Taking Back Control (A Diary)

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AWelcome back LOCH!! ...I understand how you feel...since I am not losing at the same rate I sometimes feel like I have no reason to post on here! But it is wonderful to feel the support no matter how long any of us are MIA!! Happy to hear you are maintaining that is huge and you should be proud of that! I am sure you will reach your goal.....don't get to set up on a specific date...I had to change mine from 1 year to probably closer to 2 years...because it works with my busy life. Hang in there buddy it will all work out in the end!! :)
 
AThanks guys :).

Long story short, John and I became friends. I found out that he has a lot of baggage. He's always trying crash diets (we tried a soup diet together, last 2 days before we both decided to hang out and we caved). After a few weeks I finally asked if he wanted more, because I was hinting a lot and really showing interest. He told he that he was still getting over his ex from 3 years ago. John has a lot of social problems and it's hard for him to meet people, so he speed dates once a week. He told me that was why he does it, to get used to talking to people. We were going to do it together on Valentine's Day with his cousin, and he kind of let slip that he does sort of look for someone that might work out with him, relationship wise. I dunno...it kind of hurt.

My humor is generally very flirty and dirty. We played a board game called Arkham Horror with his 3 cousins a few times and I'd always make jokes or laugh when something sounded dirty. I found out his one cousin, whom I was somewhat into, said to him "She's so flirty and makes sex jokes a lot, you two are going to have sex for sure". John told me this and kind of chuckled...it made me feel like some kind of slut. I joke like that to fit in with a group of guys...and well, yeah, John and I did sleep together but only once. I just felt so awful, so I haven't seen him since Valentine's Day.

As for work, I can't demand more pay. The store is locally owned, we aren't backed by a big company or anything. If I want a raise I have to work hard and I might get it, even then it's probably just going to be 25 cents. I like my job, but I work 6 days a week and I'm getting tired. I feel like I have no time for anything. All I do is write, because I like writing, but I'm even getting to exhausted for that.

I plan on getting the ball rolling on getting published this year, that's my goal. I have a few people reading my book, hopefully they have some good input. I'd love to become an author, and have books and movies, and finally buy my mom a house.

Anyway, another bad day of eating. Cold is kind of going away...going to head to the gym tomorrow. I'll just keep trying. I know I shouldn't have a "date" for my goal weight, but I feel that I need to keep striving for it. That's what's helped me stay maintaining. I won't get upset if I don't make it...I'll just have to try harder.

Sarah, sorry to hear about the ex!
 
Ah haa.. was wondering how it'd all turned out with him. I still think you can do way better and deserve someone who isn't so insensitive, but, yeah, I'll try and keep my mouth shut! Did you actually try the speed dating thing in the end? Was it fun? I've been told it can be pretty hillarious!

I have the same problem as you sometimes, my sense of humour is pretty dirty, and it seems most people will always presume the worst of you if they can. Don't feel bad about it. Really. And at the end of the day, it's up to you who you sleep with - it's not really anyone elses business. It's the 21st century, get over it guys!

Good luck with the publishing thing. Have a friend who just managed to get a contract to get his book published, but it was a lot of trial and error and trying over and over.. read somewhere that they weren't going to publish Harry Potter either! Take this for example, took it off Wiki:


"In 1995, Rowling finished her manuscript for Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone on an old manual typewriter.[51] Upon the enthusiastic response of Bryony Evens, a reader who had been asked to review the book's first three chapters, the Fulham-based Christopher Little Literary Agents agreed to represent Rowling in her quest for a publisher. The book was submitted to twelve publishing houses, all of which rejected the manuscript.[41] A year later she was finally given the green light (and a £1500 advance) by editor Barry Cunningham from Bloomsbury, a small publishing house in London.[41][52] The decision to publish Rowling's book apparently owes much to Alice Newton, the eight-year-old daughter of Bloomsbury's chairman, who was given the first chapter to review by her father and immediately demanded the next.[53] Although Bloomsbury agreed to publish the book, Cunningham says that he advised Rowling to get a day job, since she had little chance of making money in children's books.[54] Soon after, in 1997, Rowling received an £8000 grant from the Scottish Arts Council to enable her to continue writing.[55] The following spring, an auction was held in the United States for the rights to publish the novel, and was won by Scholastic Inc., for $105,000. Rowling has said she "nearly died" when she heard the news."


So yeah, my message to you is never give up! You could have a freaking masterpiece in your hands, but you just need to find the right person. Let us know when you do manage to publish it so we know what to look out for!
 
AYeah, it was the same thing with Twilight. I know it'll take many tries, but I won't give up!

As for the speed dating, no, we didn't do it. I'll try it some day, I'm sure, but once more I'm going to focus on myself and stop messing around with dating lol. I'm so not ready.

I think my problem, as of late, is that I don't put the gym or my diet first. I should make it a priority, but I don't. If someone wants to hang out, I think for a moment, and then say sure. Then, if we go out, I chalk it up as a "I'm out I shouldn't worry" kind of day and cheat. I just...have no will power. How did I get this far?

