sheesh - muffins so close to my room ... Trouble was I started thinking about their morning tea food already because we ran out of bananas yesterday. It was too awkward to buy anything though and then I remembered I had back up food in my drawer. I ate a little tin of flavoured tuna. It was solid enough that it helped. For some reason I've been more hungry this week - cooler temperatures? poorer discipline sparking more of a cycle? I have been having sweet things - just small amounts but ... probably that hasn't helped anything much. I need to try to tighten up again - it will give me a more peaceful time with my food.

aaawwwIm sorry abt the bingeEverytime thou you say it wasnt as bad as before and that is progress...It sounds like you have a plan of attack, now you just need to follow it throu

Mmmm... olives....

So, two things:
1. Any candy at all can set me off onto a binge. Try going for a week (come on, it's just a week!) without any to see if it helps reduce the daily binge urge. I won't do anything at all to help with the big urges, but it cuts down on some of the little ones.

2. My roomie turned me on to a tasty treat: Hot oranges! I put it in the micronuker for 30 seconds, spin it over, and 30 sec more (just an orange, about fist sized, peel still on it) and then slice it into several thin wedges. ZOMG it's good, and not bad for you, but the heat makes everything flow through your mouth and wake up those tastebuds in a very pleasant way.

Have fun

That orange sounds delicious, I need to try that!And I think that sounds like a good plan

 

[lena410]

OMG that dream was wow...whenever i have dreams as intense as that one i feel some breakthrough is about to happen and it usually does...and it even doesn't matter if the dream was good or bad..just damn intense and i always perceive it as cleaning out my subconsciousness of all the tensions, negativism, and fears.

sorry to hear about the bingeing. i had a few of those in the past week...nothing to freak me out but still a binge. i guess i need some self-discipline skills hehe.

hope you have a wonderful day and manage to relax a bit.
lena

 

[felici]

Mmmm... olives....

So, two things:
1. Any candy at all can set me off onto a binge. Try going for a week (come on, it's just a week!) without any to see if it helps reduce the daily binge urge. I won't do anything at all to help with the big urges, but it cuts down on some of the little ones.

2. My roomie turned me on to a tasty treat: Hot oranges! I put it in the micronuker for 30 seconds, spin it over, and 30 sec more (just an orange, about fist sized, peel still on it) and then slice it into several thin wedges. ZOMG it's good, and not bad for you, but the heat makes everything flow through your mouth and wake up those tastebuds in a very pleasant way.

Have fun

Ugh. You came online today purposely to cramp my Friday night binge attitude didn't you Qjay?

I have done the no sugar thing and I see its value. That was approximately what I meant about tightening up.

Tonight I have shopped and bought nothing worse than skinny cow desserts and Anzac biscuits. Also I have been to the video store and not bought Trumpets (might have been a different story if they'd been peppermint though - because by then I had drunk a glass of wine - half a glass according to the glass but those big glasses lie), actually picked up a creme egg at the video shop but omg it turned out to be caramel, I really only wanted chocolate or truffle - another narrow escape), figured out that the evening would be better with salad and that I might be too lazy to make it - so a nice (veggies only) salad with no dressing from Subway - my husband caught crabs today - crabs we'll EAT - what were you thinking! ... and here I am ... no large amounts of evil in the house and quite a lot of indulgence via videos and lack of kitchen effort - and even no kids.

I don't know about trying to be very strict re: the no sugar again. I have done it before and it does a great job on the cravings ... but I am not sure that's the path I want now - not just cos I feel lazy tonight, but also because I got such a backlash. What I will do is start a post. My next post, and make that my food for the week post. I'll add calories on the days when I have enough time, and I'll link to it from the stats link in my siggie.

This salad is not at all bad ...

We have a three day weekend this weekend. What a double whammy. Three days off and only four back on! .

Anyway, I was thinking tonight that I finally understand how people become alcoholics - because I had that bit of wine - and I am such a cheap drunk - I could feel it all the way to the soles of my feet ... Three day weekend probably helped too ...

