Taking Back Control (A Diary)
- Thread starter Loch
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Loch
New member
AHey, I'd been thinking of stopping by...although I don't have much good to say. I feel bad for having disappeared yet again, but, I've been slacking off so bad and focusing on other things.
I'm still with James, things are up and down, but it's mostly me being me. I've started speaking with a counselor, and so far he's great, even though we've only met twice. I asked if I might be able to see him more than once a month, so I think that will help. It's nice being able to talk with someone that can guide me toward being more emotionally stable.
My doctor suggested that my constant fatigue might be due to depression, and then recommended that I start medication, but I declined. I feel that I'd benefit more from doing this without medication, than with. I'd rather talk it out, and find the source of my problems, and improve my quality of life.
Anyway, I've been eating bad...could be worse, but it sucks nonetheless. I've been staying at James' place basically every day and night since we met (minus a day or two around Easter). So, I don't have my weight scale, and I've been out of routine. I like spending time with him...we both appear to be very clingy people, but I feel pretty shitty about having not lost any weight. I try to get over it by saying "It's not a race, I have years to get where I want" but if I keep saying that, I'll never get anywhere.
I'm always tired, can't seem to get the energy to go to the gym. I end up drinking red bull to perk up, and then it makes me crash for days. I've been feeling sick to my stomach, like motion sickness, since starting my BC pills. It makes me want to eat, because it seems to help my stomach, but then it comes right back. I hope the nausea goes away soon...it's supposed to.
So...that's it. Haven't updated my chart in a bit, but last I checked, I was at 206 at the beginning of the month. My birthday is on Monday...I wish I could have reached my goal by now
. I didn't even make it out of the 200's.
Here's hoping I eventually get back on the horse...
I'm still with James, things are up and down, but it's mostly me being me. I've started speaking with a counselor, and so far he's great, even though we've only met twice. I asked if I might be able to see him more than once a month, so I think that will help. It's nice being able to talk with someone that can guide me toward being more emotionally stable.
My doctor suggested that my constant fatigue might be due to depression, and then recommended that I start medication, but I declined. I feel that I'd benefit more from doing this without medication, than with. I'd rather talk it out, and find the source of my problems, and improve my quality of life.
Anyway, I've been eating bad...could be worse, but it sucks nonetheless. I've been staying at James' place basically every day and night since we met (minus a day or two around Easter). So, I don't have my weight scale, and I've been out of routine. I like spending time with him...we both appear to be very clingy people, but I feel pretty shitty about having not lost any weight. I try to get over it by saying "It's not a race, I have years to get where I want" but if I keep saying that, I'll never get anywhere.
I'm always tired, can't seem to get the energy to go to the gym. I end up drinking red bull to perk up, and then it makes me crash for days. I've been feeling sick to my stomach, like motion sickness, since starting my BC pills. It makes me want to eat, because it seems to help my stomach, but then it comes right back. I hope the nausea goes away soon...it's supposed to.
So...that's it. Haven't updated my chart in a bit, but last I checked, I was at 206 at the beginning of the month. My birthday is on Monday...I wish I could have reached my goal by now
. I didn't even make it out of the 200's. Here's hoping I eventually get back on the horse...
Hey Loch.. it's good news that you're seeing someone, and talking stuff through. My boyfriend suffers from depression as well, and while some people are still insensitive jerks, it really is a very common illness that needs help and understanding. My boyfriend suffers from it.. sees a therapist once every two weeks, and takes medication for it. My mother's had it, my brother's had it, grandfather, lots of my friends.. and for the most part it IS treatable. You could always TRY the medication and then if you don't feel like it's making any difference, stop using it. People have this somewhat misinformed view that doctor's want to simply load people up with anti depressants and push them on their way, but, from my own experience, it seems to have worked for those suffering.. 95%, anyway!
I'm glad to hear you're still updating though, and pushing toward your goals.. sounds like you have a lot on your plate, so don't beat yourself up too much! We're all behind you here, and we all know you'll do it once you're feeling a little better.
Happy birthday for tomorrow, lovely. Hope James treats you like a princess! x
I'm glad to hear you're still updating though, and pushing toward your goals.. sounds like you have a lot on your plate, so don't beat yourself up too much! We're all behind you here, and we all know you'll do it once you're feeling a little better.
Happy birthday for tomorrow, lovely. Hope James treats you like a princess! x
Loch
New member
ATurns out I'm sitting at 203 as of Saturday, not bad haha!
Love this picture:
Thanks for the reply, Sarah ^_^
I'm not ruling medication out, it's my last resort. I want to sort through everything with my counselor and if we decide that I need it, I'll begin using it. I'm looking at all options.
