The man they call Sirant

Funny you should ask....

Good morning! How's Shenzhen today?

I am gettin a camera tonite! So u can catch some shots of my park too.

Shenzhen is STORMY today!!! Big time! I got soaked IN THE CAB on the way to work!!!! The wind and rain was coming from every direction at a kazillion kilometers an hour! It was crazy! Water was literally pouring through a closed window..... Yep, I said closed.... Luckily I was in a nice cab that had bamboo matts on the seats, so that water was flowing under my bum, not soaking into my pants.

But otherwise, what a great freaking day! I broke the barrier and suprassed my goal! Time to change the ticker!!!

Can't wait to see the pics! Never been to SIngapore but really want to visit someday soon! At least I know I can handle the heat!!

Hopefully this kick butt storm will cool things down enough here so I can run home again tonight. Good week so far, even though it has been 37-40 everyday there has been enough of a breeze for me to get in 20Km so far...

sirant
 
Finally!!!

Though not really on a plateau, the scale has decided to be nice finally and allow me to achieve my first BIG goal. 240 pounds hit this morning and actually it was bouncing around 239, so I would say it is even lower since I hadn't yet had my coffee and morning…. "movement", as it were. Funny how things work though. I have really been seeing the belly shrinking, almost caving in on itself, and the clothes still continue to get looser, but the scale, with 1 freaking pound to my goal decided to see if it could throw a monkey wrench into the gears and fork up my motivation. I am sure in the past; being sooooo close to a milestone and having the weight STOP dead would have driven me to tears and likely a few quarter pounders with cheese and beer as well…

But I pushed on through it. And here I sit, past my first big goal, ready to kick the crap out of the last 20-40 pounds and see where it takes me. Only 1 week off the original game plan, but if I am careful and maybe sacrifice a little of the "free day" goodies a couple weekends I may well just get back on track again in a hurry. Luckily I never let it get me down and that was the key I think. Though I did notice something….

Plateau mode!

Warning! System Failure! Shutdown Primary Systems! Eat Damn You Eat!!!

I must admit that these kinds of thoughts did enter my melon, and I am genuinely not impressed. Oooooh how easy it is to slip back into the old mindset. "Well, I am on a plateau anyways, what are a couple of deep fried chicken parts on a stick and yummy deep fried squid chunks with my salad going to do that the plateau isn’t?" Man, I could really just kick my own ass sometimes. What a jerkish thought. And though true, not the end of the world to "indulge" a little, it is NOT part of the plan which has been working so well for me. Those kinds of thoughts are what got me in trouble in the first place! Its called "justification" and it sucks! Sure, I could have those things, but they would be 100% guilt free and thus way more enjoyable if I had them on the weekend on my free day. But to do so in the middle of my heavily regimented week, and using the plateau excuse is more damaging overall than eating 50 chicken and squid kabobs! It's not the end of the world, but it could well open the damn door that leads to the end of my world.

And for what? A little oral gratification? A little "pick me up" because I wasn't hitting the goals I wanted? A knife in my back to spite all my best efforts really…. In some ways I hate myself for feeling that way, but in other ways I have complete understanding since I know "why" I was feeling that way. Simply put, old habits are hard to break. Ask any ex smoker. You can feel soooo damn proud of yourself one second, then see some hobo on the street lighting up a twisty old butt he dug out of the gutter the next and DESPERATELY wish you had a crusty old butt to suck on yourself! Same type of idea here. 1 pound away from the big goal for sooo long…. A nice piece of deep fried animal flesh would sure make that all better…. Or at least give a reason WHY you are sitting at a plateau. In the past that's exactly what I would do. Work was long and stressfull? Nothing a pizza and 6 pack couldn't fix. Then the next day the guilt would come (and stomach ache) and I would feel like a sack of crap again, but a few doughnuts (not 1 or 2, a few) takes the edge off, and since you ate a whole damn pizza last night anyways, what the hell, you forked up your diet anyways, might as well enjoy it for awhile…. And it just doesn't stop.