I need to make it first priority. I calculated that if I did go to the gym after work it would be for 1.5 hours (due to buses and what not) and I'd burn 1000-1500 calories depending. I could eat a bit more, like I have been, and still lose the weight. It would work better but...I'm so lazy! Argh.

I'll try tomorrow...I need to at least just go, even if it's on the treadmill, it's 600 calories.
 
Never give up - in any facet of life, Loch! :)


You're an awesome and amazing person! You deserve only the best!


I feel the same way when it comes to dating - that I need to focus on myself before I can pursue that venue. Although, at least you've had dates! That's something I can't really claim for myself. Someday I hope to, but for now, I'm just too shy and the confidence is just not there atm. It honestly still frightens me greatly to pursue actual intimacy with someone. I have a lot of things to work on and I plan to achieve my goals this year! So, we'll see :)


As for as the mindset, 'I'm out and shouldn't worry.'.. Yeah.. been there recently. That's no good :\ You always have to be mindful in one way or another of your commitment to leading a healthy lifestyle, otherwise it can be so easy to fall back into the traps of your old ways. However, as long as your resolve to lead a healthy lifestyle remains strong and you continue to utilize the tools and knowledge you've picked up from this forum, you will be ok. You will always have the support, so don't worry about that, but it's up to you in the end to make the change. You have to find it in yourself to keep going and not lose hope, even when rough times come about.


It's not about being lazy, it's about finding the the motivation to take charge and believe that you deserve to be healthy. Once you realize that you do deserve this, then it'll fall into place and you'll have more energy than you ever thought you would. I think you're just doubting yourself a little right now, because I've hit those moments and it can literally siphon the willpower out of you, but you absolutely should not believe that. You do deserve this and you WILL be successful.


Lean on us, Loch! PM me whenever you feel bad or unmotivated! Those days often come around and all it can take is just venting to someone who has been there and knows exactly what it feels like.


This journey has some really REALLY difficult moments, Loch, but just know that you're not alone! :)
 
Oh where, oh where is LOOOOCH????!!! I'm starting to get worried now:( Miss your presence on this forum woman. Get back heeeeeeeere.


Hope your keeping well chick xx
 
AHey, I disappeared again lol!

Things are good. Just been working and what not. Got back on track for the most part, down to 206lbs :).

I met a guy last night, actually, and we have a lot in common (I've never met someone who has as much a passion for Super Nintendo games than I do). However I'm not entirely sure we're on the same page lol. I like to go slow, take my time, build on a relationship. He tends to want to get more intimate right off the bat. He says he'll respect my feelings on the matter, but, he doesn't understand it. Well, I'll see what happens anyway...Enough about that =P.

I wanna dig out my bike and get it working so I can bike now. I think now that I've lost nearly 50lb I can do so without dying haha. I've had this horrible cough/cold for a couple weeks now and it won't go away...though that may be due to the fact that I don't take any cough remedies or anything. Argh, once it's gone I want to go to the gym lol! Then I can eat a little more without feeling bad.

Right now I've been snacking on rice things, like those rice chips and puffed wheat cake things. Whatever they are, they're tasty.

That's it for now, I'll try to update more often!
 
A:hurray: Glad to see ya girl!! Congrats on the 43 pounds!..well done!! You are so close to your 50 mark!! Impressive!!!

Biking sounds great and a pain in the butt..haha..for real!!

Hey if this guy is meant to be ..he will wait until you are comfortable..if not...then O well you will find the one that is worth you!! :grouphug:

I find that I get on here in cycles also ...so no worries....just glad you are still at it!! keep it up!! :) :) :)
 
Woohoo, Loch! There ya are! :) I was about to send out another 'Search & Rescue' party here soon! hehe ;p


Really glad to see you're doing well! Loving that continuous green on your chart! :) Closing in on that 50lb milestone! Awesome!! :D I'm really happy for you and can't wait for you to hit that in the near future! :)


Biking is something I've always thought about, even before starting to lose weight. I loved it as a kid and it's something I think about from time to time. Unfortunately, the roads by my house are super dangerous - lots of blind hills and turns. Of course, that doesn't stop people from going 100mph constantly.


So.. if I were to pick up biking again, I'd have to drive to a safer location before I started pedaling :)


As for this fella you met, nothing better to say about it than what Tete already said :)


If he truly respects you, he'll honor your decisions :) If not, he can hit the road!


Hope you can keep us updated a little more frequently, Loch! :)
 
AAh! You guys are great :). I feel so bad for being so neglectful. I was so surprised to see my thread on the first page.