Naturally, it's my birthday, so I'm not even going to stress over food and exercise (haha I'm horrible).
Stay classy, everyone!
Love this picture:
Thanks for the reply, Sarah ^_^
I'm not ruling medication out, it's my last resort. I want to sort through everything with my counselor and if we decide that I need it, I'll begin using it. I'm looking at all options.
Naturally, it's my birthday, so I'm not even going to stress over food and exercise (haha I'm horrible).
Stay classy, everyone!
Frogged
New member
Hi Loch!
Nice to see an update! Like Sarah said, it's nice you're still seeing James Hopefully the ups outweigh the bad.
Depression.. yeah. I think it's something a majority of us on these forums deal with at some extreme or another.
As for the pills, hrmm. From personal experience, they didn't help me. They actually hindered my ability to exercise. It just made me feel so physically strained and my mouth was so dry :\ I was only on them for a month before taking myself off. That was really tough.
Then again, that was just me. I know they can help others significantly, so in the end, it's your decision and I hope it does help if you do decide to try them. I'm just sticking with vigorous cardio to keep myself feeling as good as I can both physically and emotionally.
203 is good, Loch! You weigh less than me now!
My chart hasn't been very impressive as of late I got my new treadmill though, so hopefully future entries will be in the 'green' and not so much in the 'red'
Stay strong, Loch!
These bumps in the roads happen to us all. It'll be good to look back on after we all hit our goals in the future!
Nice to see an update! Like Sarah said, it's nice you're still seeing James
Hopefully the ups outweigh the bad.Depression.. yeah. I think it's something a majority of us on these forums deal with at some extreme or another.
As for the pills, hrmm. From personal experience, they didn't help me. They actually hindered my ability to exercise. It just made me feel so physically strained and my mouth was so dry :\ I was only on them for a month before taking myself off. That was really tough.
Then again, that was just me. I know they can help others significantly, so in the end, it's your decision and I hope it does help if you do decide to try them. I'm just sticking with vigorous cardio to keep myself feeling as good as I can both physically and emotionally.
203 is good, Loch! You weigh less than me now!
My chart hasn't been very impressive as of late
I got my new treadmill though, so hopefully future entries will be in the 'green' and not so much in the 'red' Stay strong, Loch!
These bumps in the roads happen to us all. It'll be good to look back on after we all hit our goals in the future!
Loch
New member
AThanks Frogged ^^!
I'm thinking I need to exercise, it will help with my mood. I'm sick of feeling so damn depressed!
Tonight I'm going to walk home from work, even though I'm sure some people would say that I'm crazy to do so. I really feel like it will make me feel better to go for a long walk. It'll take roughly two and a half hours. That'll burn about 1000 calories.
Tomorrow I get a day off (yay!) so I'm gonna hit the gym. I've been away from James this weekend, he's out of town, he's barely texting me =/ I'm feeling really...alone, even when with him. Anyway, I'm gonna hit the gym and then he has a hockey game I might go watch. We'll see. I need to do more things for *me* and think less about him. I'm so unhealthy in my management of relationships. One thing at a time!
Back up to 207, probably water weight (omg I ate so much home made soup last night, it was SO good).
Will update again soon.
I'm thinking I need to exercise, it will help with my mood. I'm sick of feeling so damn depressed!
Tonight I'm going to walk home from work, even though I'm sure some people would say that I'm crazy to do so. I really feel like it will make me feel better to go for a long walk. It'll take roughly two and a half hours. That'll burn about 1000 calories.
Tomorrow I get a day off (yay!) so I'm gonna hit the gym. I've been away from James this weekend, he's out of town, he's barely texting me =/ I'm feeling really...alone, even when with him. Anyway, I'm gonna hit the gym and then he has a hockey game I might go watch. We'll see. I need to do more things for *me* and think less about him. I'm so unhealthy in my management of relationships. One thing at a time!
Back up to 207, probably water weight (omg I ate so much home made soup last night, it was SO good).
Will update again soon
.
Loch
New member
ABack for an update.
A week ago I had to stay at home for the weekend, since James was gone camping. While at home, I weighed myself, and I was sitting on the high end of 208. This upset me because, about a week before that, I weighed about the same. I needed to seriously get my diet back under control, or I'd lose myself again. I don't want that to happen, I worked hard to get this far.
Since then I've been eating less. As much as I know this isn't the best or most healthy way to go about it, it works for me right now...Most of my days I finish my calorie intake at about 950. If I'm in the mood, I'll have a snack and get to 1200, but I haven't wanted to snack...I haven't really wanted to eat to be honest. I just eat sparingly right now. Lots of water, chewing gum, and low-calorie snacks in the day.