Makes one wonder how we DO stop in those situations…. "Ouch! Crap! I just cut my finger while chopping veggies! F*#K IT! I will just cut all the fingers off since that one hurts anyways!!!" Isn't that the same type of idea as binge eating? I did something bad already, so might as well go all out…… Yet luckily pain is a negative sensation, whereas stuffing our faces with unhealthy shit is what we have been trained and a lot of times encouraged to do all our lives. "Awww, here is an ice cream to make you feel better" "Here billy, don't cry, have a cookie" "If you eat all your yucky veggies you can have an EXTRA big slice of death, oops, I mean cake" etc. We are programmed from children on the associate food with rewards and happiness. How ironic that the same foods and rewards we are given are so prone to making us unhappy later in life….

For my money I like the approach of the dude in the movie "Super Size Me" when he wants to end the McDonalds Reward syndrome. Most kids get a happy feeling from McDonalds as it is so often the most "fun" restaurant and is associated with happy times. So his plan was to punch his kid in the face every time they went past a McDonalds so it became associated with a very BAD thing instead of a good thing. Sounds a little cruel but in the long run it could make the difference in having to bury your own child before yourself…

I do a similar type thing, but not nearly so drastic. When my daughter comes home with a cut or scrape (as 8 year olds do) she is looking for attention and something to make her feel better. I could buy ice cream or candies and she would be all smiles again, but that once again leads to the edible reward system which has been a big part of my own personal downfall health wise. Instead I go to the kitchen and get the biggest knife possible. I let her know that with one CHOP it won't hurt anymore and in fact ever again! Now, she is old enough to know daddy isn't going to chop her knees off, so she is terrified (though it might not work for everyone…) I proceed to put the knife down and give her some love and attention till she is giggling and happy again. No ice cream required, just a little love.

And now as I get older and look back on my life, I wonder how much different my life would have turned out if I hadn't have been a part of the "dessert generation". Ice cream, cookies, pies and cakes were used to coerce kids to eat the green things on their plates every night. Would I have learned not to associate food with happiness? Would I have learned instead to eat because I was hungry, not because I was upset or unhappy?

Who really knows at this point. I like so many others would go back and 'do it all over again" in a heartbeat if I could. But I can't, bottom line. The best I can do now is kick my own ass into gear now and enjoy the rest of my life while I can. I can teach my own children, friends and anyone who will listen about the dangers of my old lifestyle. And if I can touch a few people out there, like any of you reading this, with my words and my desire to change, then I AM making a difference.

And in todays day and age, that's simply the damn best anyone can do.

So yeah, it is stormy, wet and miserable outside, but it is a DAMN FINE DAY for me!

sirant
 
WOW! Sirant what an amazing post! Congratulations on breaking the plateau, and thank you for all of those amazing pictures. They were really fascinating!

I laughed out loud at some parts and I must say that I agree. Things would have been much easier all along had I not associated food with happiness. I still enjoy eating and all but there has to be a line drawn somewhere. I also agree with your theory about binge eating and such, because I am such a guilty binger sometimes and I totally succumb to that mindset of 'oh hell I've already blown it...so why not' I just want to say thanks for posting, it was really fantastic.
 
Out with the old ticker! In with the new!

Well, I finally did it! I hit the first goal of 240 and looking at the scales now, it is definitely 239! That means it is time to get me a new ticker! WooHoo!!

Heres the old ticker:

View attachment 3655

and heres the new one! (Almost there baby!)
sirant
 

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Haha.... would be funny seeing water flow into a cab. Are shenzhen cabs installed with "cages" for drivers???? I was amused when I saw those in Beijing.


Congrats! You did it! :jump: *happy dance*
I am in the midst of P right now..... only started two weeks and it's here so fast?! It seem to hit the moment I reach 120s everytime.... wonder if I am actually big boned or something so my goal weight should be set higher.

And as for the food being kind of a reward system, we actually stopped handing out sweets to kids in church's sunday sch. now we give them stickers. :rotflmao: I dare them to eat it. Ha.

My park's pic is up!
 
No cages....

Haha.... would be funny seeing water flow into a cab. Are shenzhen cabs installed with "cages" for drivers???? I was amused when I saw those in Beijing.


Congrats! You did it! :jump: *happy dance*
I am in the midst of P right now..... only started two weeks and it's here so fast?! It seem to hit the moment I reach 120s everytime.... wonder if I am actually big boned or something so my goal weight should be set higher.