Thanks for that orange tip Qjay - it sounds fully deliciouso! Our weather is changing, a bit, and the cool always brings out the eater in me, and the desire for warm food with it ... nuked orange it will be! Oranges are supposed to be an especially great fruit too, for we sugar challenged folk, cos so fibrous.


Thanks for the visit, Cerella, and the encouragement. I know you have a lot on your own plate. Mind you, sometimes, encouraging other people is good for our own habits ummm. use of the royal we there - I mean me of course - since my second post here, I've found that writing something aimed at helping another poster has always strengthened my own resolve. I don't do it for that reason - it's a nice bonus though. I hope you get yours hun.

 

[cinderelly]

Kerry - Yes Im dealing with stuff but you are a good friendSeems like you have gotten through your night las night with glitches or binges....Way to go BabeWooHoo to long weeikends but I cant really complain, I work 4 days on and 3 days offI always have Monday offTaneesha and I spend it together

 

[Qjay]

Ugh. You came online today purposely to cramp my Friday night binge attitude didn't you Qjay?

I have done the no sugar thing and I see its value. That was approximately what I meant about tightening up.

Suffer!
And enjoy

Anyway, I was thinking tonight that I finally understand how people become alcoholics - because I had that bit of wine - and I am such a cheap drunk - I could feel it all the way to the soles of my feet ... Three day weekend probably helped too ...

Thanks for that orange tip Qjay - it sounds fully deliciouso! Our weather is changing, a bit, and the cool always brings out the eater in me, and the desire for warm food with it ... nuked orange it will be! Oranges are supposed to be an especially great fruit too, for we sugar challenged folk, cos so fibrous.

I highly recommend combining the two of these with a bottle of cheapish wine, warmed on the stove top with a few sliced up oranges, and some other assorted fruit, some cinnamon, nutmeg, and cumin (just a little of each for flavor) all heated to just under steaming.

It's a tasty mulled wine, and does wonderful things for your state of relaxation. Just be careful if you get the munchies when you drink (I know I do!)

Have a great weekend!

 

[felici]

OMG that dream was wow...whenever i have dreams as intense as that one i feel some breakthrough is about to happen and it usually does...and it even doesn't matter if the dream was good or bad..just damn intense and i always perceive it as cleaning out my subconsciousness of all the tensions, negativism, and fears.

sorry to hear about the bingeing. i had a few of those in the past week...nothing to freak me out but still a binge. i guess i need some self-discipline skills hehe.

hope you have a wonderful day and manage to relax a bit.
lena

Lena, I missed this while I was compiling that last long post. Nice to see you. I agree that a dream message from the subconscious can be a gift. It has sometimes taken me a long while to finish dealing with the result though.

I saw that you had some fun times lately - I'm glad for you - as long as the calories weren't a freak out. Yeah, maybe time to set up the pins again.

I am really looking forward to having some time this weekend when I don't work and don't feel guilty for not working ... I lack confidence in my ability to manage that though!

I had a gorgeous long sleep last night though. Both the children were sleeping elsewhere so I didn't have to collect anyone, and fell asleep very early. It was on the couch, so I'm surprised I lasted so long. It was just lovely to fall asleep as soon as I felt like it though.

I have to go again now. I'll be back here in a little while.

 

[felici]

Okay. Yesterday's food.

When I woke up this morning, de-alcoholized, I realized that my calories yesterday might not have been all that cool. I haven't worked them out yet.

I did eat more than usual, and I knew that at the time. Whatever they add up to though, I won't count it as a binge because I did think about them before I ate. It was a planned, deliberate, semi-bust out. Not a binge. Maybe I was lucky I fell asleep afterwards, before it had time to turn into one? I dunno. I felt ok. Plus I knew when I decided to eat extra, that I was in a fairly safe situation.