I had a really great day on Thursday. I went to the gym for half an hour, I wanted to go longer but I felt pretty worn out. On the way back, I got a bit inspired, so I bought some shorts and a t-shirt and got my bike out. I biked down to the river, up the bridge (it's one hell of an uphill climb), and down another bridge. All in all I biked for about an hour. It was great. Yesterday, James and I went biking together, it was even harder since he is in better shape than I am, but I managed.
I decided to join a spinning class. They have one at the gym I go to, three times a week. I've been reading that it's not the greatest for weight loss, but I think it might help me to build my stamina and get a bit more active so I can push myself harder. It will also build up my resistance to biking, period, cuz after those two bike rides my bottom is sore lol.
I'm optimistic for my weigh in, whenever I find the time to go home and do it. All I know is that I'm not ready to give up.
A week ago I had to stay at home for the weekend, since James was gone camping. While at home, I weighed myself, and I was sitting on the high end of 208. This upset me because, about a week before that, I weighed about the same. I needed to seriously get my diet back under control, or I'd lose myself again. I don't want that to happen, I worked hard to get this far.
Since then I've been eating less. As much as I know this isn't the best or most healthy way to go about it, it works for me right now...Most of my days I finish my calorie intake at about 950. If I'm in the mood, I'll have a snack and get to 1200, but I haven't wanted to snack...I haven't really wanted to eat to be honest. I just eat sparingly right now. Lots of water, chewing gum, and low-calorie snacks in the day.
I had a really great day on Thursday. I went to the gym for half an hour, I wanted to go longer but I felt pretty worn out. On the way back, I got a bit inspired, so I bought some shorts and a t-shirt and got my bike out. I biked down to the river, up the bridge (it's one hell of an uphill climb), and down another bridge. All in all I biked for about an hour. It was great. Yesterday, James and I went biking together, it was even harder since he is in better shape than I am, but I managed.
I decided to join a spinning class. They have one at the gym I go to, three times a week. I've been reading that it's not the greatest for weight loss, but I think it might help me to build my stamina and get a bit more active so I can push myself harder. It will also build up my resistance to biking, period, cuz after those two bike rides my bottom is sore lol.
I'm optimistic for my weigh in, whenever I find the time to go home and do it. All I know is that I'm not ready to give up.
Frogged
New member
Hey Loch
Biking.. something I still would like to get into one day. Good for you for going to the gym and riding out there, whether with James or without.
Although with the diet aspect, I'm in the same boat myself with having to restrict myself pretty heavily to avoid bad numbers on the scale. I feel I need to get a better handle on my diet lately as well. Eating out with friends/family was causing some issues for me, even while keeping up with my exercising and drinking only milk/water. I used to drink a good amount of diet sodas, but put a stop to that!
The spinning class sounds great
It'll definitely increase your stamina!
Hope this upcoming week goes well for ya! Sending you good thoughts!
Biking.. something I still would like to get into one day. Good for you for going to the gym and riding out there, whether with James or without.
Although with the diet aspect, I'm in the same boat myself with having to restrict myself pretty heavily to avoid bad numbers on the scale. I feel I need to get a better handle on my diet lately as well. Eating out with friends/family was causing some issues for me, even while keeping up with my exercising and drinking only milk/water. I used to drink a good amount of diet sodas, but put a stop to that!
The spinning class sounds great
Hope this upcoming week goes well for ya! Sending you good thoughts!
Loch
New member
ASo far so good, still eating well, definitely staying at or below 1200.
The spin class kicked my ass, but I never stopped peddling. It was hard when we had to stand while biking, so I had to sit down for the most part, but I'm hoping to keep challenging myself every time and improving on that. I was sweating so much! Thankfully I wasn't the only new person, and the instructor pushed us but she was also really nice too. She gave me some advice at the end of the class.
I'm tired, haven't been sleeping too well these past few nights. I want to go to the spin class tonight, so I'm going to push myself. Even if I just peddle through the class, at least I'm giving some effort.
I need to start going to bed on time, it's hard when James likes to stay up so late (he only really gets 5 hours of sleep a night, which is crazy...).
I try Yoga for the first time tomorrow, I hope I enjoy it. I wanna improve my flexibility, I always feel so clunky and...restricted.
I'm going to weigh myself tomorrow, first time in about two weeks I think. Here's hoping for a good number!