And as for the food being kind of a reward system, we actually stopped handing out sweets to kids in church's sunday sch. now we give them stickers. :rotflmao: I dare them to eat it. Ha.

My park's pic is up!


Hong Kong still has the nasty cages in some of the cabs. Really sucks if you are a big guy and have to sit in the front seat. That damn cage always seems to poke into "just" the wrong spot. Instead some cabs here have bars in the middle, which would stop nobody from robbing them, must just ake them feel better.

You could well be big boned or your body could just be doing weird things. I don't consider myself to have been on a plateau the last couple weeks, simply because I was definitely getting smaller if not lighter.

Kind of pissing me off again these days. Had all the clothes tailored a little while ago because they were looking goofy, and now bang, haven't lost heaps of "pounds" but definitely regained my goofy clothing look. Sigh. I suppose it is better to look goofy because you are too skinny for your clothes than looking goofy because you are too big for them and things keeping popping out or off.

I can't wait to see the pics, but sadly I must. Can't see flickr today at work. Must be too many young accounting boys looking at bikini pics again.... Damn hormones....

Ah well...

sirant
 
Congrats on the new weight, the new ticker and the way of thinking in general!
May your next 20 pounds be easy and rewarding! :D
Julie
 
Thanks Julie!

Congrats on the new weight, the new ticker and the way of thinking in general!
May your next 20 pounds be easy and rewarding! :D
Julie

It baffles me to this day why 20 years slipped by before I figured this all out.....

Oh well, no point crying over spilled milk.

I don't expect the next 20 to be easy, but the rewards keep getting better every single day. That in itself makes it all worth while.

sirant
 
I've said this countless times here - 99 percent of the battle, if we can call it that is being in the right mindset and being ready to do it - once your head gets there -the rest just tends to fall into place.
 
Hi Sirant. Went back and caught up on your recent posts and your "scenery" during the run. Today we went to the Conghua Hot Springs. Don't know if you have been here, but it's beautiful! Of course, had to get in the daily thunderstorm, water down everything, and then enjoy the walk.

Many congratulations on your weight loss. I know that breaking the 240 was a big milestone for you. YEAH YOU!! Whether the next milestone comes quickly or fights hard, you know what it takes and you know you have it!

WAY TO GO! Keep writing..................
 
I've said this countless times here - 99 percent of the battle, if we can call it that is being in the right mindset and being ready to do it - once your head gets there -the rest just tends to fall into place.
Aint that the truth :)

And the other 1% is knowing how ... most people believe whatever they see on TV or in Mags hence the mass confusion and hysteria.

Sirant is the man though - i reckon hes gonna be totally buff and better looking than Steve when hes finished :)
 
Hey attaching my fav chili here! Heheh.... U tried any of these?

And I tot China is tough on their web regulations. Those boys can watch bikini gals?!??! Guess times are different now..... :cool:

U still having bad weather there?
Heard in southern it's reallly bad flood. esp guangxi.
 

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Yummy!!

Hey attaching my fav chili here! Heheh.... U tried any of these?

And I tot China is tough on their web regulations. Those boys can watch bikini gals?!??! Guess times are different now..... :cool:

U still having bad weather there?
Heard in southern it's reallly bad flood. esp guangxi.

I have tried those, they are great!

And as for Chinese web regulations, pretty much a big fat myth really. The only things blocked here are websites found to be anti-china or anti-government. Systems like tripod, goecities and other "free website" providers are also mostly blocked because it is too easy for controversial sites to be closed and open again a day later under a new name. Blogs used to be a problem too, but now they are just opening Chinese versions which are not blocked at all.

But as far as outside content, it is nowhere near as strict as I expected. Since I don't typically surf anti-government sites I have no idea what kind of stuff is being blocked, but everything else, including porn and bikini girls are easily accessible.

The weather is pretty normal for this time of year. Massive thunderstorms and big rainfalls. Guangxi and Guangdona are flooding its true, but it is pretty much a seasonal thing. One of the biggest foreign areas in town with all sorts of awesome foreign restuarants got flooded big time yesterday. Literally 5 feet of water in the lower levels restaurants. All totalled. One of those things about living on the coast I suppose.