Worked out okay I reckon (see next post). Shouldn't affect my weight much either way - maybe a temporary blip for salty crabs. (No regrets there!! )

EDIT: Oops - I unwittingly took the food out after your post, Val. It's under yours now.

 

[Curvie Girlie]

Anyway, I was thinking tonight that I finally understand how people become alcoholics - because I had that bit of wine - and I am such a cheap drunk - I could feel it all the way to the soles of my feet ... Three day weekend probably helped too

Oh I'm sure it helped!

Sugar, alcohol, simple carbs.....they all make the brain just binge out, I swear! Anyway, your Friday cals are great Glad you got some good sleep, I need to get on that train! Have a fantastic, "goal reachin'" weekend!

 

[felici]

This month's food.

Friday 27 February 2009.


Breakfast: 357
7:00 am 2 Weetbix 100 , 200 ml soy milk 82 , preserved peaches 60,
Boiled egg, 80, half a medium tomato 15
Coffee (ie hilo milk) , 20

Recess snack: 90
Small banana 70
coffee 20

Lunch: 247
12:30 Sandwich - two slices (80gm) wholemeal bread 184, tin of light tuna with onion and tomato 57.
Handful of snow peas 6

Snack: 234
*5:00 Apricot delight roll (from Baker's Delight) 234


Dinner: 1147
*glass of white wine (100ml) 75
Salad (veges only) from Subway 60
3.5 crabs (cals are best estimate) 360
*glass of white wine 67
*2 skinny cow vanilla/choc sundaes 210
*3 Anzac biscuits 375

Total 2075


[/I]
Saturday 28 February 2009

Breakfast 357
9:30 am (usual food - see entry for 27 Feb)

Lunch: 233
4:00 Sushi (5 pieces) 233

*7:00 Glass of white wine 75

Dinner 390
8:45 100 gm (cooked weight) grilled lean lamb 200 , smashed potato 100, nuked carrot 35 and broccoli 15, mushroom sauce 40.
After dinner, straight after 655
*1 vanilla/choc skinny cow thing 105
*3 anzac biscuits 375
30 almonds. 175
2-3diet orange soft drinks

1710

Sunday 1 March 2009

Breakfast 357
9:30 am (usual food - see entry for 27 Feb)

*5:00 Decaff diet coke

7:00 Dinner 560
Roast pork (100gm cooked weight fat trimmed after cooking ... ) 150
120 gm roast potato 150, roast broccoli 30 and carrot 50
*Skinnycow vanilla/choc sundae 105
*glass white wine 75

*9:30 Orange flavoured diet soft drink

12:09 305
Sultana Bran 1 C 203
Soya milk 1 C 102

1240

Monday 2 March 2009

Breakfast 357
10:00 am (usual - see entry for 27 Feb)

Lunch 371
2:00 Sandwich - two slices (80gm) wholemeal bread 184, tin of light tuna with onion and tomato 57.
Small carrot 20
Large orange 110

Dinner 380
7:30
2 grilled chicken thighs 290, 1/2 C peeled mashed potato 50, salad - lettuce, tomato, carrots, capsicum 40.

12:00 102
Glass of light soya milk 102.

1210

Tuesday 3 March 2009

Breakfast 357
7:00 am (usual - see entry for 27 Feb)

Lunch 439
12:35 Sandwich - two slices (80gm) wholemeal bread 184, peanut paste (peanut butter), (~25gm) 155. One boiled egg 80. ~ 40 ml skim milk in coffee 20.

Snack 160
4:30
8 mini-sushi 160

Dinner 632
Meat lasagne ?~ 400 , salad - lettuce, capsicum, broccoli, cucumber, carrot, olives 60.
* 2 x Moove icecream 172 (this is with actual sugar - I dunno - similar calories to the no-sugar kind)

1588



Wednesday 4 March 2009

Breakfast 357
7:00 am (usual - see entry for 27 Feb)

Lunch 302
12:45 4 wholemeal Premium crackers ~ 200 , tin of light tuna with onion and tomato 57, handful of snowpeas 15, 1/2 small ripe banana 30.