The spin class kicked my ass, but I never stopped peddling. It was hard when we had to stand while biking, so I had to sit down for the most part, but I'm hoping to keep challenging myself every time and improving on that. I was sweating so much! Thankfully I wasn't the only new person, and the instructor pushed us but she was also really nice too. She gave me some advice at the end of the class.
I'm tired, haven't been sleeping too well these past few nights. I want to go to the spin class tonight, so I'm going to push myself. Even if I just peddle through the class, at least I'm giving some effort.
I need to start going to bed on time, it's hard when James likes to stay up so late (he only really gets 5 hours of sleep a night, which is crazy...).
I try Yoga for the first time tomorrow, I hope I enjoy it. I wanna improve my flexibility, I always feel so clunky and...restricted.
I'm going to weigh myself tomorrow, first time in about two weeks I think. Here's hoping for a good number!
Loch
New member
AHad a nice 300 calorie frozen dinner xD.
Went to the gym, walked on the treadmill for 15 min. Did Yoga for 60 min (interesting, not sure how I feel about it, but it definitely stretched me out and made me sweat). Went to spin class right afterward for 45 min, it was tough, I didn't work as hard as the last two times...I'm so wiped out. At least I went, right? Walked from the gym to Walmart to buy 2 new shirts and 1 pair of jeans =D. So that was another 15 min walk.
Home now, weighed in...
199.2
I'll take pictures and do an official weigh in on Saturday.
Going to go for a 45 min walk from home to James' place, even though it's so damn hot. I decided I'm going to treat myself today and have some McDonalds for being so good for 2 weeks. I reckon a cheat-meal every 2 weeks will be fine so long as I've been active 3 times a week!
So sore! I'm looking forward to taking a long shower and a nice nap.
Went to the gym, walked on the treadmill for 15 min. Did Yoga for 60 min (interesting, not sure how I feel about it, but it definitely stretched me out and made me sweat). Went to spin class right afterward for 45 min, it was tough, I didn't work as hard as the last two times...I'm so wiped out. At least I went, right? Walked from the gym to Walmart to buy 2 new shirts and 1 pair of jeans =D. So that was another 15 min walk.
Home now, weighed in...
199.2
I'll take pictures and do an official weigh in on Saturday.
Going to go for a 45 min walk from home to James' place, even though it's so damn hot. I decided I'm going to treat myself today and have some McDonalds for being so good for 2 weeks. I reckon a cheat-meal every 2 weeks will be fine so long as I've been active 3 times a week!
So sore! I'm looking forward to taking a long shower and a nice nap.
Irishprincess
New member
:O:O:O
OH MY GOD, that is some amount of exercise you did Loch, you put me to shame.....seriously well done girly, i would love to be in the 190's.
You rock and keep it upxxxx
OH MY GOD, that is some amount of exercise you did Loch, you put me to shame.....seriously well done girly, i would love to be in the 190's.
You rock and keep it up
xxxx
Frogged
New member
That's some impressive footwork there, Ms. Loch
I eat a lot of frozen dinners as well (usually between 210-300 calories). Although, I love cottage cheese, and will usually introduce a spoonful or two of it into my meal. It's very filling, nutritious, and yummy
I eat a LOT of cottage cheese! Usually the small curd version, which has a bit more calories. But hey, it's still good for you
You're doing great, Loch!
Loch
New member
AThanks, guys. I really appreciate the support. It's been a long journey, and I've had my share of set backs, but now I'm going for gold.
James and I broke up today. I guess, as I said to him, it felt as if I was more in it for the relationship while he was in it for the companionship...if that makes sense. I have a feeling that he was just passing time, as he's already been on the dating site (that he still frequented while dating me) since we broke up. I know I had more invested, I know I cared more, it was in all of his actions. Finally it all came to a head, and I'm deeply saddened by the loss of someone who made me want to be better, made me want to improve in so many ways. In the end I know that I could never have made him love me...in fact, looking back, I think he has just as much pain inside, and is incapable of letting down the walls to let love happen.
I'm hurting now, really bad, it's been a horrible day, but time will heal.
Going to turn the pain into activity. I'm going to go to the gym tomorrow and start working my way up to running. With Frogged's advice, I'm going to make the treadmill my bitch. I will not let myself become defeated. I'm going to take the loss of this relationship and put it into positive energy. I now have the time to focus on my novel, my exercise, and the game I haven't touched since I met him (Tales of Graces).
I'm still going to fight tooth and nail to hit my goal, 160 by end of October and as close to my ideal weight by the end of the year.