As for me I don't mind too much since it is bringing the temperature down enough for me to keep running home each day. Even when raining I put on my little backpack raincoat, pack all the important things in plastic bags, strip down to my shorts and teeshirt and run in the full on rain. People look at me like I am green with purple polka dots, but I love it. No people to swerve through on the sidewalks at rush hour!!! Wooo Hooo!

So some might call it bad, I just say "whatever". It be hot today though.... Hopefully cooling down later so I don't die on the run home...

sirant
 
Totally Buff...... I like it!

Aint that the truth :)

And the other 1% is knowing how ... most people believe whatever they see on TV or in Mags hence the mass confusion and hysteria.

Sirant is the man though - i reckon hes gonna be totally buff and better looking than Steve when hes finished :)

I dunno about buffer than Steve (though I will take the better looking)!

I have kinda changed my overall goals lately. At the beginning I pictured myself getting a big muscular build (like Steve's) and maintaining a weight around 240-250 pounds of muscular man. However, since I have discovered the joys of running, I am thinking more now about getting myself down to a runners physique first, then building back up to a nicely toned and fit frame, hopefully around 200-220. As much as I admire Steve's beefy form, thats a whole hell of a lot of work! As he has mentioned before, he gives up a lot of his life to do what he is doing. Being big and muscley was a great idea when I was still hoping to get back into wrestling, but now I am thinking more a toned and hard type look.

We shall see I guess. Still got all the rolly polly stuff in the middle of me to get rid of first anyways....

sirant
 
What a pain in the …….. back!

:mad:
Man, losing weight is great and all, but it isn't without its downsides too. Of course there is the diet control, the regular exercise and education involved in getting fit, which is never fun when changing from our old habits, but I am talking beyond that. I have mentioned before the calluses, scrapes, blisters and aches that come with any new fitness program, but now I am lucky enough to be finding new ones….. Great…..

A couple months ago as the weight started finally coming away in good amounts, I discovered my rib cage, among other things. There it was, poking out like it had been there all along, and surprise surprise, it had been! So that's a good thing right? Well, after sleeping on my belly all my life, I was used to a certain amount of "padding" between those rib bones and the mattress. Not a biggie though right? Mattresses are soft right? Uh no, how about WRONG!?!?!? Even though soft, it is still a couple hundred pounds of dude sitting on 2 newly exposed points for extended periods of time. Soft or not this led to pressure sores which literally kept me awake for 3-4 nights straight while getting used to them. Not a great way to enjoy the positive progress you are making. But this did pass and I was able to not only sleep, but see those lovely ribs poking out like never before. I know many people who never experienced this, but perhaps it has to do with me having such a big barrel chest. In any case, it sucked, but got better.

So now, after even more weight lost, the belly is FINALLY starting to go away. Its kind of creepy actually. The sides of my belly are disappearing as if someone were sucking just the sides away with a straw. Makes it look like I am selectively sucking in my gut, though that really isn’t possible. When I do suck in the gut, it looks normal. Its kinda cool seeing it go away, because now I can see the shape of things to come underneath! And let me tell ya, those actors in the movie 300 are gunna have some competition from my abs if all goes as planned! Booya!

But alas, as before, this fantastic new indication of my success has now transmorgrified into something not so fun. I have literally slept on that big round belly of mine all my life. Want to force me to stay awake all night? Make me sleep (or attempt to sleep) on my back. Simply put, impossible. This is the reason I can't sleep on planes or buses or anything requiring me to sit upright or lie on my back. REALLY sucks when I come back to Canada for visits as it is a 20-32 hour trip with connections, so those are 20 – 32 hours of absolutely no sleep at all. I get pretty damn buggy by then…… Worst I ever did was a trip across Canada from Edmonton to Ottawa in one haul. 54 hours…. No sleep…. I literally fell down on the floor in Ottawa and didn't get up again for 36 hours. They were nice enough to give me a pillow and blanket, but no one was able to move me into a bed.

Anyhow, now I have a problem again… Yay! The belly is gone, but I wake up in the morning in agonizing pain and anguish!!! Why now?!?!?! The rib thing is done, what else could there be???