Afternoon Snacks 233
3:15 Coffee with milk. 20
5:00 35 gm slice of Vienna wholemeal bread with vegemite 75, 12 cashews 108, small carrot 30.

Dinner 482
7:00 Grilled lean pork ~ 140, microwaved potato 105, baked beans 151
Moove icecream 86

1374

Thursday

357
7:00 Usual breakfast

Snack 65
1/2 snack pack of sultanas 65

Lunch ~100
Tin of flavoured tuna

5:30 575
small serve lasagne 350 ?
carrot 30
capsicum 20
*2 moove icecreams 175

7:00 90
smidge of lasagne 50 ?
salad 40

11:15 150
1/2 C sultana bran
1/2 C low fat soya milk.

1337


Friday 6 March 2009

Breakfast 357
7:00 am (usual - see entry for 27 Feb)

100
10:45 Banana 80. Coffee with hilo 20.

140
12:45 Peanut paste sandwich on wholemeal Vienna 140.

25
3:15 Small carrot 25.

750?
7:00 Take-away
Glass white wine 75
1/4 (small!!) Portuguese barbecued chicken. Small serve Greek salad. 5/4 roast potatoes.
I really can't find proper estimates for calories for these things. The serving sizes looked ok to me. I'm not going to worry about it.
* 5 licorice allsorts 90. 5 marshmallows 80.
Decaffeinated diet coke.

? 1400





I'm wondering about how to highlight sweet/sugary foods in my food list. This is trickier than it would appear.

I could highlight carbs with a sugar content over 10%. This is the way we distinguished simple from complex carbs 15 years ago when I first talked to a dietician. It excludes fruit and milk though. They contain sugar, but also other things we need, so at that time, I was just told to control the amounts and have other slower digesting foods with them. Since then there has been a lot of research into Glycemic Index which measures more specifically, how fast the sugar in that food gets into your blood stream. Also, there are some foods that taste sweet but don't have sugar or sugar calories - diet foods. Maybe these things impact on cravings for good or for bad. So while a packet of jelly beans by themselves on an empty stomach can be pretty well guaranteed to cause trouble, other foods with more than 10% sugar, might not.

A-a-anyway, I still see that sometimes there's stuff in my diet that looks definitely or maybe sugary and might be a problem, so I guess I'm just going to highlight them, on the "seems to me" basis I used for deciding what's a binge and what isn't. I'll highlight things that taste sweet and have more than 10% sugar, regardless of the amount I eat of them, and whether they fit into my calories. I won't highlight fruit or milk for now unless I change the way I've been eating those things.

 

[felici]

Oh I'm sure it helped!

Sugar, alcohol, simple carbs.....they all make the brain just binge out, I swear! Anyway, your Friday cals are great Glad you got some good sleep, I need to get on that train! Have a fantastic, "goal reachin'" weekend!

MMmmm I just relaxed so fast and thoroughly. I guess it's a hit like any other - something you get when you're not used to it - and then the addiction is chasing that hit again (mostly without success and only with an increased dose.)

Thanks for the cheer!!

 

[T2 Trucker]

de-alcoholized

I'm re-alcoholizing. I'll try your method in the morning. I mean one follows the other, right?

Anyway, you got that dream sorted out yet? Dreams are so pure, that's why they stay with us longer mentally.

 

[Curvie Girlie]

I guess it's a hit like any other - something you get when you're not used to it - and then the addiction is chasing that hit again

What are you, a Drug Counselor? LOL!

You deserve the BEST, Kerri! You're working on yourself and doing well, fuck all them haters! Sorry, I'm drinking and babbling right now, I better get offline, heh heh. Hugs to you

 

[felici]

What are you, a Drug Counselor? LOL!

You deserve the BEST, Kerri! You're working on yourself and doing well, fuck all them haters! Sorry, I'm drinking and babbling right now, I better get offline, heh heh. Hugs to you

Yeah, I think I might need a bit of that attitude, though hopefully you just mentioned it here cos of the rest of your post, not cos I have so many!!