James and I broke up today. I guess, as I said to him, it felt as if I was more in it for the relationship while he was in it for the companionship...if that makes sense. I have a feeling that he was just passing time, as he's already been on the dating site (that he still frequented while dating me) since we broke up. I know I had more invested, I know I cared more, it was in all of his actions. Finally it all came to a head, and I'm deeply saddened by the loss of someone who made me want to be better, made me want to improve in so many ways. In the end I know that I could never have made him love me...in fact, looking back, I think he has just as much pain inside, and is incapable of letting down the walls to let love happen.
I'm hurting now, really bad, it's been a horrible day, but time will heal.
Going to turn the pain into activity. I'm going to go to the gym tomorrow and start working my way up to running. With Frogged's advice, I'm going to make the treadmill my bitch. I will not let myself become defeated. I'm going to take the loss of this relationship and put it into positive energy. I now have the time to focus on my novel, my exercise, and the game I haven't touched since I met him (Tales of Graces).
I'm still going to fight tooth and nail to hit my goal, 160 by end of October and as close to my ideal weight by the end of the year.
Frogged
New member
Sorry to hear of your break up, Loch
But ya know, everything you said afterward sounds so similar to how my mindset functions when it comes to getting healthy and focusing on what needs to be done to make me feel better about myself.
You're so right about reversing the typical effect depression/anger/sadness usually has (ie, binge eating, weight gain, etc etc). Make them work for ya!
Focusing those feelings in a positive light isn't easy, but once you do, you'll find it to be an invaluable asset - just as I have. Get all that frustration out while exercising. You'll discover that you can push yourself way beyond what you believed were your physical limitations. There are times, when I'm just about finished on my treadmill and completely exhausted, when I think back on certain experiences that caused me heart ache. Suddenly, when I thought I could barely managed a speed of 8mph for my last minute, suddenly I'm running at a 12. Granted, I have fallen (once) before as a result (I've sinced started gripping the handle if I feel like I may fall.. haha), but the fact that I was able to run at that speed for the majority of that minute despite feeling like I was going to collapse beforehand gives me a nice boost of confidence for next time
I'm glad my treadmill advice was useful! Hopefully I didn't leave out anything as it has been years since I took my first serious steps on a treadmill.
Just don't hesitate to let me know how you're feeling on it, or if you need any additional advice/tips! I could even show you how to setup video montages one day if you ever decide
They are so amazing for interval running!
Irishprincess
New member
Awh loch, so sorry to hear that you and james have finished, but you know what? when one door shuts another one opens. And the main thing is I AM SO PROUD OF YOU. You took action, and saw this wasn't working out and now are going to take this in a positive stride and be 160 by october.
You have lost 50 pounds so far, and i know you have it in you to lose the rest.
Loads of hugs and positive vibes superwoman
xxxxxxxxx
HOW GREAT!! Love checking in and seeing you hit a 199!! WELCOME TO.... As others said, sorry to hear you broke up.. but I still think you were too good for him, hun. I think the experience probably helped, having someone there and whatnot.. but as you said, there's a huge difference between companionship and a relationship. Keep looking.. you'll find someone worth your time!
Congratulations on waving goodbye to the 200s! Sounds like you're really pushing yourself hard and reaping the rewards! Great job!
Congratulations on waving goodbye to the 200s! Sounds like you're really pushing yourself hard and reaping the rewards! Great job!
Irishprincess
New member
Come back Loch..........sending loads of positive vibes sweetie xx
Frogged
New member
Just wanted to stop in and throw you some green vibes there, Ms. Loch
I saw you had a (very) slight gain back toward the 200 mark. Listen, it's no big deal! Don't get discouraged!
I'm sure it's mostly just that obnoxious old water weight that continues to plague several of us here!
I remember telling myself that I'd never slip back in the 200's again after getting into 'One-der Land' myself, but life happens. The unexpected has a way of showing up when you least expect it! What gives! hehe
I tip-toed around there for a while, but I'm getting back down to where I should be only because I just accepted the slight hiccup and kept right on going
I'm sure you're doing the same, and I know it probably doesn't feel very easy right now, but it'll all sort itself out soon. We're all here for you and so many of us know what it's like because we're fighting alongside you as well!
Strength in numbers!
Hang tough and chin up, Lochy!
I saw you had a (very) slight gain back toward the 200 mark. Listen, it's no big deal! Don't get discouraged!
I remember telling myself that I'd never slip back in the 200's again after getting into 'One-der Land' myself, but life happens. The unexpected has a way of showing up when you least expect it! What gives! hehe
I tip-toed around there for a while, but I'm getting back down to where I should be only because I just accepted the slight hiccup and kept right on going
Strength in numbers!
Hang tough and chin up, Lochy!
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