Well, now that the belly is getting smaller, the cushion between my back and the mattress isn't there anymore, so when lying on my belly my back is actually arched all night long. Ever fall asleep in a chair or some other awkward position just to wake up in the morning with your back screaming in pain and telling you what a stupid drunken fool you were for ever doing that to yourself? Well, that's me every morning these days! I literally wake up in agony and have to drag myself out of bed, apply Chinese medicine oil and go to work in pain. Not cool at all! Here I am, already in the best shape of my whole life, and something as simple as sleeping is killing me! I should feel fit and happy, but instead I feel like an old man with one foot in the grave!!

I am trying though. I have recently bought a body pillow and try my hardest to sleep with it between my legs and on the side of me to keep me on my side (back is still impossible). It works sometimes, but if it doesn't get better soon I may have to resort to restraints of some kind because my back now can handle all the weight lifting, running and exercise I throw at it, but sleeping is killing me…..

How's that for a kick in the teeth….?

Oh well, if losing all this weight and getting healthy was easy, everyone would be doing it…. Still, pisses me off that now I do sleep better in the fact I no longer have night sweats from being too fat and I feel better than any other period in my life, but a simple and vital part of everyday life is wearing me down…

Oh well, hopefully this too will pass and I can start leading a normal life that so many take for granted, that I have never experienced before.

sirant
 
Oh, poor you!!
There's nothing I can really say here, except I hope your muscles get used to this really fast and the pain goes AWAY! The body pillow takes a long time to get used to and it's not for everyone, but it could help you, after the initial shock..
I'd send you a hug, but I'm afraid it might hurt, so I limit myself to warm thoughts!
Julie
 
Thanks Julie!

Oh, poor you!!
There's nothing I can really say here, except I hope your muscles get used to this really fast and the pain goes AWAY! The body pillow takes a long time to get used to and it's not for everyone, but it could help you, after the initial shock..
I'd send you a hug, but I'm afraid it might hurt, so I limit myself to warm thoughts!
Julie

Who would have thought sleeping would be painful?? :)

But like weight loss itself it aint easy but the rewards will be worth it.

Similar to a root canal I guess. Hurts like hell when its happening, but the pain it removes later in life makes it well worth the initial suffering....

Thats the plan anyways....

:)

sirant
 
Would getting another type of mattress help? Not sure if you are using those hard chinese kinda mattress. They kill. I couldn't get use to those when I was there. Or u can get 10 fluffy pillows under u..... :p
 
Old habits – Thought I killed them all this time around……

Man oh man... I am living proof today of just how easy it is to slip back into the old "comfort food" way of life. This has been a rough week for me and I am catching myself wanting to slip back in to my old habits which got me in so much trouble in the first place. Today is no exception.

It has been a loooooong week. I have been working very hard on a new website design I hope to implement in the next month or so, which has been keeping me up late and relaxing less. Also last weekend my sister was unfortunate enough to have a deer come through the windshield of her boyfriend's car on the highway. She is ok, but smashed up pretty bad. Really tears at me when these things happen, since I have family in Canada and also a family and a life on the other side of the world, so it is literally impossible to be in both places at the same time. Really tugs the old heartstrings and makes one feel helpless sometimes. On top of that I pulled something in my upper quad/hip which has been bugging me all week in a big way. This, with the pouring rain and high heat has left me grumpy at best. Add to that the most recent round of sleep problems and being perpetually dead tired, and I have REALLY been off my game….

And how many times this week have I thought to myself "Fuck it, go get a greasy damn sausage mcpaddy thing from KFC, you know it will make you feel better…." The sad thing is I really do know it WOULD make me feel better, as ridiculous as that sounds. 2 or 3 would be even better yet! 4 would be ecstasy!! I hate myself sometimes for allowing such evil foods to have been the sources of good feelings and happiness in the past. Why not cocaine or heroin or some other nasty addictive drug? At least then I would have some justification for "wanting" it. Addiction is a powerful force which is easier (in my mind) to mentally cope with. But greasy KFC crap is something I MADE myself want….. No drugs required. Frustrates me to no end over how many times this week I really WANTED something bad. Anything Bad!!! Well beyond just a little cheat here or there or a free day, I wanted it all and NOW! Drives me damn nuts thinking I can be so weak sometimes, even though I have been doing so well. And that's not all. SO many times I wanted to just say screw the run and take a taxi. Sure my thigh is sore, but when I stretch it out and do the run it feels fine till the next morning. It makes me think so vividly back to the days when an ingrown toenail or a case of the sniffles would give me reason to take a week (month?) off exercise and kick the feet up, watching movies and scarfing cheetos. Once again finding ANY excuse to sabotage myself….