I'm re-alcoholizing. I'll try your method in the morning. I mean one follows the other, right?

Anyway, you got that dream sorted out yet? Dreams are so pure, that's why they stay with us longer mentally.

Yeah, one follows the other. Faster if the alcoholizing is small, though.

The dream - interesting you should say that, because I was thinking about it again today and Val's comment seemed relevant to me too.

I said before that to me the dream was clearly about school. I don't see African refugee children anywhere else much. I guess I was bound to dream about school anyway, seeing as I was barely thinking about anything else.

So, what I got from it, is that I needed more time not obsessing about school - that I was committing more to it than I could afford, and more than my family could afford. Obviously I already knew that though, and equally, I didn't know how to fix it - in the short term. I guess, when an idea like that comes in a dream it's saying that a part of me is worrying about the issue even during the times when I'm ignoring it, or when I'm paying lipservice to something I know, without actually addressing the issue. It lets me know that I'm not going to be okay until I find a way to fix it. Hmm. It doesn't stop me trying to be okay in the meantime, but I just had a little light bulb thought there, that in the meantime it increases my stress because perhaps another meaning of the message is that destressing properly is not possible until the issue is fixed - until I have my subconscious working in line with my conscious, maybe?

Add in the past week. I had a bad night Thursday because I had two parents give me grief. This would relate to the part of the dream where one of the kids turned out to be an old man, who I'd taken on as a child, though in reality he ought to have been responsible for himself and perhaps the children as well. Only he was incapable.

And crabs. Nice tough shell they've got. I have no toughness when it comes to my kids - just discipline and respect for myself and a care for the group. I can't know exactly what they'll learn, but when it comes to their behaviour, I feel in control. I think that's okay.

What about their parents though? Geez the parents can be painful, and in so many ways. Stressing about the parents is a common hazard in my job, especially when the children are small like mine are. However, stress is not what I want. I don't want to ignore parents, but I need to develop better emotional responses to them . Earlier, I had a day stressing about one mum cos I got confused when she came to collect her daughter. Last week it was the parent info session which made me stress unreasonably until it was finished with. This week it was the unreasonable whingers on Thursday. (Two different mums, different times, one expecting an unreasonable amount of attention while I have children with me, and one pestering me because she's overestimating her own knowledge.)

No I don't have it all sussed. Hmmm. Writing this has clarified to me, that it is issues related to the parents that are causing me the most stress and that this is unreasonable. I guess it's one of the areas where my anxiety is operating. I'm maybe acting on unacknowledged, but irrational thoughts. What would that thought be? Umm. Maybe the irrational thought is that I need the parents to approve of me - I'm getting a vibe off that. Yeah. I need better communication with them, but even if my messages don't get through to them, I don't need their approval. For sure I don't need all of them to totally approve of me all the time.

I don't know if that idea will fix things, but I'm sure it will help. I perceive that I need a thicker skin when it comes to parents, but it is a tricky area.

Anyway, as far as the first issue goes, probably there's an irrational idea there too. The idea being that something awful will happen if I don't manage to do everything that "should" be done right now? That resonates. There's a kicker - the fact that there are some awful things that might happen if I don't keep all my balls in the air properly ... I guess I need to distinguish what can be left till later and what can't and ease up on my guilt about things I put off.

Okay. Enough already. Short answer ... No I don't have my dream issues all fixed yet. Yes, I am still making progress, I think.

Thanks for the question, Randy. From your point of view I apologize for the long complicated answer, but from my own, I think writing this has helped me.

 

[felici]

So, I wrote up the calories for my food as I went today - and therefore I could see I was kinda low after dinner, which was a bit crappy. I ate more food but at first I didn't particularly feel like having more so I didn't choose especially good food (I have 5 containers of yoghurt in the fridge and they are all past their use by date ... ) and then I was confused. In the end I ate too many nuts because they were already in my hand and then afterwards I was too full. Sheesh. I'm pretty sure I would have done better to go by how full I was feeling and just accept that I'd eaten extra yesterday and would eat more tomorrow.