Things have been going well, still. Eating decent (most of the food is 100 calories, by the time I'm done work I'm at about 500 calories give or take). I've now had 3 dates with James (the guy I mentioned), and he's really made me happy. Needless to say, one thing led to another, and I guess he made a convincing case about intimacy lol. But the nice thing is, he actually talks to me, and we've gotten to know each other really well (helps that our "dates" last several hours!). He's the first man to ever make me feel beautiful, the way he looks at me is astounding, and I never though a guy like him (tall, in good shape, handsome) would be into a girl like me. I actually want to do so many good things because of how happy he's making me feel. Like I've been sticking to my weight loss even more these last few days, and I want to bike with him by the river this summer.

Anyway, nearly hit 205 this morning, that was nice ^^.

I might check out some threads here, soon! I hope you all have a good day!
 
woaaaaaaah, YOU NEARLY HIT 205??? UNFRICKENREAL girl, well done



Also delighted for you that you are getting on so well with James:):)


Totally rooting for ya girlfriiiiiiiiiend:)

lots of love xxxx
 
Yay Loch! :hurray:


Glad to see some regular updates again!
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Also, I'm really happy for you about James! It's nice to see a fella that truly appreciates what he has!
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It just baffles me sometimes when guys have no idea when they come across a truly amazing person, then just throw it away for no real reason. It saddens me when women, who've been hurt over and over again, begin to generalize all men like that. Those stupid random guys always seem to stick out and give those of us who would bend over backwards to make that special someone feel amazing a bad name :\ Not all men are the same!


That's so cool that he's given you some extra motivation! Life is always full of surprises and sometimes you have to keep your eye out for new forms of inspiration, because you never know when someone or something will come along that gives you that extra kick!
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Soooo happy you're doing well, Loch!! :biggrin: Please keep us posted with everything!
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AStill doing good :).

I'm finding lately that my stomach has been making a lot of gurgling sounds. Maybe I'm just having so much fun that I don't realize I'm hungry, but I don't feel hungry...It's kind of embarrassing lol.

James wants to go to his gym too, but we've literally been spending every day together after work. He said a good idea would be for me to go to my gym and he'll go to his at the same time, so it's like we're working out together and it doesn't take up time spent together. It's a good idea, I know that, if he's gonna go, I should too. Good motivation.

I'm at 204 almost 203, I'm losing weight pretty steady now. Still have this annoying cough, I really don't know what to do about it. Oh well.

I hope that soon enough I can wear all my cool XL shirts, they're still a bit tight on me. I'm getting there ^^.

Thanks for stopping by!
 
AI never understood the belly growl thing...mine is super loud when it does it...and then I start to giggle about it....haha.

Plateauing sucks...its that simple...I just lost this last ten pounds fairly fast...so i think I am in for one soon...booo!!! we all have them....hang in there chic!!
 
:iagree:


That's cool about you two working out together, Loch! Even if you're not in the same building :)


I suggested something similar to a friend of mine who lives rather far away. We Skype sometimes, so I asked if she'd be interested in working out together while on Skype. I'm not sure how well that would since she really doesn't have a lot of exercise equipment, but then neither do I - just my treadmill and a kettle bell.


Anyway, I'm glad things are going well for ya! James, the steady weight loss - it sounds like you're well on your way to entering more happier times in your life, Loch! :)


I'm really happy for you! :)
 
AWelll wellll....wink wink..... look at that lovely lady in that profile pic!! you look great Loch!! love to see you smile...you look so happy!!

Hope all is continuing well for you...looking forward to hearing from you :)
 
AThanks! I was just goofing around doing that "duck face" all the girls make lol. I got a nice one out of the batch and decided to update my avatar.

So, things with James are going really well. I feel so damn good about my body, even bought 16 pairs of cute underwear lol, along with a nice jacket I've been putting off buying :).

I'm on the low end of 203 today, so I'm thinking if I try real hard, I'll finally hit 199 by Saturday! Here's hoping! If not, I'll damn sure hit it sometime next week.

The problem I'm facing now, and I'm sure there's a handful of ladies on here who might have/had the same fear. James and I are a bit handsy together, and I haven't been on birth control in several months. I've had all kinds, from the pill, to the injection, even an IUD. I hate, hate, hate putting those drugs in my body, especially now. I've been losing weight so well. I'm afraid that if I go on birth control I'll gain 30lbs like I did when I took the depo shot when I was a teen.

I've read that if I talk with my doctor and express my concerns, he/she can recommend a lower-dose pill that won't affect my weight loss as much as the others. Does anyone else have any stories about BC and weight loss? I'm freaking out, because I've done so well, and if I gain weight it'll depress me :(. I'm hoping that if I stay on track with what I eat, and my exercise, I'll be fine...even so, it's scary to think about.

Anyway! That cough is nearly gone, can't wait to get back to the gym. I'll pop around the other journals :).
 
Loch!!!! You look so stunning in your new profile pic, oh my god BEAUTIFUL:):)


I am so jealous that we started out the same time, and same weight- and now your 203 and im eerrrrr....234!:( But you are truly inspiring!:):) 46 pounds is a huge deal. Well done chick!!


So happy things are working out great with James:)
 
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