But on a brighter note, regardless of the power laziness and comfort food had on me in the past, I didn't break down. This morning I was exceptionally tired and grumpy, but instead of KFC, I instead pushed myself into Starbucks for an overpriced, too strong coffee to go which I am sipping now. It doesn't have the power to cure my mood the way a greasy mcshit thing would, but its bitter, will wake me up and won't wreak havoc on my diet. But man oh man was I gravitating towards the KFC 3 stores away….. And to my own credit, I did run everyday this week. I know my thigh is sore, and last week I took 3 days off trying to get better. But it is simply one of those injuries I caused myself from forgetting to stretch after my run a couple days in a row. So instead of sitting back and waiting for it to be 100% before trying again, I pushed on through and dealt with the consequences. Means lots of stiffness and medicinal oil during the day and night, but I am not going to give up my runs over minor discomfort. Even though my brain was begging me to just quit, I refused to give in and continue to push harder and harder.

Thanks to this effort on my part I am happy to see that the scale has once again dropped to an all time low. Now comfortably sitting at 238 pounds, the lightest I have been probably since childhood. And as much as the rest of the past couple weeks has really sucked (probably made extra bad due to the sleep deprivation and my sis's accident) I was able to stick to my guns and push down those deep dark secret desires which have screwed me so royally in the past.

And thank god for that. No, better yet, I should thank myself. I pushed myself and I made myself keep going. But now, reaching this point and seeing how HARD it was to push through the cravings and lack of energy, I can only imagine how crappy I would have felt and how disappointed I would have been with myself if I had broken down and been lazy and grabbed a little KFC. On top of having a shitty week I would have also let myself down on a much grander scale and would have felt like flinging myself of the building across the street (70 stories…) Nothing like compounding an already bad week by giving in to temptation and suffering horrific guilt on top of everything else.

But I made it. I lost some weight (which I totally expected NOT to), I forced myself to run everyday, even last night after a 3 hour design meeting till 9:30 at night with no dinner and in the pouring rain!!! And I didn't give in to my inner asshole. A truly heroic effort, trust me!

This calls for a celebration!

Tonight of course, as it is Thursday, it is sauna night. And unlike most times, where I go in and have a 2 hour soak and steam then go home, tonight I think I will reward myself for being strong. After my first soak I am going to get a foot massage AND shoulder rub at the same time while drinking a great big beer, watching wrestling on my own private satellite TV in a comfy chair and then go soak for a couple more hours. Also I finally (FINALLY!!!) found a real Vietnamese restaurant last night here (first one I have ever found in China) so this weekend I will take the whole fan damily out for something they have never had before that I truly love. And overall Vietnamese can be quite healthy and not too oily if you order the right things.

So what a week! Been almost in tears some times, felt I was losing faith in myself and life in general sometimes, and sometimes I just wanted to curl up under a rock and stay there for the next couple decades. But I didn't. I was able to pull it all out in the end and still keep myself on track. I think back to all the times in the past when a week like this would have spelled the end for me and all my fitness and health plans. It's far too easy to fall back into a "Fuck It!" mentality for my liking. But I guess it is like Alcoholics who are members of AA. The successful ones, even though not having a drink for 10 years, will still come to the meetings and say 'Hi everyone, my name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic. I haven't had a drink in 10 years…." I always thought that was so weird that they ALWAYS considered themselves alcoholics, even when they had been successful for so long. Maybe that's me too. Maybe my life from now on will be summarized as follows:

"Good afternoon everyone, my name is sirant, and I am fat and lazy, but I have been at my goal weight for 10 years…"

sirant
 
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Amen to that!
You did great and you definitely deserve a good deal of pampering!
I'm sorry to hear about your sisters accident. That sort of thing is just too common around here, elks mostly, so I know exactly what it is. My uncle and his family and a cousin of mine have been through it, alive but a long period of healing required.
I hope the pain in you thigh goes permanently away, and you have an easier next week both physically and mentally.
Have a great sauna! :)
Julie
 
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