Also, I am starting to get ANOTHER damn cold. Damn kids. I try to be so careful too. You would not believe how many times a day I disinfect my hands ...

I have just come from bringing my son home from a party (not really a party mum, just a little "gathering"), that he left early because the girls were getting drunk and crying. As I arrived, the whole group, probably 40 kids, was standing in the middle of the (biggish) road - a group of uninvited kids they all knew, had joined them, my son was running around back and forth getting some of his friends into my car and trying to break up a fight between J, another close drunk friend, and a gate crasher who his mate had bloodied badly ... We took two kids with us, then after we'd left we saw another friend, Tom walking back to the party, so S left our car, so that Tom had someone else with him. I took my sober but disturbed son home, and the other boy who was drunk, home, and let the other two sober boys go back to the ugly party. I hope they're all all right. Especially S who was about to sleep at my house and then didn't. They all seemed fairly sure about what was cool and what wasn't. I dunno. I know all this is fairly standard teenage stuff, but equally, sometimes the aftermath of these parties makes its way onto the front page of the papers. And never for the love.

 

[felici]

Oh shit. I felt so full last night that it made me wonder about the Anzac biscuits. I had checked out the calories a few weeks back and kept the number in mind - I just rechecked where I'd written it. Then ... I was thinking, what these ones were in a different kind of package - like a different size? So I looked in my little book again and the calories are a lot more logical. OMG they're not 60 something each, they're 125 - the ones I ate this weekend are what I'd usually buy but they are TWICE as big as the others. I remember now I bought a little sealed pack to take to Adventure World (and then I treated it with the caution it actually deserved!) So yeah - a 180 calorie indulgence just turned into a whopping 360 calorie overload - two days in a row.

Gawd I have to recalculate all the last two days calories on the post AGAIN. LOL. Another one of those too good to be true stories. And another reason to trust an instinct and feeling of satiety over my maths.

 

[felici]

Today I crawled up into the roof space of my house, which I have never done before. I see now why electricians are not normally short round people. I don't suppose they normally wear shorts either. It was quite a challenge physically and pretty scary - but I got a cord running between the router here and my son's room and I'm kinda tired and proud of myself. I don't know if it will work ... I hope I didn't munt up the connections too badly while I was poking them through the holes. And I put up a hook for my girl to have a net thing over her bed. It looks good. So yeah, no exercise exercise but I reckon I will have some sore muscles tomorrow, and I feel about as pepped and tired as if I did some HIIT. Plus I was so into the moment there, that it pretty well blasted me clear of my normal worries.

Also, I got so caught up with that, and with other stuff I was doing that I fully skipped lunch. I think dinner will be ready early though so that's good. It confuses me when I accidentally let lunch run really late, because I get hungry, but I know that if I eat then, I will overload with that meal running into dinner, plus I get too hungry so a normal lunch isn't enough ... and stuff. So food today will be odd again. Anyway, I had long long long shower and now I'm just going to do some housework and rehydrate a bit. Between the heat and the scariness in the roof I reckon I lost a kilo or two of water up there.

 

[felici]

LOL. So how many people are using this as their morning workout tape now?

I'm totally behind the times I know, millions of views already, but my son just mentioned it to me now. (He's too young to watch probably )

Call on meeeeeee!

 

[wishes]

i have no sound, but omg the 80s are back!

 

[felici]

Oh yeah!!! I have no idea when they made that clip.

LOL! My girl is saying, "Mum, NO! I made a lot of effort to make sure you weren't rolling around on the floor in my webcam!" LOLOLOL

It doesn't last long enough, but it did add a bit on to my back loosening exercise!

 

[T2 Trucker]

Boing!


Geezus H Christ!

I guess Steve Winwood has no objections, I know I don't, either.